The "Enemy"

[VtecQueen]

I obviously can't speak for him but if you want to do some damage control you could call or text and say something like, "sorry for my attitude earlier...I was just hoping we'd touch base today" and then leave it to him to tell you where he's coming from.

Best wishes Someone told me NOT to contact him....let him contact me. Cuz If I go apologizing I will sound desperate!!!

[VtecQueen]

VtecQueen, are you dating exclusively - have you had that exclusive talk yet?

No we haven't had that talk yet, but he said he's my man, not any one elses.

[savignon]

I think there's a difference between appologizing b/c you're desperate and appologizing b/c you're taking responsibility for your actions and it's sincere.

Don't do it as a game to get his attention. Do it because (if) you mean it.

[DN]

Give it until tomorrow to see if he responds. If he doesn't, then send him a message in a day or two suggesting a date somewhere and slip in a quick 'sorry if I got a little heavy the other day'

[Clarity]

Whether a couple has been together for two weeks, or twenty years, it's never right to not have time for your significant other, but be able to make time for other people... How is that needy?

 

There's a big difference between a 2-week "couple" and a 2-year couple, despite what you're implying.

[VtecQueen]

Give it until tomorrow to see if he responds. If he doesn't, then send him a message in a day or two suggesting a date somewhere and slip in a quick 'sorry if I got a little heavy the other day'

 

I like that. I don't want to be all over him all day. I know I've tripped enough for one day. I just hope I haven't scared him away already!

[XxJustMexX]

There's a big difference between a 2-week "couple" and a 2-year couple, despite what you're implying.

 

So it's ok to ignore a person and makes it less rude because they're not a "2-year couple"...?

[DN]

So it's ok to ignore a person and makes it less rude because they're not a "2-year couple"...?

There is a vast distinction between ignoring and not replying the same day.

 

One is not communicating. The other is not communicating on the same time-scale.

[VtecQueen]

We get along really well. We say the same things at the same time, we both have the same background and wants for the future. When we're together we have a lot of fun. We've spent a lot of time together but I totally tripped today! Was that enough to push him to not want to talk to me anymore?? Did I scare him away already u think!?

[XxJustMexX]

There is a vast distinction between ignoring and not replying the same day.

 

One is not communicating. The other is not communicating on the same time-scale.

 

The definition of ignoring is "to disregard deliberately; pay no attention to; refuse to consider"...

 

Therefore, to me... No answer = ignore. When I open up a text, read it, put the phone back in my pocket without answering it, and have no intention for the rest of the day to answer it, that to me... is ignoring.

 

Time scale-wise... Whether the person ignores the text for an hour, or ignores it until the next day... Still ignoring... I'm not saying ignoring is bad... Hell, I do it all the time, but when I get a chance, I'll answer. But when you do get a chance to answer and don't, that's when you cross the line from being too busy, to just simply ignoring it because it's not important to you.

[tiredofvampires]

I think jealousy is a ridiculous self-indulgence that unfortunately most people cannot seem to get past in their growth as people. But that's just me.

 

No, it's not.

 

It's me, too.

 

And I don't have Asperger's.

 

I'm not saying I have no feelings of jealousy (personally, I'm much more of an envy person), that it hasn't reared its head. But I don't believe in throwing it chunks of fresh meat as you would a shark, either.

 

In fact, I feel it's probably one of the most corrosive and strangulating emotions in a relationship -- from inception to full-on bloom of involvement.

 

It only really works when both people are equally jealous. And even then, that's not a kind of relationship I'd care to emulate, as I see that as restricting. Life is more than "we are a couple", even if that does take a priority.

 

I personally believe that we would have a lot more devotion from our partners much of the time if we weren't constantly wanting more of it. Ironically.

 

I apologize that I haven't been able to read this entire thread, OP, but I just wanted to say that the world has changed significantly since the advent of cell phones, I've noticed. When I was a teen (okay, now I'm really starting to make myself sound like a geezer) and in my early 20's even, people didn't have their purses and back pockets ringing and vibrating all day long. They would come home to an answering machine, pick up whatever messages were left, and then, depending on how tiring a day it was, may or may not call until they're feeling a little refreshed. Hearing from someone the next day, even if you were "his girl" and he was "your man" and it was all honeymoon time, was totally normal and natural. What you are calling "ignoring you", from his point of view, is "waiting until a better time." People need to have the leverage to manage their lives without having to answer to it each time.

 

I'm sure I've missed some things here about what is meant by "the enemy", but I just wanted to register the overview I have here that I personally would feel a guy dropping everything for me in the beginning would be a RED FLAG.

 

Because that ends pretty badly later, and boy is it a hard fall.

 

Not to mention, I'm really not turned on by puppy dogs. The pet store is there for that.

[DN]

The definition of ignoring is "to disregard deliberately; pay no attention to; refuse to consider"...

 

Therefore, to me... No answer = ignore. When I open up a text, read it, put the phone back in my pocket without answering it, and have no intention for the rest of the day to answer it, that to me... is ignoring.

 

Then you and I have such different viewpoints we will never agree on this. I could not live with that level of pressure from anyone.

[XxJustMexX]

Then you and I have such different viewpoints we will never agree on this. I could not live with that level of pressure from anyone.

 

Oh of course. Isn't that why we all love this forum... we're all entitled to our opininions and can have adult debates/conversations without insult here... (most of the time

 

I just think people are missing the point that the OP's boyfriend was with another girl and wouldn't answer her... which is why the OP got jealous to begin with. All I was saying is that's completely normal for her to feel that way... I guess I went way too into it. The OP never answered much to who the other girl was, so there's no sure way to really give advice on it...

[DN]

It's normal to feel jealous but it they aren't exclusive it wasn't wise to act as if they were.

[VtecQueen]

Helloooooo I'm still here asking stuff!! Lol!

 

The girl does not concern me. I'm not asking advice on her. I don't care who she is. Just don't ignore me all day and hang with her but call me "ur girl" it doesn't add up to me. But I get he's busy and I don't have a problem with having friends of the opposite sex.

 

I realized I probably over reacted on him and gonna try to fix it using DNs advice. But I just don't know if I've scared him away already!

[DN]

Helloooooo I'm still here asking stuff!! Lol!

 

The girl does not concern me. I'm not asking advice on her. I don't care who she is. Just don't ignore me all day and hang with her but call me "ur girl" it doesn't add up to me. But I get he's busy and I don't have a problem with having friends of the opposite sex.

 

I realized I probably over reacted on him and gonna try to fix it using DNs advice. But I just don't know if I've scared him away already!

If you have scared him away then try what I said to get him back.

 

I would send that message late tomorrow afternoon.

[VtecQueen]

Oh of course. Isn't that why we all love this forum... we're all entitled to our opininions and can have adult debates/conversations without insult here... (most of the time

 

I just think people are missing the point that the OP's boyfriend was with another girl and wouldn't answer her... which is why the OP got jealous to begin with. All I was saying is that's completely normal for her to feel that way... I guess I went way too into it. The OP never answered much to who the other girl was, so there's no sure way to really give advice on it...

 

This is all wrong. He ignored me all day. But he answered when I called. But he was with the chick then and he called her his "enemy".

[DN]

Do you know who she is and why he was with her?

[VtecQueen]

Do you know who she is and why he was with her?

 

No and no. All I know is he was "sitting with his enemy" and he met up with his "enemy" saturday afternoon.

[DN]

I knew a girl who dumped her boyfriend because she saw him at a mall with another girl. She texted him a really nasty message - only to find the girl was his sister just back that morning on a surprise visit from another country.

 

Lesson to learn - don't assume anything.

[VtecQueen]

I was trying not to assume anything. I didn't even say anything about the "enemy" being a girl or hearing her talk. That's not important to me.

[DN]

OK - so send that message tomorrow and see what happens. Make the date specific.

[VtecQueen]

Ok! I got this!! I hope it works!!!!!

[VtecQueen]

I didn't text him last night. He text me "hello beautiful" this morning tho!!!

[across]

Ditto on the leash idea. Unless you're 14, it's ridiculous to believe that someone is going to "make time for you". When I'm at work, I work. I don't chat on Facebook and text my wife. If I get a call in the middle of something, it needs to be important, not "I was thinking of you".