The rules for calling men over the phone...?

[Allyo]

If there is one thing about the dating stage of a relationship that still totally confuses me it is how to handle calling/texting men.

 

I think that if a woman calls a man first it doesn’t matter, especially if he is truly interested in her. Yet I can’t help avoiding the constant advice, mostly from women, that I should never call first in the dating stage of a relationship. My problem with this is that it seems so passive. I really don’t see a problem with calling first, as long as I am not calling too much.

 

I am interested in hearing what other people think... For all the women out there, do you have any “rules” for calling men in the dating stages of a relationship? Men, how do you feel about women calling you in the beginning stages of a relationship?

[Yaz]

In Australia - don't call the man. Let him call you, otherwise you will be viewed as a crazy stalker that is obsessed. ALWAYS let him call you, and NEVER call him. If you need something urgently, send a text - a closed ended one, or one that says "Get back to me when you have a free minute". This applies throughout the relationship, not just the 'I don't know what we're doing but we like each other' stage.

 

Aussie guys hate talking to their girlfriends, and hate it even more when the girlfriend insists on it by making contact. But that's just my warped Australian view.

 

Maybe you should just call him or text him when you have something to say or feel like a chat?

[michelle21689]

Ha, you and me both. I never had this prob w/ my ex for some reason! But now that I'm starting to try and casually date...it's alll brand new to me

 

I don't ask men for their #, I let them ask me and I give it. I let him do most of the calling but I'll call too. I will even say, "hey wanna go to the movies this day?" since I already know he's interested lol

[Allyo]

In Australia - don't call the man. Let him call you, otherwise you will be viewed as a crazy stalker that is obsessed. ALWAYS let him call you, and NEVER call him. If you need something urgently, send a text - a closed ended one, or one that says "Get back to me when you have a free minute". This applies throughout the relationship, not just the 'I don't know what we're doing but we like each other' stage.

 

Aussie guys hate talking to their girlfriends, and hate it even more when the girlfriend insists on it by making contact. But that's just my warped Australian view.

 

Maybe you should just call him or text him when you have something to say or feel like a chat?

 

Haha, well your post sort of made me laugh. Sometimes I can't help feeling the same way...

 

But honestly that seems so sad to me! What kind of loving relationship would that be....

[Lonewing]

If you want to hear his voice on the phone, you'll have to call him...some of us don't call out of habit, we're really bad with phones.

[Callacova]

As an attractive guy, I enjoy to be called. Ladies, take note!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think there is too much concern over whether or not a woman should call a man while in the dating stages, and not enough concern about having sex with a man in the dating stages. For some reason there is so much uncertainty about calling and absolutely no uncertainty about sex. The so-called rules are about not calling a man otherwise you will look desperate, forward and like a stalker...but having sex with that guy early on is okay. My opinion...absolutely nothing wrong with calling a guy...it is just a phone call.

[DN]

Call him if you want to - if he thinks you are a crazy stalker if you do then you are well rid of him.

[Allyo]

I think there is too much concern over whether or not a woman should call a man while in the dating stages, and not enough concern about having sex with a man in the dating stages. For some reason there is so much uncertainty about calling and absolutely no uncertainty about sex. The so-called rules are about not calling a man otherwise you will look desperate, forward and like a stalker...but having sex with that guy early on is okay. My opinion...absolutely nothing wrong with calling a guy...it is just a phone call.

 

I think that is a good point. I think us women see having sex freely as part of being liberated and women's rights and blah blah... and then we continue worrying over silly stuff like phone calls!

[GirlinRoma]

Call him if you want to talk to him. But, this logic works both ways...it also means that he should call you if he wants to talk to you. When you're doing all of the calling, there's a problem.

 

I prefer to let the guy call the first few times and set up future dates with me. Afterward, once we have a routine going, I don't mind calling just to say "hi".

[Lonewing]

I think that is a good point. I think us women see having sex freely as part of being liberated and women's rights and blah blah... and then we continue worrying over silly stuff like phone calls!

 

Damn. Ok, where do I sign up to be a part of this women's rights movement???

[Stay_home]

Dating really isn't all that complicated; if you really like someone you should call them.

[petite]

In Australia - don't call the man. Let him call you, otherwise you will be viewed as a crazy stalker that is obsessed. ALWAYS let him call you, and NEVER call him. If you need something urgently, send a text - a closed ended one, or one that says "Get back to me when you have a free minute". This applies throughout the relationship, not just the 'I don't know what we're doing but we like each other' stage.

 

Aussie guys hate talking to their girlfriends, and hate it even more when the girlfriend insists on it by making contact. But that's just my warped Australian view.

 

Maybe you should just call him or text him when you have something to say or feel like a chat?

 

That has never been my experience with Australians - ever.

 

 

As to the OP why even care about such rules? If you want to call him do so!

[Meddlin]

Not sure about "rules" but I don't see anything wrong in calling a guy in the initial stages.

 

Saying that, I never make the first call personally, but after a first date if it was enjoyable then send a text saying just so.

(not a great texter personally, but less imposing in this instance).

 

If it gets to three/four text back and forth in a short time, then my thought is it's ok to just pick up the phone - whoever does it first.

(caveat: I'm a little rusty remembering the realities of first dates )

[Yaz]

That has never been my experience with Australians - ever.

 

 

Well, you must be super good-looking.

[MasterPo]

I like it when a woman calls and leaves a message if I'm not picking up. I also like options for a date; specific movies, restaurant, tailgate dinner, whatever. I truly hate when people apologize for "bothering me" type phone calls, just be yourself and I will not bite.

[Silverdrop]

Men are wired to hunt, pursue, and chase. Do NOT call him, period. The more elusive you seem to him, the more he will want you and pursue you. The minute he knows he "has" you, game over. Sorry to say it, but that's human biology, pure and simple. It's the law of scarcity: limited supply of something guarantees desirability. Think about it: how do YOU feel when someone calls you a lot, and never gives you the chance to call, to miss them? Seriously, don't call. You'll be glad you ....didn't. Allow him to come to you.

 

Sidenote: ONLY call if you need to change a date detail, like meet-up time, or canceling, or whatever.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Men are wired to hunt, pursue, and chase. Do NOT call him, period. The more elusive you seem to him, the more he will want you and pursue you. The minute he knows he "has" you, game over. Sorry to say it, but that's human biology, pure and simple. It's the law of scarcity: limited supply of something guarantees desirability. Think about it: how do YOU feel when someone calls you a lot, and never gives you the chance to call, to miss them? Seriously, don't call. You'll be glad you ....didn't. Allow him to come to you.

 

Sidenote: ONLY call if you need to change a date detail, like meet-up time, or canceling, or whatever.

 

 

Perhaps cavemen want to hunt, pursue and chase...but a normal man of today's times does not treat women like they are hunting game to feed their family. There is also a big difference between making a phone call to chat, and making constant phone calls. Besides, if a man loses interest as soon as the woman shows interest, there is no hope for a good, solid relationship because at some point in time the woman is going to show interest. Better to find out sooner, rather than later that the guy is only in it for the chase and not for anything serious.

[DN]

Men are wired to hunt, pursue, and chase. Do NOT call him, period. The more elusive you seem to him, the more he will want you and pursue you. The minute he knows he "has" you, game over. Sorry to say it, but that's human biology, pure and simple. It's the law of scarcity: limited supply of something guarantees desirability. Think about it: how do YOU feel when someone calls you a lot, and never gives you the chance to call, to miss them? Seriously, don't call. You'll be glad you ....didn't. Allow him to come to you.

 

Sidenote: ONLY call if you need to change a date detail, like meet-up time, or canceling, or whatever.

There are far too many lonely people who have followed this advice.

[BriarRose]

If there is one thing about the dating stage of a relationship that still totally confuses me it is how to handle calling/texting men.

 

I think that if a woman calls a man first it doesn’t matter, especially if he is truly interested in her. Yet I can’t help avoiding the constant advice, mostly from women, that I should never call first in the dating stage of a relationship. My problem with this is that it seems so passive. I really don’t see a problem with calling first, as long as I am not calling too much.

 

I am interested in hearing what other people think... For all the women out there, do you have any “rules” for calling men in the dating stages of a relationship? Men, how do you feel about women calling you in the beginning stages of a relationship?

 

Whenever I start calling/texting/emailing, the man has lost interest and stopped calling.

 

The men will tell you differently, and so will some women. But men like the chase and they are turned off when the woman starts calling. Experience is a teacher, and that's what it's taught me.

[DN]

The fact that it has not worked for some people does not make it a general rule that affects everyone. There are far too many other factors that determine whether someone is attractive to someone else.

[BriarRose]

Look at what men do, not what they say. And they WILL call a woman they are interested in. Unless they have crippling shyness, in which case you may need to ask yourself if you would be compatible with them, as you would be taking most of the initiative in the relationship.

[Silverdrop]

The men will tell you differently, and so will some women. But men like the chase and they are turned off when the woman starts calling. Experience is a teacher, and that's what it's taught me. Whenever I start calling/texting/emailing, the man has lost interest and stopped calling.

 

Yup. I didn't make this up. Experience IS the best teacher -- this is what it taught me, too. Also, any information source on the male dating psyche worth its salt will tell you the same thing. The caveman brain is still very much a part of modern man's system.

[DN]

Yup. I didn't make this up. Experience IS the best teacher -- this is what it taught me, too. Also, any information source on the male dating psyche worth its salt will tell you the same thing. The caveman brain is still very much a part of modern man's system.

Apart from being insulting to men this statement demonstrates a fundamental lack of understanding of men in general.

 

Most information about the 'male dating psyche' comes from women. But countless men on this forum alone have refuted this 'evidence'.

 

The problem may be that the women who report lack of success are attributing it to the wrong reason.

[Allyo]

In a way I think it has more to do with your attitude than the frequency of calls/contact. A woman could call a man every day and still be elusive or mysterious. Meanwhile, a women could call once a month and still come accross as needy or desperate.

 

The whole don't call a man thing because they like the chase still confuses me because women are the only ones who give this sort of advice!! Could it really be true that men want this and just won't admit it...?

 

I remain confused... haha.