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NowandZen

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Everything posted by NowandZen

  1. I would not even worry about the porn at this point. Having sex twice in one year is not normal, porn or not. Get thee to a marriage counselor. If he won't go, go by yourself. This is not what you want in a marriage, and an objective person can help clarify your decision making.
  2. I took a course in Grad school on Conflict resolution. One assignment was to write about conflict in a movie, using a certain rubric. I chose the Breakfast Club.
  3. I didn't see Joy Luck Club, but listened to the audiobook. The opening where she talks about how surprised she was about her aunt dying because she thought the aunt had died years ago stuck with me.
  4. I love that movie especially for the dialogue. "Royale with cheese?" "Yeah, it's the metric system, what do they know about a quarter pound?"
  5. One of my favorite movies. "I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged."
  6. It's really about timing. For someone to move up in their current situation, the readiness of the person to take on new responsibilities should coincide (more or less) with the company having a need for someone to fill that role. The day you are ready, the company probably already has someone doing that job, hopefully well. In an ideal world that person is also improving, the company is expanding and you are able to move up in a reasonable time frame. From my experience, it just doesn't work out that often. Often an employee will have to look elsewhere to find the opportunity which ma
  7. This is going to take counseling if you want to come out on the other side. There is some sort of psychological payoff to this relationship. That's where I'd start with a truly objective mediator.
  8. Post your most memorable movie quotes (or dialogue) here. I'm thinking not necessarily the most well known (Life is a box of chocolates), but those which stuck with you for some reason. If you wanna say why its memorable to you, even better. To start: From "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas" (major paraphrasing) Mona Stangley : And Jesus went to a wedding where he turned the water into wine Sheriff Earl Dodd: He was a great man, and he knew how to throw a party Mona: Earl, I can't believe you said that, that's sacrilegious Earl: I know, I know. But God forgives me.
  9. When dealing with toxic people, I mostly refuse to engage. I politely, yet firmly, deflect. I use phrases like "I don't care to discuss that." You'd be surprised how easy it is to shut down negativity when you don't feed it. To that end, though you have to stay strong. If you feel the need to defend yourself, your actions (or inactions), or otherwise argue, you have allowed yourself to be sucked back into it. My brother is sort of like this, not to the same degree though. When he insists that I tell him what I think about x, and the only thing he wants to hear is his opinion back
  10. What exactly is the upside of this trip?
  11. He has decided. Either he doesn't find you attractive and stays around for his own reasons, or he does but he buys into this bull spit about women like a man to treat them like crap. I'm not your Dad, but if you were my daughter, I'd tell you to run, not walk away from this jerk.
  12. A lot depends on your definition of those terms. I think they are three very different things. I love a lot of people. I think of love in that sense as wanting good things for them, and hurting when they hurt. I can be sexually attracted to people I don't love. (Of course I don't act on that attraction, except for the Mrs.). As for being in love, I think that is an idea as different as every person who says it. I think the initial attraction (infatuation?) could be called being in love. Also, in a long term relationship, you have periods of very intense, very specific feeling for anoth
  13. It's been about three years or so. So long I think I will lurk and offer sage advice when warranted. I even grew an old testament prophet beard to complete the look.
  14. If you remember Robin Williams talking about how hot it was in "Good Morning Vietnam", that's how it is.
  15. Makes sense. The population of South America has a higher percentage of Catholics than anyplace else.
  16. I was surprised it was done so quickly.
  17. I get it. I can't say I would never seek female companionship, but there is no way I have another relationship like the one I have with Mrs. Zen. And honestly, I don't have it in me to start again.
  18. That is awesome. I am starting to role play my issues with my therapist. Only took two years. First step in dealing with it in the real world.
  19. Hey Vic. Do you mind *sharing* what was good about your session today?
  20. I don't know that you could objectively answer this, it's all in perspective. See if you can find the video where Ray Romano says, "For once I was the one wearing the panties." I've had that perspective in life before, thought that I was just subject to the woman's whims. As I got older, I realized the error. No one holds ALL the cards. However, for negotiating purposes, the one who wants it more is in a weaker position.
  21. Perhaps Brittany Spears could have used some of that assistance.
  22. Wait a few seconds before getting out. If he's the kind of man who would open a door, he'll get the hint.
  23. Here's a question? If you are in an emotional affair, do you get mad if the person you are having it with has sex with their SO?
  24. OP, it might help you to understand that, in many cases a physical affair is the manifestation of the lack of emotional needs being met by the SO, and that lack being filled by someone else.
  25. Ah yes, they all talk about father/mother issues, but we parents have issues with our children as well. I allowed my 19 y/o daughter to drag me through a personal hell. It's all on me, I don't blame her anymore, but the scars are still there. The way you get to the heart of the matter makes me think you could put me on the right track to find peace with it. But, you have a lot on your plate, I see.
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