My fiancee is lobotomizing herself.

[Fimbulvinter]

Hey guys, I apologize for simply joining the forum and adding yet another random issue, but at the moment, I have encountered a problem I have never quite dealt with before, and as of late, it has began to deteriorate my desire to remain in the relationship I'm in. I'll be sticking around to contribute by the way, I enjoy this place for the short time I have been lurking, I just need to get this off my shoulders first.

 

Before I delve in, I want to first do my best to make it clear that I have a very open mind about religions, philosophies, ideals, and belief systems, so much so that I do not require my best friend and the love of my life, to share the same beliefs as I do to feel compatible in a relationship.

 

As open-minded as I'd like to think I am, I have come to realize that even I have limitations to the things I am willing to accept, and recently, my fiancee has been getting into some esoteric areas that seem to be completely consuming her at the moment. When I met her, she was into Law of Attraction, and still is. It sounded cool, I learned the basic idea, although my core beliefs are based solely on my own experiences. I was born Catholic, but that didn't last long. So now I just say, "anything's possible" and I leave it at that; Ends most arguments and keeps your mind open to discuss any of it without having to debate.

 

My fiancee and I have a wonderful relationship 99% of the time, that 1% though, is sometimes volatile, because we are both very stubborn, and very sensitive. We are very open, loving, communicate well, and until recently had an amazing sex life. She has always enjoyed a new-agish vision of existence, and it has always been ok with me, until of course, she discovered "The Galactic Federation of Light".

 

I know some of you may not have the time to google it, but in short, it is the gateway to a variety of unusual perceptions in regard to UFO's that goes as far as to name upwards of 50 plus alien races, all here to help us and our planet. It borders the line between new age, and at times, cult, in my opinion. Mind you, I'm actually not attacking it, that would be ignorant, because again, anything is possible. I do however have a hard time with any individual who simply believes everything they read, with no regard for the validity of their sources. As of now, my fiancee uses a subliminal generator for the entire duration of the time she is on the PC. For those of you that don't know what it is, it is basically a word generator that flashes whatever you type in so that you are always seeing a constant stream of umm, well, whatever she is typing in there. I am all for affirmations, positive reinforcement, but I have to say, it is a little troubling for me.

 

Now even at this point, I am trying not to judge, I could easily live by her side in full support so long as she is happy and healthy, I love her enough to die for her without question, but day after day, vibrations, enlightenment, and her war against logic and reason is all she talks about. Just yesterday she explained what "spinning' is. Where you turn your body around for 3 sets of 33 times while staring at your thumbs. Supposedly, this gets your "outer chakras", you know the ones.....;the chakras that the Pleadians told us humans about; to spin thereby increasing your vibrations. I want to reiterate, even though I am poking fun, I am more than willing to entertain any possibility, which includes supposing, discussing, even enjoying the wonder, but I will not simply accept it and go further, I'm sorry.

 

Now you may be wondering, if I am open-minded and ok with such vast concepts, why am I here?

 

I'm here because my girlfriend spends as much time as she can behind the computer, chatting, emailing and face booking away to other individuals who are into the same thing (no I promise I'm not jealous, I trust her). She sits in front of countless articles using pseudo-scientific references, ingesting a steady stream of her subliminal generator, reading countless articles about ascended masters. Her sex drive is temporarily void, has been for about a week and a half. She has kissed me goodnight each night in bed just after about a 25 min discussion about Pleadians, portals in the gulf of Aden, and 2012. While I nod my head in the dark repeating, yup, mmhmm, oh really..wow.

 

Now in her defense, I am not here because the sex has been cut off even though it sucks. I am afraid for her because she seems obsessed, and has become fairly unaffectionate. She recently explained that part of the youtube 16 part video of a cgi animated pleadian women said that sleeping with someone or sharing affection with someone means you exchange energies, and if their energy is an inch lower than puritanically positive, you risk polluting your own vibrations in the exchange.........So if I'm stressed, or moody, or upset about something, that sleeping with me is a bad idea, as if I'd even want to right now.

 

She does not seem happy to me, she seems brainwashed and creepy at times. Vacant, unaffectionate, robotic. She is still kind enough to cook for us all, is expressive only when talking about light and vibrations, etc..but its been like living with a stranger. There is always brain entrainment music on, hemi-sync music, sometimes just sound waves of the weirdest sh&$. I would be fine with all of that if she just hadn't changed so much.

 

Instead of a feeling of open-mindedness and at worst, a bit of inner secret amusement, I don't feel that at all right now. I see nothing but a person repeating things into her breain. Meditating about those things when she isn't repeating them. The things themselves suggest that she needs to repeat them because "the brain forgets". It sounds like self brain washing to me, and I don't know what to do.

 

Sorry for the length of this post, and I know in a way this comes down to choosing whether or not you are ok with someone's lifestyle, but I am more concerned for her health than any of that at the moment. She is my best friend.

 

I'm done ranting. Any advice is appreciated.

[anggrace]

Oh wow. This has got to be a really hard thing to watch. Whether or not you believe, I can see why it's a serious concern. A belief is one thing, but letting it completely consume you and take over your life and relationship is another. When are you planning on getting married?

[karvala]

Are you *really* okay with these concepts in general, or is that you just feel that you have to be open-minded because society tells you that's how someone should be? I think there is a world of difference between being open-minded and uncritically accepting anything, however implausible. Open-mindedness is not rejecting any concept before giving it fair and impartial evaluation. Uncritical acceptance is not rejecting any concept, period. Personally, I have a lot of respect for open-minded individuals, and very little respect for the uncritically accepting, but maybe that's just me.

 

Given that, I think I would struggle to be in a relationship with someone who actually believed all that stuff and made it central to her life in the way that your gf has. I googled "The Galactic Federation of Light" and I have to admit I nearly fell of my chair laughing. It stretches tolerance and acceptance of difference beyond breaking point IMO. If this is really who she is, and who she wants to be, then unfortuantely a parting of the ways might be coming your way. If you don't want to take that step yet, and I can entirely understand that, then I think you're going to have to have it out with her. Have a no-holds-barred emotional discussion with her, find out why she likes this stuff, and just how much she really believes it. Connect to her in the real world, talk about her family and friends, tell her that you're worried about her. Discuss it relentlessly until she is unable to defend it and gets distressed about it, to find out what it's really about and how deeply she's into it. And then decide whether you can accept it, if it's likely to change, or whether you need to give up. I'm sorry you're having to encounter this; it really does sound like losing someone to a cult.

[Miss Firecracker]

You have my sympathy. And you are much more open than I could ever be.

[mca1975]

Well well, now I've heard it all. I have never heard of something so ....... amusing but totally freaky. Sorry, I know this is your girlfriend and I mean no disrespect, but yeh she does sound obsessed and it's changing her.

 

Who got her into all of this?

 

She is taking it far too seriously. I mean I would be interested to read about things like that, if not the for the amusement factor, but to live my life by it..... does her family know about this. As far as I knew, spinning round 3 x 33 times would just make you .... dizzy and feel sick!

 

I do feel for you, it's quite worrying. I can see that you love her.

[Siriana]

Something is wrong with her. My guess would be that she's not really happy with her life or perhaps she's scared of making real life decisions so this is a perfect way of escape for her.. .

Have you told her openly how you feel about all this? Maybe you should. Probably she'll get defensive but it would be wise to see how deep rooted her convictions are and whether it's reasonable to stay or is it time to leave. This is clearly a big issue since it affects the quality of a relationship and you should make her aware of it.

Then you'll see.

 

I tried reading about The Galactic Federation of Light and I couldn't get past the first sentence. It's just too much for me. Never heard of it before you mentioned it.

[pumpkinmoon]

I'm really sorry this is happening. I think she needs professional help. I can see that she really believes all of this stuff and I think you are losing her to it little be little.

[Catdancer]

Is she close with her family? Are they aware that she is changing so much? Can you plan an "intervention" where all of you confront her and explain that her fascination is boarding on obsession?

[Hermes]

"The Galactic Federation of Light".

 

IMO she is into "escapism", at best. At worst, she could be going insane.

 

H

[teabee]

She's behaving like my mentally ill mother when mom's psychotic... I imagine this is really stressful and disquieting for you, to say the least You've temporarily lost your fiancee and your best friend (in a boggling way). I'm glad you found your way to ENA--welcome.

 

I'm not going to focus on the Galactic Federation thing itself because I don't know much about it, and I don't really care what people choose to believe in, but it's made her behaviour unhealthy. It would not be ok if she were obsessed with anything to this extent, but this definitely sounds more dangerous as it's a far-fetched, cult-like philosophy that's taken over her way of life. It's great that you've been so open-minded, but I think you know it's the time to stop accepting it and instead intervene.

 

Do you think she could listen to logic at this point? If I were you I would start with trying to make her see reason. You have not actively challenged her before (sounds like?) so who knows how far this will get you. Point out how she's changed, point out how she's not living a full life the way some other New Age philosophies would preach. Whatever you think she will respond to, try it.

 

If she is really resistant, I say tell her family and friend and get some support on this. Plan an intervention perhaps.

 

And since you accept law of attraction: stay positive and hold her in the place you'd like to see her. Don't waste too much time with thoughts about how nuts she's being, think about where you'd prefer that she be and focus on that. Also, stay detached (easy for me to say can come while you're feeling the lack of it, so give control up to the universe, trust that it will be taken care of, and keep living. This is the time for self-care so that you can remain in a good space yourself. Nothing is more important than that because if you stay connected to source (I hope you know what I'm talking about), then things have to go your way. Always reach for a thought that feels better--if you feel relief when you think it, then it's a thought that is serving you well.

 

Lots of luck

[Hermes]

Plan an intervention perhaps.

 

Indeed.

 

I think they call it de-programming.

 

Is this the same cult where some years ago all those people committed suicide on the assurance that a spaceship was coming to pick them up and take them to galactic paradise?

 

H

[russ978]

I guess it really comes down to this :

 

Are you willing to put up with this for the rest of your life?

 

Are you willing to admit that if you ended things with her, you would eventually heal and move on?

 

If I was engaged to someone that...nuts...I wouldn't stick around...

 

Has she always been this...unique?

[BellaDonna]

Are you willing to put up with this for the rest of your life?

 

 

I would also add this question: Do you plan to have children one day?

 

If so think of the implications her beliefs and behavior could have for their lives.

 

I think she could be suffering from mental illness & maybe even addiction , and should be evaluated immediately. Don't marry her if she continues down this path.

[norsewoman]

Holy crap. It's like she's in a cult! I suggest having a little chit-chat with her family about her obsession with this cult. Perhaps if a group of people she cares about (hopefully, this is you and her family and not the peeps from her group) confronts her and points out her increasingly odd and anti-social behavior, she'll listen to reason and get some counseling.

 

If not, you may have to consider ending this relationship. That is, if she doesn't end it first. It sounds like she doesn't want to co-mingle energies with you. This is craziness, truly.

[Honey Pumpkin]

It actually sounds a little like paraonoid schizophrenia - this is not normal, and I think she might need medical intervention. These sound like delusions, to be honest.

 

"People experiencing psychosis may report hallucinations or delusional beliefs, and may exhibit personality changes and thought disorder. Depending on its severity, this may be accompanied by unusual or bizarre behavior, as well as difficulty with social interaction and impairment in carrying out the daily life activities."

 

I think I would definitely speak to someone about this, rather than seeing it as 'her' - it seems to me like a manifestation of some kind of mental issue, to be totally honest with you.

[Hermes]

she seems brainwashed and creepy at times. Vacant, unaffectionate, robotic.

 

It does not sound good.

 

I think HoneyPumpkin may have a point.

 

It is one thing to enjoy sci-fi, and another entirely to become fixated on cultish stuff.

 

H

[teabee]

It actually sounds a little like paraonoid schizophrenia - this is not normal, and I think she might need medical intervention. These sound like delusions, to be honest.

 

"People experiencing psychosis may report hallucinations or delusional beliefs, and may exhibit personality changes and thought disorder. Depending on its severity, this may be accompanied by unusual or bizarre behavior, as well as difficulty with social interaction and impairment in carrying out the daily life activities."

 

I think I would definitely speak to someone about this, rather than seeing it as 'her' - it seems to me like a manifestation of some kind of mental issue, to be totally honest with you.

 

Actually yes, the more I think about it, the more I too think she has some form of psychotic disorder. But then again, I have never met a person brainwashed by a cult, so I am not sure how similar it looks to mental illness.

[Pinnsvini]

This thing sounds absolutely insane. I would consider myself open minded but after reading an article written by one of them it's... scary. This is more than just a belief, this sounds more like some kind of cult and her total change in behaviour reflects that. People convert to viewpoints and gain interests all the time but it shouldn't become an obsession that zombifies them. However I don't know if you can encourage her to seek some kind of help. You may need to appeal to her family and get their support.

 

(Here's the article btw for anyone who's interested: link removed)