Madison12 Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I've been emailing this guy from an online site for a few days now. Our email exchanges leave me laughing. And they are pretty sizable emails going into our backgrounds, our dogs, music, etc. Definitely some time invested on his part and mine back and forth. I wish he would just ask for my number already though. Emailing is fun but I joined up to meet a guy and date him - I email all day with work, etc. and don't need another one I feel the need to respond to. FYI I did contact him first. Something short and sweet like I liked his hair or something. It was just flirtatious. Should I just keep emailing him hoping he'll ask? I really REALLY hate feeling like I need to pursue him in any way. Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 it's only been a few days, maybe he is careful? or not sure you'd want that cause after only a few days if someone wanted my number it would scare me off...so he may not want to seem to eager.....maybe ask him playfully or give him your number Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 This is what I used to do. After one or two emails I would write "I think it works best as far as figuring out whether to meet in person if we talk by phone. Can you please send me a number where I can reach you and I'll give you mine if we decide to meet in person?" That's not pursuing -this is a stranger you're typing to and the first meet isn't even a date. I wouldn't ask him out on a real date after you meet- let him do that (in my humble opinion) but wasting your time typing back and forth is going to tell you nothing about whether you can have a 30-45 minute conversation in person over coffee. I emailed with plenty of men who left me laughing on email and were duds on the phone. Also from a safety perspective it's a good test to see if he's willing to have you have his number and hear his voice. Link to comment
CMS Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 He sounds shy or new to the internet dating scene if he did not ask your email after the second or third email. No point in keeping the email conversation going, give him a little push by giving him your number while saying you will be busy and not online much next week, invite him to give you a call, if he does not get the hint then cut the cord. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Oh and if the person was unwilling to talk by phone I moved on - saved me a lot of wasted time since I didn't want an email buddy, I wanted to meet someone in person to see if we should go on a real date. Link to comment
Madison12 Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 Thanks. I think he is new to online dating, as prefaced in his profile. I guess I'll just send him my phone number and see what happens. Dating sucks! haha Link to comment
Glowguy Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Just another perspective, but I really find it weird to talk to a person I've never met on the phone. I'd much rather just meet them in person first. I dislike phone calls in general though. I'll usually ask for a number pretty quickly and suggest a meet up after several emails and then coordinate via text. Maybe he would be open to meeting in person. Have either of you dropped any hints about meeting up somewhere? Link to comment
22n32 Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 it's only been a few days, maybe he is careful? or not sure you'd want that cause after only a few days if someone wanted my number it would scare me off...so he may not want to seem to eager.....maybe ask him playfully or give him your number I don't think this true. After few days its ok to exchange numbers. If I didn't ask within a few days they always offered.. why sit there online chit chating for weeks. When its so much easier texting.. Off course this is all based if u both like eachother.. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Some are new, some are expecting that you make the first move, some just don't get it and then there are others who do get it. Either way, if you'd like to take it to the next level I think you should take the lead. Link to comment
22n32 Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Just another perspective, but I really find it weird to talk to a person I've never met on the phone. I'd much rather just meet them in person first. I dislike phone calls in general though. I'll usually ask for a number pretty quickly and suggest a meet up after several emails and then coordinate via text. Maybe he would be open to meeting in person. Have either of you dropped any hints about meeting up somewhere? I actually always like talking on the phone for a period first. Because if the convo flows good over the phone. Chances of everything flowing great in person is better. U have a sense of fimilarty already... Jmo Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I refused to meet anyone who wouldn't talk on the phone first -I learned so much by their voice tone, word choice (can be very different from typing!), and whether we could carry on a conversation in person. Link to comment
chr8st8na Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I don't know.... I think it's always best to meet someone first and then see if you want to go from there. I know people get cold-feet, nervous or have insecurities when they meet someone for the first time but usually that pass. It's really just about letting yourself get familiar with the other person in real life and not put it on the back burner and wonder "when" will you both meet. Just best to get it over with. However if the person is not hinting about meeting up (and not even giving you their # or asking) I would have a suspicion that they probably just want to keep looking or only want to online date you. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Since you were the aggressor that is the role that youre committed to. It doesnt appear that he is going to be the aggressor so the OP has to realize that. Link to comment
Madison12 Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 I just told him I've enjoyed getting to know him and if he wants to give me a call - welp here's my number. This was after I had addressed only about half of what he had written in his last email to me. So ball's in dude's court. I really don't want to be the aggressor here, in all honesty. I don't do well in that role. I like being pursued. Link to comment
jonny15 Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I think the OP should ask for his number, since there is no reason to just expect him to randomly give it to you. He can't read minds. I myself hate talking on the phone, since i'm not a good speaker in general and am simply not good at having a conversation on the phone. When I answer the phone, I wanna get off of it as quickly as possible, and the more i'm on it the more annoyed I get. Link to comment
jonny15 Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I don't do well in that role. I like being pursued. Ever think he doesn't do well in that role either? Link to comment
shikashika Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 In my opinion, with onnline dating, you really need to meet up in person shrortly after contact. When you email all the time, you can build up expectations as to what a person is like, good or bad! You have to meet in person to see if there is any connection or chemistry, because let's face it, you need that in the dating world! Sometimes people just go on these sites for validation or to waste time. I agree with what Batya said, you need to meet! Sending emails back and forth doesn't do anyone in good. You're not looking for a penpal, you're looking to see if you connect with someone. Link to comment
Madison12 Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 I got a reply back. This is what he wrote: "Have fun with the family this weekend! Dont have too much fun? I would like to get together if you are up for it, how would a drink next week work? I will give you a ring and we can go from there. I hope you come up with something good, it seems like you are being creative so that is a step way ahead of me. (Halloween talk) What is your real email too? I figure that is a bit easier too than emailing through here. (And, yes, i sign my emails with my initial usually, BG for ******** or just B for *****. But, my real first name is ******, ***** is actually my middle name.)" I sent him my email address and he's written me there now, too. I agree with all of what you guys said, which is also what I wrote in my initial post - I don't want a penpal. Anyhow I'm glad he finally took it a step further and asked to meet up. He also mentioned that he wanted to meet up this weekend, but he knew that my family is in town. I'll keep you posted! Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I just started with the online dating thing and I don't plan on e-mailing someone back and forth for two months. Basically a few e-mails then I'd rather talk on the phone then as you say "have a pen pal". The internet is all well and good but there's a HUGE difference between typing a message and being able to actually communicate with someone. Link to comment
laura40 Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I don't normally chat with a guy over the phone before I meet him. I find it uncomfortable talking to someone I don't know on the phone. I prefer to arrange a meeting through text messages or emails. OP - sounds good about him wanting to meet with you. Link to comment
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