This is my first post, please help me.... EVERYONE

[SlvrStriker]

My girlfriend goes to college at OSU, and is about an hour and a half from me. Well the other day she called me up and we were talking and she told me about her new friend phillip and all.And she was telling me that she wants me to experince other girls if it comes up since i am relativly new at dating and shes had like at least 20 boyfriends (she wont tell me the exact amount). I said ok, and told her that if she wanted to go out a lil with other guys that it would be ok with me, just as long as she told me what happened. Because too me if she kissed someone and told me, id feel ebtter cause she was honest so it must not mean anything. Well today i was sitting in class, and she poped up on aim and told me how this weekend she was alone with philiip and they made out. What really got me, was that she did it a couple times through out the weekend. She told me this 30 sec before she had to go to class, and then when i got upset she got upset too, and told me that she'll talk to me later if she has time, or write me an e-mail about this. I got sick instantly and puked 3 times now. And i am confused cause i dont know what to do. She crossed the line after the first time and im confused. I still love her but all i can think of now is her and him making out. We have been through alot together, we lost our virginity to eachother and she swears she didn't sleep with phillip whim i believe her ont hat cause hes not like that. But i dont know what to do. And when i see phillip enxt what do i do, shake his hand and smile, and let him smile cause he know he got away with it. I cant walk away cause then i'll seem like a coward, and i dont want to fight him, cause it will cause more problems. My girlfriend has had some honestly problems out whole relationship (a year and a half) and she just now started to tell the truth wghen i ask for it. So should i be mad at her for doing what she did or praise her for tellign the truth. It hurts alot, and i dont know what i should do about her, please someone tell me what u think. Thanks

[Maverick44]

I personally think you need to drop her.

 

She's your gf and she's making out with another guy????

 

Why would you want her? Look, man - sooner or later, she's going to come up and tell you she had sex with another guy and you're going to be thinking that it must not have meant something because she was honest with you?

 

You've had a great relationship but have grown apart. Let her have her time, freedom, and space. She will miss you - you'll miss her too but in the end, you'll move on. Do that and date other girls.

 

Good luck,

 

Maverick

[nenez]

Hi

This is a tough situstion to be in. You did say it would be ok for her to do this as long as she told you about it. And you said you would do it too.

It sounds as though she has some intentions towards phillip and you need to address this.

If you wish to remain in an exclusive relationship you must say so. It is not ok to say one thing and then do another. You need to tell your girlfriend you are not ok with this and really talk through your relationship. If she says she wants you to experience other women it may well be to appease her conscience about doing it herself while still having you to fall back on.

You must talk and tell her how you feel.

You must also face up to the fact that this relationship may be winding down and you may have to let go and move on. This is not easy but it the end it will be better than the pain of seeing her see other men while you agonise over it.

Good luck

With love

nenez xxx

[SlvrStriker]

I know what u guys are saying, and i believe both of you, id o need to talk to her, but al i can see is her with that other guy. And i did have a small hunch that she had this plan. She said she was lonely and it was in the moment. And im not ok with her doing this, i meant if it happened once id be ok cause she came to me. But she did more than once and i dont even know when this was, for all i know it cold of been before she talked ot me days ago. Im going to call her tonight, and i know we still lvoe eachother, i just need to know whats going on, cause i know this is not right, even though she thinks its fine and im making a big deal out of it.

[SlvrStriker]

Anyone else have anything to say, please dont sotp, i want ot hear what lots of ppl think.

[Tinkerbell]

I completely agree with nenez's posts. Although there is nothing wrong with agreeing to see other people, there certainly is a problem when you continue to refer to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, because then your actions would be considered "cheating." If this girl loves you she would not fool around with guys in order to pass the time while you're away, and although you agreed to her seeing other people, she has still been unfaithful because you guys were in a relationship. I think what you need to do now is establish that you are dating, not seeing each other exclusively, and try to get this girl out of your mind. Even though she asked your permission, it's as if she had this plan right from the start but she wanted to be sure of things first before going thru with it, because I find it hard to believe that this Phil guy popped up out of nowhere. You do not need a girl like this in your life, it's bad enough that she was able to make-out with him once, but repeatedly throughout the weekend is unacceptable, and you have the right to be hurt. A girlfriend should not be seeing other guys, and I think you should try your best to move on, and if in the future there is no longer the problem of long-distance perhaps then you can see each other again.

[Cecelius]

I agree with everyone else. If you are looking for an exclusive relationship, she doesn't want one. No amount of talking about it, pleading, game playing or otherwise is going to change what happened. Before you over-think whether she betrayed you, or whatever, at least she tried to warn you what was going to happen before she did anything.

 

Respect yourself. Your g/f is gone -- if you want to hook up with her and hang out with her w/o significant attachment, so be it. You need to go find yourself some other girls to hang with.

 

Don't have a big talk with her about how things are just find new girls to hook up with.

[avustt]

i had the same kind of situation

 

you did tell it was ok, but the fact she said she wanted you to see other people should have made u think that maybe, she already has or really insent in love with you. i would never want my bf to see other girls just becasue i was far away. you cant really get mad at her becasue you said it was ok, you can tell her how i feel and u made a mistake in thinking that u would be ok with that. if i were i would lose her, its not worth it, do u want to be with someone who is ok with you being sexual with other girls? just my thoughts, hope you work it out, good luck!

[Outlaw2747]

Welcome to enotalone man. Hey I heard about this situation many times. I agree with everyone and what they have been saying. In my opinion, she is walking on your lie a door mat. She thinks that if she tells you eveything she does, no matter what it is, everything is fine. She is taking your kindnessfor a weakness. And like a past poster said, she is going to wind up telling you that she had sex with someone else and then tell you and assume everything is okay. You have to put her in her place and tell her how it is because that just isn't right. I have felt your pain before believe me. But if I was in your position, I'd drop her then avoid her like the plague because the last thing I need in my young and ambitious life is drama from someone who cannot control themselves and use people. GET RID OF HER. I wish you good luck dude.

[Mun]

Once you let someone walk all over you, you lose their respect. Stand up for yourself and let her know that this is not acceptable. A relationship is about having a commitment to each other and it sounds like she no longer has one to you.

 

Be strong and let her go. Show her with your actions that you won't tolerate something like this and that it's not right.

 

Hang in there.

[monkeyshavestyle]

well the thing it that she wants you to move on to another girl cause she has moved on drop her and find someone else or do as she wants you to do and date other girls biut be honest with them.. and then tell her if you make out with them and if it does not bother her then she is already over you and you have got to move on and if it bothers her then she will come crawling back to you not wanting to see others.. Have you ever heard the saying if you love them let them go? well it is true.. I dovorced my ex husband and he is obsessed with making it so that i can not live a normal life or date much cause he tells my little girl bad things about me and doesn't know the guys i date but says they are loosers or they are liars or something to turn my little girl against them.. He is obsessed with me cause i let him go and won't take him back.

[NittanyKitten]

Ok... all I have to say about this is... F*ck talking it over with her (there really is no point)... F*ck trying to be friend with her (a friendship will never work at this point, anyways)... and F*ckin' dump her already before something worse and even more hurtful happens!!!

 

Yes, it was stupid of you to agree to that in the first place... that, right there, was the first and only clue you needed to know she was using you.

 

Yes, it was nice of her to be honest about it. At least she told you. I am the type of person who would NEVER even think about doing something with another guy like that! That qualifies as cheating! I do know, thought, that if I ever had a laps in judgement and did something that stupid, to where I risked losing the person I love, I would be upfront about it. He'd find out that I was a stupid, horrible bitch before my best friend (who I usually tell everything to before anyone else) would find out! Most girls hide something like that until they feel like being very cruel...

 

No, it was not right of her do make out with some other guy to begin with! It wasn't even right of her to ask if it was ok if she saw other men! If you have a bf, or a gf depending on the cercumstances, then you do not ask him or her if you can see other people!