Back together with ex after 6 months broken up.

[Nicole2009]

Hi All!

 

It has been a while since I have been on this forum. I just had to stop coming on here so much b/c I was obsessing.

 

I don't even want to re-read any of my postings...

 

We are back together. It takes sooooo much work, more work than you would imagine to get back with someone once the trust has been broken.

 

I do have trust issues, but each day I am less and less priortized by what hes not or is doing. And some days I am prioritized.

 

I spent hours scouring the site looking for answers and clues.

 

Know this. People lie. They lie for a myriad of reasons. Your exes reasons for breaking up with you are a combination of lies and truth.

People make mistakes. They are not perfect and sometimes there are no answers for their behavior.

 

This isn't really a success story, just my story.

 

I'll answer questions, if anyone has any.

[dre760]

Congrats Nicole. Now maybe u can be around here more often and offer advice going through what you have already been through?

 

Hopefully I'm at your point someday =)

 

 

Also how did it all go down? Were you the dumper or dumpee? Did you go NC? Who broke NC? Ect...

[Nicole2009]

I was the dumpee. It was sooooo tough. After 2 yrs together and 4 days before my B-day he broke up with me. Over the phone all because I had asked him a question (of course it was waaayyy more than that).

 

I tried to go NC but it mad me miserable, so I didn't.

 

The first few weeks after the breakup he tried to treat me like crap, b/c I was acting needy and desperate, which of course fueled his reasons for breaking up with me. I was like a wounded animal, so incredible hurt. All he kept saying was that he wanted to be by himself...which was odd b/c he is a person that loves people.

 

I can not explain how hurt I was... Just thinking about it is giving me aniexty.

[jaygirl]

Thats good news. its nice to wake up in the morning with a success story. goodluck in ur 'new' relationship. wish u the best

[Nicole2009]

It is definitely a new relationship.

 

Its funny though, he acts as though it never happened. Just the other day we were discussing what to do for my b-day and he said, "Oh why don't we do something like last year." and I said "what, break up with me in a more cruel and unusual way?" "he says, "why do you have to bring that up?"

 

One thing is that you do kind of have to forget about it and move on.

[jaygirl]

yes! you really have to forget about the old relationship. so when are you guys getting married?

[Nicole2009]

Funny you should mention that...he spoke of that today.

 

He says that this year (2010) I will have a ring on my finger.

 

But, a promise is a comfort to a fool, so I don't put much stock in that.

[Anon333]

So you never ended up going no contact? how long were you guys separated?

[jaygirl]

At anon, its posts like this that makes one doubt if we made the right decision by going nc right? Lol.

[Anon333]

haha,....jaygirl....i have no choice since he is with another woman and he has not tried contacting me....i have no control over the situation but to go no contact, he didnt even want to be friends.....seems so much the opposite of what everyone else deals with.....makes me feel like i was just his trash he could just dump out and forget about...sorry to hijack the thread.

[mgirl]

This idea makes me cringe... With all due respect, i would rather re-invest my time into finding something that is not broken.

 

makes me feel like i was just his trash he could just dump out and forget about...sorry to hijack the thread.

 

Even if he treated you like yesterday's trash (it happens), you don't have to treat yourself like this. You will get to a stage where something clicks and you start to value yourself more than others.

[Deejmonster]

Im glad that your back together... I hope things work out for you... and you are right... as i just found out.. that even after your broken up... and to the point of never getting back together... people still lie... But... Im happy for you and yes... patience and time are key... but its all if the other person wants it too

[minou]

Nicole, thank you for posting your story. Lately I've been cringing at how much NC is recommended as a blanket rule for all the people who come on this site. Thanks for showing us every story is different, and for sharing your reunion.

[uncomfynumb]

To me, it sounds like you never experienced a real breakup rather fought and separated for three weeks.

[RunCheetahRun]

I'd be curious to know what you meant by "lie"....what kind of lies are we talking about? Seems that the nature of the lie would be pretty important in deciding to get back with someone or not.

 

And congrats, hope it works out for you!

[Lastchallenge]

To me, it sounds like you never experienced a real breakup rather fought and separated for three weeks.

 

X2 I agree...

[Nicole2009]

NC just never worked for me. He wasn't mean to me, and I loved him I just stopped making him a priority in my life. I took a road trip from Florida to DC. I got involved in my community. Sometimes I wouldn't speak to him, not because I was trying but because I didn't feel like sharing a part of my life with someone who said they didn't want to be there. I started dating again. That was interesting. I thinkdating was my turning point, it was like, I am desireable! The advice on here is good advice, NC is the best way , just not the only way.

[Nicole2009]

I'd be curious to know what you meant by "lie"....what kind of lies are we talking about? Seems that the nature of the lie would be pretty important in deciding to get back with someone or not.

 

And congrats, hope it works out for you!

 

He kept telling me that he just wanted to be by himself. That was a lie.

He had a serious case of GIGS. Look it up on the forum so you get a true understanding.

[Nicole2009]

To me, it sounds like you never experienced a real breakup rather fought and separated for three weeks.

 

 

Yeah, it was a fake breakup. I just pretended to be upset and cry and come on this forum and pour my heart out.

 

Next.

[uncomfynumb]

Yeah, it was a fake breakup. I just pretended to be upset and cry and come on this forum and pour my heart out.

 

Next.

 

I'm not sure the reason for your attitude and your defensive stance but I didn't call your breakup fake. I simply stated from what you wrote, that it sounded like you never really broke up for any substantial period of time, seemed more like a drawn out battle but that you both continued working on the relationship however alternatively.

 

And for the record, you can be upset while in a relationship and pour your heart out to a forum so your point there is mute.

 

Now that I've read some of your posts and understand your history, you have been reconcilling for 4 or 5 months now. I hope that during that time you've managed to resolve the issues that broke you up in the first place. Congrats on your success.

 

The majority of the people here have been dumped by someone that is a little more certain that the relationship is over so for them, NC is the better option.

[Nicole2009]

the reason for being defensive is that I did not come one here yesterday and post my story to be given advice or told I didn't have a "real" breakup. Everyone on this forum is in similar situations so to insinuate that I don't have a get back together story is a bit insulting all because it doesn't fit your definition of a breakup.

 

I came back to share my story because I have gained perspective and I wish that more people would come back to help others, but if this is the response i'm going to get then I'll do like coolchick and bounce to another forum. Maybe I do belong in the staying together forum.

 

I came back for those who had questions, or those who helped me along the way I wanted them to see my progression.

 

It is insulting to think because I didn't do NC or the lockstep program that is advocated does not mean that my pain or hurt was less than anyone who had a "real breakup". Those were your words.

 

Now back to those who have questions or positive feedback. Thanks.

[uncomfynumb]

This post right here answered all the questions I have and gave me all the feedback I need.

 

I can tell by your continence that you are clearly in love and in a happy relationship.

[medtec]

i agree with you nicole-no contact might not work for all breakups. me and my ex pretty much broke up about 2 months ago...but neither of us are dating other(as far as i know-we don't ask). i think the mature thing to do with anyone that dumps you is to move on after some time and understand that there are others out there to date. i'm doing the same thing you are doing nicole-just focusing on my life and happy that we are not fighting anymore. my ex emails me more now and has asked me more questions. i might even say he is interested in me on more than a friend level. i share what i want and don't with what i don't want.

 

our reasons for breakup were not to cheating or us hating each other-so its a different breakup. if it was for one of those two reasons i would recommend no contact and focusing on yourself 100% and not even waste time on the other person.

 

we did have a period of no contact for about 2 weeks though-enough for me to regain myself since i was the dumpee.

[shygirl711]

Hi nicole, just a question as your situation is pretty similar to mine. How did you deal with the break up? Did you try and comfort him or did you just not push it? also who initiated contact? You said he was treating you like crap at the beginning, did he say why this was and how did you react towards it?

[tattoobunnie]

Don't sweat it when people strive for NC. I only think of it as a way to heal...it does not however fix a foundation in rebuilding a relationship. While I am almost 7 months post-break-up now, I've been in contact with my ex the entire time. At first, I was ready to write him off and move on, but he found ways to reach out to me. And in that 7 months, a lot of things were shared, discussed, fought over, some dating others, a lot of us going on dates, to break-throughs, to us traveling together coming up this week. It is true about the lies we tell our ex...though most times, I think they say that because they believe at the time it's something else, or to cushion the blow, or it's a miscommunication. I have grown much in how I evaluate, see things, understanding the err of my ways, and moving forward. I'm at a point, where I'm not looking out just for me. I'm treating him well.

 

There are times, my superego wants to control the situation either by pushing him away, protect myself...then I realize, this is my second chance...no point in acting like a butt-munch.

 

Glad to hear of your current situation, and good luck.

 

P.S. to others...our situation is not the same as those who get left for another person or are abused emotionally or physically. And if your ex went on a date...they went on a date. Don't sweat over a date.