Today My Boyfriend Hit Me For The First Time.

[Dashottcalla]

Today while we were waiting for my bus back to college he got mad at me because i told him i was frustrated at the moment and i just needed a little space. (Mind you we were in the same car and he was basically sitting in my seat with me) So we were just sitting there doing nothing and then he starts texting, Alot. And so then randomly a guy, who ive never met, or even seen in person starts texting me. and i know i was wrong for this, but i started texting me back. So he takes my phone from me after a while and i ask him to give it back. I didnt want him to see the texts because i wanted to avoid an argument. He runs out of the car and i chase him, he gets in the car before me and locks me out. While im locked out he looks through my phone and sees the texts. His whole attitude changed. He opens the car door and as soon as i get in my seat he hit me on my mouth. Not like a punch but a hit with the back of his hand. Then he kinda pushed my head after and asked me whats wrong with me. I asked him to give me my phone and why did he hit me and was he crazy. We go at it for a while, i put two scratches on his face. He then gets out of the car and throws my phone accross the street. He went and got it after a police officer that saw him throw the phone told him to.

 

my phone is broke

 

Im 18, and hes 21, hes always been good to me, and i know that he loves me. What does this mean? and what route do i take now?

[greywolf]

You two participated in common couple violence. I honestly don't think things look too well for you two. It sounds like you don't respect each other very much. What type of things were you texting?

[Dashottcalla]

stupid things that i didnt mean. i told the guy i was thinking about him. i really wasent though.. i guess i just wanted to feel better at the time because he was texting

[greywolf]

stupid things that i didnt mean. i told the guy i was thinking about him. i really wasent though.. i guess i just wanted to feel better at the time because he was texting

 

If you want things to work out, I think it'd be best if you talked to each other. Apologize for the texting and for scratching him and tell him that hitting you is unacceptable and that it is something you will not tolerate in the future. Then you two both need to work on your anger.

[Dashottcalla]

Thanku... that is a good way to solve things! i appreciate ur advice

[greywolf]

Thanku... that is a good way to solve things! i appreciate ur advice

 

No problem. And if he's a semi-decent guy, he should be feeling pretty bad about what he did. If not, I really suggest you let this guy go. There are plenty of guys out there who would never hit you.

[EQIQ]

Yeah, not cool behavior from either of you there.

 

Now it seems like she only started hitting him back after he had already hit her, not justifying what she did, but still him taking the initiative to resort to violence like that over text messages is really inappropriate.

 

Also, you on the other hand texting some other guy with flirty things display no respect at all for your boyfriend. I think you two should break-up, it really looks like there is no respect there. Respect is one of the main things people need in a relationship, sometimes even more than love.... what you guys did doesn't show a lot of love and caring either though...

[faithful14]

It doesn't matter what happened, he has no right to hit you like that....EVER!!!!! ( you shouldn't have hit back either) If he's mad, tell him to take his anger by punching the wall or the dashboard, but not you. WHAT HE DID WAS NOT OKAY AT ALL!!!!!! Seriously, what if he loses it next time and then he just beats the crap out of you?

[EQIQ]

It doesn't matter what happened, he has not right to hit you like that....EVER!!!!! ( you shouldn't have hit back either) If he's mad, tell him to take his anger by punching the wall or the dashboard, but not you. WHAT HE DID WAS NOT OKAY AT ALL!!!!!! Seriously, what if he loses it next time and then he just beats the crap out of you?

 

Yeah like, over a text message... what if one day you do something really stupid, and he catches you doing it? Like kissing some other guy, or whatever. Imagine how you are placing yourself in danger here. He has shown he is capable of using violence.

[Dashottcalla]

idk... i just feel like hes really not that type of guy, hes always very sweet and patient with me. we have been together 8 going on 9 months now and hes now like my world. it feels like pretty much everything i do involves him someway

[greywolf]

It doesn't matter what happened, he has not right to hit you like that....EVER!!!!! ( you shouldn't have hit back either) If he's mad, tell him to take his anger by punching the wall or the dashboard, but not you. WHAT HE DID WAS NOT OKAY AT ALL!!!!!! Seriously, what if he loses it next time and then he just beats the crap out of you?

 

It isn't too common for CCV to involve serious injury, although OP, I do suggest you keep an eye on his behavior. How does he treat you in general?

[Dashottcalla]

He treats me really good in general. He always tries to make me happy and likes to see me smile. But some times i feel like he is really controlling becuase he kind of expects me to come home everyweekend from college to be with him. I im from dc.. but im in school in NY. And sometimes he doesnt like me like going to parties, or drinkin with friends if i go out.

[faithful14]

see that controlling behavior is what makes the red flags go up in my head. He may not seem like that type to be like that but the fact that he doesn't like it when you go out with friends or you don't come home every weekend is alarming to me. I'm worried that if he sees you talking to some other guy innocently, he will get angry and try to control you with some form of violence. The decision to stay with him is up to you but I would suggest being very careful and too look out for yourself.

[greywolf]

see that controlling behavior is what makes the red flags go up in my head. He may not seem like that type to be like that but the fact that he doesn't like it when you go out with friends or you don't come home every weekend is alarming to me. I'm worried that if he sees you talking to some other guy innocently, he will get angry and try to control you with some form of violence. The decision to stay with him is up to you but I would suggest being very careful and too look out for yourself.

 

Since he exhibits controlling behavior, I agree with faithful14 on this one. It sounds like you're deadset on working things out with him, so just really make sure that he knows what he did was unacceptable, and keep your eyes open.

[Dashottcalla]

Yes i will, thankyou for your advice. I guess can kind of understand what hes feeling because when we first started dating we saw each other every day all day... and now that im in college things have changed

[NightLily]

This relationship sounds like more trouble than it is worth. There is no point in dating somebody who is controlling and hits you. If he hit you once, he could hit you again. Don't be the girl that settles for that.

 

Better single than with that stress in your life imo.

[Dashottcalla]

This relationship sounds like more trouble than it is worth. There is no point in dating somebody who is controlling and hits you. If he hit you once, he could hit you again. Don't be the girl that settles for that.

 

Better single than with that stress in your life imo.

yea.. i see where ur coming from. i feel like its to much stress at times too

[LightbulbSun]

It doesn't matter how long you've been together, the first time he hits you, you should leave the relationship. Hitting is NEVER okay - what if he hits you again? What if you two get married and have a child, and he loses his temper and hits the baby?

 

You have to think about the future. Is there a future with this guy after this?

[NightLily]

yea.. i see where ur coming from. i feel like its to much stress at times too

 

 

I'm familiar with your situation though. That is how I know it is a handful, a distraction, and just a downer. I would try really hard to make things work, but I have come to realize there is nothing wrong with breaking up because things just aren't "right". Like, it is OK to throw in the towel. You shouldn't always have to struggle.

 

My one regret in these situations has always been just not ending things sooner.

[agent1607307371]

No, today your boyfriend hit you for the LAST time.

 

Physical violence is game over in my book.

[DN]

I agree that you two should break up.

 

Physical violence is never OK and he should not have hit you no matter what the provocation.

 

But the fact that he hit you does not make what you did OK either. And why was this guy whom you have never met, suddenly texting you? And why did he choose that particular time (when you were annoyed at your boyfriend for texting) - that seems highly coincidental. And why did you decide to start texting him back?

 

Also, you say on the one hand he is a really sweet and patient guy and then that he's too controlling.

 

It seems to me that neither of you behaved well. He used violence which is unacceptable and your behaviour wasn't that of a loving and faithful girlfriend either.

[DontGetStung]

You know now that his is the kind of person that will hit you. Any further violence is your fault for not leaving now.

[AbombSnowMan]

I think a lot of you people judging the boyfriend for his mistake are being unreasonable. I'm not saying that its okay for him to hit, but it was one time in 8 months and if you look in his perspective he probabally thought his gf was cheating on him.

 

You guys are saying "oh hes the kind of person thats gonna get more and more violent later on"

 

Well with that logic then perhaps shes the type of girl who will flirt more and more with other strangers and start cheating on her boyfriend with any random guy when things arn't "perfect" with her bf.

 

Seriously you both screwed up. My gf once texted another guy during a fight we were having just because I was ignoring her and she wanted attention, she wasn't being flirty or anything but she still tryed to hide it from me so I wouldn't get mad, but yeah i lost my temper at that. If she had texted things like "oh im thinking of you blah blah" I probabally would have broke up with her right then. That kinda stuff can really hurt.

 

In this case you hurt him emotionally and he hurt you physically. One is really no better or worse than the other.

 

So I would say if you can forgive each other then do so. If these become re occurring issues from either of you then maybe you two are not so compatible. That's my take on the situation anyways.

[DN]

There is a difference between physical and emotional hurt in that one can cause injury or, in extreme cases, death. And one is illegal but the other isn't.

 

But one still doesn't justify the other. The fact that someone reacts to bad behaviour doesn't justify or negate the bad behaviour.

[HeartGoesOn]

Once physical abuse enters a relationship, there's no going back.

 

Juat my opinion...