Ex just text 'I Miss You'. How do I respond?

[No1]

she probably saw the text and thought "thank you??" I open myself up to him and I get a "thank you" like I offered him some pizza? That ego maniac

Its hard to reply to texts like those. Sometimes its not what is said but the fact that it is a text just to see if you are still there. So she texted the Miss you text to see if you were still there and to boost her ego. She was hoping you would reply with a "I miss you too" or "hey, how are you?" And to open up some way to chat. Sometimes those are best to ignore because you dont want to feed her ego, but you dont want to seem like an a-hole and justify the actions of her breaking up with you.

I dont agree with NC, but Limited Contact, meaning you pick your spots where you decide to say something. If you completely ignore your X, she could take it as you are a jerk. But every so often if she asks how are you, you can reply with "I am good, glad you are doing well" that way she knows you are still alive and moving on, but you dont want to chat with her.

After a breakup, its hard to achieve a balance between what should be done, you want to forget about them, but you dont want them to forget about you.

[DN]

She didn't open herself up at all. Opening herself up would be "I miss you and i want to talk about getting back together". Or at least "I want to talk".

 

She's a grown-up and should be dealing with this in a grown up manner.

 

Putting up a wall would have been "Go away" or not responding at all.

[boarderman]

Shes contacted me about 5 times now since she state 'no contact' and after making it clear I would approach her when Im ready to talk.

 

Each opening she has created as been either a trivial or passive approach. For example last time when she messaged me on facebook to see why I didnt accept her friend request.

 

As Cadence said, I feel like each one of them was an opportunity to get back together and I feel Ive missed them. But I know that each time she's made contact, even if her motive is to get back togther, she has not once said, lets talk or lets get back together.

 

She is opening a channel of communication and it will be the back and forth and talking until one of us, probably me suggests we meet and talk bout getting back together.

 

This happened after the first time she dumped me. She text asking how I was, I of course replied, we went back and forth and I set up the meeting and talked about getting back together.

 

I dont want to have to do all the chasing again. I can however imagine how she would receive a message like that. She's probably thought I was being a huge ass and cocky at the same time.

 

Whats really troubling me is, I cant decide, if I was given the chance would I go back to her. And this is whats causing the most conflict in my thought.

 

Thanks again for all the replies.

[DN]

Five times she has done this and you met and talked and you are still apart.

 

Enough with the games. Let's be very clear - if she wants you back it is up to her to say so and not try to make you be the one to ask her. This is a consequence of breaking up. If you pursue her she will walk away again. Because that is what push-pull people do.

[boarderman]

Five times she has done this and you met and talked and you are still apart.

 

Enough with the games. Let's be very clear - if she wants you back it is up to her to say so and not try to make you be the one to ask her. This is a consequence of breaking up. If you pursue her she will walk away again. Because that is what push-pull people do.

 

On no sorry, you misunderstood.

 

She has made contact 5 times with me since the break up but never said she would like to talk or meet. On each contact I kept the communication very short.

 

First she text asking if Id used a voucher she got me cos it was due to expire. I replied not yet but thanks for reminding me, take care.

 

Second, she texts again bout the same thing and was a little annoyed, something like, if u aint used it its out of date by now. I said yeah cool thanks, she replied, your loss not mine.

 

Third she tries to re add me on fb, i decline and send a polite message saying no thanks, she replies and babbles about us 'being on good terms' she is 'trying to be amicable and I am 'obviously not'. I said I needed more time and would approach her when Im ready.

 

Forth I then get a message on my birthday. Having deleted her number I didnt know who it was from and when I asked she said, nobody of any significance. At that point I realised it was her. I said thanks for the birthday wishes, take care.

 

Fifth, I get the dreaded 'i miss you text'.

 

Its all very well her making contact but she has not once said she wants to talk, or asked to meet up or even said she has thought about getting back together.

 

I have some believe that all of these are attempts to open up a channel of communcation again, but without being direct and getting straight to the point. Which was always her chosen method of communication.

 

Do I reach out and give her a chance, or wait until she actually puts out the words herself ' lets get back together'?

 

I understand what you mean, if I chase her, she'll probably pull away.

[DN]

You don't have to wait until she makes that sort of declaration but she needs to do more than be passive with "I miss you" as it doesn't really mean anything useful. It is what is known as a closed statement and she needs to say something open that you can actually respond to in the same way and move things forward.

[boarderman]

You don't have to wait until she makes that sort of declaration but she needs to do more than be passive with "I miss you" as it doesn't really mean anything useful. It is what is known as a closed statement and she needs to say something open that you can actually respond to in the same way and move things forward.

 

Yeah you're right.

 

What if her attempt at being friends and at the same time asking how I was keeping was her atempt? Or perhaps she just thinks making any contact at all is a way to strike up a conversation and maybe she will drop it into conversation at a later point?

 

I figure, if she keeps with these passive contacts but doesnt get the response she is looking for, she will move on and stop contacting all together.

[DN]

But you did respond to her. 'Thank you" is a response and she can continue a conversation if she really wants to because you didn't ignore her.

 

The key words in that are "if she really wants to".

[boarderman]

But you did respond to her. 'Thank you" is a response and she can continue a conversation if she really wants to because you didn't ignore her.

 

The key words in that are "if she really wants to".

 

Thanks for being patient with me. I just really need to drill this into my head!

 

After a few people have responded saying she may have taken the 'thank you' the wrong way, I fear she might have. I also know she would often pick up things like that funny.

 

Is it possible she could have taken it to be an egotistical remark?

[DN]

If she needs more than that answer or takes it the wrong way she isn't in the right frame of mind to think about getting back together.

[bwhite00]

After a few days NC my ex texts me 'why can't I stop thinking of you'

 

now keep in mind we're on a mutual NC period because she needed 'space' after we dated post-BU (like being dumped twice back to back btw).

 

My response ? 'cuz i'm awesome'.

 

Just because she bailed doesn't mean we're not awesome though she probably interpreted It as me being conceited it had more to do with me recognizing my value, even if she doesn't.

 

Maybe not the best response but it's a helluva lot better than 'omg I miss u sooo much too'. Screw that. She DUMPED me.

[Carus]

After a few people have responded saying she may have taken the 'thank you' the wrong way, I fear she might have.

 

Is it possible she could have taken it to be an egotistical remark?

Well boohoo for her!

 

Dude, the tailspin this one little text has thrown you into shows that even if she is thinking about getting back with you, you are not in the right frame of mind anyway and are going to be walking on eggshells overanalyzing every little thing you or her say....and that is not a good base for a long lasting RS....

 

EG: If a new guy comes along now without all this stress and pressure, you're toast!!

 

The same could be said about the fact that if a relationship is make or break on the results of one little text reply, then it aint gonna last Buddy*

 

You're gonna have to man up and relax....coz she obviously hasn't gone anywhere yet....Your join date is only Aug 2010 and this kind of contacting etc can go on for months!

 

She is obviously thinking about you which is good....Coz once they reach indifference (as in NOT thinking about you at all), then your history....

I figure, if she keeps with these passive contacts but doesnt get the response she is looking for, she will move on and stop contacting all together.

If you start telling her you miss her too and pushing for a reconcilliation she's gonna move on anyway...Take it from me and quite a few others I'm sure*

 

I dont know which way to go

Ever Forward

K2*

[boarderman]

Yeah I know, its just irritated me that she hasnt stuck to her word as usual. She said she would let me contact her when I was ready, yet she keeps making contact.

 

I just got home from the city with my buddys, I quickly check facebook and she has 'liked' a picture of her and I from about 2 years ago on my photos.

 

I dont have her added as a friend so I dont even know how its possible for her to do that.

 

Even that small thing has got to me a little. I wont lie, I find it hard to relax.

[Cadence44]

Man, this girl plays games. She is doing everything in her power to get you to be the one to bring up whether there is a chance of getting back together. You shouldn't be flattered, because she probably wants you to bring it up so she has the chance to tell you no. Then she'll happily go about her day content that you're where she left you.

 

The passive aggressive person is getting more frustrated with you because you aren't reacting the way that she wants you to, so don't expect the games to end anytime soon. I think you should just start flat-out ignoring her.

[DN]

I agree she is very passive-aggressive but if you want her back I don't recommend ignoring her. But only react to actual messages.

[WockaWocka]

He says the 'thank you' was probably taken as a sarcastic remark by my ex and her frigile ego. He thinks she would have viewed this is a shut down and probably took it to mean I was over her. He said the type of person she is, she would need something more open to work with.

 

If her ego is so fragile that after dumping she's only capable of playing these games by sending you little breadcrumbs of interest, that she can't be a big enough person to take the "thank you" as an opening to start a real conversation about getting back together, then I don't think she deserves you. People with fragile egos generally don't make good relationship material. And since she was the dumper she should be the one making more of an effort.

 

Either she really wants you back and just can't say it (and you shouldn't have to), or else she wants to goad you into wanting her back so she can feel in control again. It's driving her crazy to think that you don't care and are moving on with your life, and people (like her father after you ran into him at the gym?) are probably telling her what a dumb decision she made. But that burden is on her to make the effort, as DN so wisely said.

[Nana00]

I have some believe that all of these are attempts to open up a channel of communcation again, but without being direct and getting straight to the point. Which was always her chosen method of communication.

 

You know her best, if she has always been indirect, what are the chances of her being aggressive and persistent now? Her constant contact is a way for her to gauge your interest. If you want her back, I don't recommend keeping NC. Eventually she'll stop. You'll need to give her something to work with. Maybe ask her a question like "just curious, what do you miss about me?" or something like that. It shows you're thinking about her text.

[boarderman]

Ive not heard anything more from her yet. I do however think thank you was sufficient for her to strike up a conversation from.

 

Her family loved me, I fit in real well around them. Given her nature and the way she handles situations, I honestly cant imagine her coming forward now and being more direct ' can we talk'.

 

This bugs me a little bit because she did after all, dump me.

 

I also understand that if I dont show her anything back, her contacting probably will stop. However, she was the one that made the bad decision to let me go.

 

Given the chance, Im not sure if I would want her back or not. I cant make up my mind yet because I would have to be around her to see if she acted differently. I know my mum never really liked her and a couple of friends said she wasn't good for me either. Of course, Im not sure thats visable to base off of.

[DN]

I think it is always best to assume the relationship is over and move on in the absence of very strong indications that the ex wants to reconcile.

[boarderman]

I think it is always best to assume the relationship is over and move on in the absence of very strong indications that the ex wants to reconcile.

 

Just to satisfy my mind,

 

If she was/is really very interested in coming back. Even though I have not shown interest, nor disinterest from the thank you response. Especially since she did that facebook trick a couple days later. My question is, would she make herself more obvious? I know its difficult to answer this since you dont know her.

 

Whats confusing is, they say during dating that a woman will send subtle signals. Now Ive never been in the position where a woman wants me back after a break up. I know myself, if I really wanted a girl back, I would go at it hard. Can the same be said for a woman who wants a man back or will it still be subtle?

 

Thanks

[DN]

Can the same be said for a woman who wants a man back or will it still be subtle?

Let me cut to the important bit here - that's her problem not yours.

[boarderman]

Let me cut to the important bit here - that's her problem not yours.

 

Thanks, Im trying to learn.

 

Im still young, I just recently turned 24. I must mention that we're also not really dealing with an adult here, this girl is only 20 years old.

 

I just dont want it to feel like she believes she's given me chance and I have not taken it, you know?

 

What Im also trying to bare in mind is, with a lot of people I know my age, that is how their interactions pan out. It will start with a miss you text and that will be enough to open up a channel of communication. Ive always prided myself on being more mature than that. I think that is all this girl might be used to.

[DN]

Well, try sending a message but be prepared for disappointment.

[boarderman]

Well, try sending a message but be prepared for disappointment.

 

I'll have a think about that and keep the board updated.

 

Thanks again

[Live-N-Learn]

I'm not sure if anyone asked this, but what time did she send the text? Was it a drunken text? If so, I would not have responded at all. Seen too many of these to know they mean nothing.