Enduring Labor = Pride?

[Hope75]

What the hell is elimination communication??

 

Ya know, thinking about the "bond" subject that someone brought up, that natural childbirth creates a deeper bond, where do adoptive mothers come in? Do they never feel a deep bond with their child b/c it's not even theirs in a dna sense? I think that's entirely arrogant to make that assumption. A little late since the subject has passed but I was just thinking about it.

 

You're right, Hers, you can bond with your child intensely no matter how he or she came to you.

 

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[MollyElise]

I'm 6 months pregnant with our first child and this is something I think about alot. I would really like to be able to have the baby totally naturally, but at the same time I read alot of things about how a mother who lets herself have an epidural usually has a lot more positive experience because they don't have the intense pain throughout.

 

Firstly, I hope to have a healthy baby and will do whatever I can to make that happen, be it c-section, natural birth, assisted or whatever. But the ideal situation in my mind would be a natural birth with no drugs.

 

I think the pride comes in because we know that we can give birth without pain medication (a bazillion women have done it before) and so it feels like taking the easy train to motherhood in a way. We are taught that the challenging road is the better one, taking the easy way isn't considered a winning attitude in our society, so what type of mother does it make you if your first decision as a mother is to take the easier road. But at the same time... ya gotta admit the easier path looks really nice when compared to a ton of pain, especially when there are no definite consequences. I mean why you put yourself through the most pain of your life when their is what is sold as a no-consequences fix, it seems stupid not to choose less pain over more pain.

[arwen]

My mom couldn't breastfeed (didn't get lactation-help in 1980!), worked very soon after I was born (but at home), and we're very close. I know, I already weary of discussions about this and feel very sorry for my mom who got 'breastfeeder armies' telling her this and that when I was already eating solids. Grrr...

 

Excellent point about adoptive moms hersmudders.

 

It's a crazy new world you enter as a new (/to be) parent!!

[Batya33]

I guess you haven't read the statistics from the past about how many women died in childbirth back then.

 

Well, my road was no easier, at least not to me. I labored all alone for the first 11 hours (my husband was out of town and I didn't want to call anyone), I had a maternal fever, and I needed a c-section last minute. Easier way? I don't know - I've heard of babies being born after only a few hours of labor --now, my labor wasn't that bad until the last let's say four hours (and again when they lowered the epidural so I could try to push)but who's to compare my level of pain to someone else's just because I had an epidural after 13 hours of labor?

 

Oh, and I could have died 12 days later from complications from being pregnant (but I was fine, and am fine, whew).

 

I guess my point is that I don't get the relationship between enduring intense pain and the type of mother you will be. Do you really think that because I chose an epidural that I will take the easy way out when it comes to raising my child? Or anyone, who chooses an epidural, for that matter? I think my mother was basically knocked out for her labors and she never took the easy way out in raising us (and I don't see her as taking the easy way out in her labors - I think it was pretty darn smart if you ask me). I guess I don't see why a woman should challenge herself when it comes to labor (as opposed to challenge herself to be the best mom she can be).

 

All the best with your labor, delivery and in being a mom!

[Hope75]

I agree with Batya that choosing pain relief during labor and childbirth is certainly not 'taking the easy way out'! Childbirth is difficult whether or not you choose pain relief. I certainly don't consider my experience to have been 'easy'. Even if my epidural had worked and I hadn't had a crash c-section after 26 hours of painful induced labor I would not consider labor and delivery easy by any means.

 

I think maybe once you have experienced labor and childbirth you may feel differently about it. I had a lot of ideas about using pain relief/drugs during labor while I was pregnant, too. Than I actually experienced labor (albeit painful, induced labor) and I felt differently.

 

And to say that choosing pain relief during childbirth means you will 'take the easy way' with parenting decisions is certainly a big and inaccurate assumption.

[Seraphim]

Yeah, there was NOTHING easy about it. One half of my mother's family has serious issues delivering babies. I come from that branch. I might have been able to live with delivering my son without it, but I might have bled out before they got to put me out had I not been frozen to begin with. Lucky for me I made a choice with the epidural that might have saved my life because they had me sign a paper 15 mins after he was born and I was in having surgical removal of the placenta minutes after I signed the paper.

 

I consider myself intensely bonded with my son and fiercely dedicated to his welbeing.

[MollyElise]

I now remember why I stopped coming here, because I feel totally misunderstood and attacked when I post.

 

I sincerely apologize if I made anyone feel like I think less of them for having an epidural or surgical intervention during childbirth. I don't think that and didn't mean to make anyone feel like that. I was a c-section baby, as was my mom and honestly would be surprised if I get to have a natural birth.

 

I am just trying to look at it from all angles. Now that you've made me cry I hope you are happy.

[hers]

MollyElyse, for what it's worth, I took your post to be speaking of women in general about what we as women have been taught and what our roles are, and then you listed your personal choice. I saw nothing condescending about your post, unlike another post on this thread. Don't let it get you down.

[chasey]

I've always thought I would want to have a natural birth but realistically know that with certain medical conditions I have the pain level is going to be very high and may not even be able to try natural and have to go straight to c section.

 

From the little I've read and people I've talked to there is alot of hipe about natural births being better for the baby etc etc. But the reality is no one is really going to know until they get to that point what is going to be best for baby and mom. The most important thing is the health of both, even if that means an epidurmal.

[Seraphim]

Molly, I am sure no one meant to hurt your feelings. I know I didn't. It is a heated topic. Also too the typed word is not the same as talking to a person, seeing and hearing expression. It is a severely limited form of expression and lends easily to misunderstanding. I did not take anything you said as an insult. I was just making the point is is not an easy process and sometimes people have more issues than others. I am sorry if you thought I meant to hurt your feelings. It is never my intention at any time. Just know the typed word is easily misconstrued.

[Batya33]

Molly, I am sure no one meant to hurt your feelings. I know I didn't. It is a heated topic. Also too the typed word is not the same as talking to a person, seeing and hearing expression. It is a severely limited form of expression and lends easily to misunderstanding. I did not take anything you said as an insult. I was just making the point is is not an easy process and sometimes people have more issues than others. I am sorry if you thought I meant to hurt your feelings. It is never my intention at any time. Just know the typed word is easily misconstrued.

 

I agree and since you are sensitive when it comes to people giving opinions on your posts then perhaps reconsider writing things like taking an epidural is equivalent to taking the "easy way out". Those were your words and you also had the opinion that not facing the challenge of the pain was indicative of taking the easy way out (as you put it) in other areas of motherhood. Perhaps I misread it (and others who responded) and I didn't mean my post to be attacking, I just wanted to disagree with your opinion about women (like me) who, according to you in your post, take the "easy way out".

 

Thanks for clarifying what you meant in your next post. I don't think anyone "made you cry" - you chose to react to the posts by crying just like I chose to react to your first post by cringing.

[Seraphim]

I think we can all agree that motherhood and how we come by it is an intensely personal and subjective topic.Motherhood from conception to your own death is the hardest thing you will ever do. Just do it to the best of YOUR ability and love and care for your kids with all your heart and mind.

[Batya33]

I think we can all agree that motherhood and how we come by it is an intensely personal and subjective topic.Motherhood from conception to your own death is the hardest thing you will ever do. Just do it to the best of YOUR ability and love and care for your kids with all your heart and mind.

 

I agree athough I would include adoptive mothers who don't conceive (not trying to nitpick, just trying to be inclusive!)

[Seraphim]

I agree athough I would include adoptive mothers who don't conceive (not trying to nitpick, just trying to be inclusive!)

 

Very true.

[hers]

I've read her post 5 times now and I still don't see it as an attack or that she thinks women who do epidurals are taking the easy way out. It seems to me she was speaking in generalities that the pride and feeling like they were taking the easy way out comes from how we were taught to endure things. She wasn't attacking or putting anyone down for it. She was speaking in generalities.

 

It's stuff like this that I was talking about earlier. Moms make other moms feel like they're second best and must argue their point till blood sheds in order to prove to others they're not second rate at all.

 

Just be the best moms you can be and stop arguing about it. In the grand scheme of things, only your child matters, and don't teach your child to grow up to attack those with differing opinions.

[MollyElise]

Thank you Hersmudders.

 

 

If an epidural doesn't make labour and delivery easier, what is the point of it?

[BellaDonna]

Thank you Hersmudders.

 

 

If an epidural doesn't make labour and delivery easier, what is the point of it?

 

 

I have been told by friends that it turns sharp pains into a feeling of more bearable "pressure". Takes the edge off.

[Hope75]

Thank you Hersmudders.

 

 

If an epidural doesn't make labour and delivery easier, what is the point of it?

 

I felt the way Batya did when I read your post Molly, that you were implying that I somehow got off 'easy' because I chose to have an epidural. Whether you mean that directly or not, your words gave that impression, not only to be but to Batya.

 

'taking the easy way out' is usually meant as insulting and to imply that there was a better/more courageous way and that the person who 'took the easy way out' evaded that or was cowardly in some way.

 

I'm glad that isn't what you mean, but I felt the need to respond to what you wrote because it did affect me personally as someone who chose an epidural and then had to have a c-section.

[Batya33]

I felt the way Batya did when I read your post Molly, that you were implying that I somehow got off 'easy' because I chose to have an epidural. Whether you mean that directly or not, your words gave that impression, not only to be but to Batya.

 

'taking the easy way out' is usually meant as insulting and to imply that there was a better/more courageous way and that the person who 'took the easy way out' evaded that or was cowardly in some way.

 

I'm glad that isn't what you mean, but I felt the need to respond to what you wrote because it did affect me personally as someone who chose an epidural and then had to have a c-section.

 

I agree and I didn't see it as an attack, that's too strong - but I did read it the way Hope did, especially since the poster didn't say she didn't agree with that view, so of course I assumed she did.

 

Yes, the epidural made the pain more bearable - but "easier' - I guess, relatively speaking but certainly not "easy" and not "the easy way out".

[Unknown1607307972]

If I had kids I think I would choose to have a C section simply because I couldn't take the painful waiting game. I know a C section would have after-pain but something about labour pains makes me anxious.

 

But eh I am very sure I won't have children anyway

 

I don't really think it should matter though, it's not a woman's fault if she has to have a last minute C section. It's not a competition. If it makes anyone feel better I know I'd be a complete pathetic little wreck! My mum was my age when she had me and a bunch of people from my school have babies now, all seem to do it the natural way (maybe with painkillers). I am so pathetic I couldn't even handle it with painkillers so no matter what, you beat me for sure!

[sidehop]

I'm 6 months pregnant with our first child and this is something I think about alot. I would really like to be able to have the baby totally naturally, but at the same time I read alot of things about how a mother who lets herself have an epidural usually has a lot more positive experience because they don't have the intense pain throughout.

 

Firstly, I hope to have a healthy baby and will do whatever I can to make that happen, be it c-section, natural birth, assisted or whatever. But the ideal situation in my mind would be a natural birth with no drugs.

 

My g/f has abnormally high tolerance for pain so she felt she didn't need the epidural. She did have something else during labor which I cannot remember but it wasn't as strong as epidural. We discussed about epidural and after some research she wanted to be able to actually know how much she needed to push. C-section was kept as the last resort if in case the baby gets stuck (her son was 10 lbs, and now our daughter is 9 lb 6oz) for any reason...there was a scary moment when she got stuck at her chubby cheeks!

 

Like anything there are risks to both sides by using or not using epidural. If other mothers elect for epidural, it's their choice really. I don't see the need for being judgmental for someone else's body when they're the ones having the baby. Hats off to any mothers giving birth...it will kill any man to go through such pain I'm sure.

[Batya33]

FYI - the doctor lowers the strength of the epidural so that the woman knows how much she needs to push.

[SamiJayne]

Labour is horrible, who gives a damn about pride. With my daughters birth I had over 12 people in the labour room with me. 5 neonatal ICU people, several doctors and midwives.. and then we had a shift change during that... I had my bottom half naked.. legs in stirups.

 

Where was my pride?! Poooof! My pride was gone.

 

The only thing mothers should really care for, is getting a healthy baby at the end of it. And no matter what you do, or choose to get that baby safely in your arms is your choice.

 

And yeah I was told the same thing as what Batya33 said, that they lower teh epidural when you enter the second stage of labour or something. So you know when to push.

 

But to the women who have had an epidural, didn't it freak you out when you couldn't feel your legs?!

[Batya33]

But to the women who have had an epidural, didn't it freak you out when you couldn't feel your legs?!

 

 

No because I had had one before for a procedure (and afterwards in recovery I tried to take my "blanket" off only to have a nurse rush over and tell me that I was trying to remove my own numb skin (lol, didn't succeed).

 

It wasn't scary because I knew the reason why I was numb.

[Seraphim]

No, I was SO happy the pain had stopped I did not care what they did. I was only stressed later when they had to catheterize me later because they had frozen my bladder and it stayed frozen till the next day. I was in a lot of pain because I knew I had to void but was not able to do it. So they had to re-catheterize me a few times in the night. After the second or so time I said NEVER will they do that and I flipped myself over the bedrails and dragged my IVs with me to the bathroom.( I was supposed to be confined to bed. )After enduring labour, given birth to my son, a full episiotomy and a D&C while awake all just hours before, then they catheterize me I was almost ready to punch someone in the face if they went near me.