penfield

Hi J. It's been almost three years. I've been with others but they haven't come close. Yes I admit, I hoped I would've heard from you long before now. I hoped I was going to be the one you realized you can't live without. I have recovered for the most part. But I keep picking at this scab every so often and it feels as if you left me yesterday. You have never, ever been hurt by someone this way. You have no idea what this feels like yet you keep doing this to everyone you're with. I'm in shock that my feelings for you are still so strong after these years whenever these feelings get regenerated and brought to the surface like a dormant plague. You are out of school and living your life. Deep down inside, I'm still working on getting on with mine. Don't concern yourself with me, not that you would. I'm still trying to figure out how to turn all of this around and benefit from it because I know there is a way too. I still can't find a reason to hate you for anything other than leaving me. Unfortunately, it's not enough to turn off the memories we shared. I don't wish you well anymore because it's time for me to be much more selfish than I've been. You are a grown woman. You make your own decisions. My wishes won't change anything so it really doesn't matter. God help the next woman who sweeps me off my feet. God help me if I find one. I hope that scab is gone by then and I have nothing to bring you back.