Ex just text 'I Miss You'. How do I respond?

[DN]

If she is truly interested in pursuing anything she will make a proper effort. "I miss you" is passive aggresive nonsense designed to take control and make an ex (that they dumped, let's not forget) do any work in fixing things while they decide whether to respond to any overtures. By replying with 'Thank you" the OP is not ignoring her - but he isn't falling into that trap either.

[boarderman]

One possibility if she doesn't reply is she doesn't know how to respond? She messages you with 'I miss you', you reply with 'thank you'. What can she say to that? You're wondering why she made contact, it's likely she's trying to gauge your feelings. Maybe she does want to reconcile but doesn't want to completely lay all her feelings on the table and get rejected. Sending that message is just her being cautious. If you are truly ready to move on, tell yourself, whatever! and stop thinking about this. Keep thinking about her reasons will drive you nuts.

 

That is the only problem I had with that response. But, its sent now and still no reply.

 

If Im thinking about it too much, I'll simply send a message asking if she has though about getting back together. I'll just be straight up without actually sharing my feelings. I feel a lot of time could be saved in these situations by getting straight to the point asap!

 

I know that her behaviour does not bother me. I cannot say that I am completely ready to move on. I know her behaviours were bad, but I feel if she didnt act up like that she would make a great partner. She'd have to show that she had matured a lot before Id consider going back. I dont think its been long enough time for her to work on those behaviours yet.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

If she is truly interested in pursuing anything she will make a proper effort. "I miss you" is passive aggresive nonsense designed to take control and make an ex (that they dumped, let's not forget) do any work in fixing things while they decide whether to respond to any overtures. By replying with 'Thank you" the OP is not ignoring her - but he isn't falling into that trap either.

 

I agree. I also have issues with the rationale that a dumper needs to be cautious and play it safe for fear of getting rejected! What's the matter, they can dish out the rejection but can't take rejection and therefore assume it should be up to the person they rejected to make the real solid moves back to reconciliation! How nervy is that mentality!

[DN]

I agree. I also have issues with the rationale that a dumper needs to be cautious and play it safe for fear of getting rejected! What's the matter, they can dish out the rejection but can't take rejection and therefore assume it should be up to the person they rejected to make the real solid moves back to reconciliation! How nervy is that mentality!

Exactly. Well said.

[boarderman]

I agree. I also have issues with the rationale that a dumper needs to be cautious and play it safe for fear of getting rejected! What's the matter, they can dish out the rejection but can't take rejection and therefore assume it should be up to the person they rejected to make the real solid moves back to reconciliation! How nervy is that mentality!

 

Its a little paradoxical too, because she claimed she was doing it for and I quote 'both of us'. I didnt need her to do me any favours, if I wanted out I could have removed myself.

 

Yet when she broken up over the phone she said, I cannot do this with you anymore, Im sick of it, I wont have it. Sounds like a lot of 'I' to me?

[DN]

Wait and see if she responds and what she says if she does.

[HulloThere]

yes i agree with a reply thats tongue in cheek or that doesn't make any sense.

[Nana00]

I agree. I also have issues with the rationale that a dumper needs to be cautious and play it safe for fear of getting rejected! What's the matter, they can dish out the rejection but can't take rejection and therefore assume it should be up to the person they rejected to make the real solid moves back to reconciliation! How nervy is that mentality!

 

Even if a girl leaves her boyfriend, it doesn't mean she's not afraid to be rejected by him. Maybe she knows what she did was wrong or right at the time, but is having second thoughts now. Whatever the reason may be, if she left but wants to come back, she can't just waltz in or become a stalker and ask for forgiveness. She doesn't know how he feels. He could have moved on. By saying "I miss you" is a really safe way to test the water.

 

If you broke up with someone, but wants to try again, what would you do?

[No1]

Its been 3 months since our breakup. She has tried to contact me several times which I already mentioned in another post a couple weeks back. Last time she claimed to want to be friends, but others thought it was possibly a way to make contact to reconcile.

 

During this time apart, Ive been really working on myself and trying to get my own affairs in order, I figured if we were to ever enter back into a relationship, a lot of things would have to be different.

 

There is a possibilty that Id give it another shot, however it would have to be done in the right manner.

 

First off, does anybody have any ideas of how I would respond to that text?

 

Im not reading too much into it because 'I miss you' doesnt mean 'I want you back'

 

Thanks

 

 

You dont respond, you delete the text. Why you ask? The text was just a selfish thing to see if you are still there, to see if the heart strings are still attached. If you want something back with her, she is going to have to work for it, if you respond even with something funny and witty, you are still there and available to her, meaning she will take it as the heart strings are still attached. What you say will mean a lot less, but its the thing that you replied is what would be most important to her, not what was said.

So, you dont reply, she wont forget about you if you dont reply, every so often text back with something simple and leave nothing to reply to, anything you get will only cause you emotional stress. Look what her "I miss you" text is doing to you now.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Even if a girl leaves her boyfriend, it doesn't mean she's not afraid to be rejected by him. Maybe she knows what she did was wrong or right at the time, but is having second thoughts now. Whatever the reason may be, if she left but wants to come back, she can't just waltz in or become a stalker and ask for forgiveness. She doesn't know how he feels. He could have moved on. By saying "I miss you" is a really safe way to test the water.

 

If you broke up with someone, but wants to try again, what would you do?

 

I would apologize and directly ask about reconciling. I wouldn't take the cowardly way out by making vague comments and hoping the other person takes the hint. If you broke up with someone it is your responsibilty to put yourself out on a limb to see how the other person feels. "I miss you" is simply a statement...not an intention of action. A dumper needs to show clearly what their intentions are, not use vague comments for fear of not knowing where the other person stands. Plenty of dumpers say "I miss you" and the minute the dumpee says "I miss you too" the dumper disappears again because their intention was an ego boost, not reconciliation.

[Starrgrl]

Don't respond

don't fall for her crap

She's selfish and just wants an ego boost

keep you on a string

some people love that attention

you're NOT giving it to her

 

Delete n keep strong.

[boarderman]

Don't respond

don't fall for her crap

She's selfish and just wants an ego boost

keep you on a string

some people love that attention

you're NOT giving it to her

 

Delete n keep strong.

 

Unfortunately I did respond with a simple 'thank you' as suggested previously.

 

She has not replied to this.

 

I can see it from both angles, she is either looking to see if Im still on a string OR, she is possibly looking for an opportunity to reconcile.

 

On one hand I feel by either ignoring, or texting back a very basic thanks would make her think Im not interested in talking and she will take this and move on. However on the other hand I feel like sending an 'I miss you' is not enough to get back into my good graces. She will have to be a lot more direct than that. If she does not try to contact me again with anything more direct, I can only assume that she does not want a relationship with me.

 

I can actually imagine her reading my response, I know how her mind works in some instances. She would have read the 'thank you' and thought, 'oh well i tried'.

 

When she broke up with me and I acted like a sad puppy dog for about 3 days while asking for her back, she said something to the effect of 'its gona take more than that to make me come back' Then a week later when Id stopped asking she was mad at me and said 'ur obviously not interested in getting me back'

 

Why on earth should I be chasing when she dumped me. Feels like a game and I want no part in games.

[brandnewday47]

I would apologize and directly ask about reconciling. I wouldn't take the cowardly way out by making vague comments and hoping the other person takes the hint. If you broke up with someone it is your responsibilty to put yourself out on a limb to see how the other person feels.

 

Agreed.

 

The ironic thing is that we dumpees put ourselves out on a limb and pretty much swallow our pride in these situations, when in reality it shouldn't be this way.

 

I will say though, that if I am ever in the dumper situation (doubtful) and I want a woman back.. there would be nothing holding me back. I've already "laid my cards on the table" as a dumpee and survived another day, so the fear of rejection shouldn't be a deterrent if someone truly believes they made a mistake.

[WomanWriter]

Don't play games, man! Just say what you feel. Don't analyze things. Maybe that's why things turn out so badly for us all (take it from me since i analyze EVERYthing). If you miss her too, just say it. If not, don't.

[Carus]

"I miss you" is simply a statement...not an intention of action.

Plenty of dumpers say "I miss you" and the minute the dumpee says "I miss you too" the dumper disappears again because their intention was an ego boost, not reconciliation.

Quoted for truth*

 

 

[boarderman]

I agree with just being honest, but if this is like people say and she has only text in hope I will text back saying I miss her too, theres no reason to think I would get a response. If that was the case, she would be simply baiting me.

 

Ive still had no response, I actually wish I hadnt text back now. Whats worse is texting back then not getting a response. Shes now on my mind and hasnt been so much the past week or so.

 

If she wants to be back in my life then fine, try to contact me and make it right, go all out. But if she's only doing it to make me think of her, or bait me, then I wish she'd never bothered contacting me at all.

 

It feels a little more clear, if I want to reconcile, Im going to be the one to have to do all the work. To initiate it.

 

What do I do now though? Ive thought about her all day yesterday and all morning? I feel like I want to text back and ask what her game is. Or even just to find out if she's genuine???????

[DN]

Don't forger that by not responding she is sending a message loud and clear.

[boarderman]

Don't forger that by not responding she is sending a message loud and clear.

 

What would that message be?

 

'thank you' was a brick wall, as others said quite hard to respond to.

 

I can only speculate how she would have took that message. She could thought I was being an ass, although it wasnt rude. She could interpret it as me not being interested anymore. Or of course she could have been expecting me to text back and say I miss her too.

 

Let me ask this to the forum. If you text me saying 'I miss you' and I replied saying 'thank you' and you really wanted me back. What would you do, would you take my response as Im not interested, or would you persue me?

 

thanks

[DN]

No, it wasn't a brick wall at all.

 

As I said from the beginning - if she is truly interested in reconciling she will message again.

 

If she needs more encouragement she just isn't motivated enough and, as the dumper, unless she is properly motivated to make a sustained effort, it simply won't work. She has to show much more determination and if she is put off by 'thank you' she isn't emotionally invested enough to make a reconciliation work. You didn't ignore her which may have signaled no interest but gave sufficient response for her to follow up if she really wants to.

 

If she doesn't follow up she either has insufficient interest or no interest and either one of those is not in your best interests. And by not sending another message she will tell you all you need to know.

 

If you pursue her now it will be a big mistake.

[iBroken]

If I wanted my ex back and sent an "I miss you" text and she replied with a "Thank you", I would send another text back to ask how things have been etc.

 

A simple thank you wouldnt be enough to deter me from getting back together. A response along the lines of "Eat sh*t and die" might LOL

[WTH]

reply this "that sucks, I'm sorry to hear that"

[boarderman]

Thanks guys, I understand.

 

You're right, I was not rude in reply. She could have easily text back asking how I was, or how things were going. I guess this is a good way to gauge her interest. If I really wanted somebody back, I would be texting and calling all the time. Much as I feel like I want to text back and ask why she contacted me, I wont.

 

When she last contacted me and I made it clear that I could not be friends until I had fully healed, she said she would leave me alone until I was ready.

 

I just read a post on link removed about passive aggressive behaviour and she displayed almost all of those traits.

 

Something that bothers me about her popping up like this other than halting my progress is, Ive had interest from some other women, a strong interest from one in particular but of course Im not ready for anything right now. I do however feel as though I should not be talking to these women, as if I am almost cheating somehow.

 

I guess its because I still have that false hope that we could get back together, even though it probably wouldnt be for the best.

 

Is this kind of thinking evident in others?

 

Thanks

[boarderman]

I had a good conversation with a friend of mine last night. He's a couple of years older than me with a family and usually shares good knowledge. Obviously having met my ex many many times he thinks responding in the way I did probably wasnt in my best interest if I had any feelings to reconcile.

 

He says the 'thank you' was probably taken as a sarcastic remark by my ex and her frigile ego. He thinks she would have viewed this is a shut down and probably took it to mean I was over her. He said the type of person she is, she would need something more open to work with.

 

I said she obviously hasnt replied because shes not that interested. However he thinks she wouldnt have replied because that would have been a blow to her ego and she would not know how to respond.

 

Ive been thinking about her for the past 2 days now and its dragging me down.

 

I wish Id either ignored the text, or replied with something that allows me to find out what her angle is.

 

I know you guys have already given me a bunch of help, but can anybody suggest where to go from here?

 

I know Im not going to be satisfied with the notion of her none response meaning she's not that interested. What my friend said makes a lot of sense because she was exactly as he described. You could barely say anything to her without her taking a massive blow to the ego.

 

Im gona try get out the house after breakfast to take my mind off this.

[Cadence44]

I think that your reply was fine. Yes, you could have catered to her ego in your reply so that she'd feel more comfortable talking to you, but I don't think that would be a wise choice for you. You need to keep putting yourself and your feelings first.

 

I think that what you're feeling now is a resurgence of all those feelings from the breakup and that you lost a chance to get back together. I don't think you lost a chance at all because if that reply dissuaded her, then she's not in a place where a reconciliation would be strong.

 

Passive aggressives are particularly difficult to deal with. You deserve someone who is willing to be straight with you and you should not have to give anything of yourself to her in the hope that she'll come back. By breaking up with you, she lost your sense of trust in her and she should understand that.

 

I know it's hard but you did the right thing. She will persist if she wants you back and if her intentions are clear to her. What happened with this exchange is that you probably prevented a wishy-washy and painful back and forth with her or your saying you miss her too to only be met with silence. I guarantee that you wouldn't be feeling good after either of those.

[luckyman]

The thank you response is perfect. Either way you look at it no matter what you wrote back to her a non response from her would of had you feeling the same way or even worse. So just be glad all you wrote was thank you and not something you would have really beaten yourself over. If she really does miss you now, this response is just as good as staying nc, she will text you back, try to pretend it never happened keep it out of mind and when you least expect it just as you probably didnt expect this one she will shoot another text your way.