Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Snowy]

Sorry honey.

[texaslove]

AG, WHY, Why can't I just move on from you? I still check my phone constantly and look for you around town. Why.... why cant i give up the hope, I mean, dang its been 4 months... and well, you seem to be doing just fine. EW

[jjbinks]

Gotta love regression.. Had a dream about you last night, only you wanted me back in this alternate reality and you were a good boyfriend which couldn't be further from the truth. Funny how dreams can execute the changes you refused to effortlessly.

[texaslove]

I remember at the beginning of our relationship you told me that no mattered what happened with us that you wanted me to know how a real man should treat a lady and that it'd be a relationship I would never forget...

 

Well - I WILL NEVER FORGET IT thats for sure. It was some of the best times and now the worst.... I know when I dig deep that we arent meant for eachother which helps me with the break up, but I miss the good things about you, badly. I am intoxicated by the old good memories (which lasted only the first 3 months of our 8 month relationship). I loved how soft you held my hand and would kiss me on the forehead. I miss our walks on york beach and i miss your family because they were amazing (and what hurts really bad is that you flew me to VA with you to meet your family, and right now you are there visiting w/o me.. and i cant help but wonder if you brought a new girl) I felt so special being the only girl you ever brought down there to meet them, amazing, and now i wonder if they even ask you about me and what happened?! Do they care? Do youuu care?! As far as showing me what a man should treat me like, well, i think its the opposite unless you think i deserve a coldhearted emotionally unavailable man. I loved you and still do, and i believe that guy i met a year ago is still in there somewhere, but the last 4 months of our relationship and now how you are acting since the BU when we see eachothr at work the few times... you're an a**. You just pulled back, slowly stopped talking to me, then that magical Friday night two nights before you broke my heart... it was great, but you made me fall in love all over again that night and it was amaaazing, and then two nights later you say we are over. ugh!

 

I wana talk to you sooo badly, soooooo badly. Words cannot describe how much i wana just ask you what happened.. I hate not knowing. I know you told me that you didnt know why you felt as though you didnt really feel anything about Anything anymore and that there was nothing i could do to help you and figure it out. No answers. No closure. I'm lost. I need to be found. I need to let you go, and I don't know why I cant... sigh

[jjbinks]

you are probably in hawaii right now either with the new gf or cheating on the new gf just like you did to me last year. i wish i didnt have a dream about a you that really doesnt exist anymore or perhaps never did! I mean looking back without the rosy shades you never gave me anything that I wanted. It was all about you. Even when you tried to win me back, it was still all about you. So in a lot of respects I am happy that you have little to no interest in me because for some stupid reason I would still have hope you would change even when you admit you wont. Now there is room to move on to someone who will treat me correctly. I just still wish that that person could have been you and it's the one wish I want to disappear more than anything else.

[aloneforyou]

it was for real, that you could see it in my eyes. But still you left me even though I asked you how? Once you sent me a single "I miss you...", but you never replied to my "I miss you too...". I still cry at times when I think about our time together. Sometimes I even smile at those memories we've made. It hurts me so when I think about how we ended it, never a last kiss, never a last good bye. You just left me there shouting in vein... I know we're not meant to be. You do too. I still love you, you probably love me too. I fear I will always miss you but I can never regret opening that door, even though I knew I shouldn't. I miss you L. I Always Will

[Ammy1]

You left me by email. Why? Why wont you tell me exactly why you left me? Why couldnt you atleast tell me over the phone. We saw eachother enough we spoke every day. I gave you so much space, I treated you the best out of anyone I have ever been with. I was falling in love with you. We never fought, we only laughed together. I met your friends. We had a great time. I love you. Why are you not responding to my emails? Why are you not responding at all?

[meoww]

in a week I went from sort of thinking we were still together, to accepting it's over. I think you made a terrible mistake but that's not my problem right? Why should I suffer and wait for you come back? I always thought it would be worth it if we ended up together in the end but it's not.

 

It's really nice to feel like I don't have much more to say about it. I hope you don't end up regretting it, because that will be incredibly foolish. You know I'd never want to be with someone who betrayed me when I needed them most. Who knows, we both made mistakes, and I accept that too. It's just something I want to put behind me now, like it didn't happen, really. That's still so sad. I hope you're happy because I'm not as flexible as you may believed...It's over, that time in my life is over, I feel empty and sort of optimistic but just SO empty...

[ParisPaulette]

Oooh, I love this section of the forum. Okay, so here goes.

 

I so,so, so badly want to send you the link to the song I've been playing over and over since I heard it at a live concert - "God Bless You" by the Black Veil Brides. Listen to the lyrics, even though I know you'll hate the song because Lord forbid a woman my age should still love that wild rock n' roll sound instead of the treacly excuse you call music. Andy Sixx must've been hurt by someone just like you, only he found a much bigger way to say "Get out of my life." So listen to it and here the words and know that what I'm feeling is what he says. "So God Bless You-ou-ou!" (P.S. Not really)

[ParisPaulette]

P.S. I want the last six years of my time you wasted back. And I want you out of my head for good, although time will give me that eventually. After all, before the last time you came back to me I was blissfully happy while you were on the other side of the world for a month. And today it just dawned on me I like not getting that sinking feeling in my stomach every time the phone rings. Did you really upset me that much all the time and how come I'm just now seeing that? Wow, I swing between feeling like I'm getting my life back and feeling like a loser for ever letting you get away with the emotional crap and abuse you laid on me in the name of "I'm just joking." Guess what, not funny. Not funny at all.

[thelastsong]

I feel so sick right now. I always imagined you starting to date another girl, but your ex? That was the last thing I expected. I seriously feel like I'm going to throw up. I guess you're not technically dating yet (I think), but you will soon, I'm sure.

 

I'm not as dumb as I look. I know what VAC means. I recognize those initials.

 

I thought I was almost over you. Guess I was wrong. This is almost worse than the break up. I wish I could just erase you from my memories.

[DailyDreamer]

I am seriously tempted to contact you. Not right now at this moment, knowing you're asleep. Knowing me, I will have a moment of weakness this weekend and will want to text to check up on you. I hate knowing you have a lot going on in your life, stuff you keep to yourself, not wanting to get help. I feel it and it hurts me knowing how much pain you hide inside. Things are awkward but you've made them that way. Remember you broke up with me, you don't properly end our conversations and so I don't contact you. If you knew how to properly communicate, things wouldn't be nearly as awkward. I love you no matter what they hell we are and I am not looking for anything, but I wish you were taking better care of yourself. All I want is to know you're happy, whether I be a part of it all or not. Until then, try and cut the facade because I see right through it.

[O-shen]

I want to contact you, not out of need, more out of curiosity. To know what your thinking. I know i said all or nothing, and i meant it, its just the way it has to be when we feel like we do about each other. I know you havent forgotten me, and i know it was you that called me from a private number, just so you could hear my voice, then hang up. I havent forgotten about you either, but i am starting to let go of you. I miss you alot. If you want me.....show me. Wish you the best.

[gsuelp]

It's been about a week since you wrote me a short email telling me that you want to move on and that you think we are not a match. I wrote you back asking if you'd feel comfortable telling me what happened and if I needed to work on my relationship skills or something. You did not reply. It's been one week and I have been thinking about writing the following email to you:

 

Dear Glenn,

 

I'm glad you didn't write back to tell me what I did wrong in the relationship, even though I asked for it. I'm glad you didn't take that opportunity "to kick me in the patootie" as someone said I did with my last email to you. I am still left in the dark about what happened, but in the end, I'm just relieved that I know now and have to chance to both walk away from this relationship. Even though I'm left scratching my head, I really want to just bow out graciously, being thankful and grateful for the many good memories you have given me and wish you luck in finding happiness in your life.

 

Sincerely,

 

Cecilia

[Robin2904]

Going to be 3 months since I've heard a word from you. It hurts ne after that talk we had that we went back to being strangers but I know that's how it needs to be. Your birthday is in exactly one month. I try not to think about who your spending it with but can't help it. Part of me, the mean bitter part hoped you spend it alone. I hope you watch your sister and her boyfriend happy enjoying the day while your alone. I hope you miss me and remember how we all spent the day last year. But I doubt you will. I doubt I ever cross your mind.

 

I really gate you sometimes. I wish you would have tried for us one last time, I wish you would have given us one more real chance, not jump to the next skank. I bet your into skank number 2, 3, 4 God only knows by now! I hope your never happy.

[tushboy]

i still think of you...i still miss you... i still think of the could have beens..it's been 4 frikkin years..but you are all that i can think of. am sorry i screwed up...am sorry i pushed you so hard..but am a different person now...

[wanttomoveon]

Wondering what you're up to tonight. I'm home alone tonight for the first time on a Saturday night since this all happened. Guess I'm just wondering if you're home alone too. I wonder if you think of your new place as 'home'. I wonder a lot of things, but I guess none of it really matters. I'll be glad when we sell the house and I can live somewhere else, somewhere that isn't ours.

[meoww]

Bringing out the autumn clothes in the closet, folding socks and I ran accross a pair of yours after all this time. I used to love the way you folded your socks, and how small your feet were for a guy. I was thinking about that last night and I realized it's almost like you're dead! It was creepy. At least I was motivated to fold my socks neatly. I don't wear ankle socks like you though so I don't do them the same way. It was actually one of the first pleasant memories I have had of you in so long, maybe ever.

 

I have to admit I appreciate everything I learned from you, even if you are a lying pos to me still. You know it could have been fine if you would have just been honest with me! I wish we could be friends, I actually really like you despite your constant douchery. We could still have a great time...I really miss that. You don't even think I'm friend quality? Am I really that pathetic to you?

 

You always made me feel like I was taking and never giving back, it's just the worst feeling. I could teach you things, I could teach you to sail, to cook, expand your musical horizons. But do you not need me because your other friends would do it better? I feel so embarrassed. I don't want to give up on getting the things in life I want but you told me I wasn't good enough. Obviously that's true of me right now but I wish you wouldn't have sentenced me to doom. Fuuuuuckk

 

Oh well, I'll find other friends, I know it'll be fine. I'll stop needing your validation...you're in your world now I guess.

[meoww]

part of you saw me the way i really see myself, and I know I did the same for you.

 

but now what? This is not the life I ever thought I should be living. That is part of the problem isn't it? I've always been trying to escape what I hated about my life because I knew how difficult it would be to fix and how patient I'd have to be. I never wanted to suffer like this...but I never had any other choice, unlike you. And BY the way, I just found a nyt article about decision fatigue---a phenomenon that partly accounts for why the poor make bad decisions. So there, even the ivory tower academics you respect so much have measured this and it's real!! I hope you read that and feel guilty!!!

 

and yesss...I am moving forward from the realization that I'm just an ignorant chump like you said. but I wonder how much longer I'll hold this resentment toward you for the opportunities you have had in your life. I'm so incredibly mad at you!! What a convenient position for you to take, trust me I have spent enough of my time beating myself up for my lack of direction and confusion. anyway. I know that makes no difference, other than the fact that it may be possible for me to get government assistance for my misfortunes, and I do feel grateful for that. I'd rather live by the cold hard facts since I know having romanticized notions about my charm and goodness are just going to lead me to ruin.

 

point being, now especially, that I have found a real name for part of my experience--and that it's real, and not such some innate weakness of mine, I feel a lot better. I'm getting better at putting the blinders on, and just looking in the direction I want to be rather that in the direction of those who would undermine me and or my goals.

 

I don't have luxury of telling you off in person since you won't listen...I didn't have the privilege of being treated with respect when you let me go. I need to have enough love for myself to crawl out of this black hole of dejection. I deserve better. I don't care what you think about me. I want something more. I deserve to trust my instincts. I deserve to let go. I deserve to make real all those thoughts I have my head. I deserve to look out for my best interests. I'm worth it. I'm worth a better future. I'm worth fighting for. I'm worth protecting. I'm worth cultivating. I'm worth loving. I am good enough. I am good enough. Hey this actually worked. I am good enough, and believing that is not delusional. I am good enough, right now.

[RitaTrue]

Day 11

 

Dear Ex,

Im so thankful that I deleted the bulk of your voicemails while we were together. Because I'd be listening to them right now. Each one of them. Just to hear your voice.

 

Yesterday, it was so strange strange. I was fine during the workday. But when I came home, I realized that I had two old, undeleted voicemails from you. I listened to them and remembered what your voice sounds like. It made my heart give a faint smile. I desperately need to delete those messages. But, maybe a different time?

It's strange. How can someone feel strong and weak at the same time?

[Robin2904]

Tonight there was a party in your area. I've been good and I've stayed off that social networking site since June so I haven't been obsessing over the events going on in your area that I know you'll be at. But it sucks that I have so many friends who go on my facebook because all night on my news feed it was 'Off to party' and blah blah...and I have to think- he's gonna be there. These people are going to walk right by him. I'd be lying if I said I didn't look at the clock often wondering if you were there, who you were with. Do you have a new girlfriend by now that your there with? I bet...or are you conversing with some random skank, dancing, grinding on her? Probably. The thought of it makes me ill....although not as ill as it used to. But I guess when your forced to come face to face with your ex who you are still very much in love with, and his new girlfriend and have to act like seeing them together, holding hands, being together- you have to act like it doesn't absolutly KILL you and make you want to die, and force a smile when you feel like your heart is being torn into shreads....well I guess going through that makes imaging you dancing with new girls a piece of cake.

 

I hope I never have to see you again. My poor heart can't take it. I know that now after when I went through. These days my life is in such diarray, I don't know which way is up. I have so much crap going on, so much bad. I wonder sometimes if God is trying to punish me for something? For what I don't know. I know I did hurt you way back when....but sometimes Its like really God haven't I suffered enough? Haven't I cried enough tears, why are you making everything in my life go bad? I don't know the answer. Ever since I hurt my knee money is so tight it's unreal. I can't even work right now to try to make it up so there went my phone bill. But seriously why in the world I was still paying for unlimited calling/texting/web I have NO idea/ The only rason I got all that ast year was because of YOU. So I could talk to YOU. I hate talking on the phone....you were the only person I really ever spoke to aside from the best friend and a few other friends I texted here and there. But since the break up I hardly use my phone so why am I paying over 100 bucks a month for it anyway? Well it's off now until I can pay the passed due balance and I don't know when that's going to be.

 

The really messed up thing is having no phone is almost a RELIEF. I haven't Not haf a phone since I was 15....but now It's like I don't contantly want to look at my phone in hopes that MAYBE you texted me- even though it's been 3 months since I heard anything from you. Ridiciulous and pathetic. Now I don't even have to worry about it. Although there is this anxiety 'OMG what if he texts me NOW? What if while I have no phone he texts me and I don't reply and he thinks I'm ignoring him?' Even MORE ridiculous. I know the chances or that happening at laughable lol. Altough it would probably be for the best because I know I could never ignore a text from you if I saw it. SMH....

 

And you birthday is next month. That's got me thinking so much. If I do have my phone back by then I know I'll have to mentally slap myself so I don't text happy birthday. I already had a text planned in my mind 'Happy birthday to you and Mol. Hope you two have a good one' Then I'm like WTH??? NO! Just no! Although I feel like a horrible person if I don't say happy birthday, especially since when it was my birthday in January- despite us being apart....well we spoke a few days before my birthday and you told me 'Wow I would have forgotten it was your birthday' Since you are so terrible with dates. And then you said 'I'm so glad we spoke because I would never want to forget your birthday. That's special' Or something like that. It really took me back....and then I thought for a minute you wanted to try again, we had that long amazing talk and you told me you wanted me. Then you called me on my birthday, left me a happy birthday message with your mom. And then poof you vanished and I didn't hear from you for a week. And by then you had moved on. It still bothers me how you played me a fool that week. Happy friggin birthday to me right?

 

You know what SCREW YOU! The more I think about it, after thinking about how you Fed me OVER the week of MY BIRTHDAY you sure as HELL don't deserve a happy birthday from me. You pretty much got my hopes up- which was the best birthday present ever- I felt like I had you back for a minute....then you kicked me in the face so to speak. Um YEAH Happy Friggin Birthday to me! NOT! So NO you don't deserve even so much as a WORD from me on your birthday. And you know what?? I hope it bothers you! I hope you think of me on your birthday, and I hope you WAIT for a happy birthday text from me and it NEVER comes! You don't deserve JACK CRAP from me!!

 

Screw you and go die! Gosh I feel better now. Back to hating you- the way it should be! Gotta love venting sessions on here to put things into perspective!!

[DailyDreamer]

(I personally want to thank all of you for posting in here. I know posts are not meant to be read by everyone, but it helps my healing process to relate to all of you in some way. So thank you and I hope all those who are hurting find happiness and relief soon.)

 

___________________________________________________________________

 

I know you're out tonight and so I thought I might receive one of your drunken text messages. I both hate and love getting those messages from you because most times you fake being that drunk when you're really not. Most often you play that drunk so you can blame it all on the alcohol the next day. Sometimes I don't even care because I like hearing the things you say, even if you need to wear a mask to say them.

 

Tonight, I have not received one of those messages and I've kept busy, talking to friends and family. Unfortunately those distractions don't fully take my mind off you. I hate this hope I carry with me, believing you will change for the better because wow...Heaven forbid you make an effort. You have been with me all day, every day and when I tell you that you've been on my mind a lot lately, I believe constantly is more fitting to say. I miss you so much and your confiding in me before anyone else. Soon enough, my missing you and love for you will harden completely and turn to cold anger if you keep up these games. There's only so long you can take advantage of my care, love and compassion until I will no longer offer it.

 

I know I crossed your mind tonight. I just wish you had made me a part of it by telling me. Until then, I play the waiting game for whenever that next time I hear from you may be. I just hope it comes before you are no longer welcome in my heart.

[lalalollipops]

I finally see you for what you really are. Before, I was grasping onto the thought that you were a decent person somewhere deep down inside (albeit all the crap you put me through). But now I realise, GOD was I naive LOL you're actually a horrible, selfish, delusional little boy who will never be happy bc YOU sabotage EVERYTHING that comes your way. It must suck so much to be sb that is so completely self loathing and out of touch from reality--- I like how it's everyone's fault except your own. Take bloody responsibility for your actions damn it. This woe is me attitude is PATHETIC. And it angers me.

---------I was UNFAIR TO YOU?!

EFF YOU.

A guy can only do so much and be so understanding? Are you effing kidding me? You were never ever understanding or there for me. All you did was suck me dry.Good luck finding sb who will love you the way I did. Have fun being alone, cos I sure as hell don't care anymore. FINALLY!! Haha. I don't care anymore. First time in a year where I can say that and actually mean it. And when you call next time, I'm gonna ignore or hang up. I don't plan on ever saying another word to you. You don't deserve me or my time, you NEVER did.

You always used to say, why did I always feel the need to write things out and could never say it to you in person or even on the phone.. Truth is, I didn't want to hurt you. No matter how much you hurt me, I never did want to inflict the pain back. But now? You want truth? Ok you'll get it. If I ever have the absolute misfortune of speaking to you again, I'll tell you exactly what I think of you, and I'm NOT going to hold back.

[lalalollipops]

And all those things I spent soo many all nighters making? Trash it.

They weren't ever intended for somebody like you.

[DailyDreamer]

Wow, I am on a roll with this thread this weekend...

 

__________

 

Just heard from you and I feel worse. I'm not sure if it's because I have made it more difficult by somewhat holding onto hope or because you seem to have already instantly transitioned into friend mode. How can you do that? I wish I could change my attitude that quickly after being so in love. Was it all one-sided most of the time? Did you just like the feeling you got from someone who honestly did love you completely?

 

At least I am proud for sticking up for myself tonight and getting certain things out that I wanted to. You had to know that what you were doing was wrong. By that, I mean contacting me after a night of drinking and laying out the exciting details of the night. You're usually drunk but tonight you weren't, but I get this feeling like it doesn't matter if it was me you were talking to...you just wanted to talk and share these events that were big to you. I hate questioning that...the "why me" and then when I have things I want to get out, you want to run away from any form of conflict or anything involving "us." Sorry, I can't switch into friend mode within a matter of months. You can't tell someone you wish to be with them forever and no one else and then be like "oh hey, what's up" the next. Makes me believe you are either really immature and have no concept of what real love/a real relationship is or that you are hiding so deeply inside a thick shell that you are unwilling to expose any emotions.

 

I almost hit that eff you button because I am so tired of bulls***, these kiddie games that I believed you were above. I guess not. The real question is the one I need to ask myself, which is "how long am I willing to play them?"

 

I'm so torn because I want to be your friend, but I don't know if I'm strong enough to do so. You've played with my heart, taken advantage of my warmth and kindness and given me the impression that you don't give a care. I feel stupid for saying I missed you and asking you some of the things I did. I want to go back in time and slap myself for being too easy and too vulnerable. I shouldn't give my heart away so easily. I want it back. Please give it back to me and leave it alone. I'd rather have it empty and alone than be for the wrong person.