Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Knight2001]

hi,

i dont know what i did wrong. maybe we were just incompatible. i couldnt stop seeing my kids or the rest of my family just to please you. when we got together things were amazing. nothing compared to it. towards the end it was a living nightmare. im so sorry it didnt work out. i hope you find what you are looking for one day soon. take care.x

[sunshine34]

Yesterday was a breakthrough for me... I decided enough was enough and it's time to care for myself. You hurt me. Sharing and feeling the feelings I had for you, for you to reject me and what we shared to not be enough for you to step in is embarrassing and also frightening to me. Frightening that I could cherish something that was a simple choice to turn down to you. The entire time u were in Boston seemed so easy for you. It was. Not once did you mention missing me and you were thinking about what it will be like when you have children which I bet made you think of and miss your ex, not me. I told you we needed to stop talking and u didn't really seem to be bothered. You seemed understanding of why I needed space but unaffected. To be honest , with the feelings I had I dk that I can be friends. It might just hurt me Yeah I thought for a while that you would be a good friend. But to be honest you weren't really there for me in Colombia and u don't make me feel cared for as a friend. One of the women at training told me she sees in me that I am not respecting and caring for myself as I should. I think she's right. Letting you in so quickly was a mistake. You didn't earn it. Right now I have so much self hatred and self worth issues that im seeking acceptance and love.. it's making me behave in obscure ways. I want to move. Not that it will fix everything, but it would give me a fresh start. A chance to reinvent myself and become who I want to become. Either way I need to do this. A big part of me thinks u wouldn't care if I didn't talk to u again bc I'm just. A girl to you. A girl u used to go to Pr and have some fun. Maybe that's all I should see u as too... it gets harder to wait and now take time to bond with someone when u don't have anyone you have a strong bond with. Either way, deciding to not speak was the best thing for me and I'm glad it happened

[Capttrae]

How is this suspposed to work? I mean seriously how? Yea I'm all for giving it another go round. 9 years ago I loved you like I had never loved another. But back then I still thought that love could conquer all. Now I say that a bunch of crap. There's been too many women since we broke up. Just say we get together and the old flame ignites in to a bonfire again. What then??? I work offshore now, gone 28 days at a lick, off for 14, live in Western Kentucky, my son is in South Alabama, you live in Tampa. From my house to yours is just shy of 900 miles 13 hours and some change. Would you move to WKY? No prolly not, nothing there for you, nothing but us hillbilly rednecks, cows and killer deer and duck huntin. Would I move to Tampa? Not a chance in hell. Nothing there for me, nothing but concrete, steel, and lots of ppl. So whee does that leave us? 2 lost souls looking to each other for some comfort in an impossible relationship? Also WHY ME???? I'm not sophisticated, you can't take me out to some big social function to hob nob around with a bunch of upper class folks. I'm boat trash plain and simple. First time I opened my mouth to talk they'd realize country done come to town. But hey who knows, maybe I'm what you need right now. Idk all I can do is hope for the best bc in all reality, even though it's been 9 years and 7 months since we broke up you've always occupied a part of my heart, always hoped that this day would come and now here it is. So now what?

[luisannalui]

I do give too much importance to her and I don't know how to stop. I am hurting myself every time I think of her or comment about her. I am taking valium to sleep at nights. I have started a new relationship with a much better girl and trying to move on but my reasons are all wrong. I tell myself if I give this new relationship 6 months then I will be staying with my new lady for the right reasons and I will have forgotten the old one. I hope that works as I don't know what else to try.

 

But I do not know how to stop feeling addicted to the ex. I just can't do no contact. It drives me nuts and even now I sent a message today, after telling her yesterday there would be no more contact. I am just hurting myself. I hate how I feel. I hate how I am 'harassing?" the ex by doing to make her think about me. Even though she has made good plans to move on and leave me out of her life I can't handle the rejection. I've done self help courses on line. I've had great talks with many friends who will listen. I have a great new girlfriend who will be there for me through thick and thin.

 

But I cannot stop the addiction. I am not addicted to drugs, or alcohol, or cigarettes (although I was a smoker and had a hard time quitting). I am just addicted to this one lady who is not even good for me. She was good "to" me when she wanted to be but not good "for" me as she lied, cheated, spent way over our budget, led a double life for at least a year and then left me for a better mark.

 

I know I need to stop this addiction. I just don't know how. I don't know what makes me send a message to her when I KNOW no contact is the only answer. It was only one short message, well maybe 2. But that is not NO CONTACT.

 

I think I need help and there are lots of people willing to help but for some reason the "advice" I get is not sinking in. I am told over and over "NO CONTACT" but that is like telling an alcoholic "No booze". Maybe I need a sponsor like they have in AA (at least thats what I see in movies as I have never been to AA)

 

I want to say I can handle this but I know I will find a reason to contact her again. I told her I cannot handle it if she contacts me any more but I sit here hoping she will do it anyway. What the heck is wrong with me. She's just a girl. The relationship was only 3 years. We have been separated for 6 weeks. She is happy with her new man and I have a new gf. WHY CAN'T I BE NORMAL? I'm not a kid any more. I should be very mature and in all other aspects of my life I am. Just this one thing really, really screws me up.

 

End of feeling sorry for myself. I'm going to go get some food.

 

Hope you are doing better and making wiser decisions. She's not worth your time.

[sunshine34]

This no contact choice has been better for me than I thought. I am less depressed and able to focus on work. Instead of my mind wondering to "will he text me?" Or "will I see him? What will he say" it's changed to "is he thinking about me?" Which sounds like the same thing but it's not.... to me that means understanding maybe he never truly cared and bc I did so much to make it easy he just went with it.... maybe after this period of time we will have both forgotten one another. I already think im noticing I was giving almost 100% and receiving nothing. Being distracted with work also helps me keep from wondering about you but I'm kind of angry that you didnt even thank me for the candles I sent and the special note.. I find myself looking at the clock saying oh it's already 6 pm here it's 9 there and nothing from him... I guess it's just re processing and understanding that the way he thinks of me is a totally separate lens than how I think of him... he probably thinks about his ex like this.. I'm still so mad about the fact that he thinks bc he told me about it , somehow that makes it all green for him to behave in a contradicting way towards me. Or that he was talking about the girls in his brothers program the way he was.. he's not who u thought he was and there's no reason to idolize him or think u can't find someone else to feel the same way if not more for. Someone w similar qualities who will appreciate u and step up. The qualities aren't that unique and once I start believing/ understanding that I'll be all set. Right now it still hurts... and my lack of self control is causing me to get fat

[osterfanish]

Looks like you're having fun with him, Beau. (I have a good memory, too, and you probably thought I wasn't paying attention when you told me your nickname). I should've known you were seeing someone else and/or I was caught up in an in between situation. No way are you posting public photos on FB one week after the fact unless it was such. I've run into your type before and it looks now like I dodged a bullet with but I still want you back. A little advice, which I'm sure you've heard before - show a little more decency and honesty with a person and respect their feelings. Stringing a person along and telling them things like "I'm just confused" and "I thought you didn't like me" only serves to make you look like a bad person. No wonder you're divorced and were cheated on twice. Have a nice time with the alpha male Indian Apple working Aussie who just might tolerate you - for a while, at least.

[sunshine34]

It's starting to get tougher as time goes on.. had an urge to contact you today, convinced myself that I was ready to be friends... but then later on I realized that was a smoke screen I was showing myself. I'm starting to feel the disappointment ahaian , disappointment that U aren't reaching out and I know that's for my benefit. Bc u don't want to lead me on and bc u aren't missing me , bc time hasn't made you realize you've been a fool and I didn't make u feel connected enough to forget her... that u are still thinking of her and wishing she was with you .i hope that in time like soon tbisnfades and that I can learn to take care of myself better. This week has been exhausting and I haven't had enough sleep or time for the gym I dk why I can't find the time or figure this out. I feel weak and silly. Would like someone to authentically love me Dk when or how that's gonna happen

[FooledAgain]

Hope you are doing better and making wiser decisions. She's not worth your time.

 

Thank you for your comment and your concern. I am still addicted. I still make unwise choices. I still contact her and go a little crazy until she throws a crumb of a reply back to me. The only thing I am doing better at is handling the 'amount' of the addiction.

 

I do not understand this addiction. I totally agree she is not worth my time. Any interaction with her whatsoever is similar, emotionally, to getting a hit of cocaine. If I go too long without some form of contact I get real withdrawal symptoms. Its insane, really. If she ever came back I suspect it would be similar to overdosing on my 'drug of choice' because I can imagine no scenario where that would work long term.

 

But I need to get my 'fix' so going No Contact has not and will not work for me. What I have done is try to reduce the frequency and intensity of contact with her. This seems to lead to her reducing the frequency and intensity of her contact with me. My hope is that we will gradually wean ourselves of our sick addiction to each other as neither of us seem to be able to go 'cold turkey'.

 

I have used recreational drugs in the past (long ago) and recognize the 'pull' of an addiction but never allowed myself to go there. This current addiction to merely the words of another person is lunacy. I mean she could have a friend write to me every day and say: "Honey I miss you and I love you and I am so sorry and one day I will make it up to you . blah blah." and that would be enough for my "fix".

 

I am still terribly confused and unable to move on to someone who is here living with me, treating me better, and deserving better.

 

Why do any of us stay addicted to the 'ghost' of a relationship. I mean my ex is not even the same person any more. She has moved on and changed and become someone I would not even like if I met her for the first time today. It confuses the heck out of me. I was not going to come to this forum and write any more as I don't see anyone with real answers. The only reasonable response is always No Contact.

 

Try telling that to someone who has an addiction to crack cocaine. Sure, just quit doing it. No problem. Yeah, right. There are solutions but just going cold turkey is not working for many of the people I see still posting here.

 

I hate this feeling. I hate that my new partner looks over my shoulder when I write this and I ask her not to read it because its more like a diary. I tell her I would rather share this addiction and its problems with strangers who have gone through similar stuff than talk to her about it. I tell her it would only hurt her feelings to discuss this with her and she has to trust me to work it out. Then I see the hurt in her eyes and I wonder if my relationship with her will last. I mean, how can you have a relationship with a good lady if you are hooked on some kind of drug?

 

Again, end of feeling sorry for myself. This will play out how it plays out as I cannot see any quick solution here.

[Bob2526]

I want to text you but I can't because it will only set me back I miss and I still think of you but I can't I wonder what you're up too I wonder how you are doing but I can't you're still on my mind

[sunshine34]

Talking to you now is just pain. Just reminds me of inadequacy and fault. As if you not wanting to be with me means there's something wrong with me. That I'm defective bc the moment we shared felt so real to me . Because all I wanted was for you to tell me to choose you. To book a flight for Miami for my bday and be there w me. Even if it was just drinking wine w candles and eating cake. Because no one did that with me. Because all the spa days on the world don't make up for feeling like you could tell that person your soul and they got it. And what's worse is I was wrong. You didn't get it. Bc if u did you'd be there w me. And that makes me feel like I'm not going to have it... because anyone who would give that who gets it always talks to me about how I deserve it but it's like rubbing salt in my wounds bc they can't give it to me. Because while I'm sitting there getting lost with you , you're thinking about how much you hate Orlando bc u are broken about your ex. Bc she's sending you I love u from a far messages and you won't tell her not to... because she will always have your heart. But I'm the "fun " distraction. The one that gives and gives that you don't care for. I guess that's another layer to it. You didn't even care for me as a friend truly. I was a girl that took you to Pr that you hooked up w.. I guess now I know how guys feel who spend money on girls. In the week we didn't talk it wasn't hard for you. You weren't tormented by thoughts of me and when I asked you if you missed me you said " this was for you" avoiding the subject because you didn't want to hurt my by telling me the truth. Even now, I'm the one up crying and you didn't even have any last words for me. Because I was just some chick. Why my am I so broken that I could care for someone who is such a jerk to me ? I wasn't even worth a phone call to you. I tell you it hurts me too much to be friends and u don't even want to say goodbye to me. You're such an .

[luisannalui]

Thank you for your comment and your concern. I am still addicted. I still make unwise choices. I still contact her and go a little crazy until she throws a crumb of a reply back to me. The only thing I am doing better at is handling the 'amount' of the addiction.

 

I do not understand this addiction. I totally agree she is not worth my time. Any interaction with her whatsoever is similar, emotionally, to getting a hit of cocaine. If I go too long without some form of contact I get real withdrawal symptoms. Its insane, really. If she ever came back I suspect it would be similar to overdosing on my 'drug of choice' because I can imagine no scenario where that would work long term.

 

But I need to get my 'fix' so going No Contact has not and will not work for me. What I have done is try to reduce the frequency and intensity of contact with her. This seems to lead to her reducing the frequency and intensity of her contact with me. My hope is that we will gradually wean ourselves of our sick addiction to each other as neither of us seem to be able to go 'cold turkey'.

 

I have used recreational drugs in the past (long ago) and recognize the 'pull' of an addiction but never allowed myself to go there. This current addiction to merely the words of another person is lunacy. I mean she could have a friend write to me every day and say: "Honey I miss you and I love you and I am so sorry and one day I will make it up to you . blah blah." and that would be enough for my "fix".

 

I am still terribly confused and unable to move on to someone who is here living with me, treating me better, and deserving better.

 

Why do any of us stay addicted to the 'ghost' of a relationship. I mean my ex is not even the same person any more. She has moved on and changed and become someone I would not even like if I met her for the first time today. It confuses the heck out of me. I was not going to come to this forum and write any more as I don't see anyone with real answers. The only reasonable response is always No Contact.

 

Try telling that to someone who has an addiction to crack cocaine. Sure, just quit doing it. No problem. Yeah, right. There are solutions but just going cold turkey is not working for many of the people I see still posting here.

 

I hate this feeling. I hate that my new partner looks over my shoulder when I write this and I ask her not to read it because its more like a diary. I tell her I would rather share this addiction and its problems with strangers who have gone through similar stuff than talk to her about it. I tell her it would only hurt her feelings to discuss this with her and she has to trust me to work it out. Then I see the hurt in her eyes and I wonder if my relationship with her will last. I mean, how can you have a relationship with a good lady if you are hooked on some kind of drug?

 

Again, end of feeling sorry for myself. This will play out how it plays out as I cannot see any quick solution here.

 

She always has been that way. People don't change they just show you who they truly are.

I strongly recommend you to read "Changes that Heal" I just started reading it and provide an example of a man who was an addict. He felt the same, people tell me to stop as if its that easy. As in the book, I encourage you to accept that you do have a problem and that its normal. You need time ALONE to heal, don't use this person. You need to stop talking to your ex. You need to act as she doesn't exist.

 

You cannot expect a change in your life if you don't make the first step.

Hang in there.

[FooledAgain]

She always has been that way. People don't change they just show you who they truly are.

I strongly recommend you to read "Changes that Heal" I just started reading it and provide an example of a man who was an addict. He felt the same, people tell me to stop as if its that easy. As in the book, I encourage you to accept that you do have a problem and that its normal. You need time ALONE to heal, don't use this person. You need to stop talking to your ex. You need to act as she doesn't exist.

 

You cannot expect a change in your life if you don't make the first step.

Hang in there.

 

Thank you so much. Its nice to know that someone cares, even about a foolish old man like me.

 

I do have a problem. The addiction of communicating with her never works. If she does not reply I go through withdrawals but if she does reply I push for more and more until the pain explodes once again and I realize she is telling me bs that she thinks I want to hear so I will be happy and her world will be happy. It does not work for me so I once again try No Contact until either I feel the pull of the addiction or she does and once again we are contacting each other.

 

You suggest needing time alone. I have tried it. You cannot imagine the suicidal thoughts that come. I can't do alone right now, not so long as someone is willing to be with me. Perhaps my new live-in is enabling me to maintain contact with the ex because she helps make the pain bearable.

 

I am learning to understand that I am addicted to my ex. I understand I do not REALLY want her back, I want the fantasy of her coming back. I understand I NEED to stop all contact but I am an addict, its hard to take that first step. AND I am addicted to a co-dependent addict who wants to drag me back into the addiction if I stop contacting her for a few days.

 

I am reading where you say "You need to act as she doesn't exist." I surely wish I could. I have found something that works and I am trying it. Remember the film Forrest Gump? When Jenny left him he started running, "for no particular reason". Well I surely don't feel like I am any smarter than Forrest Gump when it comes to my "Jenny" so I started walking "for no particular reason." I usually do walk for an hour or so a day. Yesterday I walked for 4 hours in the rain. It accomplishes so much. I am tired so I actually slept until 5 am before waking up missing my ex. I am not available to communicate with her while I am out walking so for those 4 hours, at least, I am not feeding my addiction.

 

But I still wake up at 5 and go straight to Facebook to read her replies to my comments. I am still an addict. But is it a start? I hope so. If 4 hours a day won't do it then i'll try 5 or whatever it takes. I know this has gotta stop. I know its gonna hurt when it does. I know in my head that she is never coming back despite all the messages of hope and bs and "just wait for me" crap she spouts off. But my heart breaks whenever I start to believe it.

 

The day is coming when I will be ready to firm up my No Contact resolve and like any other addiction, it will get under control when it is no longer fed. Who knows, today might be the day when I stop contacting her. Well I guess it won't be today as I already sent my daily message to her. But soon. I know it will be soon. It will have to be soon.

 

I always laughed at these old fools who would jump off a bridge when their girl left them. Why? Because there are so many other girls out there I could not understand why one particular girl should be so important. Now I understand. I gotta stop this before I get to that point.

 

I'll look for the book Changes That Heal but unfortunately, at this time in my life when I probably need it most is the time when I am less able to concentrate on reading and accepting a good self help book.

 

So life goes on.

[luisannalui]

Thank you so much. Its nice to know that someone cares, even about a foolish old man like me.

 

I do have a problem. The addiction of communicating with her never works. If she does not reply I go through withdrawals but if she does reply I push for more and more until the pain explodes once again and I realize she is telling me bs that she thinks I want to hear so I will be happy and her world will be happy. It does not work for me so I once again try No Contact until either I feel the pull of the addiction or she does and once again we are contacting each other.

 

You suggest needing time alone. I have tried it. You cannot imagine the suicidal thoughts that come. I can't do alone right now, not so long as someone is willing to be with me. Perhaps my new live-in is enabling me to maintain contact with the ex because she helps make the pain bearable.

 

I am learning to understand that I am addicted to my ex. I understand I do not REALLY want her back, I want the fantasy of her coming back. I understand I NEED to stop all contact but I am an addict, its hard to take that first step. AND I am addicted to a co-dependent addict who wants to drag me back into the addiction if I stop contacting her for a few days.

 

I am reading where you say "You need to act as she doesn't exist." I surely wish I could. I have found something that works and I am trying it. Remember the film Forrest Gump? When Jenny left him he started running, "for no particular reason". Well I surely don't feel like I am any smarter than Forrest Gump when it comes to my "Jenny" so I started walking "for no particular reason." I usually do walk for an hour or so a day. Yesterday I walked for 4 hours in the rain. It accomplishes so much. I am tired so I actually slept until 5 am before waking up missing my ex. I am not available to communicate with her while I am out walking so for those 4 hours, at least, I am not feeding my addiction.

 

But I still wake up at 5 and go straight to Facebook to read her replies to my comments. I am still an addict. But is it a start? I hope so. If 4 hours a day won't do it then i'll try 5 or whatever it takes. I know this has gotta stop. I know its gonna hurt when it does. I know in my head that she is never coming back despite all the messages of hope and bs and "just wait for me" crap she spouts off. But my heart breaks whenever I start to believe it.

 

The day is coming when I will be ready to firm up my No Contact resolve and like any other addiction, it will get under control when it is no longer fed. Who knows, today might be the day when I stop contacting her. Well I guess it won't be today as I already sent my daily message to her. But soon. I know it will be soon. It will have to be soon.

 

I always laughed at these old fools who would jump off a bridge when their girl left them. Why? Because there are so many other girls out there I could not understand why one particular girl should be so important. Now I understand. I gotta stop this before I get to that point.

 

I'll look for the book Changes That Heal but unfortunately, at this time in my life when I probably need it most is the time when I am less able to concentrate on reading and accepting a good self help book.

 

So life goes on.

 

Yes, Forrest Gump is one of my fav movie. Forrest was in love with Jenny and later reunited with her but accomplished what he wanted in life as "life goes on" You can do that too!

 

You Said "I know this has gotta stop. I know its gonna hurt when it does." I understand you feel that it will hurt when you stop communicating with her. But isnt hurting already? Maybe you just afraid of getting out of your comfort zone, you are afraid of trying something new. But it takes time, I do guarantee you that one day you'll be laughing at this and you'll be at a better stage in your life. You are the only one in power to make this happen. Hopefully you get to read the book.

[sunshine34]

I think I'm making progress ... im upset but I'm making realizations and connections and seeing where maybe I need some work/understanding that life is and will always be an ebb and flow of experience and change, the moment you have today will be gone tomorrow and thinking it will ever be the same or that you can apply a rule to an experience is wrong. Just because you deceived me doesn't mean I need to look for deception and cues in everyone or I should close myself off to x,y,z.. the truth is, you are broken and complex , while it's easier to sit here and bash you and be upset and only consider how I feel... life is between two people and the hard part now is knowing I'll never really understand you and you're not in my life anymore. The positive is that, the pain I experienced will cease to exist and once I get through the pain of longing for what could have been and what wasn't or contemplating what it even meant for you to abandon it so easily , once that is gone, I will be free of continuing to force myself to be okay accepting you weren't going for be with me and I had to figure out how to navigate being rejected and friend zoned every time we spoke . Oh wonder still reminds me of you, but I'm allowing myself to listen to them.. after all, in a mo or so, these feelings I have won't exist . I guess I can be grateful for

The simplicity of the connection I had. The raw nature.. the fact that it got stronger as it became a friendship.. I think I learned from that... I need to be with someone I can sit with , have a glass of wine and some candles ad feel like I'm in heaven . Looking back, maybe I started the issue... yeah, you weren't over your ex, but I was the one continuing to see other guys and didn't tell h not to come for vday until I met Blake, that was never about you ... and at that point I liked Blake more than u... had he not screwed me over we probably wouldn't have connected , bc he checked more of my boxes Then when we did connect and u kind of blew vday I ended it.. after the friend zone convo and me coming back I was vulnerable and nervous you didn't want to see me, but from your prospective , you were probably upset from all of that....

Then I ended up messing w Brian and that night you told me not to, but I did bc I felt u weren't going to give me what I wanted and I wanted to distance myself from you. Then we spent the night drinking and talking and I was crying bc I knew I wanted more but couldn't have it and u were checked out... instead of stopping there I just kept going .. then Colombia came

Even now though, u changed. The time away from me for you just made u forget and not care for me ... I mean when we talked in wa you just told me that I have issues bc I was connected and that bc we. Didn't know each other very well I shouldn't be calling you a best friend ... should've understood that I really never was anything to you at that point but a time passer ..'then when I said goodbye you didn't even call.. not even text back. Guess u felt it wasn't necessary. I tried to talk about it again and u just ignored me.. I know me drunk texting u last night seemed unnecessary, but it made me feel good to get it out. To tell u. I think u probably decided to get together w ur ex or ur happy to not have to deal w me anymore. Kind of wish vezza was the guy I had met... seems like he's going thru exactly what I am but he's the one playing my part and she's playing you. There's this sick part of me that keeps not wanting to accept or believe what is happening and to think that you're waiting for me to come home from PR... even though I know that's not true either... I dk

[FooledAgain]

Yes, Forrest Gump is one of my fav movie. Forrest was in love with Jenny and later reunited with her but accomplished what he wanted in life as "life goes on" You can do that too!

 

You Said "I know this has gotta stop. I know its gonna hurt when it does." I understand you feel that it will hurt when you stop communicating with her. But isnt hurting already? Maybe you just afraid of getting out of your comfort zone, you are afraid of trying something new. But it takes time, I do guarantee you that one day you'll be laughing at this and you'll be at a better stage in your life. You are the only one in power to make this happen. Hopefully you get to read the book.

 

Thank you once again for replying.

 

Today we made some progress, I think. Yvonne and I got mad at each other in our chats. She wanted me to wait for her while she went to Finland, made some money, and came back. It was an impossible demand, intended to upset me and it worked. I told her I did not believe she would go out and see the world and then come back to my tiny house and tiny pension, no how, no way, so we better stop chatting and do the No Contact thing. She said Fine, if I could not do that little thing then I should never contact her again. I had a chat with the good Lord and He answered my prayer with 2 little words: "Let Go!" He said, and He filled my face and heart with tears that cleansed as they healed. I sent the message to Yvonne that I forgive her and I shall Let Go and wish her God Bless. That is the end of it. It may be that we shall now have No Contact which would be best for all concerned. We shall see what the next 3 days bring as we have neither of us been able to go 3 days No Contact until now. This time may be different. I have the Lord on my side now.

[FooledAgain]

. . . It may be that we shall now have No Contact which would be best for all concerned. We shall see what the next 3 days bring as we have neither of us been able to go 3 days No Contact until now. . .

 

No Contact for all of 8 hours. It hurts as bad as quitting any addiction, it really does. Its going to be a rough night because I am feeling that this is the end. The end of any fantasy of a future where she comes back. This time the No Contact has to work.

[luisannalui]

No Contact for all of 8 hours. It hurts as bad as quitting any addiction, it really does. Its going to be a rough night because I am feeling that this is the end. The end of any fantasy of a future where she comes back. This time the No Contact has to work.

 

I'm on day #28 no contact. It does takes time The first two month were like hell until I decide to stop and start thinking about me. It does takes time and its hard. Even these 30 days have been difficult, time goes slow, but believe me it does get better.

[FooledAgain]

I'm on day #28 no contact. It does takes time The first two month were like hell until I decide to stop and start thinking about me. It does takes time and its hard. Even these 30 days have been difficult, time goes slow, but believe me it does get better.

 

It was a rough night but I got through it. 7 hours of sleep and up at 6:30 am to immediately check the phone and email to see if she messaged me. Thankfully she did not. I crave seeing something from her but I hope she does not contact me. I will do my very best to not contact her in any way. But I wonder if she also had a rough night, I wonder if she thought of me, I wonder if she will be OK. I wonder if i will ever hear from her again. I just miss her, and as you say: Time goes slow.

 

BUT, its being done. Still no contact and there are actually some hours when I do not think of her. Progress? I can hope.

[FooledAgain]

Oh I wanna call her so bad. I miss her so much. Its not even been 24 hours of No Contact and I can think of nothing else except wanting to write to her or call her or just send a silly pic. ANYTHING to stay in touch. But I won't, I will survive another hour or two and then go for a long walk in the rain. Breaking an addiction is HARD and its so good to have a place where I can come and write down this diarrhea of emotions in a harmless way. Pay no attention folks, I'm just in emotional turmoil right now.

[FooledAgain]

I'm going to be here a lot for the next couple days. Its my only sanctuary. I can tell her I love her and miss her and the tears roll out non-stop and yet she will never read this and that's a good thing. I miss my lost love. I miss my lost future. I can fall in love again, but never the same as this last time, or so it seems today. she was the femal version of Brad Pitt's character in Legends of the Fall. She was my Jenny from Forrest Gump. She was my Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffanys. She was my everything. I will never let another lover be my everything. The one who falls in love the deepest is the one with the most to lose.

 

So long as I keep writing here, I am not writing to her. I love to write. In my brighter moments I wrote blogs about "us" and sold them. They are all over the Internet and now they are all lies but every time I do a search I see "us" in happy times.

 

What will I do if she does break the No Contact? We agreed to No Contact. We understand its for the best. We blocked Facebook accounts so we do not accidentally see each other, but she was/is as addicted as I am. She knows how to contact me if she really needs to. It would be crazy to try to hide every possible way for her to contact me as it still would not work if she really wanted to. And then, there is the 90 day rule. Maybe if we can get through the 90 days then we can be friends again. Maybe I can stand to look at her with her new life just to hear the sound of her voice. I don't know if the 90 days is supposed to get you to that point and I don't know if it is like 'quitting smoking' in that once you get to 90 days the point is the addiction is manageable but you still do NOT want to contact each other.

 

She was my best friend. Before No Contact she still wanted to be, but only a friend. I wanted my wife back and she could not / would not give that. So here I am posting drivel in this section instead of posting drivel to "her". This is a good thing, right?

[Jeffbobo]

It's been so long... Six years. In the final hellish throes of our marriage you told me that the only thing anyone would ever want me for was my money. Funny, you took most of it and the truth is that they want me for the same reasons you once did. How did we go from being so much in love; dreaming that together anything was possible, inseparable, solemates as you side time and time again to where we ended up. You cross my mind now very rarely, just a ghost. An apartition, not even remembering what you look like. Blurred in the pages of history. No particular reason to write this, just reflecting.

[luisannalui]

I'm going to be here a lot for the next couple days. Its my only sanctuary. I can tell her I love her and miss her and the tears roll out non-stop and yet she will never read this and that's a good thing. I miss my lost love. I miss my lost future. I can fall in love again, but never the same as this last time, or so it seems today. she was the femal version of Brad Pitt's character in Legends of the Fall. She was my Jenny from Forrest Gump. She was my Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffanys. She was my everything. I will never let another lover be my everything. The one who falls in love the deepest is the one with the most to lose.

 

So long as I keep writing here, I am not writing to her. I love to write. In my brighter moments I wrote blogs about "us" and sold them. They are all over the Internet and now they are all lies but every time I do a search I see "us" in happy times.

 

What will I do if she does break the No Contact? We agreed to No Contact. We understand its for the best. We blocked Facebook accounts so we do not accidentally see each other, but she was/is as addicted as I am. She knows how to contact me if she really needs to. It would be crazy to try to hide every possible way for her to contact me as it still would not work if she really wanted to. And then, there is the 90 day rule. Maybe if we can get through the 90 days then we can be friends again. Maybe I can stand to look at her with her new life just to hear the sound of her voice. I don't know if the 90 days is supposed to get you to that point and I don't know if it is like 'quitting smoking' in that once you get to 90 days the point is the addiction is manageable but you still do NOT want to contact each other.

 

She was my best friend. Before No Contact she still wanted to be, but only a friend. I wanted my wife back and she could not / would not give that. So here I am posting drivel in this section instead of posting drivel to "her". This is a good thing, right?

 

You think she was like the person you "imagined" but this may only be an illusion. She stole money from you, she disrespected you, I don't think this is the person you want for your future. Its hard to stay NC especially when your ex doesn't help you to stay NC. But you need to think of you first, your health, you doing a great job staying NC. How about you do a more drastic move than blocking her? How about you change your number? Close any possible way for her to contact you. Unfortunately the only way both of you will grow up is in separates way.

 

I feel much better after I changed my number and close my account. Im in control if everything and she won't interfere with my healing progres by drunk dialing.

 

Also treat yourself when you pass a week from NC. Tomorrow for me will be 30 days and Im treating myself.

 

 

 

Think about it!

[Alsananick]

Thank you for your comment and your concern. I am still addicted. I still make unwise choices. I still contact her and go a little crazy until she throws a crumb of a reply back to me. The only thing I am doing better at is handling the 'amount' of the addiction.

 

I do not understand this addiction. I totally agree she is not worth my time. Any interaction with her whatsoever is similar, emotionally, to getting a hit of cocaine. If I go too long without some form of contact I get real withdrawal symptoms. Its insane, really. If she ever came back I suspect it would be similar to overdosing on my 'drug of choice' because I can imagine no scenario where that would work long term.

 

But I need to get my 'fix' so going No Contact has not and will not work for me. What I have done is try to reduce the frequency and intensity of contact with her. This seems to lead to her reducing the frequency and intensity of her contact with me. My hope is that we will gradually wean ourselves of our sick addiction to each other as neither of us seem to be able to go 'cold turkey'.

 

I have used recreational drugs in the past (long ago) and recognize the 'pull' of an addiction but never allowed myself to go there. This current addiction to merely the words of another person is lunacy. I mean she could have a friend write to me every day and say: "Honey I miss you and I love you and I am so sorry and one day I will make it up to you . blah blah." and that would be enough for my "fix".

 

I am still terribly confused and unable to move on to someone who is here living with me, treating me better, and deserving better.

 

Why do any of us stay addicted to the 'ghost' of a relationship. I mean my ex is not even the same person any more. She has moved on and changed and become someone I would not even like if I met her for the first time today. It confuses the heck out of me. I was not going to come to this forum and write any more as I don't see anyone with real answers. The only reasonable response is always No Contact.

 

Try telling that to someone who has an addiction to crack cocaine. Sure, just quit doing it. No problem. Yeah, right. There are solutions but just going cold turkey is not working for many of the people I see still posting here.

 

I hate this feeling. I hate that my new partner looks over my shoulder when I write this and I ask her not to read it because its more like a diary. I tell her I would rather share this addiction and its problems with strangers who have gone through similar stuff than talk to her about it. I tell her it would only hurt her feelings to discuss this with her and she has to trust me to work it out. Then I see the hurt in her eyes and I wonder if my relationship with her will last. I mean, how can you have a relationship with a good lady if you are hooked on some kind of drug?

 

Again, end of feeling sorry for myself. This will play out how it plays out as I cannot see any quick solution here.

 

Only way to get over/ get her back is going NC strictly for at least 2 months. That way you will show that you are in control of your emotions and it is so atractive to women. The lack of that control probably the reason where you are now. You can have your wife back head over heels in love with you again or you can move on but only with NC.The strongest negotiation position is to be able to walk away and never look back. Please consider these.

[FooledAgain]

. . .

 

Also treat yourself when you pass a week from NC. Tomorrow for me will be 30 days and Im treating myself.

 

Think about it!

 

It is a bit easier today. Only a bit but still easier to manage life today than yesterday. No contact since . . I am not sure if its 24 or 48 hours and I don't want to dig into it at this moment. I think 48 hours but not sure.

 

I slept last night. I woke thinking of her but not insane, nightmarish thoughts. They were only sad thoughts. I have been thinking sad thoughts a lot but in the middle of the sad thoughts I will have moments where I think of something completely different and actually smile. Life is getting better. I can do this. I still check for her messages frequently and I am relieved/hurt when there is nothing.

 

I am like the guy who quits smoking but keeps one cigarette in his pocket just in case he cannot handle it. That works for some people.

 

If my ex is the person I have always believed her to be (and still believe to some extent) then she will not contact me this time. Not for many months at least. After that I can deal with it. I believe she needs to let go as much as I do and is probably getting the same advice I am getting about No Contact. I believe she is not a stupid lady.

 

I will surely plan to treat myself when I reach the 30 day mark. Once I get past 1 week of no contact I shall figure out when the 30 days will be up and make a plan. The first week of No Contact is a sensitive time. I can only think of getting through each minute and each hour and each night without contacting her. I will begin to believe in myself more when 7 full days of No Contact have come and gone.

 

What do you suggest treating myself with? What will your treat to yourself be?

[KMO7970]

I'm also in my first week of no contact. Actually, today is my day 1, but would have been my day 3 if I hadn't reached out yesterday. He is so kind and always has been. I have never regretted talking to him. Never. But since this is a relationship that absolutely cannot work, despite the love we had, I have to be strong with this NC stuff for a while. Turns out that my day 30 is actually the day I leave for a vacation, so that's pretty cool. Sending much love to everyone out there slogging their way through days of no contact