Virginity?

[MD Geist]

I don't get what you mean?

 

It means that the only person you can hurt is yourself.

[Luke Skywalker]

I'm a 33 year old virgin -- and am in the 'wait until marriage to have sex' camp. If you have sex with someone you are not married to then you are fornicating.

[jonny15]

It means that the only person you can hurt is yourself.

 

Well....I wouldn't want to hurt anyone else.

 

I'm a 33 year old virgin -- and am in the 'wait until marriage to have sex' camp. If you have sex with someone you are not married to then you are fornicating.

 

It means your having a great time.

[Christiana]

I'm a 33 year old virgin -- and am in the 'wait until marriage to have sex' camp. If you have sex with someone you are not married to then you are fornicating.

exactly. I highly respect you! and don't worry, it WILL be worth it

[Grapefruit]

I haven't read all of the posts, but I'm going to put my two cents in. I've never been one to place a whole lot of meaning on virginity, mainly because I was technically never a "virgin". I had a touchy uncle as a child and never classified myself as a virgin, although I do consider my first boyfriend to be my "first". So, virginity was never a big deal to me, but I didn't go out spreading my legs for anyone.

 

Now a close friend of mine has never had sex and states that she will remain a virgin until she is married. She holds her virginity like a trophy and goes around saying that she is better because she is "pure and untouched".

 

I think its funny because I tease her saying that once the sun hits her vagina itll turn to dust. >

 

Grapefruit

[princess_summer_blue84]

Well when I lost mine I felt the same way as u do.. but I will have to admitt, I do regret loosing my virginity bc if I've known that I would have been with this amazing guy that I'm dating now.. I would have sooo waited cuz this guy is a really special guy to me and I'm his everything...

[yeawutever]

Now a close friend of mine has never had sex and states that she will remain a virgin until she is married. She holds her virginity like a trophy and goes around saying that she is better because she is "pure and untouched".

That's the part I don't understand. It's one thing to say virginity is important to you (according to your friend) and state you will wait for marriage but it's another thing to think you're better than anyone because of it and go insulting those who think differently.

You ain't better, it's just your different concept towards it. I don't know if I can be friends with that type of person.

[Grapefruit]

That's the part I don't understand. It's one thing to say virginity is important to you (according to your friend) and state you will wait for marriage but it's another thing to think you're better than anyone because of it and go insulting those who think differently.

You ain't better, it's just your different concept towards it. I don't know if I can be friends with that type of person.

 

She actually thinks that she is better than everyone else, and we do have our differences most of the time.

 

Something else that might be interesting is a family member of mine. Because of the religion we were raised in, we were not supposed to have sex until after we were married, thus the church kicked me out blah blah. But my little sister is still in the religion, and she happened to call me the other day saying that she had sex and the church was going to kick her out.

 

Now, as we were talking I found out that she didn't feel bad about having sex, that she would actually do it again, but because she didnt want to get kicked out of the religion she wont. She stated that she wasnt afraid of God knowing but was of the people who run the church because she didnt want to be shunned.

 

That made me think, do half of the people who save themselves do it from fear of man or fear of their personal god?

 

**I dont want to get into a religious debate here, just thought it would be interesting for all of you**

 

Grapefruit

[yeawutever]

That made me think, do half of the people who save themselves do it from fear of man or fear of their personal god?

Because they are stuck following someone else's orders and aren't true to themselves. You do things for yourself because you feel it's right, not because someone tells is ruling over you.

[Grapefruit]

^^^ exactly

[Unknown1607307972]

Virginity to me is nothing sacred and just litrally means you haven't had sex. I'm an agnostic so yeah no religious beliefs there that would make me feel otherwise.

 

I don't regret my first time, but I don't believe that losing your virginity to someone will guarentee that you will have a lifelong bond of intamacy with them. My first was my ex, we stayed together for another two years after that. It was a standard first time, a bit awkward and not exactly mindblowing. But nothing went wrong either. Now me and my ex have no contact, and I don't feel any bond with him now. He's a person in my past and that is all. My current boyfriend is the present, and the man in my present will always be the man who has my whole heart and intamacy. I don't need to lose my virginity to him for that.

 

My boyfriend is very sweet, he said to me that while technically I'm not his first, he considers me his first because I'm the only one where it's ever been real and meant something, the only one where there's been love. I may not need him to have been a virgin either to make me happy it's still really sweet to hear

 

Anyone who wants to wait for marriage, well that's their choice and I will respect it. I just believe that they in return should respect my choice politely too.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I'm a 33 year old virgin -- and am in the 'wait until marriage to have sex' camp. If you have sex with someone you are not married to then you are fornicating.

 

Ya, that would be the definition of "fornication"... I don't see your point.

[yeawutever]

Yea I don't understand it either. Fornication is basically the same as having sex. If you marry being a virgin and afterwards lose it the one you love, it's still fornication. You are still having sex anyways.

[Luke Skywalker]

Yea I don't understand it either. Fornication is basically the same as having sex. If you marry being a virgin and afterwards lose it the one you love, it's still fornication. You are still having sex anyways.

 

Fornication is having sex with someone you are not married to -- if you are not married yourself. (if you are married yourself then it is adultery, not fornication)

 

If you marry being a virgin, then you can not fornicate because you are having sex with your spouce (who must be the opposite sex). This is the only "valid" type of sex (human-to-human) in the Bible.

 

Therefore, if you are a virgin, and you wait until you are married to have sex, then you can't commit fornication.

 

It's fair enough. If you love someone enough to have sex with them, just marry them first and therefore you'll avoid fornication.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Fornication is having sex with someone you are not married to -- if you are not married yourself. (if you are married yourself then it is adultery, not fornication)

 

If you marry being a virgin, then you can not fornicate because you are having sex with your spouce (who must be the opposite sex). This is the only "valid" type of sex (human-to-human) in the Bible.

 

Therefore, if you are a virgin, and you wait until you are married to have sex, then you can't commit fornication.

 

It's fair enough. If you love someone enough to have sex with them, just marry them first and therefore you'll avoid fornication.

 

And then divorce them when you find out you are either physically unable to have sex, emotionally unable to enjoy sex with them, or realize you rushed to marry them to have sex and actually completely dislike that person.

 

Not saying this happens all the time but I'm not willing to marry someone I don't know completely. I believe in partnership on all levels. To completely ignore a level of love and communication is to not fully know someone, nor yourself.

[Jpo]

Fornication is having sex with someone you are not married to -- if you are not married yourself. (if you are married yourself then it is adultery, not fornication)

 

If you marry being a virgin, then you can not fornicate because you are having sex with your spouce (who must be the opposite sex). This is the only "valid" type of sex (human-to-human) in the Bible.

 

Therefore, if you are a virgin, and you wait until you are married to have sex, then you can't commit fornication.

 

It's fair enough. If you love someone enough to have sex with them, just marry them first and therefore you'll avoid fornication.

 

Fornication in the the Bible is translated from the Greek word 'pornea' -- which refers to 'illicit sexual intercourse'. Illicit meaning unlawful. Modern Christians choose to interpret that as fornication, or premarital-sex, but it is hardly clear.

 

There is no real "evil" to having premarital sex, other than you risk STIs and pregnancy. Infections and diseases, or risk in general is associated with living period -- sure you could get an infection from having sex, but you could also die in a car crash -- there are also ways to significantly decrease the chances on both counts. Now there could be an issue of child neglect, but that is bad, NOT the act of having sex.

 

Be smart about sex, like anything else in life. You don't want to have sex before you are married? Whatever floats your boat, but I don't think you are looking at the big picture, or from all angles. Like the poster above me stated, there are big risks to not having sex with a partner before marriage as well -- is it really worth taking that chance for...? Well, I'm not sure exactly.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I completely agree with Jpo and CC. Life isn't so black and white, some of these beliefs and judgments are just NOT practical or applicable to reality....but I guess that is what actually living will teach you.

[Luke Skywalker]

And then divorce them when you find out you are either physically unable to have sex, emotionally unable to enjoy sex with them, or realize you rushed to marry them to have sex and actually completely dislike that person.

 

No, if someone is physically unable to have sex then you can have an annulment, not a divorce. I don't see how you can completely dislike a person if you are compatable and love them on all levels enough to marry them, and then get turned off all of a sudden when you have sex -- that's not valid.

 

Not saying this happens all the time but I'm not willing to marry someone I don't know completely. I believe in partnership on all levels. To completely ignore a level of love and communication is to not fully know someone, nor yourself.

 

I'm just saying what the Bible says, and what fornication is. You can always use sexual compatability as a premise for fornication -- but the Bible says to AVOID fornication, let every man have his own wife and every woman have her own hustband.

[Luke Skywalker]

There is no real "evil" to having premarital sex, other than you risk STIs and pregnancy. Infections and diseases, or risk in general is associated with living period -- sure you could get an infection from having sex, but you could also die in a car crash -- there are also ways to significantly decrease the chances on both counts. Now there could be an issue of child neglect, but that is bad, NOT the act of having sex.

 

It is a temple defiling sin to a Christian who has given their life to Christ and desires to live a holy life before the Lord. The Bible says the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit -- and also says that when two people have sex they become one person. If this "two becomes one" occurs with multiple people, then that's allot of soul-splicing going on. To avoid fornciation people should marry.

 

You can't be a professing Christian and be a fornicator at the same time. I know at least one cousin who has had a gf, married her before they had sex, and now they have a happy family.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

No, if someone is physically unable to have sex then you can have an annulment, not a divorce. I don't see how you can completely dislike a person if you are compatable and love them on all levels enough to marry them, and then get turned off all of a sudden when you have sex -- that's not valid.

 

You have not had sex, correct? How can you say this isn't valid if you have not experienced it? Like I said earlier, when you experience different things in life you gain new perspectives.

 

Obviously though, if you become a stoic and follow your religion to the ground you will have no choice in the matter. Most people, whether they wait until marriage or not, value sex. If sex is bad or hopeless or the two cannot reach an agreement, the relationship will suffer until its demise.

[Luke Skywalker]

You have not had sex, correct? How can you say this isn't valid if you have not experienced it? Like I said earlier, when you experience different things in life you gain new perspectives.

 

Yeah, I said it's not valid. Again, I do not see how you can "claim" to really love someone, but all of a sudden lose all that "love" if they are not as good in comparison with some other men in bed.

 

But you know what -- this is a concept for those who have choosen to live a holy life. The Bible makes it clear, that if you are a Chrisitan, and desire to walk the walk, and not just talk the talk, that you abstain from fornication -- and to avoid fornication you should marry.

 

Are you a born-again Chrisitan? If you are not, then I respect your moral belief system as coming from this world. The world and Christian values are often anathema to each other.

 

If you want to make a case about experience, I can say, if you are not truly a born-again Christian, then ask Jesus into your heart right now, in order to get a bigger perspective of everything. I gave my life to Christ since I was a teenager -- while I have not had a perfect walk, I do know what the Bible says about certain topics.

 

Obviously though, if you become a stoic and follow your religion to the ground you will have no choice in the matter. Most people, whether they wait until marriage or not, value sex. If sex is bad or hopeless or the two cannot reach an agreement, the relationship will suffer until its demise.

 

I can't see how sex would be bad or hopeless -- or don't really see that much ancedontal evidence on here of marriages falling apart for that reason, if any at all. If both people entering into the marriage are virgins, then there is no comparisons of good or bad sex.

 

I think if two people can have sex, then they can procreate, which is the purpose of having sex, even if you have bad or hopeless sex.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I am a flaming atheist. But it's completely beside the point of experience. Beliefs are one thing, experiences are another.

 

You have sex to orgasm and many do to feel emotionally connected to their partner. Some sex does not lead to any pleasure or closeness. There have been many threads attesting to this fact, though I cannot speak on the amount of times virgins divorce over bad sex.

 

But I think it's a possible wrench in the virgin until marriage system.

[dragon lady]

I wonder if the Christian God takes into account the fact that by the age of 44, 97% of Americans who have ever had sex have had it outside of marriage at some point?

 

link removed

 

If not, then I think he's fighting a losing battle.

[Cognitive_Canine]

It's not that you don't love them anymore because sex is completely terrible. It's that your own needs aren't being met.

 

Such as if one partner gains a ton of weight after marriage. You don't not love them because they are fat now. But they aren't capable of making you happy on the levels that you deserve.

 

I'm pretty religious and I think god would be pretty pleased that I am having sex in a very loving and healthy relationship with an individual who respects me. Just because a marriage is recognized by the state, does not mean it is recognized by god. On the flip side, just because a union is not recognized by the state also does not mean it isn't recognized by god.

 

Dating was NONEXISTENT long ago. If I lived back then, I would have married him probably within 2 months of meeting him. And I would be considered a late bloomer of marriage at 18. I know married couples who have meet each other, married, had kids and gotten divorced in the amount of time we've been together.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Humans are not static figures; we have needs, desires, changes, contradictions and life is not black and white with lines carved in stone.

 

You could meet 60 people who are "the one" and truly believe it and say all the bs about everlasting love and morals but at the end of the day, we only have ourselves to account for. Relationships are options, not destinies.

 

If you want to make it work with someone you will, but if you aren't getting what you want it isn't likely you'll put in the work to stay. That's just the way it is.