laboheme Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 My significant other is absolutely wonderful, but some of the things he says annoy the crap out of me. 1. The compliments. I like compliments!...As long as they are at least somewhat true (that I have great legs, that I'm an awesome cook, etc.). But he insists on things like "You're the most beautiful girl in the world," which is just...GAG. 2. The terms of endearment. I hate being called anything even remotely resembling "sweetie," "darling," and their ilk. He called me "sweetie pie" the other day. Again, GAG. Whatever happened to using names/nicknames? 3. He talks about himself in the third person: "You're lucky your boyfriend enjoys chick flicks" or "Your boyfriend is so (insert adjective)." Third person? And I don't even like the word "boyfriend" -- I prefer something more proper-sounding, like "significant other" or "partner." I know "boyfriend" is in common use. Still, to me, it reeks of high school. Am I nuts for being bothered? I thought that by now he'd notice that I cringe every time he says something like that. Wishful thinking. (Oh, and before anyone starts wondering, I don't have any problems expressing affection. I really enjoy all the other cute corny couple-y stuff. I just dislike the language that accompanies it.) Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Wow, uh, you sound kinda... I don't know... rigid? He sounds like a really nice guy who treat you well and really values you. Are you sure that's not making you uncomfortable? Like it's too much to try to live upto? Link to comment
Moontiger Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Have you TOLD him this is bugging you? Link to comment
laboheme Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 Wow, uh, you sound kinda... I don't know... rigid? He sounds like a really nice guy who treat you well and really values you. Are you sure that's not making you uncomfortable? Like it's too much to try to live upto? You're right, he treats me amazingly well and seems to value me. I don't know if rigid is the right word, since I really enjoy things like cuddling, holding hands in public, etc. No problems there! Maybe I feel that the language devalues the actual feeling? Telling me that I'm pretty is one thing (because I do think I'm pretty); telling me that I'm the most beautiful girl in the world is another. It simply sounds insincere. As for the terms of endearment...it sounds like baby talk to me. "Sweetie pie" is something a grandpa would say to his granddaughter! (Not my military grandpa, though. Thank goodness.) Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 You're right, he treats me amazingly well and seems to value me. I don't know if rigid is the right word, since I really enjoy things like cuddling, holding hands in public, etc. No problems there! Maybe I feel that the language devalues the actual feeling? Telling me that I'm pretty is one thing (because I do think I'm pretty); telling me that I'm the most beautiful girl in the world is another. It simply sounds insincere. As for the terms of endearment...it sounds like baby talk to me. "Sweetie pie" is something a grandpa would say to his granddaughter! (Not my military grandpa, though. Thank goodness.) Think of this more as he's trying to connect with you. He's trying to make you feel good. You can definitely talk to him calmly about it and show him there might be better ways for him to do that for you, but with the most beautiful girl in the world thing... maybe you are to him? Is that so bad? Link to comment
greywolf Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I think you just need to learn how to relax. Do you find that a lot of things annoy you? Also, whoever I'm with is always the most beautiful/handsome person in the world to me. There's nothing wrong with your SO thinking that. And I have no problem with my SO thinking that I'm the most beautiful girl in the world. Link to comment
laboheme Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 Have you TOLD him this is bugging you? I guess that was implied in the question. How DO I tell him? I can't imagine that saying "Hey, it bothers me when you call me sweetie" would go over very well, since he could easily take that the wrong way. And how do I ask him to stop referring to himself as my boyfriend without implying that he's NOT my boyfriend? I always introduce him as my "significant other." Should I specifically ask him to introduce me as his significant other instead of as his girlfriend? Would that help? Link to comment
greywolf Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I guess that was implied in the question. How DO I tell him? I can't imagine that saying "Hey, it bothers me when you call me sweetie" would go over very well, since he could easily take that the wrong way. And how do I ask him to stop referring to himself as my boyfriend without implying that he's NOT my boyfriend? I always introduce him as my "significant other." Should I specifically ask him to introduce me as his significant other instead of as his girlfriend? Would that help? You could just simply tell him that you don't really like the word 'sweetie.' There's nothing wrong with that. I had an ex that tried to call me "honey" once and I quickly informed them that I hated that word. >_> As for introducing you, I think it's best to just let that one go. You've gotta pick your battles and how he introduces you to other people is not a big deal IMO. Link to comment
DN Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Once you tell him that you don't like his compliments be prepared never to be complimented again, at least, not with any sincerity. I don't think a conversation on the lines of "you can say this but not that' will be very helpful to your relationship. I feel for the guy - most women complain that they don't get enough compliments. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 i wish i had a bf who complimented me and called me sweet names. that would be nice. Link to comment
DN Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I don't want a relationship with him, and I don't want to lead him on if he does want more out of this Is this the same guy? If it is perhaps these two threads are very connected. Link to comment
laboheme Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 Think of this more as he's trying to connect with you. He's trying to make you feel good. You can definitely talk to him calmly about it and show him there might be better ways for him to do that for you, but with the most beautiful girl in the world thing... maybe you are to him? Is that so bad? I think you just need to learn how to relax. Do you find that a lot of things annoy you? Also, whoever I'm with is always the most beautiful/handsome person in the world to me. There's nothing wrong with your SO thinking that. And I have no problem with my SO thinking that I'm the most beautiful girl in the world. No, I'm not very easily annoyed. Honestly, I couldn't even tell you if he leaves the toilet seat up or if...okay, I'm trying to think of other common pet peeves in relationships and failing. Yeah, definitely not very easily annoyed. If someone tells me that I'm the most (anything) in the world, that just sounds plain silly, unless one furnishes proof of that statement. I do not feel comfortable when he tells me that I'm "perfect" or that I have a perfect body part/personal attribute. Makes me think that he's out of touch with reality. Link to comment
greywolf Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 No, I'm not very easily annoyed. Honestly, I couldn't even tell you if he leaves the toilet seat up or if...okay, I'm trying to think of other common pet peeves in relationships and failing. Yeah, definitely not very easily annoyed. If someone tells me that I'm the most (anything) in the world, that just sounds plain silly, unless one furnishes proof of that statement. I do not feel comfortable when he tells me that I'm "perfect" or that I have a perfect body part/personal attribute. Makes me think that he's out of touch with reality. How about accepting that he really feels that way about you? Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Is this the same guy? If it is perhaps these two threads are very connected. hmmm... good point! Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I am not surprised to see that comment from the other thread. Sounds like you are forcing yourself to be in love. If the right man said the same things, you would be happy I think. Link to comment
laboheme Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 How about accepting that he really feels that way about you? That's like accepting that he thinks the Earth is flat and rests on the back of a giant turtle named Frank. There may be people who believe that, but I don't have to agree with them when they try to tell me it's true. hmmm... good point! Yes, that is the same guy! Only a couple of days after writing that post, I realized that I actually liked him a lot and simply had a hard time accepting that the reason no other men had come along was because I had stopped looking. We had a talk about our relationship (which was much less casual than I made it sound) and made it official I won't lie: I'm a happy gal right now, and I'm really glad I decided to make him a part of my life, even if my heart decided long before my head. Still doesn't mean I'm okay with the word "boyfriend," though! "Manfriend," "gentleman friend," "significant other," "partner," "my better half,"...pretty much anything without the word "boy" in it will do! Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 could you accept that you are the "most beautiful woman in the world" to him? you might say, 'well, if i were the most beautiful woman on earth, i would be a victoria's secret model, and i'm not.' but accept that to him, he finds you stunning and attractive? though i understand why you find it annoying and over the top at times. Link to comment
whes Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Maybe suggest to him that those terms have a juvenile connotation to you and don't seem to represent the way you feel about him. Maybe suggest other names he can call you? Link to comment
greywolf Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 That's like accepting that he thinks the Earth is flat and rests on the back of a giant turtle named Frank. There may be people who believe that, but I don't have to agree with them when they try to tell me it's true. So you don't respect his opinions? Link to comment
Moontiger Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 So you don't respect his opinions? These are his opinions, he has drawn a conclusion, based on past relationship and interaction with women, that you are X, Y, Z. Even if you do not accept this he will still hold the same opinion. Why not just tell him that someone who really annoyed you used to use those words (sweetie etc) and you have negative connections with them. He may ask why you didn't tell him that in the first place though. Link to comment
DN Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Like I said - there is not good way to tell him that you don't like the way he compliments you or the terms of endearment he uses. No matter what he is going to be hurt and he may decide that there is a basic incompatibilty - and if he does he may be right. I hate the phrase "not into someone" but it does seem to apply here in your attitude toward him. Even if he were to be able to do what you want in this instance I would bet it wouldn't be long before you found something else that he does that annoys you. Link to comment
ACarrington Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 You sound like you have intimacy/security issues. I realize that is a bit harsh, but I think the norm would be to be greatful that your guy cares about you so much. Most women complain that their guys aren't intimate enough! I guess you can't win for losing! Link to comment
confusedgirly Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 It sounds like you are not 100% feeling this relationship yet. I can identify.. I used to be the same way. I wanted to keep my partner at arms length until I was 100% invested in the relationship. When you're in love (and therefore feeling vulnerable, just my experience) you love it when they say you're beautiful and all. Link to comment
The_Seeker Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 It sounds like you are not 100% feeling this relationship yet. I can identify.. I used to be the same way. I wanted to keep my partner at arms length until I was 100% invested in the relationship. When you're in love (and therefore feeling vulnerable, just my experience) you love it when they say you're beautiful and all. I agreed with confusedgirly. I don't know if your guy is doing the complimenting EXCESSIVELY to the point he's trying to get something. My second ex was like that. Thank god I ended the relationship. Not because of complimenting. Link to comment
annalisa84 Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 I think you are fishing for trouble It seems you are not comfortablel with this relationship and you are looking for reasons to get out, not to like him. I would not say anything in your shoes. I would definitely not take it well if my SO would tell me not to call him sweetie or not to compliment him - or only using the words he likes ?! sounds a little bit too high maintance to me. Give yourself some time. If this nagging feeling doesn't go away, reconsider your decision to stay with him. Link to comment
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