The rules for calling men over the phone...?

[rocio]

If a man is into you, he won't be deterred by minor details such as "who calls first". However, extremes can drive him off. If you never call, and even ignore his calls/texts/emails (as some posters on ENA will recommend), he may assume you're not interested, or you're too high-maintenance, and end it. On the other hand, if you call/text/e-mail TOO often, this can certainly drive a man off.

 

The fact is that many of us women can becoming clingy and controlling, especially women who don't have a lot of their own friends or who fall too passionately for a guy right off the bat. It's because of this that some women find they have more success when they set up boundaries, or "rules".

 

For this reason, it's often a good idea not to contact him MORE OFTEN than he contacts you.

[Silverdrop]

In a way I think it has more to do with your attitude than the frequency of calls/contact. A woman could call a man every day and still be elusive or mysterious. Meanwhile, a women could call once a month and still come accross as needy or desperate.

 

The whole don't call a man thing because they like the chase still confuses me because women are the only ones who give this sort of advice!! Could it really be true that men want this and just won't admit it...?

 

I remain confused... haha.

 

Yup. You sound like you have pretty right-on feminine intuition. Listen to what it is telling you and trust it. I am not advocating "playing games" or any of that. I am saying that a woman who is in charge of her own life and has other interests and priorities besides the man she likes, that is going to come accross loud and clear. Self-confident women are very attractive to men. I don't care how technologically advanced or psychologically savvy we think we are as a species. Courtship and mating rituals have not changed since the dawn of time. Like I said before, your instincts are telling you to hang back a bit and let your man come to you. It's wise to do so.

[DN]

Courtship and mating rituals have not changed since the dawn of time.

Or course they have. They have considerably changed in the last thirty years.

[petite]

Y Courtship and mating rituals have not changed since the dawn of time. Like I said before, your instincts are telling you to hang back a bit and let your man come to you. It's wise to do so.

 

They absolutely have changed and I think it is pretty unwise of the OP to sit back and "wait for her man" to call her. Seriously, pick up the phone and dial it's really that simple.

[BriarRose]

Apart from being insulting to men this statement demonstrates a fundamental lack of understanding of men in general.

 

Most information about the 'male dating psyche' comes from women. But countless men on this forum alone have refuted this 'evidence'.

 

The problem may be that the women who report lack of success are attributing it to the wrong reason.

 

Yes, men refute it, but then we see who they pursue.

[Yaz]

Yes, men refute it, but then we see who they pursue.

 

I agree. Men just like telling women they've got it all wrong Hehehehe

[Capricorn3]

In Australia - don't call the man. Let him call you, otherwise you will be viewed as a crazy stalker that is obsessed. ALWAYS let him call you, and NEVER call him. If you need something urgently, send a text - a closed ended one, or one that says "Get back to me when you have a free minute". This applies throughout the relationship, not just the 'I don't know what we're doing but we like each other' stage.

 

Aussie guys hate talking to their girlfriends, and hate it even more when the girlfriend insists on it by making contact. But that's just my warped Australian view

That is a rather broad statement to make to make of an entire nation (and yes, a very warped view). I have never, ever experienced this of Australian men.

 

OP: If you like the guy, give him a call. Try not to see it as "gender rules", but rather, simply as another human being whom you like. I doubt he'll shun you just because you called first.

[Yaz]

That is a rather broad statement to make to make of an entire nation (and yes, a very warped view). I have never, ever experienced this of Australian men.

 

 

As I said to the other person who said this, you must be super good looking.

[Batya33]

I called first only if I had a specific reason such as I had looked over his resume for him and had comments or something similar where I had helpful information for him that couldn't wait until he called me. I would call to say hi only after we'd been out 4 or 5 times and already had another date planned. I am a phone person but know many men who are not and therefore found it a better convo when they had chosen to call and therefore were in the mood to chat.

[Capricorn3]

As I said to the other person who said this, you must be super good looking.

What has looks got to do with calling a man first? Where are you meeting these "strange Australian men"? I have yet to come accross a single one.

[Kelebek]

I hate to say it, but I have to agree with the people who say that men are still drawn to the chase, especially in the beginning dating phase of a relationship. I recently started dating again after being out of the game for 3-4 years and I've found that if you are too available too soon the guy starts to back off. This has happened several times now, with guys who were "crazy" about me at the get-go...calling every evening, texting throughout the day, setting up multiple dates a week...and then after seeing each other for consecutive days in a row, phone calls start to diminish and they seem "aloof", but not totally gone. It's very frustrating because I don't prefer to play the game. I've had wonderful relationships in the past that did not go like this...so I tend to shut a guy out after this behavior starts to happen because it doesn't seem worth it to me...but I also don't want to lose something that could potentially be really great.

[Yaz]

What has looks got to do with calling a man first? Where are you meeting these "strange Australian men"? I have yet to come accross a single one.

 

Everything? If you're hot enough, he'll put up with you calling him and texting him unprompted. He's willing to put up with that because he knows he's getting the goods. I'm unattractive, so if I want to stay in the good books, I have to avoid all contact. Even in a situation where I've been dating a guy for a couple of months, we steady on and commit - I never call. I've learned from my experiences of being dumped for 'clinginess'.

 

How one unprompted phone call is clingy, I'll never know. But I do know that Aussie men don't like to be tied down and trapped, especially by the unattractive women they use for their 'dry spells'. At least if their gf is hot, they can show them off to their mates. This is only my experience. But I still reckon you're both super good-looking if you've never been through this before.

[petite]

I couldn't disagree more. The problem isn't in how attractive one is but rather what type of people they might attract or what type of person attracts them - if you have experienced that from Australian men then you need to look in the other direction because as I said before I've never experiences that.

 

You're generalizing on a nation based on your personal experiences and I think most Australian men would be appealed to hear such things because it isn't even true - it's simply your own personal experience. In case you don't know Australians are one of the most easy going and well liked people and to say that men don't want to be tied down is absurd since I have a ton of married Australian friends who have no issues with commitment.

[DN]

There are hundreds of posts by men saying they are tired of this whole 'chase' nonsense and think that women are just using it as an excuse not to have to put themselves on the line.

 

As I said, those women whose experience with it has been disappointing are probably putting their failure to attract that particular man to the wrong reason. Just because a man is pursued it doesn't mean that he will be put off but it also doesn't mean that it will guarantee attraction. Men are used to rejection - it's part of the process. But when some women get rejected they think it is only because they approached and so determine not to do it again. If they accept that not every man they approach will be interested and that they will likely encounter the same rejection rate as men then they will have a more realistic expectation of success.

 

But just saying "it never worked for me" is somewhat arrogant in a way - it presupposes that if they hadn't approached then the man would have been attracted and would have approached them instead.

 

Bottom line is: do what men have to do - keep trying until you are successful.

[Capricorn3]

I totally disagree with all of the above. You can't be that unattractive if you've had boyfriends and been in the dating field as it's obvious some guys have found you attractive enough to date you, right?

 

You sound incredibly bitter about something or other, but that doesn't mean that you should dump on one entire nation of men due to your own bad experience.

 

That said, OP, we have many threads here where men talk about how they wish that women will take the initiative sometimes. If you like the guy and things are going well, then give the guy a call.

[adamt]

if you really like each other then i dont see why it matters who calls who. if they find it a problem you ringing up then they probably not that bothered about you.