Should a guy pay for everything?

[RoninX]

I want to ask everyone's opinion on this because it's causing problems in my relationship and I don't know if I am wrong or thinking out of line or what. But let me explain. I have been dating the girl I am with for about 9 month. She's only held a job about one month total. When I met her she did not have a job.

 

Because of this, I have been paying for everything. We go out to eat, I pay for it, dinner, I pay for it everything. Even outing that friends invite me out to she will want to tag along (with no money) and want me to pay for her. Don't get me wrong, I can afford to pay for her. But the thing is I work a full-time job and that is the reason why I can afford to.

 

At first it was ok in the beginning since I thought it was a male's duty. But now nine months deep into the relationship I feel like this is getting a little out of hand and I am feeling more so like I am donating to a charity more than anything. I've even started paying for her $75 phone bill each month now.

 

She has no car either nor is she in school. She lives about 20-30 minutes away from me so in order for us to see each other I have to drive to her house (which is north of me and almost every destination we go is south of my house) and drive her to where I go. Then, drop her off at her house once we are finished. She never even offers me gas money or even to pay for half of the expense I incur being with her.

 

To help her get a job, I've even driven to her house, got her to drive me to work and told her she could have my car throughout the day so she could apply for jobs. For a whole month she had my car and she claimed that she applied at every job and no job called her back. However, mysteriously when I would drive her to places to apply she would get an interview and/or a job. I had to personally fill out the applications for her and turn them in for her to get the job. When she did get it I would have to get her to drop me off at my job, and let her have my car so she could drive to work. She's lost every job I got her within a week or two.

 

I ask her why she doesn't feel like she has to work or try to help me pay for anything and she says she knows I make enough money (which is kind of true) so she doesn't feel like she should have to work. She also said that it's a guy's job to pay for a girl and that is how she is raised. Always telling me that other guys will do it for her and that it is what a guy is suppose to do.

 

I just don't want to feel like someone can just meet me and just skate through everything without having to hold any kind of responsibility. Not having to wake up at any time. Not having to go to work or school. Just doing absolutely nothing while I try to get a better job and do things for myself while she basically get a free ride (in my opinion).

 

When I have to get up early in the morning to go to school and work she sleeps in at home and does nothing all day. It irritates me because I feel like I am completely undertaking the full burden of this relationship while she doesn't do anything but sleep all day and watch TV. And she thinks that all she has to do is date me and be intimate and that makes up for everything. I'm not sure what to do and I'm not sure if I am taking things out of context or if I am truly running away from my obligations as a male.

 

I don't want to sound superficial by telling her I don't want to be with her all because of this but at the same time it just really annoys me that she feels like she has to be treated like a princess. What annoys me the most is that she says I have to pay for her and treat her like this because there's alot of competition with other guys. But it's like she never thinks about the other side of the coin and that there is also competition for her as well.

 

So I am wondering, am I taking things out of context or what? Any advice would help as I am so confused about what to do and if I should feel bad if I really want to break up with her over this.

[DN]

She's taking advantage of you in almost every way possible. Don't allow anyone to do that. Let her find a guy who doesn't mind being ripped off.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You are her bank account...she has a grand sense of entitlement...is she on welfare? Perhaps it is time to end this relationship and find someone with a better character.

[glucoze]

It depends.

I have such pride.. and I dislike when guys or anybody pays for me.

lol

Its cute, i think my guy should pAY for everything but there are times when I think "nah babe, it's fine I'll pay" "No no no i will pay. Let me pay"

"No. Its fine. i got it no worries"

"No Britt, let me pay seriously"

 

and then we get into a tiny argument

then we make up 2 minutes later

HAHAH

[guynextdoor]

This goes beyond putting her on a pedestal. Take her out to a fancy restaurant, leave to use the restroom and get out!

[hexaemeron]

Dump that princess.

[Celestialagape54]

She's taking advantage of you in almost every way possible. Don't allow anyone to do that. Let her find a guy who doesn't mind being ripped off.

 

Dump that princess.

 

Agreed and agreed! You are not her personal bank account. Nowadays, women area able to work for themselves and IMO they should be able to at LEAST offer to pay for some of the expenses when they go out on dates.

 

Shoot who said the man has to pay for everything, I mean yes once in a while the offer is appreciated. I want a man to be my equal not SUPPORT me, that is why I work to do it for myself.

[Di_ya2009]

I don't think you are taking this out of context. Her saying that other guys will do this for her is almost a blackmail to have you continously pay for her.

 

Maybe you should let her know there are other girls out there who won't expect a guy to pay for everything.

[JusticeLaw9]

I can't think of any other way to say this so I'm just going to say it.

 

You're getting screwed...........

[progression50]

What happens if you don't have any money? Do you think she will still look at things the same way? If she is doing this now,,,, can you imagine how it will be in the future?

[SongCoyote]

I think this woman is really enjoying the free ride you've been giving her. It sounds like she has no interest in changing a thing, and why should she when you continue to give?

 

Mind you, I have no problem with a "traditional" arrangement of one person being the breadwinner and the other not working (gender unimportant in that pairing) but only if it is done consciously and with the consent and agreement of both partners. That's how my primary and I arranged it.

 

And if you don't have such an agreement and are just being used, then as Dan Savage would say, DTMFA.

 

Light and laughter,

SongCoyote

[getbiii]

during high school i got really into feminism and not being sexist,

so my view on the subject is...

the person who can pay should pay,

you haveing a penis and her a vagina should have nothig to do at all with it,

its a relationship so itt should be equal,

if she can pay she should, if she doesn't have any money there isnt anything wrong with it and you can pay if you feel free to do it.

 

but it sounds like she is taking advantage of you

[nutbrownhare]

I ask her why she doesn't feel like she has to work or try to help me pay for anything and she says she knows I make enough money (which is kind of true) so she doesn't feel like she should have to work. She also said that it's a guy's job to pay for a girl and that is how she is raised. Always telling me that other guys will do it for her and that it is what a guy is suppose to do.

If she's confident that other guys will welcome a parasite like her - then let them. Move on and find yourself a woman with a sense of self-respect who wants an equal partnership with you.

 

There may come a time when you want someone who you will pay for, nurture and support while they find their way in life. It's called a son or daughter.

 

For now, find yourself an adult. And don't feel bad about it!

[faithful14]

i dont think a guy should pay for everything, there needs to be a balance here. It's not fair for you to pay for everything and get nothing in return.

[FathomFear]

i dont think a guy should pay for everything, there needs to be a balance here. It's not fair for you to pay for everything and get nothing in return.

 

It wouldn't be fair even if he were "getting something in return". He's in a relationship. He's not a pimp.

[Sadly Mistaken]

Thats a horrible relationship!!! She seems lazy and unmotivated and i hate to think what sort of wife she would be if you ever married...dump her a***!

[RoninX]

What happens if you don't have any money? Do you think she will still look at things the same way? If she is doing this now,,,, can you imagine how it will be in the future?

Well she claims if I didn't have a good job and always had money she would work but she doesn't feel like she has to since she knows I make more than enough money to support both of us enough so she doesn't have to work. She claims the day I lose my job and have no money will be the day she will try to get a job.

 

But no she's not on welfare or anything. She is from South America and she says over in her country (Guatemala) a female is not suppose to work. She says she was raised this way and what I am doing is completely normal and not out of line at all and that her mother did not work while her parents were together so she cannot help but become apart of her environment. That really is the only reason I feel bad leaving her because a part of me is telling me that it's beyond her control if that is what she grew up around.

[DN]

Well, she isn't in Guatemala now - so she should do what people do in your country.

 

Her reasoning is nonsense - convenient nonsense for her but still nonsense.

[nutbrownhare]

That really is the only reason I feel bad leaving her because a part of me is telling me that it's beyond her control if that is what she grew up around.

 

Of course it's not beyond her control - she's an adult, she makes her own decisions. She has been exposed to many other influences and is choosing to behave like a spoilt princess. Many of us have realised that the stuff we were fed as children would not serve us well in adult life - especially if we grew up in dysfunctional families. Also, I'd be willing to bet that her mother was busily bringing up a family and caring for a household whilst not having salaried employment outside the home, not just sitting around waiting for some guy to take care of her!

 

Right now, you are buying into an attitude which really doesn't belong in the 21st century. The days when women weren't allowed to work and were the property of their men are long, long gone. Don't feel sorry for this spoilt little girl. Feel sorry for the next guy she gets her parasitic little hooks into!

[MikNomis]

If you have any pride at all left, use it to dump her. How could you let it become like this? She is so obviously using you man.

[annie24]

after you're done dating her, do you want to date me? there's a new pair of diamond earrings i would like to buy.

 

her reasoning is really non-sense!!! first off, you are her boyfriend, not her husband. my mom was a stay at home mom as well. however, she did have a job (raising me and my brother) and this was something that my parents decided together. she can't go and decide now that she has a boyfriend, he will pay for everything. but you seem to be going along with it so it seems she has it all figured out!!! wow.

 

no, you should not be paying for her bills, no you shouldn't be treating everytime you guys go out, no you shouldn't be her chauffeur taking her to job interviews, no you shouldn't be filling out job applications for her! you aren't her man-servant!

 

please, dump her, and then figure out why you would do this all. in most of my relationships, paying has been 50/50.

[sophie274]

This is not beyond her control because of where she grew up, and furthermore it is absolutely false that women do not work in Guatemala. Most women over there work extremely hard - not always in an outside paying job, but working for a family business or farm, making their own crafts to sell, or raising children.

 

There is no excuse for the way your girlfriend is taking advantage of you.

[faithful14]

I'm just saying that she should want to do things for him also

[thathoopla]

I'm sure women in Guatemala still contribute to the family production in other ways besides money. They probably do just as much if not more work in the home and raise the kids. That itself is hard work. Women from my cultural background are also not expected to make income to provide for the family but they are expected to put a lot of effort into everything else they do - going to school, having their first few jobs, helping their community, helping their parents, raising their kids.

 

Sitting at home watching tv is NOT helping a relationship! She needs a wake up call.

[annie24]

i've never been to guatemala but i've been to costa rica twice. i saw many costa rican women working in shops, in the hotels, in restaurants, etc... i am sure if i went there for a longer time, i would see women working in all areas of society.