Should I tell him: "I regret writing you that I missed you" ?

[PrettyGood]

On the 4th week of NC I broke it and wrote him an email. I wrote him that I forgive him for everything and that it's good that we broke-up. And that sometimes I miss him and think about him, but now I live a better life. Till now I was confident about that letter.

 

But today it's a 5th week of healing. I have found out that he might had another girl after we broke and he gave her my travel tickets to tropic country (it was MY birthday gift from HIM before break-up). So I kinda felt stupid for writing words "i miss you and sometimes i think of you because you were a wonderful person in my life". I want to cancel these words. I am so angry on him that I don't want to get back with him any more. I don't want to have anything more in common with him.

 

I know he will meet me soon accidentally (I work in a public place he visits). I am going to say polite 'hi' but NOTHING MORE. I want to ignore him all the time, because now I hate him so much. If he asks me how am I doing, should I say that I regret writing him those words "I miss you"?

[eagleone]

I have done the same thing when it was fresh. You will be fine. Just stick with NC.

Thats the only way you are going to heal and move on.

How long were you together with him, if you don't mind me asking.

[nutbrownhare]

I know he will meet me soon accidentally (I work in a public place he visits). I am going to say polite 'hi' but NOTHING MORE. I want to ignore him all the time, because now I hate him so much. If he asks me how am I doing, should I say that I regret writing him those words "I miss you"?

 

No. You were right to exorcise him by sending a nice email - I like the definition of forgiveness which says you 'give good for bad - and the matter is done with'. Holding hate in your heart damages nobody but yourself, and don't feel stupid for writing those generous spirited things in your earlier email. You felt confident before - now pull that confidence back, because you're going to need it.

 

By all means let yourself feel that anger - it's part of the grieving process. Then let it go. But please don't diminish yourself by being spiteful and vengeful; I'm glad you're leading a better life without him, but hate has no place in it if you really want to grow as a person. People who are full of hate aren't very pleasant to be around, and you obviously have it within you to be that bigger person!

 

That said, I feel for you in that you're obviously going through a lot of pain at the moment. Be really nice to yourself, and get a lot of support.

 

(((HUGS)))

[ChellyV]

don't say anything when you see him. act like everything is ok. then he will feel it in his heart that..well she has moved on beautifully. stick to NC.

[PrettyGood]

How long were you together with him, if you don't mind me asking.

 

1,5 year, and what does it say?

 

Still I wanted to get him back in the first place, because I gave him so much emotional support and warm feelings. I was a 'family' woman. I took care when he was ill, I washed him, I cooked him, I made him a lot of lovely surprises. I wasn't planning that he may leave me out of the blue. For me it was really perfect relationship. Even if he gave me less. And when he dumped me I just thought that he wanted space or something, but now I understand the other reason - he found a nicer and much younger girl. And I can't forgive it. It's not the reason to betray true love. I don't want to get him back any more and I just regret telling him "I miss you". I can forgive him, but I don't want to have anything more common with him in my life.

[HeartGoesOn]

The loudest and strongest message you can send him is "silence."

[eagleone]

I was just asking because I have been BU since Oct 2010. My fiance of 3 years left me high and dry for another man.

My relationship was also perfect in my eyes.

I do understand , I too was a family man but my ex wanted to party and have fun. I took very good care of her also

when she had surgery , but she did not care.

Just stay strong okay and remember NC. You will be fine.

[universalsigh]

Yeah I wouldn't say anything. You won't come accross very well. You're definitely better off just focusing on yourself and moving on.

[catfeeder]

Why ruin the illusion that you were doing so well, you could afford to be generous?

 

Head high, and keep it there.

[mad rabbits]

I can relate to how your feeling, something very similar happened to me in the past. I broke up with an ex because he started ignoring me and not treating me right. The way I dumped him was not very nice (by text) but I guess I just served back to him the lack of regard he had for me. Nonetheless I felt guilty about the way I had gone about things, and I emailed him an apology.

 

Not long after this I found out he was in a new relationship with a girl who had already been in the picture before we broke up. So I had retrospective clarity about what had actually happened and I really regretted being so nice to him and apologising for anything.

 

I agree with the others though, that you should not say anything further at this stage. Let him leave with the memory of the nice and caring person you were, even if he didn't deserve it.

 

The larger lesson though is that it is because these kind of things happen, that it really is best to go no contact with an ex immediately after the break up.

[Success]

NC for sure. I don't think you should have sent him that email because it seems like it has hurt you more, but what's done is done.

[PrettyGood]

Let him leave with the memory of the nice and caring person you were, even if he didn't deserve it.

 

Yeah, nice said. Well I think you're all right. And thank you for your support and understanding me. Your advices were really helpful for me