Why Get Married?

[SpottiOtti]

I have seen some threads lately that have got me thinking.

 

Women who are upset that they have been with their boyfriends for a long time and still have not been proposed to. They live together, they own houses together, some have kids together - they share a life together. But not married.

 

On the one hand, I get it. I think if I was in that situation, I would be expecting marriage too, and I understand that it represents a deeper level of commitment. On the other hand, I see the point of some posters who say, "You've already got everything a married couple has - why worry about whether you've got a document and a ring?" I know people who have happily been together for years without marriage, and people who have gotten married and cheated on each other within a year.

 

I guess I'm asking what everyone else thinks about this. I think I can see both sides because I used to think that marriage was redundant - you're either with someone in your heart or you're not. But now that I'm getting older, I hope that I will find that man who says, "I can't live without you - will you marry me?" Have I finally been conditioned to think that it ain't real love unless he puts a ring on it? Or am I just becoming mature enough to understand what marriage really means?

 

Thoughts?

[Gath]

What does marriage mean? It means what you want it to mean. To one couple it might mean everything, love respect and God's approval. To another its just an old tradition passed down by our ancestors from a time when we traded sheep for girls to produce sons.

 

Nothing lasts unless we make it to last. Marriage is no guarantee someone won't leave you. It merely adds a level of paperwork and calls in lawyers.

 

Marriage doesn't mean anything to me. It won't stop me from a divorce if the relationship becomes a curse and I can't stand to be with her anymore. It doesn't matter to me that we have a honeymoon, that we stand in front of other people and make vows. Vows mean nothing. Words mean nothing.

 

What matters is what you do. If you love someone, you'll show them, and you'll work to make them happy and your lives together joyful. Everything else is just society's window dressing to sell you junk you don't need.

[LawlessOne]

Marriage doesn't mean the samething to everyone. Some choose to get married for the wrong reasons. It's a life long commitment which legally binds two people together as an official couple. Still, for some that's not enough to stop people from infidelity or divorce. Even if you marry for all the right reasons it can still go down in smoke. However, I think you would stand a better chance of a successful marriage with a healthy state of mind and a partner of similiar sound value.

[stay_positive]

What's weird is I had this same argument in my head a lil over a month ago. I have a bunch of friends who all got married and complain about their marriage. At the time, I had been dating my bf for longer than their marriages and we were happy. But it did make me wonder why I wasn't married and they were. I'm happy now that I wasn't married because he broke up with me. I too want to find the guy who says they can't live without me and wants to get married. I have family that have been in relationships for years and live with their partner, aren't married, and are happy, but that's just not me.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Many people who say what difference is a piece of paper, are really deep down afraid of making their union legal in a binding legal contract and all that it implies. It takes a lot more to break that legal contract (divorce) than to simply walk out of a relationship in which there is no legal contract. However, what they don't factor into the equation is the minute they buy property together and have children together, they still get caught up in legal messes as if they were married.

[kaligrl22]

I think the biggest pro of marriage is the legal protections. Whether it be in the case of divorce or children or even death. There are a lot of legal implications that come with marriage. Let's think of those who are not legally married that come face the death of their spouse. Without that piece of paper they are not even considered when it comes to last rites and the estate of the deceased. This has been emphasized more recently with those not legally allowed to marry i.e. same sex marriages. I think taking on a huge responsibility such as long term commitment, children etc warrants a legal binding contract in the eyes of the law. Whether it be right or wrong it provides a fair playing ground to both parties involved. I just hope we see a day that all adults have the same privileges regardless of their sexual orientation.

[_Asti_]

Marriage does not mean the same for everyone.

Some people want the marriage in place before bringing children in, or want it for religious reasons. Some argue "We are already acting like we're married why bother.." and then you have the flip side "Why don't we get married if we're already acting like it..nothing will change..."

 

I'm surrounded by frustrated females who are in long term relationship with men who are in no rush for marriage. I just find it funny that the guys exclaim "Whats the rush..." sort of comments, yet don't even think twice of purchasing a home together and doing all of those things.

 

Marriage is important for both my partner and I. It's the next sacrament for us in the Catholic church, its something I feel strongly about, as does he. We don't want to raise children outside of a marriage, and hope to start having children within the next few years. Those are our beliefs...amongst other reasons such as being one of the greatest commitments you can make to another person. Our views are the same, and thats why we are getting married. Despite people around us saying "Whats the rush..." and it seems those comments come from those who have issues with marriage themselves. You can't say that two grown adults in a long term relationship are rushing marriage unless there are some issues that you have with it.

 

I think the biggest thing is finding that person who feels the same. No one is right or wrong in their reasons for wanting or not wanting to get married. If someone doesn't understand why the need, thats fine. They shou;dn't look down and those who do want it.

[SpottiOtti]

Great replies everyone, thanks for your views! I hadn't thought about this, KaliGirl:

 

"Let's think of those who are not legally married that come face the death of their spouse. Without that piece of paper they are not even considered when it comes to last rites and the estate of the deceased."

 

And Asti, you are right when you say marriage does not mean the same thing for everyone. Congrats on finding a partner who shares your views, I hope you guys have a beautiful life together!

 

"I have a bunch of friends who all got married and complain about their marriage."[/i

 

This was another reason I didn't want to get married before: at the time, I had never known a married couple who was happy and didn't complain all the time about their marriages. Since then, I have met several. So I know it's possible. And CAD is right about the contract making it harder to walk away - which is a good thing in some cases and a bad thing in others.

 

Guess it boils down to finding a partner who really agrees with your views on marriage. It seems like some people just say what you want to hear though, then the truth comes out later, when it actually comes time to go through with getting engaged, etc.

 

Good luck to all the posters who were having issues with this, by the way.

[metrogirl]

This is why I want to get married. I won't go into the whole story here because it's long and complicated but I will say this much, should my bf die I probably even wouldn't have access to the funeral because of issues with his family.

 

Since he has been diagnosed with 3 serious illnesses that could potentially kill him, I'm hoping he sees the importance of why I want this. I would much rather him pass as my husband than as my boyfriend.

[waveseer]

The biggest difference in my life had I not married my ex husbands is that I wouldn't have to reconcile the fact that I've been divorced three times (twice from the same man).

[SpottiOtti]

Waveseer, can I ask what made you want to get married each time?

[geekgirl4]

Hmm, I think marriage is a choice like any other. IMO, you should do it because you want to, not because you think it will create a change in the relationship or take it to a higher step. People say that if you are happy and secure, then what's the point in making a big deal about marriage. Well, switch it around, if you're happy and secure then why is getting married a big deal? I feel marriage changes relationship for the worse because you get it in your head that this will complete the relationship and make your relationship somehow different. I feel if you go into marriage with the right attitude, it's not a bad thing at all. That and the legal benefits that come with marriage can really help. Again, it's a choice. It's something nice, like the cherry on a pie. The pie is the overall dish but sometimes adding a cherry can be nice based on preference.

[waveseer]

Waveseer, can I ask what made you want to get married each time?

 

Each time I had the hope of living happily ever after. Too bad I chose men who wouldn't/couldn't do the same. I was being realistic, I knew there would be problems, but I didn't know there would be emotionally devastating consequences to offering my own good will and that of my children.