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Living with a Chronic, incurable condition.

CallingAllAngels

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CallingAllAngels Contributor

CallingAllAngels

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Well, today, my Dad (God Bless him..he's 72 years old and should NOT have to be going through all this) is driving me BACK to the new Uro that is 2 hours away from my home. This is going to be 4 hours round trip, with probably an hour for the appt, so, as you can see, to go here takes up the whole day.

 

I PRAY this Doctor can explain why I suddenly cannot urinate on my own and cannot empty my bladder. I PRAY that I can make the 2 hour drive without having to stop 5 times (there are only 2 rest stops on the way there) without having to use the restroom. I am VERY nervous about this, as, I usually cannot "hold" my urine more than 1/2 an hour.

 

I have been up since 4am. This disease robs me of everything, including my sleep. I am tired, and hope I can do some of the driving for my Dad.

 

I am so appreciative to ALL of you who have posted on my thread. To get ANY sort of encouragement means a lot to me.

 

PRAY I get some answers and that we have a safe trip.

 

Thank you all...

 

~Allie

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CallingAllAngels Contributor

CallingAllAngels

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Thanks to all who replied.

 

I HAVE no answers. I see Dr. after Dr. after Dr. who just look at me and have NO answers.

 

Meanwhile, my condition is getting worse. Since the back surgery, I cannot empty my bladder and have had to learn how to self-catherize. Sorry...that is probably TMI, but it's a fact.

 

I just can't take it anymore. I lost my JOB because of this disease, I lost ALL MY JOY, I have lost SO MUCH I can't even get into it all.

 

I wouldn't wish this on the Devil himself.

 

This is not living. Everyday that I wake up, I am disappointed.

 

~Allie

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Ellie2006 Mentor

Ellie2006

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From Christina Rosetti's "Later Life: A Double Sonnet of Sonnets"

 

"So tired am I, so weary of to-day,

So unrefreshed from foregone weariness,

So overburdened by foreseen distress,

So lagging and so stumbling on my way,

I scarce can rouse myself to watch or pray,

To hope, or aim, or toil for more or less,--

Ah, always less and less, even while I press

Forward and toil and aim as best I may.

Half-starved of soul and heartsick utterly,

Yet lift I up my heart and soul and eyes

(Which fail in looking upward) toward the prize:

Me, Lord, Thou seest though I see not Thee;

Me now, as once the Thief in Paradise,

Even me, O Lord my Lord, remember me."

 

((HUGS)) to you CAA.

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CallingAllAngels Contributor

CallingAllAngels

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From Christina Rosetti's "Later Life: A Double Sonnet of Sonnets"

 

"So tired am I, so weary of to-day,

So unrefreshed from foregone weariness,

So overburdened by foreseen distress,

So lagging and so stumbling on my way,

I scarce can rouse myself to watch or pray,

To hope, or aim, or toil for more or less,--

Ah, always less and less, even while I press

Forward and toil and aim as best I may.

Half-starved of soul and heartsick utterly,

Yet lift I up my heart and soul and eyes

(Which fail in looking upward) toward the prize:

Me, Lord, Thou seest though I see not Thee;

Me now, as once the Thief in Paradise,

Even me, O Lord my Lord, remember me."

 

((HUGS)) to you CAA.

 

That made me cry Ellie...thank you so much for it. I have SUNK into so much dispair that I CANNOT see my way out. In the past 10 months, I have lost my health, my job, my brother (he divorced himself from my family for reasons unknown), my joy, and now quite possibly, my boyfriend. I am losing my Faith as well.

 

I see NO light at the end of this HORRIFIC tunnel...I am exhausted and weary.

 

Please know that your words were of some comfort.

 

I thank you for them...

 

~Allie

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Applewhite Proficient

Applewhite

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Allie I wish I could help you. Maybe it's worthwhile remmebering that just as it all tumbled down in a short about of time the opposite can happen too! Maybe you can find a cure so that you are not as affected (or affected at all) by your health issues. Something that was overlooked before may be noticed and there may be a simple solution! Everything can go from bad to worse to good. You never know these things!

 

Just hold and and try to make the best out of it. This is what we all do. Remember also that there are many people in worse situations - all holding on and making it work.

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CallingAllAngels Contributor

CallingAllAngels

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Allie I wish I could help you. Maybe it's worthwhile remmebering that just as it all tumbled down in a short about of time the opposite can happen too! Maybe you can find a cure so that you are not as affected (or affected at all) by your health issues. Something that was overlooked before may be noticed and there may be a simple solution! Everything can go from bad to worse to good. You never know these things!

 

Just hold and and try to make the best out of it. This is what we all do. Remember also that there are many people in worse situations - all holding on and making it work.

 

Thanks for that. I just posted a new thread.

 

I KNOW many people have health issues. This is just a TERRIBLE DISEASE to live with. If you get on ANY website about it, they will tell you that people with NEAR END RENAL (KIDNEY) FAILURE have a BETTER quality of life than woman living with "IC".

 

Again...thank you for your post, but I see no light at the end of the tunnel...

 

~Allie

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