erase this face Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Then I heard that only 10% of women who get married are virgins! What about statistics on men? Or are women the ones to remain virginal? Have you compared these statistics with those of decades past? It has lost all it's meaning, and society is a huge cause of this. Just because people are less willing to wait until their wedding night does not mean it has lost its meaning. Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 umm.....totally unrelated. I AM married so why would my thinking to wait for marriage to have sex effect this?? I'm not doing anything I disagree with.... Also, all the women I've spoken to in person about my not enjoying sex (physically) have ALL said they don't enjoy it either and just do it cause their husband wants it. Hence the old "I have a headache" saying. And they DID have sex before marriage. And vice versa. I've met people who got married virgins, who LOVE sex. that's totally irrelevant... Well, I find it odd that on the one hand (in this post)you are saying "Sex is so beautiful and precious - I'm so glad I waited till marriage to share this wonderful sacred bond with only my husband." But in another post you are like "I have no desire for sex. None, nada. I feel bad because my husband wants to have sex but I don't. Yuck." You don't see the discrepancy? Link to comment
Organs Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 If I were to be a girl's first time, I'd just be easy and gentle about it. To me, sex is an instinctual, primal thing. But I wouldn't want to just go at it like usual with someone who's never done it. They need to be shown the ropes. Link to comment
Christiana Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 couldn't have said it better myself Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 I view my virginity as not being a real thing. It's just an idea that I can choose to put stock into or not. I waited a long time to lose my virginity to my long term boyfriend. And, I am so glad that I waited as long as I did and so glad that I didn't wait any longer. Virginity just means "first time" to me. It has no meaning like 'pure' and has neither a negative nor positive connnotation to me. But, like all first times, we want them to be good experiences. A good experience for me would be with someone I loved, trusted, and when I felt completely comfortable. I found that exact time. So, I had a good first time. I neither lost nor gained anything with the first time. But, experiencing it with my boyfriend did bring us closer. It was nice knowing that sex didn't change us in any way (except, maybe for the better). I view long term relationships the same as marriage. I put in the same trust and fidelity and caring as I would if he was my attached. I do not think of marriage as a religious act even though my boyfriend and I are both religious persons. Whatever meaning it had when it was a religious act before god, it is rather gone for the most part in our eyes. I don't really care what other people do. But, when they start putting down others because their views do not match theirs...that's when I care. I can't stand the society that puts so much pressure on young girls to stay 'pure' and so much pressure on young boys to lose it right away. It's a damaging pressure that completely ruins the point. Link to comment
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 I agree here. I waited until I was 20 for whatever reason (I don't really know, it wasn't a goal or anything) but I was glad I made good choices for myself. I am an atheist by the truest definition, so the judgments and stodgy old viewpoints make me nuts. People need to learn to listen to their own inner voice about what is right for them and listen to experts about sexual health. Dogma and fear mongering aside. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Because when we bond with our partners, in some of our perspectives we give our lives to God first, and put ourselves in his hands. Everything will work out as long as it's done respecting him.This is not needed as it really has nothing to do with gaining experience in your relationship. It's only what you want to see it as. Plus no one can predict whether it will be good or bad after marriage. It might work out or might not...This whole idea makes me want to fall asleep so fast....... Nonbeliever anyways so pretty hard, almost impossible for me to totally understand this concept... Link to comment
yeawutever Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Wow sorry to hear you were forced to marry a loser you didn't even like. As for parents teaching them moral points, depends how is it being taught. If they teach it as something forbidden that should only be done after marriage and that you should be ashame if you do it before than that will messed up the child. They should be focusing on informing them about the risk of unprotected sex and all the precautions that should be taken before considering along with a maturity level. As for the pregnancy and men bailing out yes that tends to happen a lot thus why there should always be a condom in place, either that or birth control pills. Though I did knew about the story of my one mother's cousin. The parents don't like each other and argue. Her girl's own mother leaves her when she's only around 2 years old because she looked like her father and so bails out, only to come back about 20 years later asking to see her daughter. So that must be worst, in case the woman just walks away while the father does all the raising considering she gave birth only to take off like she didn't care... Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Wow sorry to hear you were forced to marry a loser you didn't even like. As for parents teaching them moral points, depends how is it being taught. If they teach it as something forbidden that should only be done after marriage and that you should be ashame if you do it before than that will messed up the child. They should be focusing on informing them about the risk of unprotected sex and all the precautions that should be taken before considering along with a maturity level. Education, not condemption. Link to comment
Shinobie Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 If I were to be a girl's first time, I'd just be easy and gentle about it. To me, sex is an instinctual, primal thing. But I wouldn't want to just go at it like usual with someone who's never done it. They need to be shown the ropes. Ya ok how about we all go by instinct and be as mindless as a bunch of apes that is really awesome. It just seems wrong to go by instinct and go by the "do anything that walks instinct" when we were given a thing called a brain. To me I view virginity as something to lose with someone that you truly care about. I feel this way because we were given the right to care,think, and value feelings we might have for someone. Disregard my post if you don't want to hear a stupid worthless virgin losers opinion. Link to comment
Panther_Dude Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Ya ok how about we all go by instinct and be as mindless as a bunch of apes that is really awesome. It just seems wrong to go by instinct and go by the "do anything that walks instinct" when we were given a thing called a brain. To me I view virginity as something to lose with someone that you truly care about. I feel this way because we were given the right to care,think, and value feelings we might have for someone. Disregard my post if you don't want to hear a stupid worthless virgin losers opinion. There's nothing too wrong about being a virgin. Everybody was one at one point. It's just that society...doesn't really give a damn about virgins. You seem to be the type that will wait until married or until you find a woman you really love. As long as you are confident and out going you will be fine. Link to comment
Organs Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Ya ok how about we all go by instinct and be as mindless as a bunch of apes that is really awesome. It just seems wrong to go by instinct and go by the "do anything that walks instinct" when we were given a thing called a brain. To me I view virginity as something to lose with someone that you truly care about. I feel this way because we were given the right to care,think, and value feelings we might have for someone. Disregard my post if you don't want to hear a stupid worthless virgin losers opinion. Your opinion is as valid as anybody else's. It's not that I don't care about the person. It's the act of sex itself. It's primarily something physical that two people do together, with each other, and while naked. They're on top of each other, feel each other, taste each other, smell each other... See, to me, dinner, a walk in a park, a drink at a bar, anything along those lines is when you talk and discuss intellectual topics. And while people may talk dirty in bed, they don't debate in bed. And they might engage in a variety of sexual positions (physical) rather than engage in a variety of sexual conversation topics (intellectual). By no means am I diminishing the act of sex. I just see it as a physical activity and indulge in it like so. Link to comment
MD Geist Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 I'm not talking about an emotional let down, I mean physically. I'll never understand how people emotionally panic about sex. Thats because sex is the strongest emotion out there. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 Thats because sex is the strongest emotion out there.Actually if you put it into straight terms from a dictionary, woulnd't it be just a physical act done with two members of the opposite through intercourse? This means it actually has no emotions to put but an act you and he/she perform with your organs down below. It's similar to the heart, that's just an organ used to keep you alive, from breathening in and out, it has nothing to do with emotions at all. That would be if you were to read this straight from a dictionary. However if it's used by us, then we can associate it to emotions and bonding since that's what we feel. So our meaning would be different than what the dictionary has it as written. Link to comment
Theblueman123 Posted September 27, 2009 Author Share Posted September 27, 2009 Your opinion is as valid as anybody else's. It's not that I don't care about the person. It's the act of sex itself. It's primarily something physical that two people do together, with each other, and while naked. They're on top of each other, feel each other, taste each other, smell each other... See, to me, dinner, a walk in a park, a drink at a bar, anything along those lines is when you talk and discuss intellectual topics. And while people may talk dirty in bed, they don't debate in bed. And they might engage in a variety of sexual positions (physical) rather than engage in a variety of sexual conversation topics (intellectual). By no means am I diminishing the act of sex. I just see it as a physical activity and indulge in it like so. Sex can be an act, but it can also be a connection. Of course it feels good, but for some it's much more than that. Sex alone doesn't bond two people, emotional connections made between them do. I guess it all depends on what you want from sex, do you want it because it feels good, or do you want it because it brings you closer to your Significant Other? Everyone will have different opinions going into this, and as much as I don't want to say this--you can do whatever you please. But I do believe that if you degrade sex, then it loses it's purpose entirely. The purpose isn't to make babies, or to make you smile at the end of the day, but to bond with your partner. And for those who experience the bond, it's an extremely amazing thing. But to each his own I guess. It's just that it's unnatural for me to watch others fall, and not try to help them. It's be like being a firefighter, and not helping those trapped in a burning building. I do want to hear from people--those who do and do not have sex outside of long term relationships--about their experience with the emotional bond with sex, and how they feel about the connection made. Link to comment
Organs Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 Sex is indeed a strong connection between you and your loved one, sure. Or rather, it's through sex that a strong connection is made. With me and the girl I'm seeing, it doesn't necessarily strengthen our bond, but it is something we do while we have a strong bond. Which is good, because sometimes I don't perform so well. And if sex was such a "make the relationship stronger" sort of thing, then it can also be a "make the relationship weaker" sort of thing. I'd like to think I can mess up every now and then and not worry about it affecting our relationship. Link to comment
LightbulbSun Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 Well, I'm not going to worry about being a virgin anymore. It'll happen when it happens. People that throw stigmata on virgins are the ones who really need to worry, about themselves. Link to comment
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 Thats because sex is the strongest emotion out there. No... sex is, by definition a completely physical thing. No emotions are needed whatsoever to perform sex acts. You become physically aroused and start having sex. Emotion in sex is added completely by choice. Link to comment
MD Geist Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 What difference does it make waiting for the right person and doing it later in your relationship versus making them right till your wedding night??? Besides a written piece of paper and a ceremony or reunion what difference does it make??? confused...... Why the need for a written paper in order to have sex??? I can understand if you come of a certain religion (though I would still dump the man) or if you do it just out of choice but if you're just saying it because you want a written paper proving you're marrying the one you want to lose it to then I see no point.. You know back when I was in 6th grade I knew a couple of older kids than myself who where like 16 at the time that thought the same way and they went out did it, one was positive for chlamydia, the other poped out another child(he has like 6 kids now) and had some type of hepatitis and crabs. I could have had sex at that time but that experience knowing that there was people living in my house hold that where positive for these diesases was sobering. I guess i'm not as receptive to sex like most people are, long before I turned my life over to christ, I made a choice that I was going to wait for a partner that was just right and id feel comfortable with, I could have had sex from the time that happened up until recent expereinces I SIMPLY CAN'T Do it!. I even tried to lose my virginity this year but I felt rather uncomfortable because it wasn't what I wanted to do. I'm not saying you need to have writen permission to have sex thats just silly but I can say at least find someone who you like, who respects you and your values and at least someone that after its all said and done it wasn't like "pssh that was fun see yah around" I would want to at least wait for marriage or a very long term relationship before things became intimate. There's no way id cut to the chase and be in bed with them within the first month of knowing them. I married someone who wasn't a virgin. it did hurt alot, but how many guys would u really find tyhat were virgins? but I'm not going to not marry him because of his mistake (which he highly admits it was) I have to just get over it and relaize I did the right thing and feel good that I saved myself for my husband. I'm a guy and a virgin. I think there are plenty of men out there who still are even right here on this forum. But anyways thats great. Losing your virginity isn't a mistake. That is just crazy. How could it be a mistake? Because you weren't married and in love? lol I as a virgin would love to make that horrible mistake. That depends. If you feel like you've made a mistake and regret it then indeed it was one. If you don't care then its not a mistake. If I was going to lose my virginity it would either be to a future wife or a very long term relationship. Link to comment
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 Even sex without emotion has meaning. Trust that. lol Link to comment
yeawutever Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 I'm not saying you need to have writen permission to have sex thats just silly but I can say at least find someone who you like, who respects you and your values and at least someone that after its all said and done it wasn't like "pssh that was fun see yah around"That I do share that view. Doing it with someone you care and trust as well as not doing it only after 1 month of meeting that person. No, I made him wait 5 months before I was ready. Then you'll still see those who did out with a stranger or were on ''Friend with benefit''. I'm just glad I waited for my bf at the time. Now if the relationship doesn't work it, so it doesn't. Doesn't mean I regret it ever happening, I don't. Link to comment
jonny15 Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 That depends. If you feel like you've made a mistake and regret it then indeed it was one. If you don't care then its not a mistake. If I was going to lose my virginity it would either be to a future wife or a very long term relationship. Well you can never count on having a wife or having a long term relastionship, so I want to lose my virginity to someone willing. It doesn't have not be long term or marriage. Link to comment
DaBladeRoden Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 I value sex more than I value virginity Link to comment
MD Geist Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 Well you can never count on having a wife or having a long term relastionship, so I want to lose my virginity to someone willing. It doesn't have not be long term or marriage. Thats on you, completely totally all on you. A good friend of mine remained a virgin till he was married at 25. He was with his girlfriend for 7 years before they wed. They lived together and everything but had separate bedrooms till they married. She wasn't a virgin when they got married. She'd slept with one guy just a couple times before she met my friend. My friend didn't care...she was with him and wanted to wait for him. They are extremely happily married and very mcuh in love still. I think it's possible not to have the anger and resentment for your partner's past decisions if you really love them. I wonder if she's happy with him sexually. Link to comment
jonny15 Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 Thats on you, completely totally all on you. I don't get what you mean? Link to comment
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