oitnb Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 Are you on meds for your insomnia Vic? I haven't been diagnosed with insomnia, but I'm pretty sure I suffer from it. At least 15 days out of the month, since I was a young child, I cannot fall asleep until the early morning - like as in 5-7 am. I've considered going to the doc to get sleeping meds but I don't want to become dependent. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 8, 2014 Author Share Posted July 8, 2014 Are you on meds for your insomnia Vic? I haven't been diagnosed with insomnia, but I'm pretty sure I suffer from it. At least 15 days out of the month, since I was a young child, I cannot fall asleep until the early morning - like as in 5-7 am. I've considered going to the doc to get sleeping meds but I don't want to become dependent. No ,not really. I took Klonopin for a year to get my PTSD under control. Now I only take it as necessary. A few days a month. Unfortunately ,my only recourse for my PTSD is benzo's. Not that I like them because they cause dependence but it's better than any other medication for my brain chemistry. People think that dependence is all bad. But sometimes people need medication and that is just the way it is. People with chemical imbalances absolutely need medication and they are just not functional without it. And then medication is not a bad thing and nor is the dependence. For instance my husband takes Zoloft and he's been taking SSRIs for about 15 years years. He has been taking Zoloft for eight years so ,yes ,he's dependent. But guess what he's also immensely functional extremely happy with his life and confident and happy. And he has a very stable and well-paying career that he can maintain. Off SSRIs he's an absolute utter basket case. I mean passed out on the floor basketcase. Couldn't keep a job to save his life. He was so crippled by anxiety he couldn't even function. After 10 years of therapy and 15 years of SSRIs he's doing extremely awesome. So is it better that he's dependent? You're damn right. So don't think of dependence as all bad. Some people need medication for life and that's just the way it goes and my husband is one of those people. For me sleeping medication is entirely out. If I take any medication that even makes me feel slightly out-of-control I'm set into utter panic. I have to be in control of my body and mind at all times are I am in absolute sheer panic. What it is is that I don't want to sleep. When I was a child at seven and at 13 I was woken from sleep to be raped. When I was 13 I woke to the first time my uncle raped me with his penis shoved down my throat and his hands choking me around my neck. So hence I'm terrified to sleep. And anything that would force me to sleep I would find just as terrifying. I'm terrified that while I am asleep and unable to protect myself that I'm going to be harmed. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 8, 2014 Author Share Posted July 8, 2014 [video=youtube_share;pwDo0JUeKqM] ] Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 8, 2014 Author Share Posted July 8, 2014 Sitting at work waiting for the kidlets to arrive. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 8, 2014 Author Share Posted July 8, 2014 Totally exhausted write off today. Link to comment
oitnb Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 Oh wow well then I totally understand your sleeping problems. Mine, I think, are chemical. Your right about dependence though, it's not technically a bad thing if you need it. Me, I wouldnt mind if a sleeping pill would totally zonk me out, I just want to sleep. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 8, 2014 Author Share Posted July 8, 2014 Yes ,it is a good chance that I will have sleeping problems my whole life. Problems sleeping are very much related to PTSD. Your brain is too hypervigilant to rest. At least now when I sleep I don't have horrifyingly violent nightmares. But they say I will have PTSD for the rest of my life. I was not treated soon enough but that's my own fault. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 8, 2014 Author Share Posted July 8, 2014 My mom called me this afternoon after work and right on cue my foster sister two minutes into the conversation started yelling and screaming. She starts yelling and screaming and causing a problem because she wants my mother's attention 100% focused on her. Wether it is negative attention ,positive attention whatever attention she wants the attention. Whenever I go to visit my mother she's draped all over my mother like a shirt so I can't get near her. I told my mother I will only talk to her after my foster sister goes to bed. And after I said that my mom said "just a minute I have to talk to her hang on." Because she was still yelling and screaming. I just hung up the effing phone. I am so not dealing with this crap Link to comment
Fudgie Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 I'm really sorry Vic. Until your mom starts enforcing proper behaviour and boundaries, it won't stop. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 Well, I think this child's problems have grown into more than what my mother can handle. And she has quit therapy and her worker has said it's her right to not go. But she has grown very verbally abusive and threatening to my mother. And her worker encouraged her to get in touch with her real family through Facebook what she has done. Only her worker and herself cooked this up behind my mother's back. My mother didn't know that for months now she has been talking to her father on Facebook and he tells her all these horrendous lies and that she doesn't have to listen to my mom. And she finally told my mother cause she felt "guilty". I really do think her next stop is the group home though. Even though she has lived with my mom for 11 years of the 16 years of her life. It is now causing my mom severe health problems to deal with all this kid issues and people going behind her back. And of course all the stealing. My mother said she's selling the house and they're moving into a house my brother is going to buy and my mom and step dad will live in an in-law suite. That way my brother will be ensured to get his children 50% of the time and my mom can help him. My foster sister is good friends with my nieces but she causes them to fight with each other as well because she wants to be adored by all of them. And she wants to be everybody's boss. So my mom says she's pretty much done with this. She's not dying for anybody. It has pretty much come down to my mom's self-preservation. She said she's tried for 11 years to help this child but obviously it's going nowhere. Her traumas were just too severe. And now it's causing my mother's health to decline seriously so my mom said well I'm not going to die for her that's just too bad. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 I had an awesome sleep last night and slept like a rock. But I had my R to sleep with. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Is your mom going to give her up? Sent from Tapatalk Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 Is your mom going to give her up? Sent from Tapatalk When she moves I believe so. My mother said she just doesn't have the skills to help her and nobody will help her do that. She said so much money has been cut from CAS budgets that there is nobody to help anybody. And that the child doesn't have to go to therapy if she doesn't want to has not been helpful. This child is going to need boatloads and boatloads and boatloads of therapy but she doesn't want to go. And her worker said if she doesn't want to go she doesn't have to. And she used to have 90% in everything and this semester she failed a few classes. My mother told her she would have to go to summer school to make it up and she stood in my mother's face and screamed directly into my mother's face that she wasn't doing it. This kid is totally unravelling . But my mom is getting old, I mean she is almost 70. And my step dad will be 75. They need to enjoy declining years. My mom has to accept she can't save everyone and she has saved a lot of kids. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 Personally I think the child has a personality disorder and why wouldn't she? She has faced the most horrific abuse you can imagine. However of course I'm not qualify in any way to make that distinction. And they are probably not going to diagnose a child of 16 with a personality disorder. And if she won't go to therapy she's not going to get diagnosed anyway. The whole situation is extremely sad. But I think my mother has finally admitted defeat that she just can't help this kid. And she has to preserve her own life and sanity. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 It would be so nice if consistent love and stability could heal what happened to her, but it's not and it won't. It's just a small part Or if your mother could drag her to therapy, or a residential treatment program, maybe short term. It is sad that she has so little control over the well being of a child that's been living with her for years. It's just not right. I thought your mother was considering adopting her at one point? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 It would be so nice if consistent love and stability could heal what happened to her, but it's not and it won't. It's just a small part Or if your mother could drag her to therapy, or a residential treatment program, maybe short term. It is sad that she has so little control over the well being of a child that's been living with her for years. It's just not right. I thought your mother was considering adopting her at one point? They could never adopt her because then her father would have a right to come back and reclaim her under Canadian law. Even though he signed off his rights to her in a court of law if my mother went to adopt her he would have every right to come back and restate his rights. No ,my mother has no right to take her to any therapist or any program whatsoever that's only the right of CAS. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 It is really sad that my mom is just there to do the front line grunt work look after her wash her clothes, feed her ,listen to her talk, to her love ,her make sure she gets to school look after her but my mom has no rights, no consideration and no help. She is basically her mother but with no rights. And she said CAS has made it very apparent to me I have no legal rights whatsoever they are her legal guardian I'm just there to do the mom grunt work. And they have all the legal rights and recourses. And even my foster sister has more rights than my mother does. They even provide you with a list of rights that the child has. And of course every child has rights but this is quite extensive. They have even told my mother that the child has a right to run around and go have sex all over the place if she wants and my mom can't say squat . However my mother can take her to the doctor and get her birth control. * rolls eyes* It is like they commandeer your house and your life for their purposes. Anyway I think my mom is just getting too old for this and she is starting to realize that as well . She is accepting reality. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 Wooooohoooooo!!! Picked up my son's report card. He did awesome!!!! I tried to call my mom and tell her because I was so excited but as per usual, right on cue. Eh, SCREW IT! I just hung up. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 Just awesome another vaccine added to the mandatory list. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Which one? And why does that bother you? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 Mengoccocal is now on the mandatory list for school. R had a bad reaction to MMR. I dunno it just scares me injecting stuff into the body. I know they say they are " safe" but you see medical mistakes all the time . And lawsuits for this and that and the other drug.. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 What kind of reaction did he have? Vaccines aren't perfect and certainly aren't without side effects - Ranging from mild to more severe, but the risk of serious complications are really, really tiny - Compared to what the damage of the diseases you are vaccinating against can do to you or whoever else if contracted. And people think certain diseases have been totally eradicated, but they're not. We live in a global world, lots of international travel and people bring back these diseases. When people stop vaccinating, the diseases make a reappearance. There have been way too many measle outbreaks more recently with this new epidemic, with parents scared to vaccinate their kids because they rid this, that and the other thing, Autism links, etc. And vaccines aren't perfect, even someone specifically vaccinated for a particular disease could either not fully respond to it and therefore compromising their immunity, or they are just immunocompromised. The diseases we vaccinate against are TERRIFYING. Is your son fully vaccinated? What other ones are mandatory over there? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 He is for everything mandatory. He broke out in hives, got a really high fever and just lay on the floor and screamed and wailed for 3 days. Our dr even waited a few months because he felt R was too small for the combined vaccines. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 link removed That is our mandatory list. Link to comment
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