Why do you want children??

[90_hour_sleep]

vampy...does your avatar have anything to say about you...and this? i mean...on specific terms.

[OptomisticGirl]

TOV once again puts into words what I couldn't. I prepare for the future whats ifs without anxiety and as a back up plan. Becuase it also correlates with kids. You never want your kid to be kidnapped or molested but the fact is, it happens. Happens every day around the world and no amount of positive thinking is going to stop it from happening - you have to think about the what if my kids are put in this position and teach them how to respond - scream, have a secret password, don't accept candy from strangers.

[90_hour_sleep]

TOV once again puts into words what I couldn't. I prepare for the future whats ifs without anxiety and as a back up plan. Becuase it also correlates with kids. You never want your kid to be kidnapped or molested but the fact is, it happens. Happens every day around the world and no amount of positive thinking is going to stop it from happening - you have to think about the what if my kids are put in this position and teach them how to respond - scream, have a secret password, don't accept candy from strangers.

 

and what if none of that works. what if it still happens...despite all your best efforts?

[OptomisticGirl]

and what if none of that works. what if it still happens...despite all your best efforts?

 

Then it happens. You hope it doesn't but you can only prepare your kids for the worse and hope it doesn't. Like driving in a car. You don't want to be a in wreck ever but what (are you suppose) to do every time you get in the car? Put your seat belt on. Why? To prevent serious harm IF an accident occurred. It may and you may sustain serious damage but all you can do is do whats within your control to try to stop it. My mom did everything perfectly when telling me about strangers with candy and I still managed to get sexually molested. It happened, I moved on from it, and it didn't mean she failed me as a parent or I failed myself as a person - it meant I was tested by the universe (now remember, this is the view of someone who has over come their molestation). I would be devestated if my kids were ever put in that same position but then as a sexual abuse survivor myself, I know the steps I could take to try to help them heal.

[tiredofvampires]

vampy...does your avatar have anything to say about you...and this? i mean...on specific terms.

 

Oh, that's interesting! Cool, I hadn't even really correlated my avy to this particular subject, but now that you mention it....the reason I've kept this avy for so long (and can't bear to part with it) is because I think on so many levels, it represents my feelings. It's filled with symbolism for me that could be taken many ways. And I like that.

 

An entry...and an exit...that sure could apply to this as well.

 

Maybe it did, just subliminally.

[tiredofvampires]

^^

 

careful civil. you're entering a testosterone-free zone. watch your step.

 

And lol, I REALLY appreciate the brief testosterone injections into this thread here every few pages.

 

There's enough estrogen here that I could almost hope for the 2nd Immaculate Conception. (oop, whoa, hope that wasn't in poor taste for anyone, ha)

[OptomisticGirl]

And lol, I REALLY appreciate the brief testosterone injections into this thread here every few pages.

 

There's enough estrogen here that I could almost hope for the 2nd Immaculate Conception. (oop, whoa, hope that wasn't in poor taste for anyone, ha)

 

Damn I wish I could rep right now. lol

[90_hour_sleep]

Oh, that's interesting! Cool, I hadn't even really correlated my avy to this particular subject, but now that you mention it....the reason I've kept this avy for so long (and can't bear to part with it) is because I think on so many levels, it represents my feelings. It's filled with symbolism for me that could be taken many ways. And I like that.

 

An entry...and an exit...that sure could apply to this as well.

 

Maybe it did, just subliminally.

 

i was thinking just ''an open door...''

 

and i happen to like THAT door for what it's worth. it's got a pleasant association.

 

and...and! while i've got you here...

 

"If you'd just do _____ or think ______, you'd get _______ results, like me."

 

that's a mad lib...isn't it?

[tiredofvampires]

^Yes, it is. Except there's no (insert verb), (insert noun), (insert adjective). Haha.

 

And since you like the doors...

 

“If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear as it is - infinite" ~ William Blake.

 

One of my favorites.

 

Kind of a you-thing, too, I think.

[OptomisticGirl]

I have always liked TOV's avatar - it's kind of like she is, it's opened just a crack but you can just sense the infinite space behind it, you KNOW there is something on the other side of that door. Each time I come accross one of TOV's posts it's like that door opens a little more and shows that gorgeous person she is.

[90_hour_sleep]

“If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear as it is - infinite" ~ William Blake.

 

One of my favorites.

 

Kind of a you-thing, too, I think.

 

no disrespect to mr. blake...but i'dve left out infinite.

[90_hour_sleep]

I have always liked TOV's avatar - it's kind of like she is, it's opened just a crack but you can just sense the infinite space behind it, you KNOW there is something on the other side of that door. Each time I come accross one of TOV's posts it's like that door opens a little more and shows that gorgeous person she is.

 

yaah!!! YAYAYAYA!!!

 

i concur, OG (and it's worth mentioning...since the first time i saw that shorthand of your name...you've forever been an ''orginal gangster'') haha. OG.

 

vampy...do you suppose if enough people were to collectively embrace your desire to become a mother...that the universe would open that door?

[OptomisticGirl]

yaah!!! YAYAYAYA!!!

 

i concur, OG (and it's worth mentioning...since the first time i saw that shorthand of your name...you've forever been an ''orginal gangster'') haha. OG.

 

vampy...do you suppose if enough people were to collectively embrace your desire to become a mother...that the universe would open that door?

 

hahahahaha - I admit every time I see it myself I sing 'OG' in my head in a rapperish gangster style, lol

[tiredofvampires]

no disrespect to mr. blake...but i'dve left out infinite.

 

Actually, I think you got something there.

 

vampy...do you suppose if enough people were to collectively embrace your desire to become a mother...that the universe would open that door?

 

Ha, welllllll.........what's the harm in trying! Eh? I'm an experimental kind of chick!

 

MY DOORS ARE OPEN FOR BUSINESS!!

 

 

 

You know -- I'm not sure that sounded all that savory. lol

[90_hour_sleep]

Actually, I think you got something there.

 

 

 

Ha, welllllll.........what's the harm in trying! Eh? I'm an experimental kind of chick!

 

MY DOORS ARE OPEN FOR BUSINESS!!

 

 

 

You know -- I'm not sure that sounded all that savory. lol

 

no...it was delightfully UNSAVORY!!!! (but it kind of puts things back on topic...if that's relevant)

 

don't worry...i think OG's the only one paying attention right now...and not thinking we can really fancy her a prude.

 

you're not a prude...are you OG?

[OptomisticGirl]

 

you're not a prude...are you OG?

 

Most def. not a prude.

[tiredofvampires]

no...it was delightfully UNSAVORY!!!! (but it kind of puts things back on topic...if that's relevent)

don't worry...i think OG's the only one paying attention right now...and not thinking we can really fancy her a prude.

 

you're not a prude...are you OG?

 

And you see, that was my whole point here. I thought this thread could use on-topicness and relevance.

[90_hour_sleep]

And you see, that was my whole point here. I thought this thread could use relevance.

 

suppose that couldn't hurt.

 

probably time for me to make my exit then. the estrogen imbalance needs to be rectified.

 

that should read 'balance'

[lostnscared]

Pregnancy and childbirth are obviously the most serious physical things you can do as a women, and no amount of 'hoping for the best' is going to stop something bad potentially happening. I think it's only right and proper that a conversation about wishes should be had, especially where someone would become your medical proxy.

 

I wouldn't want to be dumped into that situation with no idea what OG wanted, because it can and does happen. Now that's not to say I would respect her wishes without question, but I do at least know her wishes and be able to weigh them against what the Drs are telling me.

 

To me it isn't hoping for the best, I have a certain philosophy on life and beliefs that just don't mirror "thinking" about what could possibly be go wrong--I believe that by having thought about what is going wrong you essentially materialize a situation that DOES go wrong.

That being said, I see nothing wrong with a couple having that talk if they want to--I just honestly don't know anyone that has had that talk and many of my friends are pregnant right now, due any second to deliver, or have had several kids.

I guess one thing that I should point out is that I don't plan on putting myself or babies in the doctors hands so that I have more control over my experience--I suppose that if I was in that situation where I was placing all my faith into the doctor that is delivering me or relying on the doctor and nurses then yes I don't have AS much control over what could possibly go wrong--THEY do.

Just my opinion though. I have not had this discussion with my boyfriend and suspect that I will deliver at 38 weeks(it runs in the family) and we have not had this discussion and probably will not.

[lostnscared]

Essentially you've agreed with me in the first paragraph. As I said, hormones CAN play a factor in pregnancy symptoms, but so do emotions and various other aspects. It isn't so black and white, but yes I do BELIEVE that one--if they are aware of what is causing symptoms what they are truly thinking and feeling while they are having symptoms, etc then YES they can potentially have these symptoms go away. And no my pregnancy has not been perfect. As I've said on other threads, I've had a host of symptoms that I've made go away. I had severe heartburn for two days when I was 24 weeks, when I realized what was triggering it and what was causing it, I did make it go away. I had severe lower back pain at 27 weeks(for 3 days) realized what was causing it and made it go away. This morning, and yesterday morning I woke up feeling like I was going to puke(MS) and with severe nausea--realized what it was and unfortunately it is fear because when I wake up I remember I'm pregnant and will be a mommy VERY soon. Anyway I'm not saying this works for everyone-- but I'll tell you what it's worked for a lot of the woman that I KNOW that are pregnant and have similar beliefs as I do. I don't necessarily believe in luck.

I'm NOT and have not said that if people do "this" they'll get results like me. I've only stated that for many woman pregnancy does NOT have to be horrible--and I stand by that. At the end of the day it is your body, and your thoughts, emotions, feelings, hormones etc.

I'm not really science based lol-but understand what your saying. I'm more faith based and believe that by putting your thoughts in a negative direction that is the reality you'll manifest. By focusing only on what you want to happen, with relaxed but positive feelings(i.e. not saying "I want this to happen" but drifting your thoughts over to "what if that happens though" or what if something DOES go wrong"). For instance I know a woman who said that she wanted to have a natural vaginal childbirth, and yet her entire pregnancy she was so focused on NOT having a c-section. Guess what she ended up with? A c-section. After it was over jokingly she said that because she focused so much on what she didn't want to happen(C-section) that is what happened, rather than focusing on what she wanted to happen(vaginal childbirth). Obviously a lot of people will say, that she obviously needed the c-section, and so on, but she BELIEVES that her thoughts about NOT wanting a c-section(she put too much energy into that thought and essentially created that reality) is what caused it.

 

Anyway, I still stand by my belief that pregnancy can be wonderful for some woman, just as childbirth can.

[lostnscared]

TOV once again puts into words what I couldn't. I prepare for the future whats ifs without anxiety and as a back up plan. Becuase it also correlates with kids. You never want your kid to be kidnapped or molested but the fact is, it happens. Happens every day around the world and no amount of positive thinking is going to stop it from happening - you have to think about the what if my kids are put in this position and teach them how to respond - scream, have a secret password, don't accept candy from strangers.

 

My boyfriend believes in backup plans too. I just don't. Like I've said on another page, I realize that this may make me seem irresponsible but it is what it is--I just choose not to think about what I don't won't to happen. And so far, many of the things that I have wanted to happen, have happened.

 

Of course with kids in the picture things will change. But that is why I have the bf. He is more like you and everyone else on the thread, he always has to have a Plan B. I'm sure that for "bad' and "what-if" I'm not focused on, he'll be focused on it and plan accordingly.

[tiredofvampires]

I don't necessarily believe in luck.

 

Well, certainly we part ways on that one.

 

If you took my beliefs to the extreme end, I'd say so much is luck, it's even luck that you believe in luck. The paradox is how much power and how little we have, at the very same time, depending on what side of the reality coin you're on.

 

I'm very familiar with the kind of spiritual "faith"/"we manifest what we think about" line of thought you're saying you believe in. I don't entirely discredit it, in that I think we have a lot of power to "think ourselves" into a certain state. Even science recognizes this in the placebo effect.

 

What I don't like about this school of thought is that it implies that those who have bad outcomes are necessarily responsible for those, and that becomes extremely arrogant and punitive. ("You had breast cancer and died, even though you fought hard? Well, you just didn't think positively ENOUGH.") You don't believe in luck -- well, I hope that continues to work for you. And that if something terrible unforeseen befalls either you or your child (god forbid, I'd never wish anything bad on anyone), you don't have people saying you caused that result, even if unconsciously. That would be quite sanctimonious of them.

 

Mostly, I've noticed people who are extremely lucky talk about there being no such thing as luck. Which always makes me smile for the irony.

 

I believe in the power of our minds and I believe there is much available to us -- but I'm not into magical thinking. "If I think of a duck, a duck will fall from the sky onto my head." "Just because I think about someone kidnapping my child, a kidnapper will manifest." That's magical thinking, which is tantamount to saying we can rule the universe. We do not have that much power in my opinion -- we are not all-powerful, and do not have the ability to order everything around as though the world were so many chess pieces at our disposal. I mean, take two people both wanting a job equally and imagining getting hired. Both are positive and focused, even equally qualified. Only one will get the job. Only one CAN get the job. So the other person just failed in their mental exertions, or didn't try hard enough?

 

I think we agree on some things here but disagree on others -- we agree we can influence our bodies with our minds. To then make the leap to say that we can eradicate everything through our thinking and that disease does not exist if we don't want it to, that, to me, takes things way too far. Beliefs become dogma when they are taken out of personal experience and projected onto everyone else.

 

And I never said pregnancy doesn't turn out just great for some women, so we were not arguing that to begin with. I hope yours continues to be healthy and that your birthing is a good one.

 

Ultimately, it's good you have a bf for the backup plans. If you were a single mother, you'd have to take care of that yourself and plan for what might go wrong yourself. But maybe being single doesn't really exist either, if you had been thinking more positively.

 

I'm glad that we agree at least one half of the couple has to think of what could go wrong and do the "dirty work" of that, and it's nice you don't have to be the one. Every relationship should split up duties, I believe. Let's just hope he doesn't bring some bad things with that, because then that'll be on him.

 

Never thought it'd go this way, eh, OP? Pull me out of the ring anytime!

[lostnscared]

Meh I don't consider myself extremely lucky, though I've always been able to get what I want--which I do attribute to the fact that for the most part I always focus on favorable outcomes. I realize not everyone will agree with my beliefs. Yes I do believe that people are in control of all their outcomes--including the bad ones and the bad situations they end up(even if it doesn't seem like it's "their fault" or "their" creation) is in fact a result of them--whether it's them thinking of what they DON'T want to happen, thinking of what they are AFRAID will happen, or just having negative thoughts and feelings in general. My dad has to have open heart surgery and has a series of health issues, I love my dad but yes I do think that his health issues are a result of him(not necessarily his thoughts) and I could go further and explain why I think his health issues and the need for open heart surgery or his body's way of letting him know certain things about himself but I know it would be offending to others. I don't believe that most people consciously "create" certain things(bad or good) happening to them. I think it's rather unconscious. I do believe that beliefs do correlate with how your life turns out(i.e. if you believe life is hard work then your life will be hard work). For instance my boyfriend always has bad things happen to him--and yes I have told him in so many words that I've watched him say on certain days where bad things happen "this day can't get any worse" or "nothing ever goes right" and walla things DO get worse and things continue to go wrong. Now was he aware that his beliefs about things not going right or things getting worse were in fact attributing to certain situations? Was he even aware that these thoughts have become so habitual and so ingrained him(his family also believes that life is hardwork, and that life is about suffering) are contributing to the bad things happening to him? Is he doing it on purpose? Nope.

I do know that many people think my views are extremist. Like I said that is why already in this thread when people have talked about pregnancy and childbirth in the way that they were. I just wasn't agreeing. LOL.

And I didn't say that disease will not exist if we don't want it to, or if we think it away. I only said that my symptoms went away by purely recognizing my thoughts, being aware of my feelings when certain symptoms have appeared, and then addressing those "issues". In terms of disease--I just don't want to go there too much. Not sure what being single has to do with anything. I'm not single lol. And have not been for 7 years. The fact that both of us have been committted in this relationship and since we are still together then i guess you can say that we both have focused on that outcome-being together. I could be married right now(which was another thread of mine because that is what the bf wants) but I chose to wait until next year. But in terms of him always have a PLAN B--I don't see how that is a "good thing" LOL. So far many of his plan b's rarely work out anyway(but that's entirely different matter). Having a back up plan does not mean it will work, nor does it mean that one is more prepared(at least not IMO).

I guess we'll just agree to disagree.

[OptomisticGirl]

I agree backup plans don't always work but I guess I fail to see how someone who doesn't have a back up plan is more prepared than someone who does.

[tiredofvampires]

You can focus on positive outcomes AND have backup plans. They are not mutually exclusive.

 

Believing they are comes close to superstition.

 

Always focusing on favorable outcomes and always getting what you want doesn't factor in with children who are born into this world and abused (just to pick one type of misfortune), which I see a good amount of (and I was one, as I stated in this thread). Unless you're arguing that a child unconsciously willed its parents to break its bones in infancy while they get drunk, setting it up for PTSD, this theory falls apart. Or, maybe that's "karma" or some similar philosophy (which comes in many variations) but I'm not going there. If that didn't happen to you, in my books, that makes you LUCKY.

 

You said that thinking of plan B as things change and planning is needed, is "why you have the bf," so I assumed you meant you were glad to delegate that job to him and counted that as important. So it'd be an asset that he "believes" in backup plans.

 

But ageed to agree to disagree. Btw, even I would be hesitant to assume a username like yours. ("lostnscared")

 

(Not that mine sparkles with divine, cosmic vibes, haha.)