dark angel9 Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 To be fair, this is the first time he invited her without me. He even said that I am welcome to come and watch their basketball practices before. If I were to hazard a guess on why, they live within 5 minutes walk from each other (my bf, my friend, his brother and another girl from their team). I on the other hand live 45 mins away from them. So the dinner thing was very last minute - when I asked him what he was doing tonight, he said that he has just sent texts to my friend, that other girl from the team and his brother to join him for dinner at a nearby restaurant. That was at 7:30pm.... Still, he could have invited me along and I am puzzled on why he didn't. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 Yes, he certainly could have invited you along and given you sufficient notice to make the drive. I would never think of inviting my BFs friend out without also asking him also. The 'foursome' invited is what concerns me... like a little double date that he could claim was innocent if you found out about it, but if he was going out to eat, he should have asked you if you wanted to come too. And would he have even told you he was doing that if you hadn't asked first? That part bothers me too... Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 She doesn't have to be behaving inappropriately for you to talk with her. Anyway, I'm sure you'll stay with him for at least a while. I would observe whether or not he keeps creating situations to spend time with her. Link to comment
capilot Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 I think you need to talk to him about that dinner... why did he invite her, but not you? That's the bottom line. Doing team things as a team: OK. Especially since you're invited. Going on a date: Not OK. Especially since you weren't invited. The fact that she decided not to go: Good for her. So far, I've seen reasons to worry, but not reasons to panic. Link to comment
dark angel9 Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 I feel like I wouldn't have even known if I didn't ask... I don't agree with you guys on the double date thing....the other girl is someone that he and his brother have known for years and have no interest in. She regularly goes for coffee, dinners etc with both of them. So suggesting that she was a "date" for his brother is a bit much. It was also on their regular basketball night, only they had a week off from practicing this week, Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 Well, call me old-fashioned, or call me a hard azz, but I don't accept my BF making new female friends to hang out with separate from me. Worse yet that it's my BFF. Link to comment
dark angel9 Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 I have e-mailed him and told him that it feels a bit weird that he invited MY bff for dinner without inviting me. That I also feel like he wouldn't even tell me if I didn't ask what he is doing that night.... no reply so far. I am pretty much ready to break up with him over this. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Well, call me old-fashioned, or call me a hard azz, but I don't accept my BF making new female friends to hang out with separate from me. Worse yet that it's my BFF. Haha, but it's ok so long as you can trust your bff to dodge his kisses. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 I have e-mailed him and told him that it feels a bit weird that he invited MY bff for dinner without inviting me. That I also feel like he wouldn't even tell me if I didn't ask what he is doing that night.... no reply so far. I am pretty much ready to break up with him over this. I'm still not clear -- what did he say when you talked to him? Just that they're just friends? Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Haha, but it's ok so long as you can trust your bff to dodge his kisses. LOL. One would hope... I have e-mailed him and told him that it feels a bit weird that he invited MY bff for dinner without inviting me. That I also feel like he wouldn't even tell me if I didn't ask what he is doing that night.... no reply so far. I am pretty much ready to break up with him over this. I think this is conversation to have face to face, no? How long have you been dating him? Link to comment
dark angel9 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 I'm still not clear -- what did he say when you talked to him? Just that they're just friends? The first time I talked to him about talking this friend up too much in saying how great, cute she is etc etc, he told me that he has absolutely NO romantic interest in her and that he doesn't look at her in that way. That she is fun to be around and that he sees her as "joint" friend. That I am the one he loves and wants to be with. That he thinks that I am more beautiful and have better personality... Now, I feel like he is pissed that I am bringing it up again. He read my latest e-mail but didn't respond.... Link to comment
dark angel9 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 We have been dating for 5 months.... Link to comment
Firiel Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Okay, so I'm really, REALLY laid back when it comes to my SO and opposite sex friends... so keep that in mind. It seemed a bit worrisome when I was first reading this that he would invite this girl to dinner and not you, but the fact that you live 45 minutes away and they are all basically in the same neighborhood makes it a lot less suspicious in my mind. It seems like it may have just been a last minute thing. Maybe someone else had to be home at a certain time so they couldn't really wait for you. Or maybe they were just super hungry. I would talk to your boyfriend about this specific incident before breaking up with him. It could be innocent, it could not be, but it's gray enough that I think getting his side of the story would be useful. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 ^^ ok, so now you're backpeddling and defending him? even if it was their regular basketball night, why not invite the rest of the team rather than just 2 girls? And honestly, when people are on a sports team and the game gets cancelled, they usually do something else entirely like stay home with their families or see their GF, not hang around with the team. Eating dinner has absolutely nothing to do with playing sports! And maybe he invited his brother and the other female friend because he knew it would look too suspicious if he just invited your BFF out alone (and that she would turn him down if she thought that). If what he's trying to get is more face time with her without you around so that he can work on her and set things up for knowing her well enough to still call her even if he breaks up with you, he's well on his way to that! I don't think you need to break up with him immediately, but just see how this plays out. I personally think that if he had a spare night where his bball game got cancelled, most guys would either just go home and watch sports alone or call their GF to come over or eat dinner rather than calling their GF's best friend and asking her to go to dinner with himself and another guy and girl. Just doesn't ring true... sorry! Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Okay, so I'm really, REALLY laid back when it comes to my SO and opposite sex friends... so keep that in mind. It seemed a bit worrisome when I was first reading this that he would invite this girl to dinner and not you, but the fact that you live 45 minutes away and they are all basically in the same neighborhood makes it a lot less suspicious in my mind. It seems like it may have just been a last minute thing. Maybe someone else had to be home at a certain time so they couldn't really wait for you. Or maybe they were just super hungry. I would talk to your boyfriend about this specific incident before breaking up with him. It could be innocent, it could not be, but it's gray enough that I think getting his side of the story would be useful. I think this is a very valid point. What bothers me though is that he talked her up. I just know too many guys who leave their gfs for the cuter friend or at least try to get with the cuter friend. Link to comment
dark angel9 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 He responded that it was the last minute thing and that he was inviting people at 7:15 for 7:30 dinner and I live too far away so that's why he didn't think there was a point in inviting me..... I am not defending him BTW, I am angry and on the verge of breaking up with him. Link to comment
Firiel Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 I think this is a very valid point. What bothers me though is that he talked her up. I just know too many guys who leave their gfs for the cuter friend or at least try to get with the cuter friend. I agree... and I agree that it's still a somewhat suspicious situation. But he did respond well when dark angel talked to him about her concerns the first time. This happened, of course, which could be really unrelated and innocent or could be him slipping back into "Oh, she's awesome and cute... I want to spend time with her." I think both are real possibilities based on what we know about the situation. Link to comment
dark angel9 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 He now tells me that I am over-reacting... and wrote in capitals TRUST ME PLEASE. Link to comment
NightLily Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 I think Firiel has a good point. Would you be feeling this way if your friend was not cute? I think maybe you feel a little below her and should be more confident in your own self. Something may still be up but I don't see enough reason to assume that is the case. Link to comment
Firiel Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 He now tells me that I am over-reacting... and wrote in capitals TRUST ME PLEASE. So why don't you trust him? I don't mean that in a snarky way, either. I think if you can answer that question, it will help you know what to do in this position. Link to comment
dark angel9 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 I just don't want a relationship to become a source of stress this early on. I don't want to have to WATCH this situation. I want to relax and have fun. I just do not feel this is worth it anymore. Link to comment
dark angel9 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 So why don't you trust him? I don't mean that in a snarky way, either. I think if you can answer that question, it will help you know what to do in this position. Because my gut tells me that he has behaved/is behaving inappropriately with this friend....I think that he is getting sick of the drama too (that's why I was hesitant to bring it up again). Link to comment
Firiel Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Then break it off. If he's doing something fishy, then you are better off without him. If he is completely innocent, then he is better off without someone suspecting him for nothing. If you are both getting sick of the drama, maybe it's for the best. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Whether or not he's legitimately up to something with her is really secondary. The primary issue is that you are not comfortable with his behavior, you voiced that, and he chose to ignore you. I think the sheer lack of respect for your relationship is enough to kick him to the curb. Link to comment
jengh Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Same thing happened to me....let's just say mine didn't end well. It wasn't platonic. This would upset me very much. Link to comment
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