does your guy check out other girls when he's with you?

[xyzzzz]

from your end, i don't see a whole bunch of options:

 

1. ignore it.

2. do the same thing back to him (ie, when he mentions a hot girl, you start talking about the new hot single guy who just started a job at your work).

3. tell him it bugs you and would appreciate it if he toned things down.

4. break up.

He is 24! lol

i am doing 1 and 3. i can ignore it, as long as he still thinks im the sexiest lol and that's the original question of this thread : what is the guy really thinking, when he makes comments about other girls look.

if he still thinks his gf is better then i dont care how many comments he makes. if he starts to fantasizing them i'd be very upset..

[annie24]

no offense, but you aren't the sexiest and will not be the sexiest forever. i don't even know what you look like. but there's always going to be a hotter woman out there. that's true even if you're a victoria's secret model. love and trust are going to have to be what hold your relationship together.

 

some 24 year old men are still... boys.

[In the Dark]

no offense, but you aren't the sexiest and will not be the sexiest forever. i don't even know what you look like. but there's always going to be a hotter woman out there. that's true even if you're a victoria's secret model. love and trust are going to have to be what hold your relationship together.

 

some 24 year old men are still... boys.

 

Always liked posts like this.

To have this sort of mindset, realize and accept it is a great release on insecurity and anxiety.

But your brain has to somehow switch to that mode in some people.

 

As for men behaving as boys.....sometimes even older men still have boy mentalities : /

[Batya33]

He is 24! lol

i am doing 1 and 3. i can ignore it, as long as he still thinks im the sexiest lol and that's the original question of this thread : what is the guy really thinking, when he makes comments about other girls look.

if he still thinks his gf is better then i dont care how many comments he makes. if he starts to fantasizing them i'd be very upset..

 

Here is my sense of what your bf is thinking "I want to make sure she knows how lucky she is to be with me so I'm going to keep pointing out hot girls and telling her about every hot girl I see to make sure she knows her place and to keep her in her place. I like the reactions I get because she gets upset and I have to reassure her that I find her hot too. I feel a little turned off that she tolerates my being so rude to her with my comments - I guess I wish she'd stand up to me more often and not get all needy/clingy but I have to keep reminding her that I'm a catch". Charming.

 

Is he fantasizing about the women he sees? Maybe - so what if he is? Even in marriage no one promises not to think about other people -the vows only relate to how you react to the temptations in your life every day.

He's not going to think you're better than them if you keep tolerating his behavior. Again, do you think he tells his mother or grandmother about the hot women he sees especially with that language?

[YesIAmConfused]

My boyfriend doesn't do that ... at least not noticeably. If he did, I would feel quite small I think, as the girl he was looking at would be aware of his gaze, and I would feel that she would be wondering why he was staring at her while with his girlfriend. It would make be feel insignificant and very unspecial. So yes, I think its disrespectful to stare at other girls or guys when out with your SO. Thoughts are another thing though of course, but those should be kept in your mind where they belong

[Zisskeit]

Does anyone else agree with me that suddenly the world seems REALLY full of super-douchey men? Jeez. Any nice man who loves his woman would not be so crass as to blatantly check out her T&A just to "keep her on her toes" or because he "can't help looking". Women are not TVs, nor are they pizzas. I think some men need to grow up and realize that the world does not belong to them, and they really need to start valuing the feelings of their loved ones. Learn some relationship skills like basic respect and kindness. Gawking at other women whilst with your SO is the quickest way to hurt her feelings, is that what a man wants to do? I don't know. I find that very offensive. My ex used to do it all the time and one day, I turned the tables on him when a hot guy walked by. He got very flustered and upset. It's called JEALOUSY.

[In the Dark]

Unfortunately I wish I could disagree but with my experience and the acquaintances I have had the pleasure of getting to know....

Most of them were this way inclined.

 

But this is only from my experience.

 

Also unfortunately this kind of behavior does seem to work for some of the females I have known.

Complaining t me about how their partner is doing this but then they do their best to be even better catered for their partner.

I guess they see this kind of behavior as potentially losing their SO and if for some reason they love them regardless of this behavior, they will try even harder to show they are the one the guy should be with.

 

Manipulation.

[Unknown1607307972]

I would only get annoyed if my boyfriend either:

 

a) Pointed out hot women but treated me like an old ball and chain, never told me he thought I was sexy or beautiful and made it out as if he was wishing he was with one of those women instead.

 

b) Got jealous if I did the same thing, looked at attractive guys and commented on it lightheartedly. It's not a special man privilege, it works both ways or it doesn't work at all.

 

If you are with a partner who isn't comfortable with it, then of course it's natural to look at attractive people but don't make it a huge thing and be subtle. A quick glance and some inner thoughts is fine and if your partner gets upset over that then she/he is being unreasonable as we can't walk around in public wearing blinkers. Commenting or overly staring is disrespectful if your partner doesn't feel comfortable with it, of course this should work both ways though and it means they shouldn't behave that way either.

[Batya33]

I'm 45 and dated for about 25 years before starting to date my husband and no I didn't experience the world that way - I've been out of the "scene" 6 years but hear about it from my friends and no I don't think that's true. In general I was treated with respect and consideration. In the rare times I wasn't, I walked away. In my experience, a man who views a woman as a potential wife/mother of his children wouldn't behave the way the OP's boyfriend does unless they both agreed that it was a fun activity/game. He's doing it to put her in her place and because he obviously is insecure - about his masculinity, among other things or at the very least lacks basic social skills and manners (perhaps he missed that day in kindergarten when basic manners were taught). I can imagine him at their wedding commenting on how hot the bridesmaids/cocktail waitresses are with a "I can't help it!". Right.

[tinkerbell03]

Sorry, this doesn't pertain to the OP's question but I had to ask because I'm a little confused.

 

I used to catch one of my exes checking out pictures of girls on FB. Now, the girls were a mix of... random girls that he doesn't know, his exes, people he have dated, people he has had sexual encounters with, and etc. At the time, it really upset me because he would spend hours just browsing their pictures.

I eventually told him how I felt about it. I asked him " why do you need to constantly look at them? aren't they in the past? why do you care so much of what they do with their lives?" I then calmed myself down and tried to have a real talk with him, taking myself out from the "Gf's position." He told me "look, this is how every guy is. We get curious. We will always look even when we have girlfriends. It's within our nature."

He even said that usually guys don't admit this to their girlfriends, but he is just telling me this because I wanted a real honest answer.

 

I don't know what to think of this?? I disagreed with him at first saying that there are guys that aren't like that. But now, I seem to be lost =/

I would greatly appreciate any opinion on this. Thanks

[Batya33]

I am wary of people who blame rude behavior on their gender especially when it has to do with objectifying other people.

[Zisskeit]

Like I said, basic respect and decency. "Usually, guys don't admit this to their girlfriends", the man said. That's the way it should stay. There are things that are better left unsaid or unknown in this world, like farting or picking your nose or popping your zits. Looking at chicks' T&A, watching excessive amounts of porn, spraining your neck as a teeny-bopper prances by. Acting like a hormonally hopped-up playboy (another set of words for your basic d-bag) in the presence of your girlfriend or wife? That's just mean.

 

Yes, in my experience, it DOES appear that ALL MEN are this way. The seemingly nice or smart ones know it's better to keep their icky behaviors secret or out of view/knowledge of someone whom they don't want to offend. I'm sorry for sounding so jaded but I am. I've met some nice men in my life, but the minute you turn your back, their nice manners go off and they turn back into cavemen. All you have to do is walk into a bachelor pad. Sorry. I'm done kvetching.

[Zisskeit]

To Batya33: I just wanted to comment that I think the OP's original question is a gender-based question. It's like taking a poll to see if it's a general trait of (in this case) men, or if it's specific to her man. No need to be wary. Judging by some of the responses, it DOES appear to be a gender trait. Best wake up 'n smell da coffee! Reality bites, methinks.

[Zisskeit]

Every time you guy looks at a woman, pinch him hard. Over time he will associate looking at other women with pain and wont do it. It will counter the instinct of looking at other women with the higher instinct of wanting to avoid pain.

 

That pincher would never sleep! Haha

[Batya33]

To Batya33: I just wanted to comment that I think the OP's original question is a gender-based question. It's like taking a poll to see if it's a general trait of (in this case) men, or if it's specific to her man. No need to be wary. Judging by some of the responses, it DOES appear to be a gender trait. Best wake up 'n smell da coffee! Reality bites, methinks.

 

I don't think being rude is gender-based. I think that men are more visual than women so more likely to notice an attractive woman. But noticing and gawking are two different things.

[Zisskeit]

so im dating a guy who says these sort of things..is this a red flag? does this mean his mind is wondering on all sorts of women?

 

xyz: Just do what I did: check his cell phone's text messages when he's sleeping. Also his contacts. Then, you'll know if he's cheating and take the appropriate action. Drastic times call for drastic measures!! Lol. You don't have to take my advice. But, I did do that, and I did confirm my suspicions.

[greywolf]

xyz: Just do what I did: check his cell phone's text messages when he's sleeping. Also his contacts. Then, you'll know if he's cheating and take the appropriate action. Drastic times call for drastic measures!! Lol. You don't have to take my advice. But, I did do that, and I did confirm my suspicions.

 

You recommend snooping because he looked at other women?

[Batya33]

xyz: Just do what I did: check his cell phone's text messages when he's sleeping. Also his contacts. Then, you'll know if he's cheating and take the appropriate action. Drastic times call for drastic measures!! Lol. You don't have to take my advice. But, I did do that, and I did confirm my suspicions.

 

I think this is a good idea with one added suggestion - if you find yourself actually doing this based on his behavior then at least you know, for sure, that you are not with the right person because you don't trust him and that you might want to consider evaluating your own emotional availability for a relationship.

[Zisskeit]

I think this is a good idea with one added suggestion - if you find yourself actually doing this based on his behavior then at least you know, for sure, that you are not with the right person because you don't trust him and that you might want to consider evaluating your own emotional availability for a relationship.

 

Batya, you're a deep thinker. You can pack several concepts into one, concentrated sentence. My wee brain, however, has a hard time unraveling it all out to a core idea. You do raise a good point; however, my inability to NOT trust a particular man (based on his untrustworthy deeds) does not indicate my level of emotional availability for a relationship. I always go into a relationship with my trust-tank 100% full. I also know people are not flawless and they are going to flake on occasion. However, gawking at women, exchanging contact information and private communication with them (unbeknownst to your SO), and porn addiction are not garden-variety flakes. When or if those sorts of behaviors begin to surface, the trust tank goes down pretty fast. Do you see where my metaphor is leading? There is not Emo/Avail Badge or stamp of approval any person can get. It's all trial and error, live and learn. However, changing one's selection process and avoiding Dogs vs. Good Men, is definitely a good starting place. Don't you agree?

[Batya33]

My simple point is that if your boyfriend gawking at other women while you're out triggers such a dramatic reaction- snooping into his personal email/phone etc. I have to wonder if you're with the right person or available for a healthy relationship. That's how I understood your first post.

I was very good at screening out men who acted disrespectfully, very early on - for me anyway it wasn't rocket science -it did take good listening skills because I agree with those who say that if you listen carefully a person will tell you much of what you need to know about his/her character/values/integrity on the first date.

[xyzzzz]

i probs wont go through his phone for this. i tend to over-think..and am afraid i'll get paranoid or suspicious when i see his message saying "hey beautiful how have you been" and start to imagine the some horrible scenario and got obssesed over this,while there may actually be nothing.and then even if he explains all the truth i wont know what to believe and what not..eventally i will struggle in an emotional hell..

another thing is i do believe he wont cheat. there hasnt been any women who i feel may have something with my bf yet.

[Notagoodninja]

I would just be cautious. OK so like my first husband he was VERY respectful. If he checked someone out it was by mistake like...they were just there...and he wouldn't let his eyes linger TOO long.

But with my second husband the one I am writing all my posts about, he NEVER stopped checking out other women and it got worse and worse and worse like very DELIBERATE and it was always girls ages 15-19 that he looked at up and down practically licking his lips. He would want us to walk down the same isles as these other women like he was their little puppy dog. He'd make comments about that hot women should wear pink panties and hot women should do this and that...

He was ALWAYS talking about "19 year olds" for some reason his mind was stuck on 19 yr olds cause he never stopped saying that phrase and brought it up in most conversations somehow.

So just be aware, that's all. If your man is just checking out a girl cause she's right there in front of him but then he looks away then that's normal. But if he's practically licking his lips and following hot girls around Target...you have a problem.

[Notagoodninja]

Plus I can totally attest to this...my DH RUINED my self esteem. I had SUPER high self esteem, very accomplished at a young age, had tons of men fawning on me when I met my DH early 20's. But then he ruined me...I would want him to be proud of me so I'd put on short mini skirts with heels and tank tops when he got home...he wouldn't even look at me. He would open up the blinds and watch women going in and out of their cars at our apt complex! Don't let someone ruin your life...it's gonna take me AWHILE to get fixed and I can ONLY hope I can re-gain self confidence. Now all I do is compare myself to 19 year olds and I feel like an old lady.

[Atrium]

I never got this. Do girls think that we can only be attracted to one type of look? When I check a girl out, I wouldn't be sizing her up with my GF, I'd be enjoying the view. I can appreciate more then one kind of look without feeling the need to compare. It's pure instinct.

[Fudgie]

brokenhearted,

 

I'm sorry but your DH sounds like a real cad. I hope you get to feeling better soon. You deserve it. Please don't compare yourself to 19 year olds. It sounds like he was stuck in "college phase" and was obsessing over it. Sounds like he was prepubescent, to be honest. I could never be with a guy like that, would drive me nuts after 10 min! I'm 22 now but 19 was definitely not my favourite year...in fact, college is not my favourite time. I would like to think that better times are ahead.

 

If he wants to go after 19 year olds, let 'im! I'm sure they will go with him....not.