Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Kimbles1215]

I'm struggling. So bad, got a few days off work and I'm all alone.

[smJackson]

I feel much better about you today. No tears have fallen today. I dont even miss you as bad. I can feel myself detaching slowly, but i can still feel the change. Prayer works wonders. And so does acceptance. I know that I will still have good days and bad ones.

 

I have some serious unmet sexual needs but I know that sleeping with you will have me in my feelings again. Id rather get a FWB with no attachment, even though im not built for fwb-- i almost always catch strong feelings for my sexual partners.I know Id forget about you faster if i slept with someone else- but truth be told, I want you. I miss you. I do have my eyes on a guy that i am physically attracted to for my sexual needs but i feel no need to rush anything. I am more concerned about being able to catch up on these bills, raise these kids, and healing the proper way over you. Its a must that i lose this 40 lbs so that i will look and feel better about myself-- after all, i am what i attract. I put the rest of my ex husbands stuff out and had his car towed away yesterday. I guess it came too little, too late. It felt so good taking out the trash-- I'm going to be moving away soon so it was long overdue. I'm cooking turnip greens, cabbage and cornbread tonight, hamburger helper for the kids. I wish that I could invite you over to join us. Your lack of faith in me convinced me not to. I look forward to being alone and on my own and in a new home. I look forward to healing and meeting the man of my dreams one day. Getting married. Loving deeply and allowing myself to be loved. No memories of you and a fresh start for all of us. I won't be back on this thread for a while. I've got to go get my life and my future and stop pining here over you. I can't wait until July 1st.

[TeddyPSmith]

why cant I let go of you? Its been nearly 5 months and I just cant let go. Maybe I am still waiting for some kind of validation from you. You left me so abruptly and never looked back You've got a new boyfriend now and are living your life. Your reasons for leaving SUCKED. You completely invalidated us. Why have you always had this power over me? Nobody has EVER had that kind of power over me. I want you to come back so bad but I know it's not happening. I know I have to let you go. I just cant.

[BettyBee]

I can't let you go. I can't stop thinking about you. I can't stop thinking about the day you tore my life apart. I can't believe you couldn't even have a conversation with me about it before it came to this. I can't believe you blamed me for everything when you know exactly why I was the way I was and you know how much of it was a reaction to you. I can't believe you brought up something from 2 years ago and acted as if I should have known how you *really* felt about it even though you'd been saying the oposite for 2. Years. You can't expect me to accept that believing you was somehow the wrong thing for me to do. You can't blame me for not getting your 'blunt' conversations when the best I could get out of you was 'I don't know'. You should have listened to me when I told you not arguing wasn't always a good thing. Sometimes you have to get it all out in the open and not let it fester and rot the whole relationship. I love you but I hate the way you've taken everything from me and made me feel like I don't matter to anyone. Like I don't exist to anyone anymore. You knew I had a lot more to lose than you and you couldn't even let me have one friend to help me through this.

[Kimbles1215]

You didn’t see that one coming did you. You definitely thought I’d come running back. Hell no. I’m sticking to this, I have done for three weeks and I’m not letting a day allow me to slip back. I’m being strong, I know I will break again at some point but right now I feel empowered.

 

I want you to find someone you can be happy with! Even though you treat me like at times. I’ve mafe my mistakes as well.

 

Two days off work and I can breathe.

[TeddyPSmith]

Were you ever really in love with me? I thought you were but how did you ever show me? I was doing a relationship inventory from a book I read and it asked to name 5 “special” things you did for me. Not things like buying me a birthday present or the usual expected things. But unexpected and really special. Well, I could only think of one thing you did for me and I suspect that may have been out of some guilt. So what does that mean? I know that it didn’t make me feel loved. You said I was too sensitive but maybe I had good reason.

 

I just can’t wait to put this all behind me. I’m just afraid I’ll never find anyone like you again. How sad is that? I don’t even believe you were in love with me but I still have you on a pedestal.

[Dagger76]

Why are you the only person I seem to know or see online that is never going to come back? Never make amends? Never say your sorry and truly mean it? We had a marriage . Two kids. I raised a daughter thst is not mine. I still do ! Two years after you cheated, moved on. Ignoring me and being angry and treat me like a stranger? You text to only about little then nothing for weeks!

You imploded this and you don't even have the decency to file for divorce or even take me up on talking. You left you were gone and I have to see you and at the same time not talk to you about anything for my own sanity

Because while i watch you date other men and get glimpses that you just want on like nothing happened and have to accept that. LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE I SEE RECONCILES. Tries again . Shows something to someone they once loved.your best friend has done this! Relationships not anywhere near what we had. What we lost.

I hope it's because also what you did to leave and after you left you see like I do. So much so toxic. Almost impossible to come back from especially to such a coward who knows how badly they ed up. How childish and immature and cruel you have been.

But it would have been nice of you to try. Just once. Why are you the only person who won't?

[Carus]

But it would have been nice of you to try. Just once. Why are you the only person who won't?

Mine didn't come back either....

 

Sorry for your pain. You are not alone*

 

C*

[smJackson]

Lastest post to this thread-- I'm still in my feelings but I see a way out of this. I thought I could suppress my need for physical intimacy but I am losing this battle. I'm really struggling because you were always available to me for that and now you're not. I really didn't realize how much you werent just my best friend but my intimate partner until now. I dont want anyone else intimately; but I have months and potentially years ahead of me with no partner in sight and I just don't want a FWB. I know I will break soon, but atleast that will distract me from you quite a bit. Besides, you're sleeping with your new woman. So i know that I must move on in this arena myself and SOON. Somethings got to give.

 

I don't need more problems in my life. The guy I had my eyes on works with me and he lives down the street from you. That could become a messy situation in more ways than one, so I let that idea go. We worked together when we met and look at what that led to? A serious love addiction between us for 2 years. Never again will I mess with a coworker. Never ever.

 

The last thing I want or need is more pain and turmoil in my life. I have accepted that it's truly over but it still stings a little bit inside of my chest. We talked about seeing each other but I can't just be your FWB- I want more than that from you. If i came over and saw signs of her being there, Id fly into a rage and thats more drama i dont want or need. Im evolving as a woman and I know what and who i really want. My tears have dried up though, after days of crying in bed nonstop until my head hurts-- i got over the hurdle with that part. Im really struggling and I'm just more determined to get that moving truck packed and be gone from here before school starts in August.

[Dagger76]

Mine didn't come back either....

 

Sorry for your pain. You are not alone*

 

C*

 

Thanks. I know. Just seems my circle of people i know and some I dont too personal everyone gets back together. Its hard to see

[Dagger76]

Hang in there too!

[Dagger76]

Sometimes getting back together leads to another breakup eventually. It's not always so great. You just miss what you had, but being back together doesn't guarantee happiness always. Hang in there :)

 

Yeah im fully aware of thst and after what has happened its be a miracle if that didn't happen if she did come backand if i did tske her back

It's just much more the feeling youre left with that you ment so little to someone. First to disrespect you so cruelly then to seemingly not give a crap that you did. And to me out of nowhere after we ment so much to each other. So one sided at the end.

Very aware and accept that its mostly her . Her issues . Her character. That no matter what issues you had that rarely about you.

It just still stings though. I do miss what we had and It's so sad she doesn't. Or not enough. When I see so many out there in my own space at least trying. Maybe they're situations are not ideal now but at least they're trying.

The fact she seems to have gone out of her way to negate any chance of that is to this day hard to accept.

[TeddyPSmith]

The pain is so unpredictable. I felt fine last night. Even hopeful. But a night full of dreams about you and it's like im back to square one. It should not be taking this long. Ive gone from a person of high function to someone that can barely complete the most menial tasks. I didn't cry for decades and now Ive cried every day for 5 months. I imagine this will be like all of my other exes...you will go on to marry this guy and live happily ever after. Maybe Im not cut out for relationships.

[MegB]

I really wish you would disappear from my life. I don’t care that we have kids together. You made a very clear decision to walk away from our lives and live with your undisposable family that you created behind my back. You really think that I’m glad for you huh? Only God knows how I feel about you B. I hope that a day will come soon that all you have will be taken away from you. You deserve to homeless, unloved, bitter, and wronged as you have done me over the years. You only show me that there is no real love in this world when a man can walk away from his kids and blame their mother for not allowing him to see them. No calls, no text, not even a pop up to check on them or me for that matter. How could you be so cold to us? I will move away to forget everything that reminds me of you. During this time I have been ridiculed for being a single mom like I did something wrong, but no one not even you give a damn about breaking up this family. What is family?what is love? Don’t none of that exist. I can’t even focus on simple things anymore. I hope you never see us again and if you do, I wont even acknowledge you.

[DatingUgh]

F***********ck.....so, you can read about my tale of woe with "Woman 2" here. https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=550789

 

We (not sure who really) called things off, got back together, then after an awkward evening, we had been texting a day or 2 later and after some awkward texts (on both our parts) I broke things off with her after arguing. This was about 5 days ago. I've been doing really well for the most part being all "if you can't give me what I need then best of luck to ya!!!!". Also, since then, and I literally can't help this, I've been doing a bunch of reading to try to understand why she is the way she is, and understand why what happened, happened. This is just who I am. I'm a scientist, and very (overly) analytical. I need to know the "why". I've come to find out she is extremely emotionally unavailable. Bad childhood, bad relationship with father, 2 divorces with crappy men. She literally meets all the criteria about an emotionally unavailable woman. And while reading about signs of an emotionally unavailable woman in my research of trying to understand things, I read this. http://www.newlovetimes.com/how-to-love-emotionally-unavailable-women/

 

Well crap....that just wants me to put my knight in shining armor suit on and bear the brunt of her emotionally unavailability and "stay" because that's what she needs me/someone to do in order to love her and for her to love me back. TOTALLY disregard my needs, which coming out of a divorce myself, is not easy. This is supposed to be MY TIME to be selfish for once!!!! Goddamn it! I don't know if I'm going to reach back out to her or not honestly. Why would I even bother subjecting myself to such torture? Am I really just a sucker and glutton for punishment? There is seriously something wrong with me. Or maybe, the words of Bruce Willis in Live Free or Die Hard, "That's What Makes You That Guy". That was fricken stupid. This woman drives me nuts to say the dumbest sh*t and we aren't even together anymore. God help me.

[smJackson]

I have closed the door to you forever. I feel angry, hurt and abandoned. This is nothing new in my life though. This newfound anger that I have will keep me away and in a move forward mindset. I have deactivated my social media, and i plan to change my phone number as soon as I move away from this city. I have found a position with my work from home job again that starts up in the next month or so. I can't wait to get to Atlanta and get a fresh start for me and my children. This city is nothing but a place of pain and abandonment for me-- everyone has died and/or left me that lived here. You didn't even love or respect me enough to be honest with me and break things off. You took the cowards way out and forced me to leave on my own by blowing me off. I look forward to disappearing soon without a trace. Even off of this forum. My daughter has agreed to disappear with me and it feels great. You may not miss me now but In the weeks and months to come, or if and when your new woman gets old, don't try and check on me or ask about me. I'll be long gone and not so much as an internet search will locate me. My kids father didn't destroy me and he hurt me a 1000 times more than losing you hurts. I'm a survivor. Your new woman can have you. No more ego strokes at my expense. Goodbye.

[Neruda20]

I have dreamt of you for the last two nights. In the first one, you took me back to MLK weekend where you made me feel so small and insignificant. In the second one, you made me feel all the love that I believed we had. I’m tired of seeing you in my dreams - feeling everything you have ever made me feel - only to awaken to a reality that you chose for the both of us.

[TeddyPSmith]

Today feels worse than most other days. It’s been a string of bad days just messing up to this. I don’t even know why. I’m imagining all the possibilities of you with your new boyfriend. Will you move with him? Will it last? How can you just be with someone else? You said you weren’t going to date for a long time. Was that even true? I feel like I really lost “the one” with you. I’m beginning to feel like ill never love again. Or at least anyone else will be a letdown from you. You always had that kind of pull over me. In some ways I wish we never met.

[Natasha207]

After our breakup, I realized that it was too hard to keep you close, near, know you exist

I couldn't watch as you fell in love with someone else while I struggle to put my pieces back together still

A year and I still feel pieces missing. I couldn't watch.

 

I pretend you don't exist- but my brain reminds me at night

The dreams I can't control- the dreams where I beg you to look at me the way you used to

I know it was toxic, I needed a break.

 

But that doesn't mean i didn't or dont still love you

I didn't lie when i said i loved you more than most people on this planet

You were my family- my home. How can I just wipe it away?

 

Even though I know my mind was at its breaking point - I needed out of the chaos... but I couldn't take my heart out

You can remove yourself from a situation - but you can't just casually remove the feelings from your soul.

 

The hurt I caused, the hurt i felt- that i still feel-

They still don't mask or hide the passion or intensity my soul has for you. The way it clings to those butterflies I felt as your lips touched mine.

 

Will I ever feel that way again? Sometimes im optimistic, but at night i think that a big piece of me went when i left. You took it- I don't think you kept it. But its gone from me wherever it went.

 

I still keep going- try to put myself back together. Parts of me are much better, that's for sure. I feel healthy and happy.

 

But my heart sings a song sometimes that I cannot help but hear. It still hurts. Very very much.

The tears still soak my pillow as i write every word. Each tear carries its own story and represents a moment in time where our hearts were one.

 

I know there was bad.. but I'll never ever forget the good

I try to close the book - call it my biggest chapter yet. But i think i keep adding pages even though i dont try to.

 

Im sorry.

[11moreweeks]

I feel like I have something to say to you, but I don't know what exactly. I keep writing and rewriting different things.

 

It's your move; the ball is in your court. I'm not doing anything regarding you anymore without a reason to. I'm just going to move to Washington, start working and traveling, and go on with my life.

 

I should have flirted back with her more, maybe if just to see if she wanted a relationship or something else. I guess that's just what comes with the level of commitment, patience, and sacrifice I had for you. Somewhat waiting is no longer the right decision. I truly loved you -- I guess I still do. But that doesn't mean I have to be devoted to you at this point.

[11moreweeks]

Alright. You won. You got my attention. You texted me, and I responded. It had no meaning.

 

Now, what do you want from me? Why do you keep reaching out to me? The ball is still in your court. I'm done playing in a few days. Either cut to the chase and be open to the person who never lied to you in 8 years and who told you everything you could remotely care to know, or leave me alone for the rest of our lives.

[11moreweeks]

You chose to break up.. what did you think was going to end up happening? Now I'm getting threats of prosecution again, I'm watching the people around me as they're dying, and I'm about to be homeless.

 

Is this what you wanted, beautiful girl...? I still miss the lines on your face..

[TurntSloth]

I'll never understand why you choose to chase after a guy who cheated on you, made you insecure about your body and ended most of your friendships, but it doesn't matter anymore. You've made your choice and so I've made mine. It sucks that it's come to this though. I miss you.

[TeddyPSmith]

Most of the time I feel like I will never get over you. You were everything I always wanted (plus a lot of things I didn’t want). I can’t tell if this is a good or bad thing that you left. I don’t like that you moved on so quickly and never spoke to me again. I think I always knew you’d break my heart. Now there’s nothing left for anyone else and nobody else will compare.

[Carus]

I saw you for the first time in 3 months last night. We were in the same room. I didn't speak to you and you didn't speak to me. Is this really what it's come to after 6 years married and everything we went through !?

 

PS: I know what you did....