mintblossom Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Need advice on how to say no, politely and without offending. Link to comment
annie24 Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Since I've had a few drinks.... I would say, 'Hey jerkwad - why don't you go #*$& your WIFE?' For the older, single men, just say thank you, but you aren't looking for anything right now. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 There is only one way: Be FIRM and mean it. You say "Absolutely NO. Do I need to remind you that you're married?" And then you walk away. If he persists, tell him you'll tell his wife. Link to comment
mintblossom Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 This is a friend's friend's husband. That's why I'm trying to be polite. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 You don't owe him anything. You can still be firm, but polite at the same time. Just mean what you say. Link to comment
annie24 Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I would tell the friend's friend what her skeezy husband is up to. There is NOOOO need to be polite. Link to comment
hrtlsngl7 Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I would tell the friend's friend what her skeezy husband is up to. There is NOOOO need to be polite. Annies24 is ALWAYS spot on in her advice, even loaded. Link to comment
Weeb Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Yeah I don't see the need to be polite. Just be honest? Tell him you're not interested in him, married men in general, or doing anything to hurt your friend. Link to comment
EmmaB78 Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I'd just say, "I don't date married men" and leave it at that. Not insulting, just true. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 "I do not be part of what will destroy your marriage even though you do not value it". "I will not have this burden weighing on me for the rest of my life". Link to comment
drummergirl Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Need advice on how to say no, politely and without offending. I think the phrase for this is "No thanks." At that point, nothing more should need to be said, but if he does push it further then you are the one that should be offended. You have a right to just say no and he needs to respect that. Link to comment
somethingNew Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 If he's married and seeking others, you're probably option 25 on a list of 50, only after the teen porn he watches every night... or worse. It's not a special situation, he's ordinary and pathetic. Quote that when you talk to him! Link to comment
RitaTrue Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 And be short in your answer. I've been in this boat before: yeesh. The guy would explain away all his problems as his wife's problems, and him as the innocent bystander and victim. Be firm. And SHORT--in answers. If he's anything like the guy I met, he'll have a 12 mile list in type 2 font of justifications. Just keep the ball moving. Link to comment
Samedy Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I think if he's married then you really don't need to be worried about being polite... Cheating on your spouse isn't exactly polite either.. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 You could tell him politely that you respect his wife and his marriage, even if he doesn't. Sorry, but if you're in a defensive position, he's already crossed the boundaries of 'polite'. I'd just tell him to piss off and let him get over it. Link to comment
WockaWocka Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 This is a friend's friend's husband. That's why I'm trying to be polite. I wouldn't worry about hurting his feelings. A simple and firm "no" is all that is required. I'd worry instead about hurting your friend's friend by keeping quiet about his behavior. Unless you know they have an open relationship and she's aware of his pursuits, I think you have an obligation to tell her what happened. I doubt you're the first or the last of her friends to be hit on by this jerkwad. The longer she stays in the dark about his pursuits the more angry and embarrassed she will be to discover the truth. Don't be afraid to tell her what happened. You refused him and are not to blame here. She may be angry out of sheer embarrassment, but you'll be able to live with a clear conscience knowing you did everything you could. Link to comment
magnoliatree Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 "No thank you. You are married." Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 You say, 'I'm sorry, but i don't date married men, and i also wouldn't dream of doing anything that might hurt X because she is my friend' (inserting his wife's name to remind him of her!). Why on earth would you feel the need to not offend your friend's husband who is trying to sleep with you? He's really an arrogant jerk to approach you, and needs to be put in his place and reminded that this is hurtful behavior at best, and crazy at worst since she is your good friend! Link to comment
Fudgie Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 No need to be polite. Tell him that he's married and has no business with YOU or any girl. If he persists, tell him that if he doesn't leave you alone, you'll tell his wife. He'll shut up. Really, don't worry about hurting this jerk's feeling. What's he going to do? Go to his wife and cry to her about it? Link to comment
Fudgie Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Even jerks have feelings. Two wrongs don't make a right why stoop to their level? Even though he can't cry to anyone about it because he messed up and you can get away with it. I'm saying she needs to be FIRM, which may require not worrying about his feelings. If she's not firm, he'll keep bothering her. That's why advocate her telling him to bug off or she'll tell his wife. If he doesn't like the treatment, then he can leave her alone and find someone with less self respect who will sleep with him. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 For the record, I've been particularly nasty to married men who have approached me online. My thinking is that my profile was geared toward people who wanted a LTR and were *NOT* married, that I wasn't interested in infidelity. If they were that bull-headed and stupid to approach me with their sob story about their wife and their lonesome penis, then they obviously were dense and needed a little more than a simple "no thank you". I don't condone that sort of smut and I told them so. If they don't want to be chastised, then they shouldn't go for women who aren't interested in that sort of nonsense. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I like my plan much better.' I read your plan. LOL. I think if I did that, he may get angry about the money and come and kill me or something. 0_0 Link to comment
lizzie2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Polite often translates into not firm enough. He has created an awkward and uncomfortable situation and you aren't the person who should feel bad. rejection is rejection no matter how you dress it up. I've gone through several different approaches and when I try to be polite its not nearly as effective as a flat out "I'm not interested". Not because I have a boyfriend, not because you're married, I just don't want you. Lots of men don't want me its just life. When you start telling them its because of this that and the other they still persist thinking I am interested but for this one thing. Then you have to reject them repeatedly and I have decided that one firm rejection is more polite than repeated rejection. Link to comment
Alezia Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 "Sorry, your wife has told me your penis was too short for my personal taste." Link to comment
I_Speak_Jive Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 "NO!" *smack* "BAD HUSBAND! BAD!" Link to comment
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