Women Are "Turned Off" By Bisexual Men?

[cantexplain]

I'm not sure what the statistics are, but I think women who have sex with bisexual men are at an increased risk of getting AIDS.

Yes, this is very true. And this is THE reason why rates of HIV infection among heterosexual women are increasing year after year.

 

...get ANY of my sexual partners tested beforehand, regardless of their sexual orientation.

Me, too. I have dated three women (that I know of) with a bisexual history. But they were monogamous, and thus heterosexual, while with me. It didn't really bother me much that they were once attracted to and involved with another woman. I mean, good grief, how can I argue? I like women, too. They behaved as heterosexually as any woman I have ever been with. How can I argue with that, either?

 

I'm off topic, I guess. This thread is about bisexual men.

[cantexplain]

A lot of people told me that for every person I will sleep with, I will sleep with their partners and their partners and so on and so on because of their past. And I don't know if I should trust that but yeah. could mean one or both of two things (INFECT AND AFFECT):

 

1) INFECT -- If one person has an infection, it is transmitted person to person to person to person and on and on.

 

To this we must add in the problem of DORMANCY. "Dormancy" means the infection is not active OR it can mean it is not detectable. For example, HIV infection may not become AIDS (the life and death symptoms of HIV) for 6 to 10 years. So HIV is inactive for this period.

 

Separately, the same word, "dormancy", can be used to describe that HIV can be acquired and communicable (able to be transmitted to another person) while NOT showing up as positive (there in our body) on currently available tests for 4 to 6 months. In other words, someone can give me HIV today and I can pass it on to you next week and you can give it to another person a week later, and so on ... only many months from now can anyone of us know that we've been passing HIV around even if we are tested. People test negative for HIV for at least 4 months while they are still able to give it to others. Other STDs have similar dormancy considerations.

 

2) AFFECT -- I've heard this same idea (articulated above by vertigoxo) in a more spiritual/emotional sense: You date me then you will likely be affected by everyone else affecting me previously. We just carry dating and relationship baggage of past relationships into future ones.

[cantexplain]

Maybe it's just me, but I honestly don't see how it's possible for semen to remain on your skin forever after you have washed it off. Do people actually believe this? Seriously? criminal forensics the semen will no longer be fertile, but any trace of the other [disseminating] person is detectable using DNA analysis.

 

In reproductive biology the sperm cell can survive long after ejaculation under certain conditions. But after the semen dries on your skin (in this example) it probably can't fertilize an egg for more than hour if it somehow managed to get in contact with an egg.

In communicable disease pathology it would just depend on the disease, how long a virus or other pathogen could survive on the skin.

 

Finally, washing rarely removes 100% of anything (especially anything microscopic numbering in the tens of thousands to millions) unless you wash like crazy. So the statement above may be referring to this ... that washing often does not remove everything.

[Ashley1640]

Hmm. So you don't think gays are disgusting, as long as you don't... see them?

 

I was trying to say it's not the PEOPLE i find disgusting, I find what they DO disgusting. If it's broadcasted, yes I REALLY find it gross. If it's private, how do I know what's going on behind closed doors? I don't. People do it all the time, and I'm happy in my little world where I don't have to witness it.

Quit assuming something I didn't say.

 

If I were you I would seriously question where that reaction is stemming from, as it is certainly out of the ordinary. Were you raised in a religious household where you were always told that sex is "dirty"? I'm worried because such reactions are often found in people who had negatives experiences at a young age (physical abuse, etc).

 

it's not out of the ordinary. leave me alone..

 

I was raped at 16. I have a healthy sexual relationship with my husband. I've always been monogamus? spelling?

 

I wasn't raised in a 'religious' household. But my mom was raped repeatedly by a family member. That's the main reason talking about sex was uncomfortable in my house. It was NEVER viewed as unhealthy, dirty and unclean.. It was viewed as something extremely special between a man and a woman. (I guess now-a-days it's simply two individuals). Maybe I feel this way MORE after being raped, but I've always felt this way.

 

Nothing is WRONG with me. Quit pointing the finger. Just like everyone else here, I have a right to my own opinions and feelings. Back off.

[hexaemeron]

I was trying to say it's not the PEOPLE i find disgusting, I find what they DO disgusting. If it's broadcasted, yes I REALLY find it gross. If it's private, how do I know what's going on behind closed doors? I don't. People do it all the time, and I'm happy in my little world where I don't have to witness it.

Quit assuming something I didn't say.

 

Hey, I didn't mean to come accross accusatory. I apologize if I did. I was just probing for more information, because it sounded as if it COULD go either way.

[RougeKali823]

I wouldn't date a "bi" man because I'm not so sure I actually believe in bisexuality. In my mind he is a homosexual if he has had sex with men.

[dangletsbang]

How can someone display no feminine traits but still be feminine? That's sort of what you're saying there.

 

Do you also consider bisexual women to be "masculine"?

 

Yes, I do.

[Ashley1640]

Hey, I didn't mean to come accross accusatory. I apologize if I did. I was just probing for more information, because it sounded as if it COULD go either way.

 

Is'okay.

 

It's not... the gays. It's not the bi's. It's just the ACT of SEEING sex. To each their own, if you prefer the pee-wee over the vuh-jay-jay then so be it. Or vice versa. Or both. lol

 

It's kind of like everyone's freak-out over Adam Lambert's performance. To me, it didn't bother me that he truly came out and showed it. What bothered me was that it was on ABC with kids watching and not on a channel like MTV. I did think it was disgusting what he did... but I also feel that way when I watch Madonna or Britney Spears videos. I'm like, Ewww! Quit flaunting sex like it's a good thing to be promiscuous (spelling? I suck at it today).

[hexaemeron]

Is'okay.

 

It's not... the gays. It's not the bi's. It's just the ACT of SEEING sex. To each their own, if you prefer the pee-wee over the vuh-jay-jay then so be it. Or vice versa. Or both. lol

 

It's kind of like everyone's freak-out over Adam Lambert's performance. To me, it didn't bother me that he truly came out and showed it. What bothered me was that it was on ABC with kids watching and not on a channel like MTV. I did think it was disgusting what he did... but I also feel that way when I watch Madonna or Britney Spears videos. I'm like, Ewww! Quit flaunting sex like it's a good thing to be promiscuous (spelling? I suck at it today).

 

See... I get that and all, but here's my take on it. If you look at American society (or Western more or less), you see that being comfortable with yourself, or with reality isn't as important as promoting a facet of being "moral" or "righteous". We see it again and again with people about all kinds of things.

 

Alcohol, drugs, sex, food... anything.

 

We tell children it's bad to think about sex, but we are throwing blatant sex at them almost from the time they're sentient in the form of mass media. We tell children it's bad to do drugs and drink, but you look at mom and dad and whoever and you see people totally overdoing it on both of those.

 

American society = "Do as I say, not as I do" and it's killing us slowly.

 

I much prefer the European ideal of "Let's just be honest, let's admit these things happen, let's teach children how to drink responsibility, let's teach children how to experiment responsibility, have sex responsibily"

 

This whole repression + bombardment of media and the dichotemy of being told one thing and seeing everyone else do something else is ridiculous, and damaging.

[Ashley1640]

It depends how you raise your child, who and what your child is exposed to, and how your kids see you live your life.

My mom told me she smoked pot and drank, and did coke a few times. I did all of that, and wasn't safe about any of it honestly, even though she told me she wasn't condoning it but if i was going to do it to do it around her.

When I was growing up I wasn't allowed to watch MTV, South Park, Simpsons.. etc. and I grew up being an angel until I hit high school to where i was slapped in the face with everything.

I had a friend that watched her older brother smoke pot, so she tried it at 10yrs old and would occasionally smoke ever since. I liked how I was raised compared to how she was raised and exposed, because when I started "doing stuff" I was old enough to truly know right and wrong.

 

I think the media promotes peer pressure. Skinny models, sex, drugs, platinum blondes, idiots....... For some reason it's all "glamorous." I think it's about people wanting to "fit in" rather than just be themselves. And that's sometimes how I feel about people "coming out." Kind of like people are just hopping on the bandwagon, and I don't get it.. just like skinny models, sex, drugs, etc being the cool thing. Like, really.. that Meridith whatever her last name is coming out and she's OLD! She's been married 3x and has 5 kids.. and you're just now figuring out your lesbian? I don't think it's a CHOICE honestly. I think it's something in the genes, and it's definitely hereditary.

 

I was watching some really late night show I think it was called True Life. Part of the show was about a straight male being a porn star in gay porn. He said he is extremely straight, but simply loves the paycheck. So he's condoning what he does because he gets payed a lot. Society is intrigued by the new, liberal lifestyles. Girls Gone Wild videos for instance...makes all the young girls go crazy and make out with each other to get the guys off. They're not lesbian, or bi, they just want to get attention from dudes.

[greywolf]

It's kind of like everyone's freak-out over Adam Lambert's performance. To me, it didn't bother me that he truly came out and showed it. What bothered me was that it was on ABC with kids watching and not on a channel like MTV. I did think it was disgusting what he did... but I also feel that way when I watch Madonna or Britney Spears videos. I'm like, Ewww! Quit flaunting sex like it's a good thing to be promiscuous (spelling? I suck at it today).

 

I believe the complete opposite. I think it's sad that we have to hide our sexualities like it's something to be ashamed of. I believe we are sexual beings and different sexual preferences (whether "promiscuous", etc.) is no different from people having differing personalities.

 

I assume you believe that it's a bad thing to be promiscuous, so you'd have to explain that one to me, because it is a concept I don't understand. I believe a person should be able to do what they want with their bodies.

 

I think the media promotes peer pressure. Skinny models, sex, drugs, platinum blondes, idiots....... For some reason it's all "glamorous." I think it's about people wanting to "fit in" rather than just be themselves. And that's sometimes how I feel about people "coming out." Kind of like people are just hopping on the bandwagon, and I don't get it.. just like skinny models, sex, drugs, etc being the cool thing. Like, really.. that Meridith whatever her last name is coming out and she's OLD! She's been married 3x and has 5 kids.. and you're just now figuring out your lesbian? I don't think it's a CHOICE honestly. I think it's something in the genes, and it's definitely hereditary.

 

I was watching some really late night show I think it was called True Life. Part of the show was about a straight male being a porn star in gay porn. He said he is extremely straight, but simply loves the paycheck. So he's condoning what he does because he gets payed a lot. Society is intrigued by the new, liberal lifestyles. Girls Gone Wild videos for instance...makes all the young girls go crazy and make out with each other to get the guys off. They're not lesbian, or bi, they just want to get attention from dudes.

 

I'm trying to figure out if I understand this correctly. Are you trying to say that it's wrong for straight men to sleep with men, or for straight women to sleep with women? Would it be wrong then for a gay man to sleep with a woman?

 

I don't know who Meridith is. I've never heard of her, and I don't know what kind of person she is. However, it is not so uncommon for women to figure out later in life that they are lesbians. We are taught since we are children that we will one day marry a man and have a family with him. It is very hard to do something differently from what you are expected to do since birth. We're just children when we're told that we'll someday be with a man. As children, what would keep us from believing our parents? They are gods to us at that age. We believe everything they say. There are also many people out there that could never even imagine entertaining the thought of doing something that went against social norms. Homosexuality is a lot more accepted nowadays, but I definitely do not view it as a cultural norm and I believe most people do not either.

[1WayTicket2Norway]

Nothing is WRONG with me. Quit pointing the finger. Just like everyone else here, I have a right to my own opinions and feelings. Back off.

 

hmmm... that's exactly how i feel when straight people judge me for being gay...

[Ashley1640]

You guys simply don't get it after I've explained how I feel. My point was I don't like sexual acts being flaunted in public, whether or not the people are gay, straight, or bi. End of story.

Feel free to nit pick and disect what I say but I probably won't say much after this on this thread because I don't want people assuming something in the words I type. Or jumping on me and assuming I'm being overly judgemental about people's sexualities. I don't care what your sexuality is, embrace it.. but I really don't want to watch you in action.

 

This is all how I feel about my original post. So no, I wouldn't date someone who is bi because I wouldn't exactly want to think of my SO getting it on with another guy. I don't even like to think about my husband's past partners. It's not that 'ewwy gewwy' -ness that's left on their privates, it's just the mental picture I have of them being intimate.

[AlphaFemme]

 

Then I have been at high risk of catching an STI with the bisexual female partners I have had which is the majority....

 

In theory I should have the mega rotten crotch.

 

Or do female bisexuals have a stronger resistance to STIs?

 

You know, I AM gay. But the simple fact is that receptive partners of anal sex have a significantly higher rate of serio conversion. Translation: anal sex creates tearing of the anus lining. This allows body fluids to enter the blood stream. Ideally, condoms are used every time and with 0% failure rates, but that's not reality. Consequently, people that engage in anal sex (even women) open themselves up to HIV at a much greater rate. However, men are more likely to pass it to a partner in heterosexual relationships.

 

Whether your crotch is rotten or not is between you and your OB GYN. Do women having sex with women have lower STD rates? For things like HIV and hep, yes. For other STDs, no. That's even why chick-lovin' girls need a cootie check.

[abitbroken]

Nope. sorry. I would go to a movie or coffee with a bi guy but as far as dating him seriously/considering him in my search for a someone where things could lead to marriage, no.

[Ashley1640]

 

Whether your crotch is rotten or not is between you and your OB GYN. That's even why chick-lovin' girls need a cootie check.

 

Ahahaha .. that made me laugh oh-so hard.

[Notreadyet87]

How did you experimented with girls in the past? Like what lead you to do that?

I was drunk both times and it never lead to sex just a kiss (if that). I wouldn't do it again thats for sure. I actually regret that stuff and I'm disgusted at myself for it.

[Notreadyet87]

Why wouldn't a straight woman want to date a bi man?

I'm not sure but there is no way I am. To me a lot of bi guys act feminine to me. I like man's man--very masculine men and the type of men I'm attracted to and that I like would NEVER in a million years even look at another man in that type of way. In other words I like men who only like women. And what's more I consider myself a social conservative(in many aspects) and so do the men I deal with(although many tend to be more liberal than I am). I just don't like the thought of two men having anal sex, and then him having sex with me too--no way. I just prefer a man who goes in one direction.

I don't care if people don't like what I have to say. Or think I'm being immature or not open minded. I don't have to be. that's the beauty of this country. I am free to voice my opinion without being told that my opinion is wrong. What's more, my dating life is a personal preference and me not liking BI men isn't harmful or wrong in anyway, no more than a man only wanting a blonde or a girly girl. It is what it is.

Kudos to girls who are into bi men, but it ain't me.

[FathomFear]

I just don't like the thought of two men having anal sex, and then him having sex with me too--no way. I just prefer a man who goes in one direction.

 

Just a FYI, but not all gay or bi men practice anal sex. The last statistic I heard was somewhere between 10-15% of gay couples don't practice it.

 

Not that there's anything wrong with anal sex. Just stating a point.

 

I don't care if people don't like what I have to say. Or think I'm being immature or not open minded. I don't have to be. that's the beauty of this country. I am free to voice my opinion without being told that my opinion is wrong.

 

Free speech is about being free to voice your opinion. People can and do have the right to say you're wrong, through, as that also falls under free speech. Being anti free speech would be saying that you don't have the right to say what you say at all.

[Elsewhere]

NO! If he's bi, he may be hiding the fact that he's gay.

 

Besides, I can imagine where his penis's been and I don't want it in me.

[cantexplain]

I wouldn't date a "bi" man because I'm not so sure I actually believe in bisexuality. In my mind he is a homosexual if he has had sex with men.

I must say I generally agree with the second sentence above.

 

Bisexual is a subcategory of homosexual in my book. I just can't see it as a third sexuality type beyond hetero- and homosexual. I, however, do believe there specifically may be some heterosexuals who have stumbled upon homosexual experiences, and homosexuals who have been with people of the opposite sex.

 

I also believe that homosexual men are as different from homosexual women as heterosexuals are different than both. I do not lump gay men and lesbians into any common identity group other than they may experience similar social prejudices. So in my world view there are homosexual men, homosexual women, and heterosexuals. Note that in no way do I include the term "bisexual" in any of the above.

 

I also think that most men, homosexual and hetero-, share some similar behaviors regardless of sexual orientation. I can't speak for women. They are interesting, however. So I expect the psycho-dynamics of bisexuality among women to be different than that among men.

 

Bottom line is all these are generalizations. Life happens specifically. We are all unique individuals. Only we know what we prefer. It takes some of us some experimenting to find-out.

[toflyforreal]

I must say I generally agree with the second sentence above.

 

Bisexual is a subcategory of homosexual in my book. I just can't see it as a third sexuality type beyond hetero- and homosexual. I, however, do believe there specifically may be some heterosexuals who have stumbled upon homosexual experiences, and homosexuals who have been with people of the opposite sex.

 

I also believe that homosexual men are as different from homosexual women as heterosexuals are different than both. I do not lump gay men and lesbians into any common identity group other than they may experience similar social prejudices. So in my world view there are homosexual men, homosexual women, and heterosexuals. Note that in no way do I include the term "bisexual" in any of the above.

 

It is dangerous and offensive to deny that "bisexuality" exists.

 

Some people's desires truly go both ways, and to choose to JUST have relationships with men or JUST with women would be truly, denying a part of themselves.

 

And yet society tells us to do exactly that all the time. How would YOU feel if you were interested in lets say, Blondes and Brunettes and someone said, sorry, for the rest of your life you should really only be with Brunettes! You can experiment with Blondes, but what you REALLY are is a brunette-lover. And any time you were with a blond woman everyone would scoff at you and say that you didn't even understand yourself, or that you were just playing around.

 

People need to wake up and realize that bisexuals are cognizant people with the same desires and needs as people who identify as totally gay or totally straight. It's not that they "can't decide", it's just that when you're attracted to both genders, why should you have to?

 

A non-acceptance of bisexuality in society at large, is totally unacceptable in my book. Not everyone's sexualities are 100%, haven't you heard of the Kinsey Scale. It is not until we stop putting people in boxes that they haven't asked to be in, that we can start being more tolerant of others.

 

That being said, i would date any bisexual man if he happened to be right for me!

[cantexplain]

It is dangerous and offensive to deny that "bisexuality" exists ... i would date any bisexual man if he happened to be right for me!

As I have happily dated women who have had sexual experiences with women in their past.

 

I did not deny that bisexuality exists. I only do not categorize it up there with the other three I use for my world view. I see that someone can be both homosexual and heterosexual accross a lifetime. For me, these are homosexuals who can feel and express physical attraction for people of the opposite sex. But fundamentally, for me, such so-called "bisexuals" are first homosexual. And then bisexual in the sense that this term is used to describe they are comfortable with both sexes.

 

Similarly, some heterosexuals do have isolated homosexual experiences either as a process of discovering themselves or some other way. But to continue having homosexual experiences then they are not heterosexual. They are homosexual. When on occasion they are with someone of the opposite sex, they are, of course, engaging in heterosexual activity. For that moment with that person of the opposite sex, they are heterosexual.

 

How is this a dangerous view?

 

In the big picture for me, there are behaviors typical of (a) heterosexual men, (b) heterosexual women, © homosexual men, and (d) homosexual woman. These are all quite different behaviors when they occur. They constitute three major sexual orientations: (1) Homosexual men share a common sexual interest; (2) Homosexual women share a common sexual interest; And (3) heterosexual men and women share a common sexual interest. AND MANY people can say that accross time they have been bisexual, meaning they have been with both sexes. So what's the rub?

 

Here's a question for you: if I (a man) sleep with a heterosexual woman, then I am clearly a heterosexual man, yes? What am I when I sleep with a gay man? What am I when I sleep with a lesbian? Now answer the same question again: "What am I?" ... What am I (a man) when I sleep with a bisexual? Does it matter if he/she is a man or a woman?

 

For me to rank bisexual on same level as hetero- or homo- would mean that a bisexual prefers to have sex with both sexes at the same exact time in the same bed, etc. Other wise it just describes someone who has had both homosexual as well as heterosexual experiences, as many homosexuals and heterosexuals have.

[greywolf]

It's not about who you sleep with. If a heterosexual man sleeps with a man once, I would still consider him heterosexual.

But what would you say about a person that has been in long-term relationships with both sexes? I was in a relationship with a woman for 2 years, and at one point, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Would that make me a lesbian? Then what would you say about the 3 relationships I've been in with men? Am I heterosexual now? But I still watch lesbian porn, I still fantasize about being with women.

 

What about a person that's never had sex? Would they be asexual? You can't define sexuality simply by whom you've slept with.

[FathomFear]

When on occasion they are with someone of the opposite sex, they are, of course, engaging in heterosexual activity. For that moment with that person of the opposite sex, they are heterosexual.

 

Sexuality is typically defined by orientation, not behavior.

 

It's irrelevant who you sleep with, who you have slept with, etc. It matters who you desire to sleep with.

 

For example, I am no less homosexual just because I've never had a homosexual experience. Similarly, I could go through the motions and sleep with a bunch of women, but it wouldn't make me at all heterosexual unless I was actually drawn to the activity. ie, a homosexual person can have heterosexual sex. But giving him a label of "heterosexual" only makes sense if he is orientated (attracted) to the activity.