LaKings55 Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Been single for almost 6 months now, had a couple of dates, wasn't into it, so I'm planning on being single for quite some time. Dating just isn't my thing, never has been, never will be, and most of the time I've been approached by the girl. I'm not shy, I'm confident, but if you've seen my other posts, you'd know my views on relationships, sex, and dating in general. So I'm curious, has anyone else made a conscious effort to be single for prolonged periods of time? Or just reply with the longest you went without dating someone. I'm 23, going on 24, and I'm thinking about staying out of the "game" until at least 28-30. Link to comment
FathomFear Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 I'm almost 32 and still have yet to have my first date. Does that count? Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Have gone 2 years without a date after a breakup "to find myself", and then I found another *******, which I broke up with 6 months ago. And now I'm definitely staying single again. Until I find myself again. Sick complicated journey most definitely. Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 I'm almost 32 and still have yet to have my first date. Does that count? Sorry to hear that fathom. I don't know your situation, but I'm not a judging type. If approaching women is a fear of rejection thing, develop this mentality: You see a woman you want to approach, you don't know her, she doesn't know you, you are at SQUARE 0 with her. If you approach her and make small talk, and then ask for a number, etc, she will either say yes or no. If she says yes, you've made an acquaintance, potential friend, or mate. If she says no (and most women are trained to be gentle) then guess what? You're right back at square 0. You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain in approaching women. My issues lie in the actual dating. It just seems like a fruitless, waste of time to me personally, for a number of reasons I've already spoken about. Link to comment
mfan Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 I'm 23, going on 24, and I'm thinking about staying out of the "game" until at least 28-30. That sounds reasonable. I had a 2-year relationship in college, and (although she and I are still dear friends), I did not do any more dating or even looking for a relationship until just a couple weeks ago, so that is about 16 years later. I just didn't feel I wanted or needed a relationship. Link to comment
diamond78 Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 I didn't start 'dating' until I was 26 and I then went on a sort of dating spree for 1 year before entering into a 6 year relationship... I am now single again for the past 5 months (although my Ex has recently returned into my life in a big way). I waited 3 months from the breakup though to go on a date again. Haven't been on a date since the one date back in mid-May, mainly due to the face that my Ex is all up in my space now. But I love being single because it's drama-free and I am definitely grateful to not have any relationship drama while in high school and college! I wouldn't go back and change a thing! Link to comment
FathomFear Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Sorry to hear that fathom. I don't know your situation, but I'm not a judging type. Yeah, I don't judge others in this situation. There's a whole assortment of things that can give rise to it. For myself, I'm a gay man living in a very small town. Even if I were actively trying to date (which I'm not) I suspect I wouldn't have much luck. Just for kicks I've looked on prominent online dating sites, for example, and searched for men seeking men in like a 100 mile radius and only found six or so results--lol. I think whether or not staying single is a good idea or bad idea will come down to the specific circumstances and what your motives are. If you're frustrated and regard it as fruitless or a waste of time, it's possible that you might be letting a few bad experiences dictate your mindset. That would be my only concern in regards to your original post. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 2 years. i plan to re-enter the dating scene within the next few months. men, watch out! Link to comment
charity Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 i've been single since the break up, almost 2 years now. i tried internet dating immediately but that was just a need to feel desired by someone else and i wasn't ready for it. now i find it strange that i am so happy and content with no partner. i'm not sure i ever will want a man again if i'm to be honest. for sure i don't NEED one at least. i met a friend of mine the other day, hadn't seen her in ages. i was telling her the same thing and she responded ' but you must be lonely sometimes!' i said 'really no i'm not'. then she said ' but don't you think that your kids will feel bad for you if you don't meet anyone? why would you want to put that burden on them?' i was like whatttt???? the burden of my happiness and independence!! so yeah this single life is working well for me so far. a friend of mine is now ready to date after a hard break up. he said he's not thinking about a special relationship but is so excited to be meeting new women, getting to know them, having dates and texts and so forth. he is really seeing it as a part of his social life and social growth and i think that thats a really good mentality. it takes the pressure off. Link to comment
rosephase Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 I was single for about three and a half years. I feel really comfortable and happy being single. A little lonely to be sure but otherwise pretty great. I was having sex with people. I don't know how people go that long without sex I know I would not be comfortable or happy if I didn't have sex for long periods of time, but I know not everyone works that way. Link to comment
manu85 Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 I am now single and not dating for over 10 months. Before that, the longest I've been single must've been 3,5 years. (I don't even remember for sure, lol). I'm not planning on staying single for that long again. But maybe another year would be nice Since a few months, I've really started to enjoy being single again! I'm a personality type that enjoys being single I guess But eventually, I'd like to hook up with someone again. I just want time and space to figure out a few things for myself. As other male posters have said, the drame-free aspect of being single is really nice! Link to comment
Eocsor Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 I was single without dating for two years after my ex wife and 18 months after my ex fiance. I like my own company and am perfectly content doing things on my own. Plus i don't want to take a chance of screwing someone over till I've processed all the baggage from the previous relationship. Most people date other people and use them as emotional crutches after a breakup. Link to comment
dolorosa Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 I was single for two years after my marriage finish. My latest BU was 11 weeks ago and I am dating again. Nothing serious but getting to meet new people, and plenty of going out, dinners etc. Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 Yeah, I don't judge others in this situation. There's a whole assortment of things that can give rise to it. For myself, I'm a gay man living in a very small town. Even if I were actively trying to date (which I'm not) I suspect I wouldn't have much luck. Just for kicks I've looked on prominent online dating sites, for example, and searched for men seeking men in like a 100 mile radius and only found six or so results--lol. I think whether or not staying single is a good idea or bad idea will come down to the specific circumstances and what your motives are. If you're frustrated and regard it as fruitless or a waste of time, it's possible that you might be letting a few bad experiences dictate your mindset. That would be my only concern in regards to your original post. I don't know if I could ever try internet dating. Just so many frauds and liars out there. I can't stay single forever, since I have always wanted to be a father, and I don't believe in children outside of marriage. As far as bad experiences go, it is hard to not follow the rule of "burned once, shy twice" especially in my case where its more like "burned alive, shy forever" lol. Link to comment
Leftright Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 I went a good 4 years of datelessness after my last relationship over 8 years ago. At that point, I finally decided to try online dating, and managed to get a few first meetings from there, but i found online dating so lucrative, and most of the women flaky, so alas, the dry spell continues. I've since stopped the online thing in hopes that a real-life encounter could possibly generate something. I'm tired of getting depressed about my love life, so I've decided to just stop looking so hard, and just enjoying life without a better half for now... -LR Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 I went a good 4 years of datelessness after my last relationship over 8 years ago. At that point, I finally decided to try online dating, and managed to get a few first meetings from there, but i found online dating so lucrative, and most of the women flaky, so alas, the dry spell continues. I've since stopped the online thing in hopes that a real-life encounter could possibly generate something. I'm tired of getting depressed about my love life, so I've decided to just stop looking so hard, and just enjoying life without a better half for now... -LR You could see my previous post about approaching women. Even though we live in an age of equality, and women are surpassing men in employment, education, etc. The old social stigmas of men having to initiate things are still alive and well. You'd be surprised how easily you get over your fear of approaching women if you go to a place like a mall and make it a point to speak to as many women as possible. You don't have to hit on them, or ask them out, just talk to them, ask them questions about things like clothing, etc. Sure some might think you're weird, some might tell you to leave them alone, but more often than not, they will engage you. I personally try to make eye contact with a girl before approaching her Link to comment
BriarRose Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 My longest without wanting to date? About 3 years. Link to comment
hidden_kitten Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 about 10 months, then started seeing someone on and off since Feb. It's nice to actually just enjoy a date for now and not care about where it's going Link to comment
Meriem Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Been single for 3 months now since breakup, not planing to go on dates! I wanna enjoy my college years alone and the longest I've been single hmm, 5 months? After my first relationship which started at 16 Link to comment
catcountry Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Okay...I'll top the charts here. 12 years. I was a single mother and I had a child to raise. I've tried the online dating here and there over the years but nothing ever really happened there. Had a long distance "friend" last year but, I don't count that. Besides, I truly believe that when the time is right for me and when I least expect it...I will find someone. Link to comment
lemsip Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Plus i don't want to take a chance of screwing someone over till I've processed all the baggage from the previous relationship. Most people date other people and use them as emotional crutches after a breakup. ^^ Yup. Definitely. Link to comment
Love1336 Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Well i'm 21 and i almost been single for a year now. Reasons? Well because i haven't really found a guy or girl (yes i like meh girlies) who matches with my personality, or my life style well. I'm VERY easily annoyed. I can't stand clingy people, example texting me and asking where i am at, why i am there, who i am with, or the person just does not care enough about me, all they see is vagina and something to fck. i dont have sex on less i am in a serious relationship. the only reason why i dated was to get my ex out of my mind, which made things totally worse because none of the people compared to him. >. NOW however i am not dating anyone, and i don't think i will be for a while. I used to go on this dating site, but pshhh no more of that. A lot of losers. i am so sick of bad dates. I guess i will just "find" myself. And enjoy the drama free life until a guy comes into my life. Those i can't wait too long. I did have this life plan, to be married by 25, kids by 27. If not i can always have the kiddies. I don't want to be a grandma having my first child. @.@ Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Um probably half a year? Then I dated alittle, then stopped. Then dated again. Now I'm single, had a short 3 month relationship with sb but broke up with him 2 months ago bc things weren't getting anywhere and I knew I was still slightly hung up on my previous ex. Link to comment
Leftright Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 You could see my previous post about approaching women. Even though we live in an age of equality, and women are surpassing men in employment, education, etc. The old social stigmas of men having to initiate things are still alive and well. You'd be surprised how easily you get over your fear of approaching women if you go to a place like a mall and make it a point to speak to as many women as possible. You don't have to hit on them, or ask them out, just talk to them, ask them questions about things like clothing, etc. Sure some might think you're weird, some might tell you to leave them alone, but more often than not, they will engage you. I personally try to make eye contact with a girl before approaching her I read your previous post, and it is solid advice. I do approach women often, and confidence is never an issue. Its just that nothing ever comes out of any effort I put forth. Perhaps i come accross as creepy or too nice. ....or maybe i'm too charming??? Lol. All I know is that after years of trying, I'm not seeing any progress. I hate to say it, but i'm starting to lean towards the bachelor/hermit lifestyle! ...someone please convince me otherwise! Link to comment
sophie274 Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 Wanting to be single? I wouldn't say I've ever really yearned to be single, though for a year after the breakup with my long-term boyfriend I was in no state of mind to date, so I didn't try. Now I've been single single single for 2 years - in that time I've had a few dates, not one kiss, certainly nothing more. I guess the last year I've been wanting to find someone, but not trying THAT hard. I was living in a fairly small time, working a job with long hours (lots of nights and weekends too). I joined a dating site very briefly and ran the other way. I had interest in two guys (one briefly, one more prolonged), and would have been happy to date either one - short-term at least - but both of them hated me, as it turned out! For the past 6 months I haven't tried to meet anyone at all, or made any sort of effort. I feel quite apathetic about the whole thing now. I'm on vacation in a foreign country for a month (in the same city most of the time), and someone offered to set me up but I declined. I may make another go of things in the fall once I move to my new location, but I'm not feeling motivated. I haven't met many men I was interested in romantically in the two years I've been single, and the very few I've been interested in haven't reciprocated. On the one hand, I'd love to have a boyfriend, but on the other I don't feel so keen when I think of going on tons and tons of dates, being on dating sites, all that work and meeting a lot of potential crazies before I even find someone I might click with. I guess I'm hoping to meet someone in the grocery store or at Starbucks, like in romantic comedies you know Link to comment
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