are woman scared of male virgins? sure seems that way

[jay278]

hey! im 22 male virgin and am just wondering about this..

 

i decided a couple years ago i wanted to wait.. that sex for me is really more about love and that i would wait for the "right" woman, im not religious.

ive stuck to it so far.. every woman thats shown interest in me ive told her im a virgin fairly quickly (sometimes 2 quickly ).

 

it was interesting to me to gauge there reaction.. but after a fairly long amount of time. it becomes clear that most woman react almost the same way depending on how well i know her

 

for example.. all of my lady friends feel uncomfortable talking about this topic with me.. always ending on the same note of " aww jay dont worry youll find her".

girls i dont know however or even girls i do know but didnt know i was a virgin ALWAYS react the same way without fail everytime..

 

1st = disbelief

"what? no way! *blank stare* ur serious? i dont believe you!"

 

 

2nd = mild interest in the why

"soo are u religious? did u choose or it just never happened? is there something wrong down there? etc etc etc"

 

 

3rd = a reason to escape

they will run away to see what there friends think of what u just said

 

 

it happens in that order everytime.. i try to laugh and shrug it off but it kinda gets to me. im a decent looking guy tall big dark brown eyes athletic build nice smile (or so im told) and am buttload of fun to hang around but everytime these woman hear that its like alarm bells go off in there head and i dont even get to see that fine ass cause shes runnin so fast.

 

also bugs me how the same girls im talking about go for these arrogant jerks who treat them like there browsing at a butchery rather then a slightly quieter but much more loving yet inexperiened alternative.

 

my question is simple. why are woman scared of guys like me? or if not scared why do they act so indifferent towards me?

 

it feels to me like im apart of the smallest minority of guys out there.. so small that most woman have no idea how to deal with me

[FathomFear]

Why or how is this coming up in casual conversation? Perhaps they are weirded out not so much by the fact that you're a virgin but that you're just randomly mentioning it. That would be a little weird.

 

Having said that, most people who are virgins in their 20s are usually 1) a virgin due to religious convinctions, or 2) a virgin due to no choice of their own. Hence the line of questioning.

[jonny15]

Many people are shocked when a male that is out of their teens tells them they are a virgin.

 

I think some women think you might be lying to get in their pants.

 

Also, you should never bring it up early in the conversations you have.

[lavenderdove]

Only virgins and parents of teenaged girls are obsessed with virginity. so this is a much bigger thing in your mind than it should be, and also something that is PRIVATE to you and you don't need to make a big disclosure about it! what people are reacting to is your need to disclose something that private... they have to say SOMETHING when you make such a pronouncement, and it is often awkward because they don't know whether this is something you are proud of or ashamed of or that you may be trying to draw them into some political argument on whether it is better to stay a virgin or not, and hence they don't know how to respond.

 

And there no great skill required to have that first time... you don't even need to tell he woman unless you feel like it... there are tons of books and videos on how to make love so you don't need to worry that you'll do it 'wrong' or it will be obvious you've never done it before. The most that might happen is that you come quickly, which even non-virgins have happen now and again. Or you can ask her to get on top, where you basically have to do nothing but lie there and she'll do it for you.

 

So don't bring it up at all.. there is no need to tell anyone about this any more than you need to tell them you've never been mountain climbing or have never broken a bone before or never learned how to drive or whatever... Just find a girl you really like and let nature take its course. It takes one second to lose your virginity then it's over with and you don't need to obsess about it and will never think about it again.

[Cmaj7th]

This is spot on.

I agree with lavender stop broadcasting it! If you're getting close with someone that is one thing but that is too private to talk openly about with people who are not extremely comfortable with you yet. I don't think it's bizarre that you're a virgin, I have a 21 year old friend and a 20 year old friend who are virgins. Their reasoning is simple though: they don't put themselves out there. One used to be really overweight so he still views himself as fat and has no self esteem. The other who is actually quite good looking and pretty athletic has a disfiguring scar on his chest from when he lived in vietnam and doesn't let females get close to him.

 

To answer the age old question why some girls prefer "arrogant jerks" is confidence in my opinion. Women like strong men, or atleast, men who appear to be strong. Alot of the more immature girls like what they can't have, so a man who isn't showering her with attention all the time can have her wondering why he's not and make more of an effort to catch his eye. Obviously this does not apply to everyone though.

 

I say keep your virginity to yourself unless you've go a very intimate relationship/friendship established.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Jay,

You have nothing to be ashamed of.

 

Most of the women I dated in my 20s were either virgins or had limited experience, like me --- 3X at 17-18 with same girl, 2 sep. times at 26-27.

Can't recall the subject ever coming up early in any relationship I had.

 

A 30 y.o. woman I nearly got engaged to and dated 6 mos. at 26, she actually came to tears and got judgemental when she learned I wasn't a virgin like her.

 

My future wife, when she and I started ML at 3 mos. into our relationship, when I was 30 (she was 34), she didn't grill me about my experience nor even inquire. I was the one who asked, briefly (didn't want specifics), and learned at that time as we were undressing, that she wasn't a virgin.

This Christian woman had sex, she later told me, nearly a decade earlier with a former fiance after they got engaged.

 

Notice how the topic wasn't of any importance at that critical time when we were about to give our bodies to each other.

 

If I learned she was a virgin, I wouldn't have laughed, as I would have preferred dating a woman who didn't have a ton of experience.

Truly, I don't think she would have made fun of me had I told her I was a virgin.

Though not a virgin, I lived like one in my 20s (mostly by choice) and didn't have much experience so knew very little about how to please a woman, but notice she didn't care about that. All she cared about was how she loved me and wanted me to express love to her.

hey! im 22 male virgin and am just wondering about this..

 

i decided a couple years ago i wanted to wait.. that sex for me is really more about love and that i would wait for the "right" woman, im not religious.

ive stuck to it so far.. every woman thats shown interest in me ive told her im a virgin fairly quickly (sometimes 2 quickly ).

That's a critical mistake. Let her get to know you better and allow the relationship, if it goes anywhere, to build.

also bugs me how the same girls im talking about go for these arrogant jerks who treat them like there browsing at a butchery rather then a slightly quieter but much more loving yet inexperiened alternative.

Can't say why, but that I think their actions are clearly wrong.

I could see chaste women asking this same question of guys (Why do they go for the hot girls or the sexually-active ones?).

my question is simple. why are woman scared of guys like me? or if not scared why do they act so indifferent towards me?

 

it feels to me like im apart of the smallest minority of guys out there.. so small that most woman have no idea how to deal with me

Methinks you may be seeing the wrong kind of women.

 

Like the others said, stop wearing your virginity on your sleeve !!

That's really none of their business anyway, just like you wouldn't pepper them with questions on their sexual history. Think how uncomfortable they might become if you delved into their private pasts.

[Calvin68]

Having said that, most people who are virgins in their 20s are usually 1) a virgin due to religious convinctions, or 2) a virgin due to no choice of their own. Hence the line of questioning.

 

You missed one. A lot of people remain virgins out of fear and/or insecurity, dealing with the issue through avoidance. They build the issue up so much in their minds that it is easier to say I am remaining a virgin because of ____________________ as opposed to being honest and admitting they are scared of failing.

[jay278]

i lol @ this now. 2 years later im in a devoted relationship with a 3 month old babygirl. truly hilarious.

 

in hindsight, i was just scared. my way of dealing with a nervous situation is to face it head on.. so i would awkwardly let everyone in my vicinity know about it.

 

fyi, my first time was pretty special for both of us

 

thx all for your thoughtful replys and input

[jonny15]

Glad to see you got some.

 

That's one less virgin.

[marona]

Uhm, I prefer virgins. I dig virgins a lot in fact, but I want a guy to be older than me, so I'm not really getting any virgins any more lol. I am not interested in being a pedophile y'know

[jonny15]

Uhm, I prefer virgins. I dig virgins a lot in fact, but I want a guy to be older than me, so I'm not really getting any virgins any more lol. I am not interested in being a pedophile y'know

 

How old are you?

[Cognitive_Canine]

There was a time in my life where a guy being a virgin would have been an interesting little pro. However, due to issues in past relationships and just not wanting to go through the hassle of teaching someone how to be confident sexually again, it would be a major turn off.

[Fudgie]

Haha, that's cool that the OP came back to update us. Good for you man!

 

My boyfriend was a 20 year old virgin. It wasn't an issue. He came pretty confident out of the box so there wasn't a real dynamic involved of me needing to "teach" him. I recall vaguely him, at his first time, saying "How do I put this in?" and I took his hand and helped him. That was the only time.

 

I've been with experienced men (my ex was divorced) too but I wouldn't have an issue dating another virgin, although at my age it seems unlikely.

 

I think the key is confidence. I can handle someone being new at something and wanting a little guidance. I couldn't handle a partner who was crippled with performance anxiety or self esteem to the point that it weighed on me.

[BritterSweet]

As a woman, I am iffy around certain kinds of male virgins...specifically the ones who have issues with it. A virgin who doesn't make a big deal out of it and is secure with himself is a winner.

[AMWHOIAM]

As a woman, I am iffy around certain kinds of male virgins...specifically the ones who have issues with it. A virgin who doesn't make a big deal out of it and is secure with himself is a winner.

 

So, what would you do if you met a guy who only told you that he was inexperienced when he was secretly hiding the fact that he was a virgin? Trust me dear, it is going to be next to impossible to tell a highly inexperienced man apart from a virgin. I'm sorry, but I consider someone's "v" status to be his or her business and his or her business alone. I'm not ever going to reveal that to a woman and if she asks me then I'll lie. Again, its none of her business.

[PaintWithLight]

i lol @ this now. 2 years later im in a devoted relationship with a 3 month old babygirl. truly hilarious.

 

in hindsight, i was just scared. my way of dealing with a nervous situation is to face it head on.. so i would awkwardly let everyone in my vicinity know about it.

 

fyi, my first time was pretty special for both of us

 

thx all for your thoughtful replys and input

 

Thanks for the update and the honesty. You also realize now that those "conversations" you were having with your female friends about your virgin status were 25% hint hint, 25% desperation and 100% awkward. LOL. They fled for a good reason, right? It was not your virginity that scared them, it was your scared awkwardness.

 

Glad you found happiness. Congrats to you!

[jonny15]

As a woman, I am iffy around certain kinds of male virgins...specifically the ones who have issues with it. A virgin who doesn't make a big deal out of it and is secure with himself is a winner.

 

If a man is a virgin and wants to lose it, but hasn't been successfull, he's not gonna be happy with it.

 

And it is a big deal if you feel nobody wants to take it from you.

[EssexMan]

And it is a big deal if you feel nobody wants to take it from you.

 

I don't doubt that, but you can still avoid making it a big deal with the other person. Keep the big deal internal.

[jonny15]

I don't doubt that, but you can still avoid making it a big deal with the other person. Keep the big deal internal.

 

Well...I don't go around telling anyone i'm a virgin.

 

I don't recall telling anyone in person that i'm a virgin in person since I was a teen.

 

And the only way it's no big deal is if the person is saving themselves for the right person or for religious reasons.

 

If it's because we can't get anyone, then we are seen as freaks that are unnattractive.

[BritterSweet]

Right mindset: I'm a virgin, and that's okay. What really matters is that I make good decisions and enjoy life with a good outlook.

 

Wrong mindset: I'm age XX and never got my balls wet. That makes me a freak, and everyone and everything else is to blame! Why aren't you feeling sorry for me?!

 

This has nothing to do with whether or not he tells me anything. It's all about his attitude.

[amethyst exchange]

Right mindset: I'm a virgin, and that's okay. What really matters is that I make good decisions and enjoy life with a good outlook.

 

Wrong mindset: I'm age XX and never got my balls wet. That makes me a freak, and everyone and everything else is to blame! Why aren't you feeling sorry for me?!

 

This has nothing to do with whether or not he tells me anything. It's all about his attitude.

 

Hmm, the virginity itself never had bothered me, so much as how much of a disappointment I was when I did lose it. I avoided it a long time and actively pushed some women away, when they wanted to be with me, because I knew I was going to be worthless at the act. Eventually one woman caught me whilst liquored up and it happened...and it was less than optimal. Ever since I've been trepidatious about it. It doesn't help that I find the normal sexual rituals...tiresome and filled with inherent lies.