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I did not think it was going to be this tough, I really didn't. Hurts a lot. I miss you, I miss the good times. But I also remember the bad. You probably think I'm going to break and call or text you, but don't hold your breath. I will not add to my current pain, yes it hurts but contacting you will be excruciating.

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I broke up with you because I knew it would end the same way for me no matter what. You said you loved me, but you obviously didn't enough to read the signs and see I knew exactly what was going on between you two before anything real ever happened. and I kept my pregnancy and miscarriage from you because you didn't deserve to know just what a mess you created for yourself and me. I wasn't going to let you drag me down any further down the rabbit hole than you already had. And to come back and manipulate me after she pushed you away. It's an even lower blow. To claim friendship just to torture me by complaining about how much you miss her and how much you want her back, when you broke up with her and she had the common sense to keep it that way. You didn't even love her! You just can't stand being alone so you create a character for every new girl you meet. You don't even know who you really are. And you cant find that out until you accept that you'd do better being alone than terrorizing all these girls and breaking their hearts by pretending to be something you most definitely are not.

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You've behaved selfishly and respond only when faced with loss of me. You won't let me go when i give you a choice but i don't need your permission. Your behavior is a destructive technique and quite effective at protecting you from investing in others. I deserve someone who will invest in me and nurture the "us" we create. I felt urgency. Maybe it doesn't exist. Maybe I brought that to the table unfairly. No matter. I know I'm not gone. You forget nothing and will not let me go. The qusstion is how far will i travel before turning around to see if you are looking.

 

And no you're not an ex. I just to need to vent bc you hurt my feelings, and you don't do that very often, and you didn't do it on purpose. You did what you always do at that hour on a Sunday. More investment was required. More motivation. You had nothing left i suppose. Maybe i am making it symbolize more than it should. Tired. Take some responsibility. I've done all I intend to do.

Edited by IAmFCA
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Why did you make me believe you wanted a future with me to just let me down so quickly afterwards? We are both too old for games. Why do you still contact me yet when I came to visit this weekend after 9 months you didn't even talk to me? I didn't need you by my side all night, all I hoped for was a conversation, some closure. Did you ever actually feel anything for me like you claimed or was I just the rebound? I still look at you and feel the same electricity I felt the day I did when I met you and I wish I could just forget about you and move on.

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I don't understand. I can't accept what happened. It's not right. We were great together. I don't understand how you could be so cold and disconnected and just done. After everything - it doesn't make any sense. And now you are interested in someone? Already? You make me feel like . Like I am just not good enough for you and that if I acted different we wouldn't be where we are. We shouldn't be doing this. We are supposed to be together forever. Thanks for breaking my heart one last time

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I still have unconditional love for you and wish you'd start talking to me again cause I know you love me too even though you think it's not the right timing. And don't want you to push me away when I need you and believe u need me the most right now too to get through this..

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I'm wondering if I should send him MY xmas card after all????? (ONLY WAY TO SAY A FEW LAST WORDS)

 

I'd say.....**** You know....the only reason your ex came back to you is because she left the guy she was seeing...and wanted someone's attention. Knowing ud give it to her. SHE'S using u for spa dates and what ever else she thinks she can get out of you then once again I know she'll leave u. Because she broke up with you for a reason last time... and she knows it's still a valid thing. You will see when the day comes. You'll once and for all be alone by yourself unloved by anyone. She doesn't love u...she loves the thought of you.

And same with me. You were great until I saw your true colors... your nothing but a manipulating sociopathic pathological liar....your every bad idea and habit in one. Out of all the bad people iv seen in my life your the worst kind. For no good reason you tried to destroy the life of a good person (ME) just to get your rocks off and play games and to feel wanted when she wasn't giving you that .

You selfishly used me as if I were nothing to you . But you know what....I'm great and you ing KNOW it!!!!! I'm a fabulous heart felt person and someone will be lucky to have me one day. You never deserved me anyways.

I realize I couldn't have loved u after all. Because the TRUTH is....I never even knew you to begin with.

 

(Good luck deleting your Facebook and changing ur number to make her happy...it will only last for so long.)

 

 

I'm not sure about adding that last paragraph or not. Or if I should even send it at all? What do u think????

Would it not be a slap in the face to get a Christmas card and this last message? More then just never hearing from me after he did all that to me?

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I hate myself for having a pattern of self destruction. I am glad that this time, I have decided to recognize it and change it. For whatever reason, I enjoy liking people who cannot be with me..who do not pursue me. This time, the energy and attraction is so strong I felt like I would do anything just to spend time w him. Doesn't matter what happens, platonic time I asked to see you this past weekend and you said u had an MBA class all weekend. I was done, sick of being blown off, then M I see you bc of work stuff we have together and u say u weren't sure if I was going to go bc I stopped texting... I just flat out tell you I thought u blew me off and u tell me you aren't stupid you know what is in front of you... then u being up making excuses for me to come in so u can see me, but then when I bring up seeing u this week u tell me w ur schedule you can't make plans too busy but you'd reach out... I follow up later and say thanks for today looking forward to spending more time w u, hopefully this week. You say, of course my pleasure... vague.. then I had

To message u about work and u just respond w work stuff...

I'm tempted to go off on you, but what's the point? What's the point of ruining work stuff when if you liked me, you'd just try to see me. I dk what u are doing throwing in lines and playing w me, but there's no point for me to keep chasing you. I guess breaking the pattern is the first step in getting new ones.there will be someone else I'll like and maybe he can like me back. Investing energy in something without and reciprocation isn't a relationship and will never be. It's just another way for me to punish myself

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Seriously?!! You say you really don't want to be with anyone but see that you are snapchatting someone constantly?! Really really?! Really?!! You say one thing but your actions say otherwise? I can't wait once I graduate. You are really a piece of work. All of our mutual friends are just totally okay with this and Im here falling apart. Why was I ever with you to begin with? I did so much for you and you break my heart three times. Not once, not twice, but three FREAKING TIMES! You are such a piece of s***! Why did I make myself go through this with you? I should've stopped when you first broke up with me. I hate you for making me feel the way I am right now. Everytime I am okay....I see something about you that upsets me and it just knocks me down. I hate you!

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  • 2 weeks later...

As much as you mean to me, I've nothing else to say to you. You walked out of this 8 year relationship and were with him a week later. I dont believe you didnt cheat. I dont believe you werent with him while you were with me. You work with him introduced me to him. Youre a real piece of work. Ive already said it all and it made no difference to you what so ever. I gave you all of me and you couldnt return the favor. No more hugs, no more free meals, no more phone calls, no more giving you money, no more me, or the dog. If you need something in the house, I need advance notice and the time youll be there. I will leave. You can store things in the house until it sells but your not coming back and forth like you have been for the last 5 months. You've strung me along to get what you wanted and I finally know the truth. I will never be your friend. I will never forgive you for hurting me like you have. I told you I could forgive you for everything thats happened and I would work with you and I meant it, then you just threw that opportunity out the window, slapped me in the face and spent the night with him. Your actions speak volumes on how actually feel about me. I will never be rejected by you ever again. I will never forgive you for choosing the alcohol and Derrick, JT and whoever else over someone who loved you unconditionally with everything they had. I will never forgive you for all the lies and deceit. I've lost every ounce of trust in you. I will look back on this relationship and all I will feel is regret, betrayal and used.

 

From someone who knows you better than anyone else and loved you unconditionally, You don't deal with your issues. Theres the unresolved issues from your childhood, the ex that abused you and God knows what else. You would never open up to me. You brought all of that into our relationship and tried to supress it. You recognize that you have a problem with drinking and depression. You don't take responsibility and that's why you'll never change. When we met you were tired of dating multiple people and when you saw me I was a just a way to break that cycle. The first 4 years were fine because you were able to hide the depression and suffered through working every day. After your head injury in Cuba and being off for so long, you fell into a cycle of depression that to this day your still in. I did my best to take care of you for that year and a half and tought you how to manipulate and use me. You self medicate with the alcohol every weekend and now sex with other people. The new people give you that excited feeling. The sex gives you the good feelings, the booze helps with the anxiety. Your back to the EXACT way you were before we met. The cycle continues, but you'll get tired of it again find someone else who will break you from that cycle for a moment but it won't last because youre not willing to take reposnsibilty. You will never change just like your sister and eventually you'll have a breakdown of your own. You had someone who would never have given up on you. Who was committed to you, who built a home with you but you just got bored and as you called it "fell out of love" it was easier to walk away then to look in the mirror and do something about it. Thats why I know you never really did love me. You don't know what love really is, you never have. Enjoy the rebound(s). I cared more about you than you cared about yourself, but I just can't care anymore. Im telling you this because I do care about you. Ive tried to get you to see it the last 4 years but you just thought I was trying to tell you what to do.

 

You made your choice long before you left and didn't respect me enough to even tell me or give me a chance...you made your bed, now your lying in it. Well his anyway. Good luck with that. It's your loss. You'll look back and realize just how good you did have it. Our life wasnt perfect but I was always there for you. Even when you left like an idiot I was still there for you. You'll understand some day. I just wont be there when you do. Good bye. xo

 

P.s. I want you to know this because I dont believe you do...

 

If the love was there once it can be there again. Its just easier to walk away when theres too much temptation and not enough perseverance / commitment. Love ebbs and flows. It's normal. You can't expect that overwhelming-head-over-heels feeling to last forever, in any relationship. Emotions can be fickle. Couples who stay together know how to not sweat the periods where you don't feel as close as you used to. It doesn't last forever. Having someone who will stick it out with you no matter what, is more powerful than anything. Love isn't a single feeling. It encompasses all parts of your life together: the butterflies, the thrill, the contentment, the calm, the despair, the chaos, the compassion, the compromises, the drives, the sweetness.

Love is the choice to cherish someone whether you're head over heels or simply content, and even when you're feeling totally disconnected. Because feelings will ebb and flow, your partnership should not. I really thought you were that person. You told me you were. I actually believed you. You lied to me over and over. I was so wrong.

Edited by souldestroyed7
grammar
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I feel very alone, and silly for my behavior .. I had made a promise to myself I would detox from guys just for a week to give myself some prospective and it's caused ne to go off the rocker . I reverted back to texting more guys and it's making everything worse , maybe that's normal and now I'll stop. But it is making me feel worse about myself.. I have a problem and an affinity only for the wrong men for me.. guy 1 is bad bc he so clearly isn't into me and I keep pushing it , he still lives w his ex and doesn't ever message me first bc duh not into it but always feeds into my flirtation and acts like it's going somewhere. It's not.. guy 2 is confusing but just an obvious playboy, played my roommates friend and is always manipulating the situation... I think I only have an issue dropping it bc he's smooth and attractive but it doesn't lead to the goal that I want which is the right guy... guy number 3 is just a situation I should have never gotten into bc he's a work connection big for my career ... I'm unsure if he is still with his ex or not.. either way some red flags and I need to fix me. I need to be alone. At least for a few weeks completely alone, I haven't been w someone for weeks at a time recently but this is a full deto meaning no communication not letting that rule my life... I need to stand alone and remember who I am and what I stand for.. I'm so ready to attack the challenge of moving departments in work and genuinely grateful to have such a loving family whose always there for me. I thought I had met a new friend but now I think she's not my friend and just needed a roommate.. randomly stopped talking to me and didn't even wish me merry xmas... universe help cleanse me and make me a better version of myself , a better friend, family member and future partner This needs to be my year and I need to make changes

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Its been nearly 2 months when you said a "break" to miss eachother. I know now that was a lie. You always told me never to end things and planned so much for the future. I know uni its a massive change but why end it between us so soon. You gave your ex before me about 10 chances every time he cheated on you and that relationship was 6 months. You dont even give me a chance to make things work and we was togther 3 years ? Why ?

 

Ive thought of you an incredible amount everyday, too much thinking of you. Why was things ended when things was going so well just weeks before. You had heart problems and had to wear a monitor and who showered you ? Who took care of you the whole weekend, I dont deserve this, I helped you through 3 of your toughest year which you have said yourself and now you just hang me out to dry. I hope youre happy. I was so loyal and I think you forgot how badly you have been treated by your previous ex's. I didndt even have any friends who was girls and didnt even talk to girls. I cant believe you havent initated any contact since the break up only for my bday. Its starting to me feel you never really loved me. You said you did all the time and I i felt that. But was it an act ? A 3 year act just to get through your life untill you went to Uni ? I never got a full closure and I think I deserve one.

 

I would love it if you actually did miss me and wanted to message me to make things work our last converstaion was you saying you wanted to be friends which I said I didnt but would be open to working on things and said if you changed your mind, let me know and you said Yeah I Will. But will you ?

 

I am here trying to improve myself as a person for you which I shouldnt. But I want another chance, our relationship was amazing, never toxic. Seeing you with somone else would kill me and I know me being with someone else would kill you too.

 

I hope you have your time to think and realise you made a mistake. I know we went 3 years with no break and Im still holding onto the fact it might be a break and we will get back togther, I just wish you could open up to me and tell me how you really feel. You have left me on a massive cling hanger and I need closure.

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I feel awful... I prayed about you last night bc being here makes me think of u and I had a feeling I would see u tonight... I did. I saw u with her.. that made it worse. I am not sure what she has that I don't. 100% different attractiveness levels and i would think our connection was so mental.. I'm wondering now if it was bc u knew I was moving and she was the safe choice. Either way, sucked seeing u w her and not w me... not missing me or kissing my shoulder like u used to... I'm upset u aren't messaging me . But also happy I dk t have your number to message u, bc what's the lint ??? If u see me and don't have anything to say then I'm sure nothing would change if I said anything... and u should be the one to say something considering our last interaction was messed up bc of u..../ I just hate that my heart hurts bc of u and u are sitting there cool calm collected nothing to say

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A, things are long over and for the first time, no birthday wishes from you this year, which is the way it should be. Today's new years eve, and as we go into a completely new year and circumstances, I've blocked your number (which I'd never done before), had to first find/reenter your number to block it first and then delete it again. Not that we were ever going to be in touch again but it's one of those necessary rites of passages. enotalone was instrumental in helping me cope all those years ago and I wanted to post here as well. Sure, it didn't work out, but you were then and always will be wonderful. Your presence makes the world a better place. I wish you a very long and happy and fulfilling life. And after that, shining brightly as stardust always. Love, H

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I came here to post, to force myself to say something. I've nothing to say. You've become an empty vessel. Full of value but no wine left for me. We aren't dating. We are engaged in some sort of dance. Its become expensive and purposeless.

 

I've left you. That's not true but I'm close. I stated my wants, I gave you an opportunity to take action. And, oddly, you will. I just feel it coming, but only after I'm gone.

 

Probably neither of us has left the other. Time is hurtling us slowly forward. Yes hurtling. Yes slowly. The conflict is intentional.

 

In 4.5 years, we fall off a cliff or we leap into the clouds. Our service to others changes. 4.5 less 2 = 2.5. How about you take me on a date in June '19. Or October '17. Maybe June '17 will give you a bit of a shock.

 

So, to myself: prepare for a year of disengagement.

 

Huh. Actually, maybe that's the deal. Maybe it does loom on the horizon for you. I guess I could ask. Anyway, your issue. I will use the model of never saying no. Its been a good tool. While in my head to myself as needed, No.

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