Intense remorse and tears, is that necessary??

[yeawutever]

So hypothetically if you were to cheat, is that really worth all the tears to be wasted on when you can easily work on your so called ''guilt'' by moving on and find someone else or going single like a ''free bird''.

 

I'm not sure if my point of view is distorted but I have analyze the scene several times. If I were to cheat, no I would not cried nor asked for forgiveness as it would be a waste of time and I have other things to worry about suck as maintaining my job, continuing my studies and get my degree one day, go travel to many places (esp. the great pyramids of Egypt) and become a checkers champion off course.

 

But to be stuck myself and spend time on ''Oh what have I done to hime'' and spend my life in remorse, plzzz. Sorry to be so harsh but that's my way of thinking as of now. It makes sense, doesn't it?? I mean you do at some point have to live your life to the fullest without focusing on past regrets...

Ironically I have been faithful so far but I guess for the wrong reason....

[pianoguy]

You could use that logic to justify just about anything. Why feel remorse about anything?

[yeawutever]

You could use that logic to justify just about anything. Why feel remorse about anything?

Yes it starts getting tedious reading posts on people overly talking about their wrong doings and exaggerating it. They write like they have killed someone. Wow, I feel like telling them to relax and take a break, to live their life to the fullest..... Ever heard of ''Hukuna Matata'' from Disney's The Lion King, it means no worries...

[melrich]

Why feel remorse about anything?

 

Exactly. What are you saying? I won't have any remorse cos I have more important things to do like travel and becoming a checker champion.

 

What about the person you cheated on? Doesn't matter? Not worth your consideration?

[yeawutever]

What about the person you cheated on? Doesn't matter? Not worth your consideration?

Depends I guess, was it worth a relationship from the start or a very rocky and/or boring one with no specific qualities.

 

I guess if it was a great one and the person was super nice then you can feel bad about it for that moment, a few mins but then you're moving on with your life and feel from that ''burden guilt''.

[melrich]

a few mins but then you're moving on with your life and feel from that ''burden guilt''.

 

Well it is up to you in the end. If that is how you rate other people's feelings and if that is how easily you forgive yourself then you will likely have a problem with self-centredness your entire life.

 

Maybe with some more life experience you will develop some empathy.

[diamond78]

I'm in love and also opened-minded to those in need of help, except to braggards or those that don't care about people's feelings. Not much simpathy to unremorseful abusers or cheaters by the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

That is a quote in your current signature. So, clearly you think a cheater should feel remorse...

 

I am very confused by your intent here and the message you are trying to convey...

[colossal]

I hope that your LD boyfriend gives you the treatment you're describing if/when he cheats on you. Maybe you'll understand:

 

1) empathy

2) why things aren't so black and white

[Capricorn3]

Depends I guess, was it worth a relationship from the start or a very rocky and/or boring one with no specific qualities.

 

I guess if it was a great one and the person was super nice then you can feel bad about it for that moment, a few mins but then you're moving on with your life and feel from that ''burden guilt''.

No-one goes into a relationship expecting it to turn sour. You seem to forget that most relationships all started out happy, where the couple loved each other (or there wouldn't have been a relationship to begin with). Just because somewhere down the line things turned sour, you seem to think having no remorse is okay? You don't care about their feelings at all, but only focus on YOUR life and good times?

 

Being humble and a little empathy goes a long way. Try it sometimes.

[yeawutever]

That is a quote in your current signature. So, clearly you think a cheater should feel remorse...

 

I am very confused by your intent here and the message you are trying to convey... I guess some things can be updated. I'm definitely not the same as when I was 19-20 years old, I don't think the same no more. People can change and some evolved very fast. It got bored when I was reading more of people's mistakes and them focusing constantly on them and not moving on with their lifes. So ok I at one point, place myself on the cheater's mind too and the concept of ''grass is greener'' on the other side, in that instant is like a type of release for the cheater. A release from reality, ok so it's a fantasty but a release for a little while.

[itsallgrand]

To go through life with that attitude sets a person up to be someone others, consciously or not, seek out at any opportunity to subtly sabotage.

 

So besides the hurt you do to the people you (hypothetically) cheat on and then show no remorse or care, you also set yourself up to get very little support/empathy/care from others.

[yeawutever]

I hope that your LD boyfriend gives you the treatment you're describing if/when he cheats on you. Maybe you'll understand:

 

1) empathy

2) why things aren't so black and white

If he does it will be over immediately, he wouldn't even be on my im not even as a friend. And he would be the one losing, not me. I'll freely move on with my life while he will be with the record on himself......

Or I can go this way too... plan 2) pretend I will work it out but then cheat on him right the next day, basically set him up for a trap and then with a smile on my face tell him it was a set-up the whole time and laugh even harder still I fall on the floor..... LOL

[sparkles4]

I don't understand cheaters who whine and cry about their decision, either. If you feel that it was so terrible, why'd you do it? My thinking is that if you want to hook up with someone else so badly that you can't resist the urge to cheat, just break up with the person first and then go do whatever you want rather than cheat and cause more trouble for everyone involved.

[Capricorn3]

So besides the hurt you do to the people you (hypothetically) cheat on and then show no remorse or care, you also set yourself up to get very little support/empathy/care from others.

I think this post says it all.

[diamond78]

I guess some things can be updated. I'm definitely not the same as when I was 19-20 years old, I don't think the same no more. People can change and some evolved very fast. It got bored when I was reading more of people's mistakes and them focusing constantly on them and not moving on with their lifes. So ok I at one point, place myself on the cheater's mind too and the concept of ''grass is greener'' on the other side, in that instant is like a type of release for the cheater. A release from reality, ok so it's a fantasty but a release for a little while.

 

 

Have you ever been cheated on?

 

It can have a detrimental effect on the hurt party and showing no remorse is just well....totally lacking in human decency and can cause even more damage to the hurt party.

 

To be in a relationship there has to be a sense of respect, compassion, and the selfishness factor has to be contained by a certain degree.

 

If a person can cheat without even feeling remorseful about it....then they really shouldn't be in a relationship with someone. It'll save everyone involved from a whole lot of headaches and heartaches.

[yeawutever]

Just because somewhere down the line things turned sour, you seem to think having no remorse is okay? You don't care about their feelings at all, but only focus on YOUR life and good times?

Being humble and a little empathy goes a long way. Try it sometimes

Is not that I think having no remorse is okay but it makes life easy. I mean doesn't anyone want to live with no hassles, no stress nor regrets to be worrying about.. A simple a free life a mean with not much attachments in it...

[yeawutever]

Have you ever been cheated on?

Never, not that I know of. As he would say many times he rather break up than cheat. Fact there was once so ago he did broke up but then after 1 month, asked me back again. I did not get cheated on but I did get dumped once....

If a person can cheat without even feeling remorseful about it....then they really shouldn't be in a relationship with someone. It'll save everyone involved from a whole lot of headaches and heartaches.

They can have remorse if they want to, but don't show it, that's my saying. Just walked away and forget about it....

[diamond78]

Is not that I think having no remorse is okay but it makes life easy. I mean doesn't anyone want to live with no hassles, no stress nor regrets to be worrying about.. A simple a free life a mean with not much attachments in it...

 

Of course...but then stay single and casually date....Then you can frolic around with whomever you choose without the emotional attachment. Simple.

[yeawutever]

Of course...but then stay single and casually date....Then you can frolic around with whomever you choose without the emotional attachment. Simple.

Yes that must be kool. I know it's not correct to cheat which I never done it but some do it for the thrill of it I guess. When they say the grass is greener I think it means those moments when they got two people at once. But see my point is that if they want to cheat, then they at least got to make sure than if they get caught or find out, they don't regret it at all. They don't think of that.

[AquanoxSerp]

To go through life with that attitude sets a person up to be someone others, consciously or not, seek out at any opportunity to subtly sabotage.

 

So besides the hurt you do to the people you (hypothetically) cheat on and then show no remorse or care, you also set yourself up to get very little support/empathy/care from others.

 

Yup this post is the best.

 

If you're having questions (not sure why you made a topic about this as you seem decided about your decision), this is what you should think of in terms of consequences.

[pianoguy]

Is not that I think having no remorse is okay but it makes life easy. I mean doesn't anyone want to live with no hassles, no stress nor regrets to be worrying about.. A simple a free life a mean with not much attachments in it...

 

That's extremely immoral.

 

I'm still not quite sure what you're getting at with this thread, but I think you're trying to say something like, "If you're going to cheat, make sure you get yourself to the point beforehand so that you don't feel bad afterwards." I would say, if you get yourself to that point emotionally, then do the right thing and divorce or break up with your partner before cheating.

 

I understand that you might be tired of melodramatic threads on this site. There's a lot of brittle people here who need a lot of attention. But what you are suggesting is not good.

 

Remorse is something that our conscience gives us so that we know we've done something wrong. When I was a boy, I felt remorse after I punched my little brother. Now, if I could mentally prepare myself beforehand so that I could punch my little brother without feeling anything bad afterwards, I would be slowly turning into a monster.

 

Maybe the real issue is that you don't think cheating is wrong. That would be another discussion altogether. But if you think it's wrong, then you should feel bad after you do something wrong, otherwise that makes you a bad person.

[yeawutever]

Maybe the real issue is that you don't think cheating is wrong. That would be another discussion altogether. But if you think it's wrong, then you should feel bad after you do something wrong, otherwise that makes you a bad person.

No don't get me wrong, never did I once said on my thread that cheating is the answer if a relationship is rocky and/or you're not in love but I did stated that you shouldn't condemn yourself and go into tears just because you cheated and for keep focusing on what you did and not move on already.... As I repeat I have never cheated on my LDB but as to why I never cheated on him, I don't know. At first it was due to being in love, now I dunno why. Maybe it's cos I don't take the risk of being caught or me being a terrible liar, or maybe not wanting my reputation to go down.... I dunno....

 

What you were describing punching your brother is different, that is physical harm to someone else. It's how different from actually emotional stressors (cheating, getting worked up over getting dumped, etc..).

[mrmaximum]

No don't get me wrong, never did I once said on my thread that cheating is the answer if a relationship is rocky and/or you're not in love but I did stated that you shouldn't condemn yourself and go into tears just because you cheated and for keep focusing on what you did and not move on already.... As I repeat I have never cheated on my LDB but as to why I never cheated on him, I don't know. At first it was due to being in love, now I dunno why. Maybe it's cos I don't take the risk of being caught or me being a terrible liar, or maybe not wanting my reputation to go down.... I dunno....

 

Far easier to say than it is to do, this is where theory and fact diverge drastically. I've read that cheating which happens in a marriage is like having a child die. The pain does ebb with time, but it never goes away, you never forget that child. Now imagine that you where the one to kill that child. Do you think your proposed philosphy would work then?

 

Ever done something to a friend that you wish you could take back but never can? It seems silly but this is the deal, this is what cheating is like, but no matter how you want to imagine it, the reality is worse. Imagine having caused a situation in your life where through your actions someone loses an appendage, or the ability to walk, or see. Will you simply 'get over it'? Everytime you look at this person and see what has happened to them and realize that it was you who caused it and it will affect them for the rest of their lives?

 

Make sense now? I too used to watch television or even come accross others in life who would go on and on about the pain they had caused their loved ones because of cheating. I had to wonder too what the deal was until I got cheated on. After that, I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone, but I also would never be able to live my life knowing that I caused that pain on someone else.

 

I agree with the others, it isn't as black and white as you think, and if you want to get into the mindset of a cheater, I can PM you a site which does a good job IMHO.

 

What you were describing punching your brother is different, that is physical harm to someone else. It's how different from actually emotional stressors (cheating, getting worked up over getting dumped, etc..).

 

Sometimes emotional scars cut the deepest. I'm not trying to be glib or cliche here, but if you go to the site that I recommend, you can see the devastation that cheating causes, then you can get an idea as to why some carry the "Scarlet Letter" for so long, Until then, it's all theory and you may was well be writing about why do some people get so upset when they do other immoral things.

[karvala]

No don't get me wrong, never did I once said on my thread that cheating is the answer if a relationship is rocky and/or you're not in love but I did stated that you shouldn't condemn yourself and go into tears just because you cheated and for keep focusing on what you did and not move on already.... As I repeat I have never cheated on my LDB but as to why I never cheated on him, I don't know. At first it was due to being in love, now I dunno why. Maybe it's cos I don't take the risk of being caught or me being a terrible liar, or maybe not wanting my reputation to go down.... I dunno....

 

If you do not ever condemn yourself for falling below your chosen standards, you will never live up to those standards. Ultimately, you should be your kindest friend and your toughest critic. You cannot learn from your history if you refuse ever to give it serious contemplation. You will simply keep making the same mistakes over and over, and not knowing why.

 

What you were describing punching your brother is different, that is physical harm to someone else. It's how different from actually emotional stressors (cheating, getting worked up over getting dumped, etc..).

 

I think most people who have been cheated on would say they would prefer to be physically harmed instead. The fact that you regard physical harm as real, and emotional harm as somehow artificial and not worthy of proper consideration, speaks of a literal lack of empathy. You can literally see the effect of physical harm from your own perspective, but you apparently are struggling to see the world through someone else's eyes, which includes their emotional distress as well. That's something for you to seriously think about.

[arcadefire]

A person who is never remorseful for doing wrong either has no values or no morality.

 

For example, you murder someone. You can just use that same excuse that you have other more important things to think about than that person's family, that person's life, etc. Or you come home and abuse your children every day. Oh, no remorse, just thinking about yourself and how selfish you are that you need to resort to harming others to get a kick out of life.

 

That is completely the wrong way to think about anything. Especially if you wrong someone. It's sinful thinking, in my opinion. Sinful thoughts leads to sinful actions.

 

I believe you are telling yourself this because you have never been cheated on. Believe me, that pain of betrayal I will never wish upon anyone. Your first post lacks some real maturity.