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About NowandZen

  • Birthday 08/12/1966

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  1. I would not even worry about the porn at this point. Having sex twice in one year is not normal, porn or not. Get thee to a marriage counselor. If he won't go, go by yourself. This is not what you want in a marriage, and an objective person can help clarify your decision making.
  2. I took a course in Grad school on Conflict resolution. One assignment was to write about conflict in a movie, using a certain rubric. I chose the Breakfast Club.
  3. I didn't see Joy Luck Club, but listened to the audiobook. The opening where she talks about how surprised she was about her aunt dying because she thought the aunt had died years ago stuck with me.
  4. I love that movie especially for the dialogue. "Royale with cheese?" "Yeah, it's the metric system, what do they know about a quarter pound?"
  5. One of my favorite movies. "I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged."
  6. It's really about timing. For someone to move up in their current situation, the readiness of the person to take on new responsibilities should coincide (more or less) with the company having a need for someone to fill that role. The day you are ready, the company probably already has someone doing that job, hopefully well. In an ideal world that person is also improving, the company is expanding and you are able to move up in a reasonable time frame. From my experience, it just doesn't work out that often. Often an employee will have to look elsewhere to find the opportunity which matches their skills. If your company has forward momentum, it might be worthwhile to wait a bit. If people above you are long tenured and there is no movement, you will have to look elsewhere. It's not a bad idea to always keep an eye on the job market anyway. For planning purposes, imagine that you will be ready for a new role in a year. It' a good idea to make a list of prospects of companies that might need you in a year, and start networking.
  7. This is going to take counseling if you want to come out on the other side. There is some sort of psychological payoff to this relationship. That's where I'd start with a truly objective mediator.
  8. Post your most memorable movie quotes (or dialogue) here. I'm thinking not necessarily the most well known (Life is a box of chocolates), but those which stuck with you for some reason. If you wanna say why its memorable to you, even better. To start: From "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas" (major paraphrasing) Mona Stangley : And Jesus went to a wedding where he turned the water into wine Sheriff Earl Dodd: He was a great man, and he knew how to throw a party Mona: Earl, I can't believe you said that, that's sacrilegious Earl: I know, I know. But God forgives me. Mona: Ain't it funny how God can for give you, but people can't? Earl: I suppose that's because people aint very God-like I was a teenager when I saw this scene. Growing up, we were taught that our parents' word was infallible. I was starting to realize this wasn't true, and they were often unfair. Seeing this scene brought it home that people truly aren't "God-lkie"
  9. When dealing with toxic people, I mostly refuse to engage. I politely, yet firmly, deflect. I use phrases like "I don't care to discuss that." You'd be surprised how easy it is to shut down negativity when you don't feed it. To that end, though you have to stay strong. If you feel the need to defend yourself, your actions (or inactions), or otherwise argue, you have allowed yourself to be sucked back into it. My brother is sort of like this, not to the same degree though. When he insists that I tell him what I think about x, and the only thing he wants to hear is his opinion back to him, I just say, that's not something I want to talk about. He tries to drag me into it, "Don't you care about X?", I don't want to talk about it. "So people can just X and you're fine with that?" I don't want to talk about it. Depending on his mood, this might go on a while, but I've trained him to realize I won't be worn down, and eventually he gives up.
  10. What exactly is the upside of this trip?
  11. He has decided. Either he doesn't find you attractive and stays around for his own reasons, or he does but he buys into this bull spit about women like a man to treat them like crap. I'm not your Dad, but if you were my daughter, I'd tell you to run, not walk away from this jerk.
  12. A lot depends on your definition of those terms. I think they are three very different things. I love a lot of people. I think of love in that sense as wanting good things for them, and hurting when they hurt. I can be sexually attracted to people I don't love. (Of course I don't act on that attraction, except for the Mrs.). As for being in love, I think that is an idea as different as every person who says it. I think the initial attraction (infatuation?) could be called being in love. Also, in a long term relationship, you have periods of very intense, very specific feeling for another person, similar to the initial attraction. It's normal, I think for this to come and go. They key here is you have things you need to feel loved. She has things she needs to feel loved. As long as you are both honest about these things, and committed to giving them to each other, the ebb and flow of "being in love" as well as sexual attraction is just a normal part of a relationship. To me, being willing to do the things to make my wife feel loved is a big part of what love is, and and long as that doesn't go away, I feel we can manage through the back and forth of emotion.
  13. It's been about three years or so. So long I think I will lurk and offer sage advice when warranted. I even grew an old testament prophet beard to complete the look.
  14. If you remember Robin Williams talking about how hot it was in "Good Morning Vietnam", that's how it is.
  15. Makes sense. The population of South America has a higher percentage of Catholics than anyplace else.
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