The "Enemy"

[VtecQueen]

Just started dating this guy and he's already messing up! We have good chemistry and we get along really well. When we hang out we have a great time! BUT when we are not together we rarely talk! He's busy at work during the day, as am I, But I make time to talk to him. I'll send a text and he won't respond!

 

Example:

 

We hung out a lot this weekend (sat and sun), had a great time! He answered the phone for his best friend and said "I'm hanging with my girl" and he says he's "my man". But he didn't say 2 words to me all day Monday. So I called him at 9pm Monday night and he was "hanging with an enemy" and it just happened to be a girl (cuz I heard her talking in the background).

 

I tell him I don't appricate the fact that he ignored me all day, then when he did he was with an "enemy". He said he wasn't ignoring me he was just REALLY busy all day. SO I told him "I'm busy too but I make time for you. You made time for your "enemy" and not me." But he hasn't responded to that either. ALL day.

 

IDK what is going on!!!

[guynextdoor]

Wait.. who are you referring as the "enemy"? His ex or a female friend? How do you know he wasn't busy? BTW I do agree that if you trully like someone you make time for them.

[orchidrose]

Sweetheart, you need to calm down. First of all, the first line of your post jumped right off the page - "he's already messing up?" Ugh. It sounds like you've been sitting around waiting for him to somehow do wrong by you.

 

How long have you been dating? By the sound of it, it's only been a few weeks, if that.. and you're already hounding him about who he's spending time with, why he isn't calling you, etc.? Relationships take time to deepen and develop to the level you're looking for. There are couples that have been together for months and years that don't talk everyday. And some people can't be no their phones or computers everyday to talk to you. I have days where my phone is by my side all day but I'm in meetings and can't pick it up or use it.

 

He hasn't responded to your last message because you flipped out on him for something relatively innocent, especially after just a short time of dating. You sound very entitled and whiny, and guys don't dig that.

[hexaemeron]

Wow, putting the dog collar on him a little early there, aren't you? I'm sure you're a lovely young woman but you're coming accross as a terrifying, possessive, needy person. You need to calm down and back off a little.

[XxJustMexX]

Wow, putting the dog collar on him a little early there, aren't you? I'm sure you're a lovely young woman but you're coming accross as a terrifying, possessive, needy person. You need to calm down and back off a little.

 

Whether a couple has been together for two weeks, or twenty years, it's never right to not have time for your significant other, but be able to make time for other people... How is that needy?

[DN]

Why people have the idea that it is necessary to talk every day maintain a good relationship I can't imagine.

 

Just because you message someone it doesn't mean they have an obligation to message back that day. You send a message when it is convenient to you - give them the same privilege of replying when it is convenient to them and don't think that you have the right to be the one who decides when that is.

[Mauxly]

Yeah. You are coming on too strong. You guys don't even know if you really like each other yet. Keep doing this and you'll make his mind up for him.

[TechResQ]

Hi Vtec...how long have you been dating him? Just curious.

[hexaemeron]

Whether a couple has been together for two weeks, or twenty years, it's never right to not have time for your significant other, but be able to make time for other people... How is that needy?

 

Because he's a person, not a pet. He's entitled to still live like a human being.

[Day_Walker]

It seems that you are are just dating, I dont know if that means exclusive or if you two are just being casual. It seems that you are expecting too much from this guy. He is clearly okay with the idea that he doesnt have to talk to you every day and you want that. Instead of giving him crap about it realize that he probably isnt the guy youre looking for.

[XxJustMexX]

Because he's a person, not a pet. He's entitled to still live like a human being.

 

You're right. Human beings can be rude and inconsiderate and hurt other people without question. I know plenty of humans that LOVE being ignored and being put on the back burner.

[VtecQueen]

I'm not trying to come accross "needy" I don't normally have a prob not talking everyday BUT I tried to communicate with him that day, he never tried to communicate back. I called him at 9pm and he was with someone else (and you call yourself "MY man"?

 

In the beginning of a relationship isn't it suppose to be the honeymoon period? We haven't been dating long, so it's just kinda strange that we don't talk. I could see if we been dating for a couple months.

[hexaemeron]

You're right. Human beings can be rude and inconsiderate and hurt other people without question. I know plenty of humans that LOVE being ignored and being put on the back burner.

 

There's a massive difference between "I have my own life and will talk to you when I can" and "YOUR SOUL BELONGS TO ME."

 

...especially if they're barely dating yet.

[VtecQueen]

There's a massive difference between "I have my own life and will talk to you when I can" and "YOUR SOUL BELONGS TO ME."

 

...especially if they're barely dating yet.

You're thinking too hard. We both have our own lives and all. I run a school, he runs a website. I understand what busy is, but he doesn't make any time to talk to me....however he makes time to hang with "his enemy"? Maybe I am over reacting....

[hexaemeron]

You're thinking too hard. We both have our own lives and all. I run a school, he runs a website. I understand what busy is, but he doesn't make any time to talk to me....however he makes time to hang with "his enemy"? Maybe I am over reacting....

 

You are. The entire tone of your first post was screaming needy and overly-entitled.

[testcase]

Why people have the idea that it is necessary to talk every day maintain a good relationship I can't imagine.

 

Just because you message someone it doesn't mean they have an obligation to message back that day. You send a message when it is convenient to you - give them the same privilege of replying when it is convenient to them and don't think that you have the right to be the one who decides when that is.

 

Hmm I mean I kind of agree with you here DN. But I don't know you set up something when it is convenient to you or reach out with that message when it is. I usually try to reply at least semi quickly.

 

I'm dating a girl now, or at least I think I am, and I message her mid week. She won't get back to me till the weekend or so. I mean now I don't have to talk everyday and I wouldn't call myself needy. This uncertainty after a call stresses me out to no end though. If she responded the same or next day I wouldn't have a problem with it.

 

So I guess I'm not saying your wrong but it's good to be on the same wavelength with people.

[XxJustMexX]

There's a massive difference between "I have my own life and will talk to you when I can" and "YOUR SOUL BELONGS TO ME."

 

...especially if they're barely dating yet.

 

When did she say this? Are you assuming this is why she is upset? As a "human", isn't she entitled to feel ignored and put on the back burner without being "clingy"?

 

So, is everyone that gets a little jealous and feels a little unimportant considered clingy? Just trying to understand how her man hanging out with someone he/she doesn't like, and him ignoring her to hang out with the other chick is considered clingy... If this were a completely normal every day situation, there wouldn't be so many posts on ENA with people asking if it's ok for their wife/husband/bf/gf/whatever to hang out with an ex or someone of the opposite sex... To top it off, he ignored her to do it... Not exactly making him look good either.

[oldenoughtoknow]

Wow, putting the dog collar on him a little early there, aren't you? I'm sure you're a lovely young woman but you're coming accross as a terrifying, possessive, needy person. You need to calm down and back off a little.

 

LOL! Hex, you are too funny.

 

I agree with most of the other posters, in that it is a little early in the relationship to have such expectations. People do get really busy, and it's universally accepted that it's health to have friends and interests outside of the relationship.

 

Was it really the not talking, or is it because you felt ignored? Would you have felt better if he would have sent you a quick text saying "really busy, talk to you tomorrow"?

[hexaemeron]

When did she say this? Are you assuming this is why she is upset? As a "human", isn't she entitled to feel ignored and put on the back burner without being "clingy"?

 

So, is everyone that gets a little jealous and feels a little unimportant considered clingy? Just trying to understand how her man hanging out with someone he/she doesn't like, and him ignoring her to hang out with the other chick is considered clingy... If this were a completely normal every day situation, there wouldn't be so many posts on ENA with people asking if it's ok for their wife/husband/bf/gf/whatever to hang out with an ex or someone of the opposite sex... To top it off, he ignored her to do it... Not exactly making him look good either.

 

To me, yes, absolutely. I think jealousy is a ridiculous self-indulgence that unfortunately most people cannot seem to get past in their growth as people. But that's just me.

[VtecQueen]

 

Was it really the not talking, or is it because you felt ignored? Would you have felt better if he would have sent you a quick text saying "really busy, talk to you tomorrow"?

It was the being ignored. I HATE feeling ignored. The fact that I made time to talk to him and he couldn't say anything to me all day, and when we did talk, he was busy....that's BS to me. And you call me "ur girl"? I don't need a text right away, but at least say SOMETHING to me....especially if I've said something to you. And of course he hasn't said anything to me today either. (besides "I was really busy yesterday").

[savignon]

How long have you been dating?

I agree it's coming on too strong, even while I understand it's not your intention. Obviously the other person wasn't his enemy and he was just being playful.

[XxJustMexX]

To me, yes, absolutely. I think jealousy is a ridiculous self-indulgence that unfortunately most people cannot seem to get past in their growth as people. But that's just me.

 

Well hun, that's about 99% of the human population... So while I'm glad you have the strength and will to never feel jealous and unimportant in any aspect of your life, I'm positive all other inhabitants on this earth will feel these two emotions at one time or another. They are both natural human emotions, and the only people I've ever known to feel devoid of emotion are people with APD, sociopathy, psychopathy and depression... In my opinion, it's not normal to NOT feel these emotions at one time or another...

[VtecQueen]

How long have you been dating?

I agree it's coming on too strong, even while I understand it's not your intention. Obviously the other person wasn't his enemy and he was just being playful.

Haven't been dating long at all lol. Maybe a month now. It's just BS he didn't have time to say anything to me all day, but he had time to hang with his "Enemy" if you are my man why you put me on the back burner?? That's all I'm saying. But what do I do now?

[DN]

I don't think it is too early in a relationship to have these expectations. I think expectations like never have a place in a relationship.

[VtecQueen]

I don't think it is too early in a relationship to have these expectations. I think expectations like this have no place in a relationship ever.

I'm just saying is it wrong to think since a guy wants to be with you, he would want to talk to you?