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Today is new years eve, its also the day you leave for work again, starting the swing work instead of a long stint away that would have helped us reconnect. You didnt contact me except in response to my text when i saw you, and my xmas message, both very nice...but you have not initiated except for a couple of likes on Instagram which i ignore. You said we would catch up sometime...after giving it some time to heal...I dont know how much...but as much as i hoped it would before you left its probably best if not. You want the same things as me...but you won't invest in our happiness...just yours.

I let my stress affect our limited time together and I regret that, I wish id realized it sooner...I did before the breakup, but it was too late for you to see that I had evolved back into the person you met, I was making myself happy instead of stressed. Meanwhile while away, you assumed that was the "real me" the stressed out person trying to balance it all...it wasn't. I wore you down and you probably didnt communicate because you didn't want to upset me...but look at us now...Im upset all right, and our dreams and laughter are gone forever.

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I just want to ask you how could you do all this to me while all the time saying to me that "I Love you". If you had loved me, you wouldn't have hurt me. And how could you just stop loving me since our break up as I am the only one seems to be affected by it while you are already swiping guys right on Tinder and partying in Muscat. If you didnt like me, why didnt you tell me just after the first date, I wouldn't have been pained then. Why now when I was head over heels in love with you?

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I think I've hit anger.

I'm angry you assumed we want different things without ever talking about it, you assumed I didn't want kids, I never said that, we never talked about that.

I'm angry you thought I was rude to a cashier because I didn't give her a big hello.maybe there's a reason why, I'm stressed, I'm sad, I'm in my own thoughts...I'm angry you even noticed.

I'm angry you told me you loved me and kept leading me on even until the day we broke up, that's why I think you're wrong.

I'm angry you kept things to yourself until you saw nothing but negatives, and I had no idea, it could have been so easily resolved.

I'm angry you gave up..before we even began the real journey... the best was yet to come.

I'm angry I can't talk to you anymore, because I'm trying to be strong.

I'm angry I don't find interest in others and still feel like this is a horrible dream.

I'm so angry it makes me cry

Because really... I'm not angry at all

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Ah jeez, I can't do this no more.....I won't freakin call you. I won't, I wont. I thought we were going to last forever. I did not think you would give up, I thought you were going to put in the effort. Shoot!!! hurting at the moment. again hurting again. I have to.......no I will.........get through this. I can't believe it's over.

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It's been two weeks...we've done this so much before, breaking up and not contacting each other to get sucked back in a month later. This time is different though. This time, I won't let you come back in to use and abuse me like you have for the last two years, if you do contact me. You already have another girlfriend, after trying to get me to hook up with you 2 weeks ago and telling me I wasn't pretty enough to be your girlfriend...but I was pretty enough to be your hookup for 2 years. I so badly want you to know all the pain you've caused and how I just had a breakdown while you already have a new girlfriend...but I have to be strong and move on.

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Jeany, Its been 11 days of no contact. Nothing from you on Christmas, New Years and tomorrow is your 30th Birthday. I'm having a hard time. I had so much planned for tomorrow for you. I was going to make it the most amazing birthday you've ever had. I'm really having a hard time. I want to talk to you, I'm craving it. You've moved on. You moved on before you left me. Then you used me for 5 months lied to me to keep me strung along before I found the truth on your phone. We broke up because I loved you more than you loved yourself. I wanted to help you, I was there for you. You told me you had a problem drinking. I told you I would stand beside you and help you get through it. When you missed 3 months work in 6 months time, I didn't know how to reach you. It was financially breaking me. You were depressed. You slept all the time. You never talked to me. I asked you every night if we were okay, and you told me yes, it was just the depression. I know now that you were seeing someone else. The fact that its the guy you work with, that you introduced me to at parties. You're a real piece of work. You wanted to screw someone else and still get money, food, and a place of comfort from me. You will never understand how much you hurt me. I have no self esteem anymore, I cant. Why would I still want to help you?? Why do I still care about you? You never knew this....but I bought you the engagement ring you had picked out with me. I bought it 2 weeks before you left. I've never been so blindsided in my life. I deserve someone who actually loves me, not someone who pretends while it suits them. I never tried to tell you what to do. I tried to get you to see what you were doing to yourself. I love who you pretended to be Jeany, I loved you with every ounce of my soul since the first time I layed eyes on you. We connected like we were friends forever. You destroyed my trust, my heart, my soul and my faith in everything good. You will see it one day, what you gave up, what you lost. I just wont be there. I'm trapped in this house until it sells. Its like a prison of memories I cant escape. You're spiraling out of control and your going to crash and burn. I never wanted that for you. I would never have given up on you. So I wish you a Happy Birthday. I hope turning 30 will open your eyes and make you grow up. You have a lot of growing up to do. I'm sorry I cant celebrate your birthday with you. That was your choice. It kills me inside. There has to be an end to this pain.

 

If there is one bit of advice I can give anyone else. Its not to own anything with anyone else that costs more than $200. If you want a home, its either in her name or his name but not both. Trust me when I say you dont want to go through the same pain that I am experiencing. Trapped in a prison of memories while you try and sell it.

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It's 1am. Remember when we used to talk every night before bed? Asking if you wanted a wake-up call in the morning? Now you're probably on the phone with that foreign hooker. Filling her head up with God knows what.

 

And you always told me, I had nothing to worry about. Hah. I know you're laughing behind my back with her.

 

But I promise you one day. I will have the last laugh.

 

Go on, do your screw arounds the next few weeks, months, whatever. But one day, a favorite song of mine is going to pop in your head. And you'll remember me. You'll remember the way we used to dance and laugh and poke fun at each other.

 

Our late night runs to quickchek to pick up candy, green tea and chips. And for some reason, it was always fun. Because what we had was real, it was love. We found laughter in everything.

 

Tell me, do you think you're going to find that in her? What we had was so unique, so out-of this world, but you still wanted to see if the grass was greener on the other side.

 

I created a monster out of you. Since the day I told you, put some gel in your hair, wear this instead. I gave you the confidence no one else could. The kind you couldn't even grown on your own. You needed me.

 

Blood is on your hands. You ruined this relationship to have some sex night talks with some hooker. I bet it's soooo worth it. A-hole.

 

(I sound like a crazy person? Omg. I hope I don't get banned lol that felt good. Thank you whoever created this, will be coming back whenever the urge comes)

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We broke up before Thanksgiving. After almost a year together you put yourself back on the dating scene almost immediately. I head you're already talking to someone new and that hurts me so much. You're like me in a way and I'm surprised you can already shift your attention to someone new. I on the other hand can't bare that just yet and need to continue healing and mourning our relationship before I can allow someone to fill the void you left in my life. Wishing you all the best. I'm so hurt that you have moved on from me so quickly but I'd like to think that you're still struggling in your own way. If you were to ever contact me I would never ignore you or blow you off. I still care for you deeply and I want what's best for you, even if you aren't a part of my life any more.

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I’m such an idiot for messaging you. I feel like I made a fraction of progress these last 4 days. The only thing holding me back were fears that you wouldn’t want to be my friend in 2, 3, 6 months time when I’m finally over you. Why am I letting that hold me back when you so clearly don’t deserve a person like me in your life? I’m going to block your number now. I have to go through hell but I will be stronger, safer and happier once I get to the other side.

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Im sorry I was not meeting your needs, and that you felt that you should not communicate them to me for whatever reason, it may be that you tried, but i didn't hear, you didn't want to hurt me, or you just did not know how. Know I want to grow with my partner who ever that might be in future and I always WANT to listen, I want to meet your needs. I'm sorry I let my own worries and stresses affect the relationship, and that I did not share them with you and ask for your help or a cuddle when I needed it. I needed you.

I want so much to tell you I'm glad you voiced your concerns when we broke up and as much as I didn't want to break up, I did listen, because you communicated, that made me happy in a very difficult time and I never want to make the same mistakes again, with you if i ever got the chance...or anyone else in my future.

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I wish that we could be together. I wish that you realized how I much I loved you, even though I hardly showed it. I was a fool with you. I lost myself trying to hold the world on my shoulders. If only we could try again. I hope that you know I'll always be here for you, and you'll always be an important person in my life. I wish the mixed messages would stop. I wish my mixed feelings would stop.

 

Some days I despise you, others I want to hold you, others I want to talk to you, and on others I cry. But everyday I miss you, and everyday I wish you were with me. I know that I let you go by not being there. It was the biggest mistake I've ever made. If I get the chance, I'll never do it again. But, in the end, I hope that you love someone as much as I loved you. Goodbye.

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The last few days I have really been struggling about reaching out to you. I found out my dad's cancer treatment is not going well and the outlook isn't good.

 

I wish you were still in my life to help me through this. But I have been strong and haven't reached out in 4 months. I say hi to you in the halls at work but thats it (outside of saying happy belated birthday the other day). You said you wanted space and that's what I've given you. You still keep tabs on me on social media and that doesn't bother me (social media is starting to tire me out anyways).

 

But why have I wanted to reach out to you so badly lately? You left me just days after I found out and told you that my dad had cancer. You ended things but still wanted to be good friends. Well the one time I needed you as a friend what did you do? You wanted me out of your life.

 

I've tried dating and to be honest it's exahusting and I think I'm just trying to fill a void. For now I will put the focus back on me and my dad but damn has the past few days been hard. If you came to me tomorrow wanting me back chances are I would take you back in a heartbeat. and to be honest, it would probably be the worst decision I could make. Everyone close to me (including some mutual acquaintances/friends) says I deserve better.

 

I know I do. I just wish that next important person in my life came into my life now as I try to work through what could be the final stages of life with my dad. I never thought I could possibly lose my dad at 28 years old. I have to stay positive and hope for the best but the way things have gone lately it's hard to be positive.

 

Now I'm just rambling, but needed to get all this off my chest. I miss you, but I know you aren't the right person for me. And I need to just let it go and focus on someone who has been my life and pay less focus on you, the person who was in my life for only 5 months.

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Hahahahaha

 

Pity. If the world is your game, which game I am not playing but if you are, you just lost.

 

This post is vulgar and beneath me, granted. My money guy exceeds your money gal by a universe and back. So if that's your game, i was prepared to win by not caring and not playing. Then you might think you win and who cares. If this goes anywhere, it will be a lesson you process privately. I know it will. Sorry for your pain inside. You're a mess. Your recent words to me contradicted themselves. You said you were better even as you said you needn't hide then said Here is how I hide. You didn't see the conflict in your own writing. I think you may be deep in the bottle in fact. So there is no winning, only sadness. But ya. Character wins big guy. Every time. I hope you get the lesson.

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I haven't stopped thinking about you, your lies, EVERYTHANG all day.

 

Maybe because it's Saturday, maybe because you called me last night. But goddammit. I hate this. I want to shut you off my brain just for an hour.

 

I sit on the couch, and tell myself. I don't need you. I don't need a "man" that constantly lies to me. I don't trust you. Not even if I considered you a friend down the road. (Hah, like that will ever happen.)

 

I don't want a boyfriend who has late night sex talks with girls from different countries. Gets caught. Continues to do so. Disgusting.

 

You're a sick alcohlic. You wasted my weekends away. Watching you get drunk, passing out on the couch. Go ahead, punch more holes in the wall. Haha, remember when when you used to piss the bed??

 

Then you get up the next day, reeking of booze. I ask you to come grab lunch with me and all I can smell is rotten nicotine and booze. Not to mention, your miserable behaviour. Just because God forbid, we left the house for just a bit to grab some fresh air. Or OMG, we're stuck in traffic on a Sunday afternoon. Better rush!!! You're gonna be late for work....oh wait. We're not on a time clock, you a-hole.

 

Now you got some [email protected]$$ thinking you're "prince charming" all through whatsapp and skype. Lmao .. oh if she only knew.

 

I was so effin good to you. Beyond loyal and you sh*t on that. Well, guess what?? Because I was so damn good to you. I know God has someone lined up for me. He's saying, "Sourheart, you've paid your dues. It's time to meet the man of your dreams. You deserve it." Someone that is a real man. Not a 30 year old child that can't even afford a car. Oh don't worry, you'll know his name someday and it won't start with the letter A.

 

1 day, I'll be in a 3 year relationship AGAIN. Even if it's 10 years from now. And that man is going to honor and respect me. Not like this piece of [email protected]#$% did.

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I'm sorry for the things I said. But what about what you said? What I said was just angry cursing, but not nearly as hurtful as what you told me.

Why can't I just move on? I wish I could shut you off my head. You have moved on. You did before leaving, and you even took three weeks to process it, not talking to me but knowing what was going on.

You lied to me. You lied to me before breaking up. Remember how you told me you had never seen her and that you didn't know her? How you told me how busy you were? I believed you, and I told everyone how proud I was of you. You lied to me during our break up. You repeatedly told me how happy you were with me, how much you loved me, that I was the one, and that someday you'd come back and fight for me to give me what I deserve. You told me you didn't have the time for a relationship right now. You swore this wasn't for someone else.

Now you've told me you don't love me. You act like you hate me, but why? Honestly, what did I ever do to you, besides loving you?

Is she really that amazing? You threw away everything we had for someone you just met. Is she your new trophy? I honestly thought this foreign girl obsession was over. Is that why?

I don't think you will apologize, or reach for me to talk and finally tell me the truth. I don't even know what you think of me now, or if you even think of me. I want you to come back, but I know I shouldn't. And if you ever do, I can't accept you anymore. But I thought you were the one, and I fear to have lost true love forever.

I hope one day you regret this. I hope you turn back to look at me and see me happy with someone who truly cares for me and loves me deeply. Someone committed to me and not only to himself with me as an accessory.

You really don't deserve me, but I can't stop loving you. I'm a mess.

I wish you realized how much I love you. Remember our long talks in your car? I miss you everyday. I miss you kissing my forehead, I miss your parents, I miss you dog. Why can't you miss me too?

I still can't believe you left me for someone else after everything we've been through, and you couldn't even tell me the truth.

I wonder if someone will ever love me, because apparently you haven't, and it's been nine years since I'm with you. I wonder if I'll ever love someone else.

I miss the old you, not this narcissistic monster you've turned into. I saw you before all the money, thw body, the car, the important job and the good contacts. You turned into an . I can't believe I still love you, I'm stuck in all the good times we had.

I cry every morning and dream of you at nights. But I know you don't care, so I'll never tell you.

Edited by Sillybillycat
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I guess I will split my loyalties between this thread and the one in the "getting back together" board so as not to spam it up.

 

It's only day 1, so the wound is fresh. It's also a Sunday, so time is slow anyway. Easy to get bored and let your thoughts wander.

 

I came so close to being the man I want to be with you. I still need to become that man, regardless of if we get back together.

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You gave me every excuse for breaking up, except for the fact that you had already built a relationship with him behind my back. I trust that you didn't physically cheat only because your close friend told me she doesn't think you did. That doesn't justify anything you did though. You've told me several silly stories to cover your tracks. Do you really expect me to believe he was only staying the night after the breakup because you felt unsafe in the apartment alone? And that you were just staying at our neighbor's house literally the night after the breakup? I think a decent person would have at least spared me the torment and waited until I could move out to start seeing someone. But you couldn't even wait more than a day. In fact, you started something emotion with him weeks or months earlier. Several times after the breakup, you told me you still cared about me a lot. I'm sure you do in the sense that you'd feel bad if I got hit by a bus. But you had no regard for my feelings. You didn't even do a good job of lying about him, and I asked you point blank if there was someone else, and said I could handle honesty more than lies. Even after I found out about him and confronted you, full of anger and pain, I tried to be a good person and return your things a week later. And you brought him with you? That wasn't an accident-you wanted me to hurt more for some reason. Or you plainly don't care about my feelings one bit. What blows my mind is when you asked me if I'd been lurking around your apartment or trying to break-in. Do you not know who I am after three years? I'm nice and decent to a fault, and I have some self-respect and dignity. More than you can say, though I'm sure you don't feel a bit of remorse. That's just who you are.

 

I was slow to fall for you. The walls I'd built around my heart were there for a reason. This is that reason. I trusted you with everything. Some days I'm glad that I experienced a lot of relationship "firsts" with you. And some days I regret that I ever even locked eyes with you that first day we met at orientation.

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I'm sorry how everything ended between us. Who would've thought? Three months ago everything was different, at least I thought so. You say you don't love me anymore, I don't know since when. You never stopped being nice, and that's why I thought we were fine. I don't know if you were faking it then. The last times we spoke, during that time between being and not being something, you told me you loved me, repeatedly. You stated it in several conversations we had, and even repeated it the day you left. You insisted that "I was the one". Now you tell me it's been a while since you stopped feeling the same. I don't know if you're faking it now. I guess no...

 

I wish you had told me the truth since the beginning. I don't know if you remember, but when we first got together you promised if something was wrong you would tell me before it was too late, so we could talk about it together. I wish you had told me since day one how you were feeling. Maybe we could have done something about it. I wish you had told me there was a third party involved. I know you met with her since before breaking up with me. I know it's her you were with that day in the island. I know you were with her out of town. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to accuse you, but you would have to believe I'm a fool if you thought I wouldn't realize about your lies. Obviously if you tell her you love her already, I don't think this is a month or a two week old issue. I wish you had told me the truth, since you know me and know how much I hate lies.

 

Why wasn't I enough? Or what was I missing for you to not fall out of love? I made everything I could to make you happy... And you threw our nine year history away for someone you just met. You know I didn't deserve this treat, and the relationship we had didn't deserve such an awful ending. I now know we can't be together, since you have a horrible way of changing when something or someone isn't useful for you anymore. You didn't have to be so hurtful with me. But honestly I'm not even sure you understand what I'm talking about, I wish you could see yourself from the outside, and see what a drastic change. You seem to be someone else. I want you to understand that breaking up with someone doesn't mean to destroy her to come out victorious, it doesn't mean to hate her or to treat her bad.

 

I know I'm wrong here, but I honestly expected you to try clearing things up, with a cooler head. You were wrong, i wasn't - nor aren't - asking you to come back, I simply didn't want such a dirty closure. But I was wrong, since you don't even feel guilty about the way you talked to me, not even because of all that times we were happy, not for all our memories together. This last year flashes through my mind as a lightning, showing me pictures of us together doing whatever. Especially those lasts two months, so difficult in time, and even though I felt we were connecting more than ever, because we were accomplishing the challenge it was to get to see each other less. I remember your words the day you took off to the island, before and after I found out. It's useless to repeat them, since you probably said it without really feeling it. That's where I was wrong, because I believed every word you said to me, and every word I said to you came right from my heart.

 

I'm not pretending to be perfect, however this time I know it wasn't on me, because I gave everything I had and tried to communicate with you. I'm sorry it wasn't enough for you or that it bored you. You left that day, relieved. I, however, stayed to pick up the broken pieces you left inside me. I'm sorry how everything ended between us.

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Your dog stopped sitting beside the door today. She didn't jump up when the neighbors friend with your identical big black truck drove up. She even came to me for affection this morning. I think we've both come to the realization that our man/alpha has left us. Its ok though. You're no longer the man that married me and rescued her. In his place is an abusive alcoholic. You've hit us both and both of us still missed you. Today though, we both take our lives back. She's my girl now. And I'll never even raise my voice to her.

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You betrayed me. You don't know what to be sorry about ? Well, be sorry that you couldn't see how much I'm worth. Be sorry that you were naive, stupid and ridiculous to choose her. Be sorry that you didn't respected our relationship. Be sorry that I could've done anything for you and know I hope you and I never even cross paths again

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Your emails distracted me from sleep. I knew it was you, I knew I needn't look, I knew I had nothing to say.

 

I don't know if you're unaware, unstable, or maybe even getting better. Like I wrote before in this thread, i don't think you are sober and I don't think you get it. I am not opening myself up to the chaos that your indulgences invite. I am not. The man I want? Whoever he is? He can have anyone. He can go anywhere. He does not need me and he can not afford to be destabilized by my externalities. My brand is important. His brand is important. Salacious gossip and backstabbing such as would be within the scope of your gfs potential behavior? No. No way. Not going there. You still don't get that your choices open you up to the stuff that happens to you. I understand. Its a desire of yours that is taboo to some. You are with someone for years now. And you can't tell her? Really?

 

Well, whatever. I am not here for you. I am ever farther away on a path you can't see. It will all sort itself in time. By then, when I see your health, i wont know if it is a facade. Pity, because I will want it to be true. But I will not ever know. Therefore you can be no more than a slip of a man, for there are no roots beneath you.

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