does your guy check out other girls when he's with you?

[In the Dark]

My Dad gawks and when I am in the car with him, I get worried about his eyes not being on the road.

 

A glance for me would happen when I see someone jogging.

I may gawk females (especially a pair) who dress up in leopard skin dresses with bleach blonde hair and their skin looks orange.....

[Allyo]

Once at a restaurant my boyfriend sort of checked out a scantily clad woman that walked by. I guess I couldn't blame him, I mean she did kind of stick out even to me!

 

So then I checked out the next attractive man that walked by.

 

The look on my boyfriend's face was priceless

[Unknown1607307972]

It would bother me if he was making comments about "I could so tap that," or something along those lines, but a casual, appreciative glance on the street doesn't faze me at all. It's like if we're watching a TV show and a particularly well-built girl comes on screen - I'm just as likely to say something about her having a great body as he is. I don't consider it a problem to simply appreciate a particularly attractive female or male's appearance - far cry from that to ogling and being disrespectful - which would bother me.

 

I don't even mind if my boyfriend says the "would so tap that" thing, because I know he isn't actually going to and it's kind of light hearted. To me, just because he notices other women it doesn't mean that he finds them hotter than me. It works both ways for us too, I am just as able to comment on guys that strike me as good looking.

 

Then again I know some women and men don't like that bluntness, but I think as long as couples are not castrating eachother for glancing in the direction of a member of the opposite sex then it's fine. It's natural for people to notice other attractive people, I believe everyone does it to some level even if it's just a quick observational glance.

[Mesemene]

*grins* for some reason I tend, in general, to find women more aesthetically appealing - so I'm more likely to comment on the attractiveness of a female, especially a character on a show that has quirky or interesting traits on top of the look

[Alezia]

One thing that hasn't been mentioned but comes to mind is frequency. Does he checkout the random female that catches his eyes, or does he gawk at every single passing female? The latter even makes me uncomfortable with guy friends, while the first I couldn't care less about if my bf did it.

[xyzzzz]

One thing that hasn't been mentioned but comes to mind is frequency. Does he checkout the random female that catches his eyes, or does he gawk at every single passing female? The latter even makes me uncomfortable with guy friends, while the first I couldn't care less about if my bf did it.

i couldnt possibly catch him every time his eye wonders. but i guess "pretty frequent"

he says to me " i check out girls all the time. no big deal. most of the time i just think 'nah she's ugly" or "she;s alright" or "yeah this one is beautiful'.that's all i do.i wouldnt imagine them naked. unless i see a really really really really hot girl i'd probs enjoy looking at her boobs and go 'hmm yeah that is good"

i dont even know what to think after he balantly told me this..

[xyzzzz]

and he also said im all he want im the sexiest blah blah..so that makes things better?

[Capricorn3]

and he also said im all he want im the sexiest blah blah..so that makes things better?

I would trust him and believe him when he says this. He's being honest with you and he's with you because he WANTS to be with you. I think that in itself, says a lot.

[greywolf]

Nothing wrong with quick glances, IMO. Staring is just rude and awkward. Most girls don't like being stared at, and if my partner is with me, then they should be with me and not present in body only. I shouldn't have to keep on trying to get his attention.

[greywolf]

Also OP, the attractiveness of another girl has nothing to do with whether a guy (or girl) will cheat or not. I don't know very many people that have cheated, but of the people that I do know, none of them cheated on their partner with someone more attractive. They all cheated down. I think it's silly to think that beauty is what will keep a guy from straying (or make him stray).

[Fudgie]

I agree with greywolf. Most of the time, people without integrity cheat because they desire more/certain type of sex that their partner can't give or they want a stronger emotional connection. This has nothing to do with looks.

 

I find it amusing when I see people cheat and then the wife/girlfriend goes "WHAT?! You cheated with her?! I can't believe it! No way! She's fat and ugly!"

 

*shakes head*

[xyzzzz]

Nothing wrong with quick glances, IMO. Staring is just rude and awkward. Most girls don't like being stared at, and if my partner is with me, then they should be with me and not present in body only. I shouldn't have to keep on trying to get his attention.

well..it's kinda in between glance and stare? it's like a long 3 second glance, but not stare his eye balls out? is this ok?

 

Also OP, the attractiveness of another girl has nothing to do with whether a guy (or girl) will cheat or not. I don't know very many people that have cheated, but of the people that I do know, none of them cheated on their partner with someone more attractive. They all cheated down.

no i dont tihnk he will cheat on this. he knows a random hot stranger is not worth losing a 2 year relationship.

but not cheating isnt good enough for me i guess? he may very well dream to get all the hot girls in the world and im not enough for him

[xyzzzz]

I agree with greywolf. Most of the time, people without integrity cheat because they desire more/certain type of sex that their partner can't give or they want a stronger emotional connection. This has nothing to do with looks.

 

I find it amusing when I see people cheat and then the wife/girlfriend goes "WHAT?! You cheated with her?! I can't believe it! No way! She's fat and ugly!"

 

*shakes head*

that's just worse..now every girl can be a potential threat,even the fat and ugly one..lol

this reminds me..there is a fat and ugly girl who works with my bf. and she likes him. she makes time to be with him (eg stay longer doing extra free work cuz my bf is still working) my bf knows that. from what i see, he enjoys her company. they talk a lot at work. she thinks im rude to her. and he says to her im just jealous...

there was an inccident recently. ond day i said to him im gonna pick him up at work but he says "no,im busy. i'll see you at home." i somehow felt weird since he almost never say no to this and he's supposed to be working by himself that time. i started wondering if she's working with him and she'd stay longer with him again. so i still went and i was right about all of it.

in my eyes, this thing just look wrong. ..

but my bf says that "she's short and fat and ugly. she has nice personality that's all. but she's too rough (would start fight when she's drunk) and not feminime enough. she's far off the same league as you. you really dont have anything to worry about."

 

i still dont like her. yes i look better but i see people cheat down so i never think it;s impossible. yes i believe my bf wont cheat but he may still grow feelings which is not better than physical cheating.

he seems very happy with me. so i dont understand why he likes her company. but i could be just a jealous person. im giving him benefit of the doubt on this.

[Fudgie]

If she's flirting with him and making moves and being all cutesy, I would agree with you, it would be inappropriate for him to entertain her. Even just hanging out with her, soaking up the attention, is wrong IMO because it's rather disrespectful to you and it doesn't help the girl either because she'll just hang on longer, when she should be looking for someone who is available and not attached.

 

I'm all for my guy having female friends though. As long as they are just friends, I don't care.

 

Try not to look at other women as "threats". You'll tire yourself out. At the end of the day, it's all up to your boyfriend. He can't help getting hit on (and vice versa for you) but if he wants to be with you and respects you, he won't entertain those girls and will distance himself while being polite yet firm. It's the right thing to do.

 

Looks definitely aren't everything. Conventionally, I believe I myself am a step "down" from my boyfriend's previous ex. Yet, he actually does sexual stuff with me (never did with her) and our relationship is 100x better than what it was with her. They didn't stay friends after he left her but I don't feel threatened anyway. They failed because they weren't compatible and she was rather neurotic, whereas I am not.

[xyzzzz]

different people have different definition of flirting. i dont know how they behave together but he says there is no flirting. he says i shouldnt hate her cuz she;s done nothing wrong,no making moves no inappropriate things, at most they mock around during idle time.

he doesnt see the point to distant himself from that chick. he doesnt think she will ever do anything cuz she knows im the gf.

i feel he keeps everything "borderline". if the girl crosses the line he will cut it otherwise it's all harmless.

i do hope he's not telling white lies to me.

[Fudgie]

I think even if she isn't flirting with him (I consider flirting to be those "kinds" of jokes, body language, maybe touching, excessive compliments, things like that), she is probably getting a lot out of these interactions and it fuels her crush, then it's REALLY unfair to her.

 

Put your jealousy aside and think of this: What if you were crushing on a cute, handsome guy at work and he says he has a girlfriend, yet he spends all of this time with you and you're always talking and joking a lot? You know that he has a girlfriend but all of this contact makes you fall deeper for him. Horribly unfair to you. I would not be so worried about physical cheating going on, but I would be concerned that he may be leading her on a little bit and just soaking up the attention for his ego. It's not fair to her or you.

 

I would definitely tell him this.

 

Maybe I'm not like most people but I get a bit uncomfortable when people are crushing on me and I don't feel the same. It's not an ego-boost to me, it's tragic if I have a friendship with that person and then it starts getting weird because of a crush. Many people though, enjoy the ego boost.

[Fringe]

I myself have actually trained myself to not look at women. Very rarely do I look, and when it does happen I catch myself instantly.

 

If a girl is in a very reveling outfit I automatically feel that she is just trying to get attention and so I will not grant her that attention. "Oh look at me, I am half naked, every guy will be looking at me!" Not me, my mind is too strong for the likes of you.

 

Even if I see a pretty girl that I like I ignore her. If I see she has taken some interest in me, then I leave. I know its weird to do this if you are single, which I am, but I feel that when women do that, they are trying to control you, maybe not consciously, but they still are. I will not be a slave to the primitive desires.

[xyzzzz]

as you said many people enjoy ego-boost..so definitely does my bf. about "those kind of jokes" you mentioned..i dont know if it happened or not..but i said to him"you may give her wrong idea. since you are so friendly to her she may hope things are down between us and there comes her chance" he just laughed hard saying im funny and doesnt seem to care about leading her on.

and he doesnt think he is leading her on.

[Fudgie]

I'm sorry to hear that he's being dismissive. I do think he's leading her on, in a way, whether or not he intends to.

 

It really does sound like he's enjoying the ego boost.

 

The only thing I can suggest is to "flip it". I've done this with my current and past boyfriends when I want to get a point accross. Say "How would YOU feel if...(describe same scenario but with him in her shoes)".

[xyzzzz]

I'm sorry to hear that he's being dismissive. I do think he's leading her on, in a way, whether or not he intends to.

 

It really does sound like he's enjoying the ego boost.

 

The only thing I can suggest is to "flip it". I've done this with my current and past boyfriends when I want to get a point accross. Say "How would YOU feel if...(describe same scenario but with him in her shoes)".

there is no way to let him distant himself at the moment cuz he doesnt think he;s done anything wrong and he doesnt think he's leading her on. maybe time can help.

To be honest i couldnt care less if she's been treated unfair. what i care is one day he finds himself attached to her and cant get her out of his mind..

[Fudgie]

To be honest i couldnt care less if she's been treated unfair. what i care is one day he finds himself attached to her and cant get her out of his mind..

 

Yes, that's another reasonable worry. have you brought this up?

[xyzzzz]

Yes, that's another reasonable worry. have you brought this up?

he isnt attached to her now. so all he said is im absolutely out of my mind and "do you think im interested in that?!"

but he doesnt know how he would feel about her in future right?

[Fudgie]

he isnt attached to her now. so all he said is im absolutely out of my mind and "do you think im interested in that?!"

but he doesnt know how he would feel about her in future right?

 

As I said, looks aren't everything. It's easy to dismiss someone at first based on looks. But then again, us not so conventionally beautiful people have fine boyfriends/girlfriends just fine and we aren't all cheated on.

 

If she's being flirty and he's enjoying the attention, he may get closer to her if you guys hit a rough patch because he knows that she likes him and it gives him an easy out. As I said before, it's different from "friends". Friends are supposed to comfort each other and be there for one another but she obviously likes him so that dynamic is different.

[xyzzzz]

As I said, looks aren't everything. It's easy to dismiss someone at first based on looks. But then again, us not so conventionally beautiful people have fine boyfriends/girlfriends just fine and we aren't all cheated on.

 

If she's being flirty and he's enjoying the attention, he may get closer to her if you guys hit a rough patch because he knows that she likes him and it gives him an easy out. As I said before, it's different from "friends". Friends are supposed to comfort each other and be there for one another but she obviously likes him so that dynamic is different.

so what's your advise? apparently i cant nag over something that is only a possiblity now and it can only drive him away..

[Fudgie]

I would just tell him, once, your worries and what we've talked about here. Then back off. you're right, nagging will drive him away. You'll have to play it cool. Just make your feelings known, and back off.

 

Here is some more advice:

 

My boyfriend is in a band and therefore, has the ability to get with other, hotter girls...if he wanted to. But he doesn't and he never has. I don't worry about other girls so much because I know what I have to offer him and I *believe* it's better than what they have to offer him. I'm confident of that. If they were better, then he wouldn't be with me. You need to keep telling yourself that.

 

The best thing you can do is just not to be crazy. So many girls go a little "crazy" with guys. You need to stop yourself. Guys hate that. At the end of the day, most men just want someone who they can talk to, share interests with, have sex with, trust in, and have them NOT be psycho, but rather, have them be chill. That's the best thing you can do for your relationship - don't be neurotic and communicate your desires in an effective way that isn't too emotionally crazy.

 

you'll get through this. *hug*