Do you honestly believe that your ex will come back?

[dumped]

are you referring to the question i asked in the original post?

 

that's really interesting. i dont think ive been here long enough to notice those kinds of trends and posting.

 

Yes the original post...

[dumped]

My guess is that if she hasn't come back after 6 weeks, she never will.

 

Had one come back after a year of total NC, but this one seems different. She's way too goofy - two weeks before the breakup she couldn't live without me. Since the breakup - completely flat-lined...

 

I hope she comes back in a year and cries her heart out to me so I get the chance to spit on her

 

3-5 months then I give up hope...Of course moving on in the interim

[Romy_my_name]

Everyone here is talking as if the other person walked away from some business/practical situation and that, in time, they will discover that they made the wrong decision.

 

The point is, that to leave us was NOT a decision - it was a change in FEELINGS about us. Unfortunately, when you fall out of love, you very rarely fall back in love with the same person.

 

Also, someone mentioned that it was a grey area, because her partner didn't say "I don't love you anymore". What we should be looking at is the action - they left. Perhaps they are feeling guilty and are trying to justify the change of feelings even to themselves. However, that is no comfort to us - we want their love, not guilt.

 

So, even though some people do get back together, the chances are very slim.

 

For those of us who do hope that the person (hate using 'ex') will come back (and I will say that most of us instinctively do), it is hard to turn off that desire. I guess, with time, it will become obvious that he/she ain't coming back. We will then go through another wave of pain and then, be left with no choice but to accept the finality of it all.

[pace of ace]

In my experience, you can't force yourself to accept your ex isn't coming back, it's more a gradual realisation that in truth, kind of goes un-noticed by yourself.... Generally being once you reach the point of being ok by yourself.

[supercalifragilistic]

I don't honestly believe anything. I think the odds of him coming back are about 50/50. I do hope he will come back and I really think it's a possibility. But I also know it may not happen.

 

He did do this before and he came back...this time we had a much better relationship and he loved me much more, so it would make a lot more sense that he would come back again...but what do I know...

 

I wish I could honestly believe one of the options, feeling stuck and confused like this is not good at all.

[BriarRose]

7 weeks, hmm? It has been my experience, if they are going to come back it is usually within 2 months. Was there another woman involved?

[sweet_kisses]

The point is, that to leave us was NOT a decision - it was a change in FEELINGS about us. Unfortunately, when you fall out of love, you very rarely fall back in love with the same person.

 

 

Actually thats a very simplistic and static view of human emotions, which are anything but simple or static.

[sweet_kisses]

I've noticed the typical do not go back to your ex, NC NC NC pattern as of late. It is a group think pattern, and it will pass. The question that the OP presented is valuable though since many have asked that question to themselves and to their peers.

 

Group think pattern isn't always bad. During my first few breakups when I was told to leave the guy alone by everyone in the world I thought to myself "you guys are tools.. what do you know - MY situation is different".

 

Needless to say, it just ended in embarassement for me and ruined the chances of things going well in the future when they could have gone well.

[BriarRose]

The point is, that to leave us was NOT a decision - it was a change in FEELINGS about us. Unfortunately, when you fall out of love, you very rarely fall back in love with the same person

..

I have to agree with this. People can't help that their feelings change. And once that happens, it really doesn't go back. If a couple gets back together, it is because the feelings are still there. But once gone, they are gone forever, IMO.

[waveseer]

My ex is never coming back. I am 99.999999 (repeating) % sure of that. In fact, my actions after the relationship ended practically insured it if there was any interest left from his side, which I don't think there was anyway. He was only talking to me to relieve his guilt from the way he acted during our relationship. At least he was honest with me.

[sweet_kisses]

..

I have to agree with this. People can't help that their feelings change. And once that happens, it really doesn't go back. If a couple gets back together, it is because the feelings are still there. But once gone, they are gone forever, IMO.

 

But why do you think its true.. that doesn't really make any sense.

 

What are you really saying is that people can change their feelings from liking to not linking. But they can't change their feelings from not liking to liking because then the feeling becomes stoic? Its just not a logical statement and contrdicts itself.

 

The truth is that feelings change all the time, and lots of people fall in and out love and back in love all the time.

[BriarRose]

But why do you think its true.. that doesn't really make any sense.

 

What are you really saying is that people can change their feelings from liking to not linking. But they can't change their feelings from not liking to liking because then the feeling becomes stoic? Its just not a logical statement and contrdicts itself.

 

The truth is that feelings change all the time, and lots of people fall in and out love and back in love all the time.

..

I'm sorry, I have to disagree. I do not believe that people who fall out of love can fall back in love with the same person. If they get back together, it's because they never fell out of love in the first place.

 

Believe me, I wish I didn't believe that. I would like to believe that if someone once loved you, they can love you again.

[curiocity]

IMHO, like to dislike is more common than dislike to like.

 

I think both are good though. It means the other person is engaged. The true death of a relationship is indifference.

[curiocity]

..

I'm sorry, I have to disagree. I do not believe that people who fall out of love can fall back in love with the same person. If they get back together, it's because they never fell out love in the first place.

 

Well put.

 

says my msg is too short.

[bungalo]

Don't know. I'm going through a phase now where I see how self-centered she was..and do I really want THAT back? Yes and no...

Guess I hold onto the silly notion that if I change, she will change....

[peanutbutterandjelly]

between yesterday and today i have somehow convinced myself that he's not coming back.

[matador1972]

between yesterday and today i have somehow convinced myself that he's not coming back.

 

Well if the last week has taught me anything, its dont believe what you tell yourself, at the weekend i thought my ex was going strong in a relationship with someone when in fact she had stopped seeing him a while back before anything developed, and then last night she told me we were soul mates, still no idea whether we will get back together, but its looking a lot more promising than what i believed at the weekend!

 

Chin up!

[EQIQ]

She will or she wont. No idea. What I do think is that she will one day look back and think "damn he truly was a great guy".. but if she will come after me or not... no idea...

[Jd1983]

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way right now, but you need to stop holding onto the small glimpse of hope that he will come back to you. Giving yourself hope is not allowing yourself to move on.

 

I know it's hard, but you need to start focusing on YOU and what makes you happy... without him.

[jonboi]

The ones who cared about me all came back. Example, one came back after 5 years, another after 3 years. Nobody knows what will ever happen in the game of life. TRUE ones that cared/loved you will always be with you in one form or another.

[dezember]

Somedays I am 100% convinced that my ex is going to realize that he made a mistake and come back. Other days I am 100% convinced that I will never see him again.

 

Right now I am in the mindset that he will come back to me though.

 

My flawless intuition tells me that he'll want to give it another try, but it will only happen when I'm completely over him and about to move some 1,000 miles away

[CuZiNeeDYoU]

Its really strange how some days i feel she will come back and other days im totally hopeless..

[strange_]

it wont happen and i'm ok with it, life keeps going anyway

[DaveTrump]

We were together for 5 years. Ex Fiancee broke off engagement this time last year. She started dating couple weeks after, moved in with guy 2 months after we split, and now has a wedding planned for next year...

 

She was obviously seeing him behind my back for about 3 months, but that's her choice. Will it work out for her? I don't know. But, if it doesn't, I trust she has enough sense not to come crawling back.

 

My life has moved on more than I could have hoped and it is turning out to be a great year. So, there's enough reason to not go back but keep on moving forward.

[OptomisticGirl]

Every day is an inner struggle. One hour I have convinced myself we will make it work, then an hour later I wonder how on Earth we are suppose to make it work... it's starting to drive me crazy.