Peace of Mind...

[HellFrost666]

Last night my girlfriend and I had easily the worst fight we've ever had. (We've been together almost five years.)

 

Today when I woke up she was gone. She didn't take a whole lot with her, so I figured she would be back in a few hours. She's been gone all day. I've tried to call her a couple times and she won't pick up her phone. It goes straight to voicemail when I call.

 

I did send her a text about an hour ago telling her I don't expect her to come home until she's ready, I just want to know she's alright. No reply.

 

I am sitting here trying to come up with ways to cope. I considered going looking for her.

 

And last night it was me who was in the wrong. I don't even need to go into the details. Trust me on this, I screwed up.

 

I guess I just want some thoughts from other people. What would you do in this situation?

[annie24]

she might need some time to cool off before talking to you. i am like that sometimes. hang in there. hopefully you guys will be able to work through this.

[DN]

Have you apologised and admitted you were wrong?

[HellFrost666]

she might need some time to cool off before talking to you. i am like that sometimes. hang in there. hopefully you guys will be able to work through this.

 

I doubt she's sleeping in a gutter somewhere. She has plenty of places she can go. It's hard to explain, I just want some communication back from her. I am assuming at this point she's not coming home tonight.

[HellFrost666]

Have you apologised and admitted you were wrong?

 

I haven't even had the chance to. She was gone when I woke up this morning.

[DN]

Can you leave a message?

[BellaDonna]

And last night it was me who was in the wrong. I don't even need to go into the details. Trust me on this, I screwed up.

 

Well, she may need some time to cool off- especially if she was very angry. In your opinion, on a scale of 1-10 how badly did you screw up?

 

She has plenty of places she can go

 

Did you try calling those places to see if she is there?

[jengh]

Well, if she's anything like me... she might just need awhile (anywhere from a day to a few days) to cool down and think about where things stand. If you were in the wrong, she's probably very angry and trying to understand things.

 

I would at least leave a voicemail saying you're sorry and you know you were in the wrong but understand that she might need a little space and when she's ready to talk, you'll be there, but in the meantime you would appreciate a text at least saying she's okay.

[gettingthrough]

i totally understand what you are going through, the almost extereme anxiety and emotion. Its not crazy its normal, it just proves how deep your feeling are for her. I can't promise you things will happen easily but if its right and from the looks of it you've done all that you can. The only thing you can do is wait and give her her space, obviously she isnt gone forever if a lot of her stuff is still there. when things cool down you can take inventory of the situation, admit your mistakes and move on.

[Ellie2006]

I agree with everyone else. You did tell her that you were sorry and that you expected her back when she's ready. For now, as hard as it may be, I'd stay put.

 

I hope you two will be able to resolve this soon.

[doyathink]

Man, I'm sorry Frost. Give a couple days. she loves you. I'd at least text her with an apology if it were me.

[HellFrost666]

Just an update... She never came home last night but I woke up this morning and there was a text from her. All it said was "I'm fine."

[HellFrost666]

In your opinion, on a scale of 1-10 how badly did you screw up?

 

Probably about a 9.5...

[Catdancer]

Oh Helly! What did you do now? lol Everyone else has great advice. Text her and tell her that your actions were idiotic and that you were so wrong and that you are so sorry and you love her. Then pray to all the Gods that she forgives you. Hugs to you, even though you were a bonehead. lol

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I'm glad she's safe, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hopefully this can be a good turning point for your relationship and things go back to normal.

 

Definitely tell her how you felt with her being gone, I'm sure she will appreciate you being genuine with her.

[HellFrost666]

Thank all you guys for replying... Just an update.

 

A little while ago she texted me. She told me who she's staying with and that she needs some time away to think about things...

 

How the hell did I get myself into this? (I know how... I am just thinking on a deeper level.) We've had this rock solid relationship for going on five years now, and to think that I might have blown it with one stupid action...

[HellFrost666]

One other thing too...

 

Some of you might be familiar with the whole thing going between her and my roommate.

 

Well, tonight she has to work at her second job (tending bar.) And my roommate and his co-workers go out drinking a couple nights a week after work. They always go to the place she works at. They have for years...

 

He's normally home from work by now on nights when he doesn't go out. He's probably going out tonight and he's probably going to descend on her like a vulture. And she, being at work, can't exactly tell him to go away and leave her alone because he's a customer. I just know he'll be down there tonight and he'll be all over her. I feel nauseous...

[NowandZen]

I don't know what you did, but I doubt one thing would destroy a rock solid relationship. Like others have said, she needs time to cool off.

 

From your perspective though, I think you have anxiety about not knowing what is going to happen. The silent treatment isn't helping, I know.

 

Hard as it may be, the key to YOUR sanity is to accept WHATEVER will happen. She may want to punish you some more, and afterwards, you can work through it. Or, maybe this is just too much for her, and she wants to end it. Obviously, I don't know what she is thinking, but what I want you to do is simply know that, whatever happens, it will be ok. YOU will be ok. Either way, you can grow from this, learn from this.

 

Namaste

 

PS - PLEASE don't fall into the jealousy trap, it makes you look small.

[DN]

Whatever you do - don't panic or fall into a depression. You really need to keep a clear head and focus on what really matters.

[HellFrost666]

That's a nice way of thinking... but In the last year or so I've had close family members disown me. I lost my job and six months later found another one where I work three times as hard for half the money and no benefits. My dog died... I was very ill for two months straight. I've lost a few friends. My best friend who's like a brother to me decided he was going to start chasing after my girlfriend. (He might get her now, who knows...) I know it's an unhealthy way of thinking, but it's getting harder and harder to just accept things the way they are.

 

Maybe this is all part of some devine plan. People are supposedly happier when they have nothing left to lose.

 

PS, I don't think she's giving me the silent treatment out of some sadistic desire to punish me. She texted me this morning and then again tonight.

[Ellie2006]

Whatever you do - don't panic or fall into a depression. You really need to keep a clear head and focus on what really matters.

 

^ This.

 

Give her time. Give her space. I dont know what you did but even so, it's hard to believe that one fight will unravel 5 years of a solid relationship.

 

Sit tight, HF, sit tight.

 

Sending best wishes your way ...

[BellaDonna]

Maybe this is all part of some devine plan. People are supposedly happier when they have nothing left to lose.

 

It's not going to help matters if you think that way. -Why would you think this was anything more than cause and effect? You said that you chose to do something that was 9.5 out of a 10 on the "bad" scale.... so of course she is going to be mad. There is no divine plan out to get you. You just made a human mistake and this is the result of it.

 

Although you may not have control over what happens from here, or your GF's reaction, you do have some level of control over the situation: Your decisions, your reactions, your future choices. An internal locus of control is important in these situations. link removed

 

I hope that everything works out well and that you 2 are able to reconcile. It's hard to help without knowing exactly what happened, but from your other posts about your GF, it is apparent that you love her very much. Was your mistake something that would be a dealbreaker for her?

[Cynder]

No offense, but I think he's intelligent enough to know it was his own actions that caused this. I'm sure being kicked when down is exactly what he wanted when he posted this thread.

 

Just my .02 anyway.

[BellaDonna]

My intention wasn't to kick anyone down. -Just to point out that if a person feels as if there are divine forces in place, that set out to make their life miserable and lonely, that it will likely lead to very feeling depressed and helpless- making this situation worse.

 

If the OP approaches it from a calm, logical perspective and realizes that the anger his GF is feeling is not part of a divine plot, but rather, a reaction to a human mistake/conflict in the relationship, that the relationship has a better chance of being repaired if both parties realize their role and work on restoring it.

 

I have no doubt that the OP is very intelligent. It was never my intention to imply anything offensive, nor to be on the receiving end of comments from others who imply that I set out kick people.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I don't think Bella was being rude, her last paragraph was very kind but I agree that HF impresses me as intelligent and I think that fact will help the relationship in the end. We all make mistakes, even huge ones. I'm hoping for a positive update.