Saturday Party that Ex will be at..go or not?

[Time2Shine]

Ok...So my friend just told me that this weekend there will be a party. Now the party is at this guy's house who I suspect may be trying to start something with my ex or may have already done stuff with my ex. That I am not sure of and as you would all know speculation does me no good.

 

Its been 2 weeks since she initiated NC and since then I've made a lot of great strides in my life. I just got hired for a really nice and high paying job, whereas before I'm sure my ex thought I didn't have a future ahead of me, and I also lost 10 lbs. I am wondering if I should or shouldn't go to this party. I wonder if seeing her will remind her of what she has lost. To be honest I hope that is what will happen if and when I do go to this party. I will just politely say hi to her and nothing more. Although this party will probably be small maybe 6 - 10 people max. Sounds like a dangerous situation and if my heart is racing now I can only imagine what it will be like then.

 

So people of ENA. What do you think? Go or not go? I've made some significant changes to myself and I'm just thinking if I go it will put it in her head that I am something she lost.

[guynextdoor]

I would go to a party to have fun and not really make your ex realize what she's missing. If you are over her then go, if not I suggest going to another party.

[AutumnBorn]

I wouldn't go, but I'd be sure that the friend was up to date on all the great things that have been happening in your life, just in case your name comes up in conversation.

 

Why risk emotional torture?

[dre760]

Going to this party would be a bad idea. Even if you were completely over her, this would still put both of you in an awkward situation.

 

If she really does have feeling for this other guy, then it will make it even worse if you go. It might even make her pursue him more then she wanted to in the first place.

 

 

Save yourself some stress and just find something else to do.

[Time2Shine]

I feel like I shouldn't go because I'm not so sure it would be a good idea to break NC and also I am still uncertain about this guy that she hangs out with all the time. I mean I know it sounds ridiculous but this is all i have to go on so far.

 

1. She knows that I'm jealous that she is hanging out with him alot.

2. She knows that I'm jealous that instead of talking to me when life's problems arise...she talks to him now.

3. They keep going out to bars together and just hanging out whenever possible

4. When he hangs out here he doesn't talk to me much or sometimes talks ****

5. He laughs during the parts of movies where people get dumped right in front of me as loudly as possible

6. He picks her up on the other side of town just to go out clubbing with one of my friends

 

Am I paranoid? or what?

 

Damnit....I wish I hadn't made the mistake of pleading and begging when the relationship ended. She told me that she was closing the door on us and that she didn't think we were that compatible. Although she did say these things very angrily. Should I just take these things as...WE ARE NEVER GOING TO GET BACK TOGETHER FU? or that she may have said things she didn't mean when she was mad...

[DylanNotorious]

I would say don't go. What happens if you round a corner and see her passionatly kissing the other guy?!

 

It could happen, so I wouldn't go if I was you!

[Time2Shine]

Damn...should I just give up and think that this relationship isn't salvageable?

[shessofly]

nope, i wouldn't go if it were me.

[tattoobunnie]

6 to 10 people is not a party. It's a group gathering. 30 people, then at least you can get your groove on with others. I'd pass on it. There will be other parties. In fact, I think you should throw a party yourself, and make sure it's the bomb-diggity of all parties.

[Time2Shine]

Can you guys read my second response and tell me if I'm crazy?

[tattoobunnie]

I dunno? It sounds really cruel what they're even trying to do now. It's like rubbing their love in your face not in a crowded room, but with a couple of people...like you're trapped in an elevator. Do you know for sure they are getting together, or is that just mind-madness?

[tattoobunnie]

Compatibility is a deal breaker. An action of series of actions can be ammended. It reads that she is moving on. Could be with this guy for now, probably a new guy later on. Angrily? Would you take her more seriously if she said it happily or politely? The fact she even said it...you should listen to that...not what you want to only hear.

[dre760]

Can you guys read my second response and tell me if I'm crazy?

 

There is no longer a relationship to save. That relationship is over and you should really start worrying about yourself. She has made it pretty clear that she wants nothing to do with you anytime soon. Now is the time to work on yourself and do things only for you.

 

If you keep chasing her and trying to convince her to be with you or to show her that you have changed, then you are just going to push her further away.

 

Nobody knows whats in store for the future. Maybe later down the road you two will bump into each other and perhaps reconcile.. When I say later down the road im talking months to years. If you were meant to be then you were meant to be.

 

 

You can't do anything to make her want to come back. You can only do things that make her not want to come back. Just stay away from her, work on yourself, and if she misses you, or if you were meant to be together, then she will contact you.

[dre760]

sorry if that last post was a little harsh.. But its the truth... Leave them both alone and worry about yourself. No matter what you do right now will only make it worse. Trust me.

[bullonparade]

Do NOT go. Nothing positive will come out of this and why would you want to torture yourself? Don't go and don't tell anyone why you aren't going. You need to disappear from her life. 2 weeks NC is great but it's really nothing as far as healing. After 6 months to a year you maybe be ready for something like that. How will you know? If you don't even care then you are ready. If you need to ask ENA you are not ready.

[uncomfynumb]

Don't go. Seeing my ex set me back a small pace, even if I didn't see him up close and personal and even though he didn't see me.

 

Out of sight out of mind.

[Enfin libre]

I wouldn't go. Why risk the possibility of throwing yourself into a downward spiral if it goes badly?

[Time2Shine]

Sigh...my roommate just came to talk to me about it.

 

I pretty much just broke into tears...I don't know what to do. On this day when I got hired for a great new job where I should be happy about my achievements...instead im sad. Because I know that there is nothing left in my relationship. That 2.5 years just pretty much went down the drain and all my efforts went to hell with no one even to care that they are going there.

 

I wish i knew what she was thinking and whether or not I should just take my feelings into the backyard and put them out for good...

[beautiful1]

Your first paragraph indicates that you should not go.

[minou]

If you were in a great place emotionally and could breeze in, stating you stopped by on your way to a date, looking great and full of confidence, I'd say go for a brief time. However, you're in a vulnerable place right now. Don't go. Good luck. Take care of yourself.

[snoopydog]

When I read it was 6-10 people alarm bells went in my head. Don't go.

 

If it was a larger gathering maybe but 6-10 is way too small and intimate a group...you can't really mingle without interacting with or nearby your ex.

[TearsofFate]

1. She knows that I'm jealous that she is hanging out with him alot.

2. She knows that I'm jealous that instead of talking to me when life's problems arise...she talks to him now.

3. They keep going out to bars together and just hanging out whenever possible

4. When he hangs out here he doesn't talk to me much or sometimes talks ****

5. He laughs during the parts of movies where people get dumped right in front of me as loudly as possible

6. He picks her up on the other side of town just to go out clubbing with one of my friends

 

Am I paranoid? or what?

 

No, you are not crazy at all. It's perfectly normal to feel this way. I was so jealous when my ex hung out with an ex of his after the break up. Just because it's normal to feel jealous doesn't mean it's right though.

 

Don't go to this party. There is too much of a chance you will get hurt. Plus you have expectations of her possibly missing you if she sees you. You need to stick to NC. Why was she mad when she dumped you? Why did she yell?

[Time2Shine]

To Be Honest I'm not quite sure why she was so mad when she broke up with me. We were pretty much in limbo for 2 months with me and her going back and fourth with the begging, pleading and etc. Then 2 weeks ago I just wanted to say hi to her and asked if it were ok to call her because I wanted to talk.Thats when her whole attitude changed. She was pretty much like. "Thats not a good idea because you won't be able to get over me if I talk to you on the phone". I stayed calm but she instantly got mad. I mean very instantly. Even my friend agrees that she didn't know where all the anger came from.

 

It was even stranger because the past weekend though it got to a rough start, I pretty much cornered her about the relationship, we had a good weekend of skiing. I tried my best to ignore her during the trip but its hard when I was the one who taught her how to ski and every time she fell I just wanted to help her. Over the course of the trip I started to realize that I couldn't do anything more for her and of course thats when this guy I think she is seeing went and helped her all the time. Then she went on to saying how dating me didn't benefit her, that I made her regress as a person, that she is closing the door on our relationship. So I stayed calm and was explaining what had really happened. For a year I spent the majority of my time working like crazy to carve a future for myself and her. This included getting a really good job, saving money, and saving for a ring. So in the midst of my efforts I slowly but surely mistreated my relationship by neglecting her and being irritated all the time because I was so stressed. I explained that we had a major problem with miscommunication and I truly wanted to work on it and been reading up on how to communicate better. But I guess thats all gone to waste now...

 

This is really sad...I miss her but she acts as though she doesn't miss me at all and its frustrating. I often don't think there is a chance she will come back which is sad...and I don't know why but my mind always wanders...I think of how she probably put away all my things and it really does get to me sometimes.

 

I've made the decision not to go to this party. I'll probably just go do some work somewhere...