I wonder if I'll ever meet someone

[quirky]

Yes..I do. I don't know why I'm disheartened today. I don't meet anyone I reaaally like. I have only had foreign boyfriends (mostly British) and now I'm in my home country I don't fancy anyone. One is interesting but takes drugs, one is too sociable, one is too passive..I truly wonder..I feel a lot of pressure because of my age.

 

I have a second date with someone tonight and I'm not as excited as I'd like. I keep thinking of my ex. I'm giving this guy a chance because he is very different to what I usually go for. I am trying to break old patterns. I don't know if it's him, the heartrending breakup I've recently gone through, my belief in love but I feel afraid to talk about deeper parts of me. I still think deep down I'm a mistake and anyone who gives me attention I should take it because I shouldn't be picky..what goes through my mind is "well you are a bit strange and you are 31 so better settle because most guys like more ordinary and young"

I don't show all that, I'm only telling eNA about it. All my life people told me I was unique and genuine but I find it really hard to meet anyone here. I usully like shy guys. I'm bubbly and I'm scared of intimidating them so I hope they make a move on their own.

 

Maybe I should move back to the UK. Ugh..I hate losing my faith.

 

Anyone feel the same? Tips, ideas?

[mmmd]

What does "too sociable" and "too passive" mean?

 

Seems like you're disqualifying guys wantonly.

[sidehop]

What is there not to like about a person with bubbly personality!

 

I remember your other post about this particular guy. Give him a chance definitely but your heart should know who's right and who's not.

 

Is it possible you're not completely healed? Having doubts and fears? The last thing you should do is put yourself down.

 

You said you like shy guys and don't like this guy that was 'too sociable'. May I ask why on both?

[quirky]

Too sociable for me may be another woman's catch. His phone rings a lot, he's very talkative to waitresses, is always out, has tons of friends/aquaintances, he never spends time alone. There's an exhibition related to his job and he won't go by himself. Doesn't watch a dvd by himself. I don't mind he's not intellectual because he's streetwise and I like that. Also my closest family members are super sociable and dynamic and I always felt pressure around them and he reminds me of them a bit.

 

I am about 50-50 on the extrovert/introvert scale. I am very lively but also melancholic in my heart. I like shy guys because I see a vulnerability in them I can relate to. And because maybe they have felt like outsiders too. I feel that someone like that will understand me better. Too passive is when the guy takes no initiative or is afraid to do what he wants in fear of hurting me. This has happened to me a lot.

[OntheWire]

What is your passion in life? What are your plans for it and how is it coming along?

[Nomadic Intent]

I relate to that. I live a very 'sociable' life especially in my line of work, all about socialising and getting along, phone never stops, lunch / dinner meetings etc.

 

But i and always will be an introvert at heart. I love my 'me' time, and find myself more productive that way. And if i'm with a person i like, i turn my phone off when i'm with them and give them my full attention. Too bad as its never paid off. I'm still single!

 

Quirky i too struggle with finding a 'suitable' partner, one that suits our needs. I had thought i found her but its just wrong timing on my end.

 

Keep us updated on your journey!

[Mustachio]

quirky, if your posts are any indication of your personality in the real world you will have no trouble meeting people.

 

I know its not so much meeting people thats the problem, rather that you just havent clicked with anyone yet. As was said earlier, maybe its just that you over your ex enough to really allow yourself to open up enough to someone new yet... or maybe you just havent found the right guy. But to think itll never happen is just silly. Because one day you will meet someone and things will just clicked. It has happened in the past, what is to say it wont again.

 

Just keep your chin up!

[Shallow]

well you are a bit strange and you are 31 so better settle because most guys like more ordinary and young

I don't like "ordinary" and 31 is young. Then again, I'm an old codger.

 

Seriously though, late 20s/early 30s is great because you're more inclined to meet someone who's ready for a long term relationship, yet still right around your age. It's the late 30s/early 40s that you have to worry about. There's still plenty of time, so make the most of it.

[Ammy]

Quirky,

 

I can relate 100%. I also find no one in Sydney - they don't like me, I'm not usually that interested in them... British and Irish men tend to find me attractive, but I never seem to run into them that much here. I consider moving all the time, but I love Sydney and my family are here.

 

Anyway no advice really, just saying I relate!

 

Ammy

[No1]

quirky... Not everyone is on the same path. Do not listen to people when they say you should be at a certain spot by a certain age. That is thinking that doesnt pertain to you. You are your own person, your own path, and please stop listening to people trying to tell you how to fit your life in their, or anyone elses box. Its your life, you live it as you see fit.

Now, this new guy or any guy that you meet from here on out is not your X. You have to fight hard to resist the temptation to compare "he is not as fun, he is not as good looking, he is not as......etc" Its not fair to you or to the one that you meet. Let things take their own course. If it works out, great if it doesnt work out, then it doesnt work out. You cant expect to find your replacement mate with the NEXT guy. Its not going to happen. You will go on many dates with several guys and only then will you really meet the one special guy.

And as far as intimidating them or scaring them off. Its 100% their problem and not yours. Your guy should accept you for who you are, not for what they believe they can mold you to be. Just be yourself. Nothing less or nothing more, if they like you, they will accept you.

[newwave]

I can completely relate to this. When I was 31 I wasn't worried about finding anyone. At that point most of my friends (male and female) were single. Now though at 39 I worry about ever finding the right guy. Seems that the only guys my age are either divorced with kids, or have no interest in dating. It does get narrower as you get older which does scare me. I fear that I'll have to give up an important thing to me just to find someone.

[quirky]

Thank you all for your comments and encouragement

 

quirky, if your posts are any indication of your personality in the real world you will have no trouble meeting people.

 

I know its not so much meeting people thats the problem, rather that you just havent clicked with anyone yet.

 

Maybe it's that..The biggest problem I find is that the attitude I accumulated while living in the UK is "foreign" here. I feel that they don't get me. Plus as a creative person I'm full of contradictions. I am sweet and caring but I have a dark past and I'm drawn to darkness. I like contemporary classical music but also Beyonce. My clothes/looks are stylish but every holiday I go camping. I am very positive and optimistic (looking somewhat naive) but I also get turned on by the power of money and manipulation.

 

I feel "in between" of everything o_o

btw..professionally this should give me a great advantage hehe

 

What is your passion in life? What are your plans for it and how is it coming along?

 

My passion in life..tough to pick one..it's life itself.. but do you mean careerwise? I write songs/music. I love it and would love to be paid for it one day but it requires a lot of faith because I don't write commercial music. I can see how your question is related. I feel uncertain about my professional moves which is to either focus completely on music and do any odd job or start something of my own online.

[quirky]

Is it possible you're not completely healed?

 

No I'm not completely healed but it's long enough (9 months) and I can do it now if I met someone I connected with.

 

 

Your guy should accept you for who you are, not for what they believe they can mold you to be. Just be yourself. Nothing less or nothing more, if they like you, they will accept you.

 

I really hope that's true. I thought that someone will never get bored with me. You know what it's like..after the ex..whoever doesn't go crazy over you..you perceive it as rejection.

 

I don't like "ordinary" and 31 is young.

 

Why is your username "Shallow"..? makes no sense..!

The guys I have met here seem quite disheartened. But you re right, most of them are looking for something serious. I'd really like to meet someone like me but calmer.

[Shallow]

Why is your username "Shallow"..? makes no sense..!

Someone else (G-Snap) said this to me too. It's the title of a song with a verse (in my signature) that I relate to. In and of itself, I suppose it is oxymoronic, which is why I like it as well. Then again, perhaps I am shallow, just not in the traditional sense. Pick one . . . or all.

 

I'd really like to meet someone like me but calmer.

Hmm, I don't think that would work for me at all. I think I'd need an opposite. I'd hope it's not because I want someone to "complete" me, per se, or because I don't really like myself. I just think a yin and yang relationship would be more beneficial to me, and hopefully them as well.

 

Of course, this kind of flies in the face of wanting someone to truly understand and empathize with you, doesn't it? I suppose it's still possible, but it would be much easier if they were very similar to you in most respects. I suppose I'm just full of contradictions, aren't I?

[quirky]

Hmm, I don't think that would work for me at all. I think I'd need an opposite. I'd hope it's not because I want someone to "complete" me, per se, or because I don't really like myself. I just think a yin and yang relationship would be more beneficial to me, and hopefully them as well.

 

Of course, this kind of flies in the face of wanting someone to truly understand and empathize with you, doesn't it? I suppose it's still possible, but it would be much easier if they were very similar to you in most respects. I suppose I'm just full of contradictions, aren't I?

 

lol, contradictions is the curse of an analytical mind.

I've dated people opposite to me and it didn't work very well so far. I'd usually end up running the show..

 

The first date went a bit strange because he's quite intense and I got a bit overwhelmed but we met up again today and it was really nice. He's quite intense and I like him because he's real. Let's see..

[Shallow]

lol, contradictions is the curse of an analytical mind.

Indeed it is. It also causes many a sleepless night.

 

I've dated people opposite to me and it didn't work very well so far. I'd usually end up running the show..

I can understand that. Even as a man, I don't like running the show all the time. It becomes tiresome. I like mine a little feisty.

 

The first date went a bit strange because he's quite intense and I got a bit overwhelmed but we met up again today and it was really nice. He's quite intense and I like him because he's real. Let's see..

That's great! You've went from the creation of this thread to seeing great progress in (counts on fingers) a couple of days. Nice work! I wish you the best.