"Creepy": The Most Abused Word By Modern American Women

[DN]

I don't think that any woman who is kind would call someone a creep unless he really is some sort of leering, ogling stalker - but let's not pretend there aren't women who do call guys creeps who don't deserve that label at all. I am sensing some sort of 'blame the victim here as if the fact a woman refers to them as creepy must mean they that are.

[LightbulbSun]

Hurting someone who loves you? I think the word "creep" is mostly applied to men who are strangers to the woman.

 

What about if they give an effort to get to know the woman, and once she realizes that he wants more than friendship, she turns a cold shoulder and treats him like crap?

 

Because I had that happen recently, and yes, I was falling in love with the girl. Keyword being was. Now that I know she's a B, I'm going to treat her exactly as she treated me: like filth.

 

Understand that the woman who calls you this probably doesn't know the first thing about you. She has wrongly judged you based on your actions, your appearance, and nothing else. She did not mean it as a slight against your low self-esteem, as she interpreted that low self-esteem as threatening behavior. Some women (and men) are more sensitive than others, and if they get "bad vibes" from a man, they will consider him "creepy". She has no way of knowing where that behavior is originating from, and since she feels threatened, she will not approach you to find out.

 

So while I understand that this is a lose-lose situation for you, it's still up to you to decide whether or not you want to take it personally. You can either A) Decide that she's a b****, that she's ignorant, and that she was trying to hurt your feelings, or B) Decide that she is human, she made a mistake, and that she doesn't know you at all.

 

I've had women call me scary (like in a serial killer way), when I'm a pacifist, human rights and animal rights activist, and decent human being. So who's judging who here?

 

I know I should take it to heart, but it hurts like hell to see your actions misrepresented. I'm sorry some guys think with their penis, however, I don't just want sex. If I genuinely show interest in a girl, she automatically thinks I want to undress her mentally...and it's not always the case.

 

In other words, women need to stop stereotyping. A gentleman is not a creep. A player IS a creep, yet women seem to love those men, and sleep with them. Does that make the women creepy? If so, then 95% of women out there are genuine CREEPS.

[WockaWocka]

Okay.

I guess I'm just fed up. Fed up with walking on egg shells around fearful people. Fed up with wondering if a girl accross the room thinks I'm weird, or even going to hurt her, if I look at her wrong because of my social anxiety. Fed up with constantly feeling like I'm "suspicious" because I'm not the smoothest guy ever.

 

I'm better off by myself.

 

I wouldn't say you're better off alone, but I WOULD say that if you're getting labeled as creepy when you approach women in public (and if the term is used by different women on different occasions, not just some herd mentality) then maybe give it a rest for a while? Clearly meeting women out in public isn't working for you right now. And if you have social anxiety then it's also a lot of effort on your part (I have anxiety too around group interactions like parties, and it zaps my energy tto go to one).

 

Einstein said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. If approaching women in public is yielding the same repeated frustration then time to think about other avenues for meeting single women (eg online dating).

 

If I have misunderstood the situation and you aren't approaching women in public then please forgive me. But I assume you must be taking some kind of initiative with them (even starting out as friendly and working up from there) and whatever you're doing clearly isn't working.

[ToF]

My point is that they ARE judging you, and they ARE stereotyping you. I absolutely believe that. But taking it personally - when you KNOW that they are wrong - will only make you feel worse about yourself when in reality, these women know nothing about you. So obviously they can't be accurately assessing your personality.

[ToF]

I don't think that any woman who is kind would call someone a creep unless he really is some sort of leering, ogling stalker - but let's not pretend there aren't women who do call guys creeps who don't deserve that label at all. I am sensing some sort of 'blame the victim here as if the fact a woman refers to them as creepy must mean they that are.

 

I don't know if you were referencing my post specifically, but that was not my point at all.

[DN]

Perhaps not but there are a number of posts on here that seem to be suggesting that if a man is called creepy then he is giving cause for it. The fact is that people are getting used to using pejorative terms that are inaccurate in reality - 'creepy', 'bunny boiler', 'abusive' are some that spring to mind. Just invalidating what the OP is saying isn't necessarily helpful.

[LightbulbSun]

My point is that they ARE judging you, and they ARE stereotyping you. I absolutely believe that. But taking it personally - when you KNOW that they are wrong - will only make you feel worse about yourself when in reality, these women know nothing about you. So obviously they can't be accurately assessing your personality.

 

Actually, I did reveal a lot about myself to this one girl. And she revealed a lot about herself, to me.

 

I thought we were on the same wavelength, but then she pulled the ' * * * * * y' card just to piss me off enough to leave her alone. I suppose she was getting the vibe that I was attracted to her, and of course, since I'm not a jock, "that's creepy!"

 

(No offense to jocks, but all women seem to go after the same type of guy when they're young. If they don't, then they're a rarity.)

[WockaWocka]

Perhaps not but there are a number of posts on here that seem to be suggesting that if a man is called creepy then he is giving cause for it. The fact is that people are getting used to using pejorative terms that are inaccurate in reality - 'creepy', 'bunny boiler', 'abusive' are some that spring to mind. Just invalidating what the OP is saying isn't necessarily helpful.

 

It may be true that these terms are overused. Personally I wouldn't throw them out casually or if I did I would say it differently ("he gives me the creeps" not necessarily "creepy"). In my social circle I hardly ever hear 'creepy' and I never hear 'bunny boiler.'

 

I didn't mean to invalidate the OP's feelings about the term. I just think pats on the back aren't necessarily helpful to him in the long run either. My point--and maybe I should have been clearer--was that debating whether or not a term is overused seems futile since the kind of people who would instantly label someone as "creepy" aren't likely to be offering advice to strangers on a message board. We all come from such different walks of life and some of us may not hear these terms too often the way OP does.

 

But I have encountered the kind of nice guy women describe as "creepy" in the past (or the kind of woman who men say are "needy") and in every case I have to say there's a grain of truth to the accusation. It doesn't mean at all that I believe the term is justified, just that I can see the traits that would lead them to be labeled this way.

 

With a guy it's usually that (human rights activist or not) he tries way too hard, can't take a hint, believes that his niceness makes him more sanctimonious than other men who hit on women, and more often than not his crush is transferable from one woman to the next.

 

The OP indicated some of the above traits apply to him (not reading social cues, believing he can't possibly be creepy because he's a good person who wants to start as friends).

 

I think the former problem (not reading social cues very well) could suggest he is on the spectrum of Asperger's--I genuinely meant that to be possibly helpful, not disrespectful and I'm sorry if it came off that way.

 

I think the latter issue (believing he can't possibly be creepy because he's a good person who wants to start as friends) is a kind of protective fiction we tell ourselves to justify our actions. He may have wanted to start slow or wanted much more than sex, but--right or wrong--he didn't give that impression. Guys who are 'nice' and substantive but perceived as creepy can earn that moniker by being interested in being 'friends' with the most beautiful and least substantive of the 'nice' women. And in some cases by being interested in women who know each other one-by-one: as soon as one rejects him he moves onto the next.

 

The bottom line is that even if the term 'creepy' is unjustified that clearly the OP is unsuccessful with his current tactics and getting frustrated as a result. I know it's cruel and unfair that some of us have to work much harder than others to find a good relationship. But I think the sooner OP changes tactics or stops approaching women who would throw the term 'creepy' around so casually the better off he'll be in the long-run.

 

Cheers.

[DN]

But I think the sooner OP changes tactics or stops approaching women who would throw the term 'creepy' around so casually the better off he'll be in the long-run.

Is there a methodology in establishing before approaching them those women who are likely to use the term creepy?

[Silo]

I think that you think you're being entirerly straightforward and not politically correct but if I could offer some unbiased reverse criticism to your opinion of this man: In my own opinion you come off as entirely judgemental to everyone.

 

I hope you understand that doing the same thing again and again doesn't work and you might have to change your approach otherwise you'll get the same results.

 

Thanks

[savignon]

I think there are a lot of words that are well overused. I could park my car in a certain spot and be called a **tch...but why let that get you down?? The people who know you and value you don't think you're a creep or creepy. Worrying what practical strangers think of you isn't a good use of your time and can be very damaging to your esteem. If, however, woman after woman that you've gotten to know have called you creepy, they must be picking up on something that's a turn off to them (and it might be the same thing...whether it's the social cue bit you mention or something else). I agree that there's probably "something" to it, but the "something" isn't that you're a "creep". If they told you they're simply not interested, that they didn't find you attractive/interesting/etc. I imagine that would hurt just as much as the label so it kind of stinks both ways.

Keep your head up and keep improving on picking up on social cues/etc and work towards the kind of relationship you want. This isn't a dead end...maybe it's bringing something to your attention that you wouldn't have otherwise worked on. We're all on some sort of self-improvement journey and it sounds like you are as well. You're not alone!

Best wishes.

[-John-]

Looks like I need to bump up this thread. Someone trotted out the C-word in a thread of mine tonight.

 

Hey, ladies: once again, just stop, m'kay?

[Lonewing]

Face it, our current social animal is one of the psychologically weakest human beings we've had on the planet yet. Despite our levels of education, we're still living in ignorance and prejudice when it comes to our fellow human being.

 

If you want to trace to the root of where the populatiry of this word has come from, I can't think much further off than "Scooby Doo" and the most familiar infamous villain of all time, The Creeper. It's unfortunate but what educated us most back in the day, the six hours we spent in school each day, or the 6 hours we spent watchign cartoons every Satudary morning? But now you know, and knowing is half the battle!!

 

I'll leave you all with this clip...

 

 

[-John-]

Thanks for the video, Lonewing. I think I recall seeing that sketch when it first aired. Sadly true.

[BritterSweet]

If I should stop saying creepy to describe the men who make me feel uncomfortable and weirded out, then what word should I use?

[adrian3056]

My experience with the word "creepy". I have an 8 year old niece who was sitting in the living room who just randomly said that I am creepy. I laughed for a minute then thought about it and said "wait a minute!... why would you say that?" She said that is what her mother (my brother's ex wife) said. My 13 and 16 year old daughters, who were brought up to respect their elders, were very upset about what she said. Was I hurt? Not really, but I sure as hell was pissed off at someone for teaching her kid to say that! I was not in a position to say or do anything other than to explain to my niece how that is not something you would say about your uncle. Respect for elders in my family and culture is something we try to teach our kids. I guess now when I hear people use the word creepy, they lose a lot of credibility with me. I just think in my head..."your full of "

[Fudgie]

I think a lot of women misuse the word "creepy", yes.

 

However, I think sometimes, it's a good word to use if you use it correctly. For me, "Creepy" does not mean quiet, reserved, or socially awkward. I can be all 3 of those things from time to time and I am definitely not creepy and no one has described me as such. For me, "creepy" means "an adjective used to describe someone who SEEMS to have ulterior motives in regards to their intentions with me, or someone who SEEMS not genuine to me, like they are lying or hiding something."

[lalalollipops]

Creepy---- when sb hits on you in a very weird, awkward way, one that makes you get goosebumps.

Creepy--- when some random guy stares at you without blinking and doesn't do anything but stare intensely. And you see this guy WAY too often. And they just stare and stare and stare o_o.

Creepy--- when you can sense underlying sick motives to their words and actions.

 

My opinion.

[HalJordan]

I agree that word and its variations are rather overused not only by American women but by Western society in general (consider all translations for creepy in Western languages). However, the problem resides in the small daily vocabulary we have. In Western civilization we only use a few hundred words to describe a larger amount of concepts (i.e. we have a poor vocabulary pool).

[Stay_home]

It's another word for saying "I'm not interested."

[kiwijim]

This expression is used all over the world, even here in N.Z. So what expression is the most common for discribing women in this boat, we used "mole" when I was younger

[Protohype]

New Zealand as well?

 

When do we begin to consider, that "creepy" is not exactly the end all, be all derogatory term worthy of crossing all international borders, social customs, and cultures, simply for lack of a better one to callously cast off advancing suitors?

 

I'm starting to suspect its not so overused afterall, but perhaps time for the vast expanse of "man", as a gender of the species, to take a deep look in the mirror for any sign, hint, or trace of "creepy", and polish up his game.