Why do you want children??

[lostnscared]

Well, I had a wonderful mother whom is very much my hero, but my dad, very bad bad parenting from him. I still wanted to be a parent though.

 

My dad wasn't around very much when I was a kid, and when he was around he was controlling and overly strict, so I don't know. I'm sure if he was around more I would have had a better perspective on his role as a parent. My dad was a great breadwinner, but he wasn't really around very much for me to comment on how he was as a parent. Whereas my bf, his mom abused him growing up, and even tried to kill him a couple of times. His dad was the good parent. He has forgiven her, but still I wonder if he gets his "good parenting" or the desire to parent from his dad. I don't know--I wonder if people look at the parent that they liked and view as "wonderful" as the basis for why they want children. Although I could be going off on a tangent because I know there are people that come from families where both parents were bad parents and they still wanted children(my mom for instance).

[OptomisticGirl]

I love my mom to death and I look up to her so much, so I do think that has fueled my desire a bit to be a mom like her. I wonder if I had a bad parent if I would still have the same desire to have kids.

 

I think it differs. By all accounts, L should not want to have kids with the upbringing he had and still endures but he has always wanted kids. Same with me. My mom was great but my upbringing was horribel but it never stopped me from wanting them.

[lostnscared]

Yeah, it is funny, my father's family all of them including the women were about as maternal as a stick, but they all had kids, my grandmother had 4, figure that out. She had all her kids out the house by the time they were 15. She wanted no part of child rearing. I always wondered, then why have FOUR of them dimwit?

 

LOL--I do wonder why people who really dislike kids have them in the first place. I read a story a couple of months ago about a woman who didn't want kids in the first place, but was convinced by her husband to have them. well she had them and realized that she wasn't cut out for it, so she moved accross the country and has a "skype" relationship with her kids now.... What was weird is that rather than stopping at 1, she had 2, and she waited until they got 8 and 10 to decide to bail out.

[Seraphim]

I wished my dad had been around less, looking back now. But at the time I just wanted him to be a real dad not a raging lunatic.

[Seraphim]

LOL--I do wonder why people who really dislike kids have them in the first place. I read a story a couple of months ago about a woman who didn't want kids in the first place, but was convinced by her husband to have them. well she had them and realized that she wasn't cut out for it, so she moved accross the country and has a "skype" relationship with her kids now.... What was weird is that rather than stopping at 1, she had 2, and she waited until they got 8 and 10 to decide to bail out.

 

Yeah, that is just WRONG. I am not so sure my grandmother did not want to have kids, but my grandfather was in the military and never home so she was constantly saddled with 4 kids with no relief and she was horribly frustrated. In the end she was either beating her kids or ignoring them, because she could not handle it.

[90_hour_sleep]

"nobody needs to go anywhere else. we are all, if we only knew it, already there.

 

if i only knew who in fact i am, i should cease to behave as what i think i am; and if i stopped behaving as what i think i am, i should know who i am.

 

what in fact i am, if only the man i think i am would allow me to know it, is the reconcilliation of yes and no lived out in total acceptance and the blessed experience of not-two.

 

in religion, all words are dirty words. anybody who gets eloqunet about buddha, or god, or christ, ought to have his mouth washed out with carbolic soap.

 

because his aspiration to perpetuate only the ''yes'' in every pair of opposites can never, in the nature of things, be realized, the insulated man i think i am condemns himself to endlessly repeated frustration, endlessly repeated conflicts with other aspiring and frustrated men.

 

conflicts and frustrations -- the theme of all history and almost all biography. ''i show you sorrow,'' said the buddha realistically but he also showed the ending of sorrow -- self-knowledge, total acceptance, the blessed experience of not-two."