Dougie_D Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 When it comes to jobs/work ethic my age is probably about 22 - my parents help me when I have financial problem..like, every month. Oh, and I didn't have my first job until I was 24. When it comes to dating/talking to girls my age is probably 20 - maybe been on 5 official dates? I can talk to girls but most of them are just "girl"friends. When it comes to relationship/kissing/sex my age is non existent. - never kissed or been in one When it comes to OVERALL life experiences, I say I'm probably more 23 year old. People MY AGE are settling down. Having kids. Have a house. Have a great career. I BARELY get buy with my career. There is no Money in the Music Biz unless your client is a big time artist. I'm not going to lie. I want to experience sex. I want experience having a girlfriend, but I don't see myself being with that person for the rest of my life. It's like having your first cookie when you know there might be a chance to have different kinds. I can't hook up and go to college parties. I'm not in college and I'm sure a 21 year old girl will think I'm an old man. The older girls 27-35 seem like they want to settle down or hook up with a rich guy. I feel SO OUT of PLACE! My question is: Should I try to mingle with girls younger or older? Am I freaking out? Does it really matter? Am I over analyzing it? Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 It doesn't matter the age. My last ex was 5 years younger than me, actually most were, and I could never date someone my same age. Just go out and make a bunch of friends and take it from there. Dont create all these little doubts in your head, kick those out and get out there and have fun. Link to comment
Generation Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 I think you should go for whatever you can get. Curious. Did you live a sheltered life? Link to comment
ATLstudent Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Its seems like you feel you have not grown up in many ways......well first if this is the case....look around at your current relationships and how they reflect a younger persons....like with your parents.....Being completely independent from them would be something to strive for.....i find that the key "players" in periods of your life and the type of relationship you have with them must change and evolve with time, where the nature of the relationship changes......SO for ex.) lets say my parents were a big part of my life when i was 16....and so was my best friend BOB?....lets say I was dependent on my parents for money completely at that point....and my best friend BOB was a year older and had already had sex so I was somewhat dependent on him following his advice and kind of following his lead.....See how these relationships have certain themes which reflect where i was emotionally at that age.....does not reflect a confident independent individual who doesnt need people...he wants people. So maybe the nature of your relationships with these people in your life has never evolved or changed....which is because you havent....and at that point it is time to look at why that is......alcohol drugs addiction....abuse......irresponsibility and failure to take responsbility for your life/and why...co dependency w parents.....blah blah....this is helpful with a therapist...maybe get some counseling. Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 Curious. Did you live a sheltered life? I'm not sure what you mean by this? What would be considered a sheltered life? Lived with my parent up through highschool and maybe 3 months for awhile after college. Being completely independent from them would be something to strive for Trust me, I've been working on this for a LONG time. I don't ask for financial help. They just give it to me. Even sometimes behind my back. They are the "butt in" types. I was paying off my car every month or so, and one Christmas my parents said "We wanted to pay off your car for you, so we just did. " My dad co-signed with me. They like to make me feel guilty that it's NEVER my money too. That wasn't true. I had a job for 4 1/2 years. It just didn't pay that much. Now, I'm in a similar case. The cost of living is incredibly HIGH in LA. Dont create all these little doubts in your head, kick those out and get out there and have fun Thanks! So don't care about their age, just try to find someone who doesn't want to settle down either! Just go after who I want to and hope for the best. good call. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 It sounds like it is time to consider something else for yourself career wise... Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 It sounds like it is time to consider something else for yourself career wise... I have to go this route to actually get the job I want. I can be SUCCESSFUL but it's hard to actually get paid for your services. I wouldn't know what to do if I changed career paths. That's actually WHY I was so depressed working at Sam's Club for 4 1/2 years. I stopped doing what I loved. I was miserable. At least now, I can smile and say that I'm closer to doing what I've always wanted to do. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 I have to go this route to actually get the job I want. I can be SUCCESSFUL but it's hard to actually get paid for your services. What job is that? Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 I would like to be an A&R scout for a record label. I have A&R experience but only on the intern level. Not many labels are actually hiring. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 I would like to be an A&R scout for a record label. I have A&R experience but only on the intern level. Not many labels are actually hiring. So in view of the above, is it very realistic to pursue this as a means of a living on a full-time basis?... Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 I'm not sure what to say about jobs as I'm educated and working a minimum wage job right now. I'm trying to change that (I'm 25 and I was done school - for now - April 2011.) If you don't want your parents to help you out with money, I guess you should try not to co-sign things with them, if you can avoid it. Or to make a point you could pay them back the money they gave even if they don't want it, just to kind of assert your independence. There are still girls in their late twenties/early thirties who aren't looking to get married. Also don't think the younger girls will automatically rule you out. You may seem better than their college guy friends because you have a job, even if it isn't the best one, and probably some more maturity even if you think your life doesn't reflect that. But you never know - if you try dating you might meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and take back your words! Link to comment
MD Geist Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Your in Los Angeles I wish I was there after browsing around the girls on POF at that location. I think its a matter of marketing yourself first and exploring different options such as online dating. Who cares if your working at mcdonalds or not, I have seen guys who are in the unemployment line have girls that are solid 10's. Another thing to consider is getting in were you can fit in. Example date the girl who shows you interest for a few weeks. I did and it really changed the way I played the game. Now I don't have that "never dated" monkey on my back. You also need to determine if you want to experment or wait for a long term relationship. I decided personally that I'm going to take which ever comes first in my life. Lastly do make some adjustments outside in your personal life. Hit the gym if you can, find a way to make more money if you have to. Link to comment
Polis Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 So what exactly are you looking to find posting on this forum? You seem to know your shortcomings, based on other threads and your current list of the age you think you act. You need to find out what "league" you can play in and go play in it. I don't mean to offend, but what do you have to offer a girl anyway? Why don't you make a list of some attractive qualities. Link to comment
CMS Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Listen doug, I will say this to you over and over again till you get it. Right now you are not happy being you, your friends are settling down, getting married or having kids, you are envious, you want what they have, you are not happy being you, that negative thinking creates a negative vibe and girls can feel it, because if you are not happy being you, then how can you expect someone else to get comfortable around you. So my advice is learn to be happy and content by yourself, dont use what other people have done as a testing barometer for yourself, you set your own rules, you are happy being you, you find your niche that makes you happy. Second point, when it comes to female attraction to male, its not about looks (looks helps but not as important as how male attraction towards women is), female attraction is predominately based on your behavior, do you make her feel safe and comfortable, are you dominate, are you the alpha, are you the strong man of their dreams. My suggestions is, become the quality that they are looking for, become a strong man, a confident man, develop a sense of humor and sense of adventure, stop treating girls like objects to be had and start treating them like regular human being. Here is what I want you to do, I want you to go out, to super market, to yoga class, to church events, coffee shops or wherever you feel comfortable with, I want you to observe what a woman is doing and engage her in a normal conversation using that observation, the conversation can be 10 seconds long, 30 seconds long or an hour long, it does not matter, I want you to talk to at least 3 different girls a day for a month, it does not matter if she is hot or not, married or single, goal is for you to get comfortable talking to girls, and remember talking to hot girls is the same as talking to other women that you are not attracted to. You need to get rid of that neediness, that inner wussy that screams "please like me", become strong and confident and you will start seeing more success with women. Link to comment
hrtlsngl7 Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Lower your expectations a little, you might be surprised. Link to comment
Mesemene Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 My question is: Should I try to mingle with girls younger or older? Am I freaking out? Does it really matter? Am I over analyzing it? Find places to mingle with girls who might share your interests, and focus less on exact age. Yes, you're over analyzing And when I say "mingle" I agree with swifty - get used to just talking. A lot. Get used to asking girls of every age and walk of life questions. Just little ones. The less you give off the "I'm looking for someone... anyone!" vibe, the more approachable you become - and the more confidence you'll gain. For example - if you're at a club that's auditioning bands, ask what about XX band/singer a woman who is also there finds attractive or unattractive. Say "it's the field I'm interning in - so it helps me to really know what people are looking for - so be as honest as you can!" It'll open up a conversation about musical taste, showmanship, you name it - all things you're comfortable with. Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 Well, originally my question was about a girl's age and if I needed to place myself in a situation where I can mingle with these types. I've determined that it doesn't really matter. So that is good to hear. I can talk to a girl, but I think I lack knowledge. Maybe I'm really bad about keeping a conversation going?? I don't really care about what's going on around my life except what's going on IN my life. I'm so occupied in doing what I love doing (listening and finding new bands). Tonight I was at a bar and I saw a girl wearing a St. Louis shirt. This was the dialogue: Me: Nice shirt. Did they win? Her: No Me: Oh, that sucks. Her: Yeah and then she walked off. I don't know where to go with conversations unless I know in detail what the topic is. Also, I am really, really, bad about closing even if the conversation keeps going. I NEVER have figured out when it's the right time or even HOW to ask a girls number. I've given my business card many times. Link to comment
Polis Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Eh I wouldn't think anything of that conversation, she just wasn't interested in chatting. It was also probably obvious you wanted to hit on her as well, she just wasn't interested. Don't sweat it. If you are really into music, stick to music scenes. Go to local shows and festivals. Also what exactly do you look like? The picture you post with? Even if you aren't in the best shape your style and how you hold yourself is important. How is that going? What is your "style"? Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I'd leave LA man. WAY too expensive to do anything but live in a tiny studio apartment unless you inherited real estate or a bunch of money. And sadly dating there is the worst, in my opinion, because of the prevailing attitudes about success and morals there - you basically need to be rich or super good looking. Link to comment
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