White

Hey, how are you? I'm fine. I'm trying to be fine that is. I had a very bad 2 weeks. At some point I was crying and asking for you to come back. I never wanted you back so bad before. Nobody can solve my problems, but you and your presence would help a lot. Knowing that you are here would mean so much. I would trade everything I have (and I don't have much) just to feel protected and safe again. I feel very lonely. Nothing and nobody can fulfill this weird emptiness no matter how hard... thanks for reading xxx

hey. well i had one of those weird dreams last night. And as you know I've been having them for a few years now, so I wanted to call and see if you were okay. I hate this feeling when I know that something is wrong and I'm not around. I've let you down, I let myself down... About the dream..I was coming "home" similar building entrance, the only difference was that the hall was painted in white and the entrance was from a hidden door that I had to find. All the way to the stairs I was listening to your music, very loud. And when i entered the room I saw you on the bed and went to hug you. So I looked straight in your eyes and said, I haven't said that I love you in a very long time. And you started crying and replied, damn again with that moment. And that's how it ended. And that was the second time I've ever seen you cry. Probably subconsciously - this dream I had, cause this last weekend of march will be 10 years since I've met you. Ten * * * * ing years, I've liked you, love you, hated you, missed you. Every possible feeling from love to hate. God * * * * ing damn it a drink and as much as I hate to admit it, I * * * * ing need you.

well... I hate you very much. But I also love you a little bit more than I hate you. And somehow I just can't stop dreaming of you, every single night for 4 years. No matter what we both did, you'll always be my best friend and my greatest love- the person I imagine leaning my head on every time I feel insecure and hurt- just like today.