Intense remorse and tears, is that necessary??

[yeawutever]

Now imagine that you where the one to kill that child. Do you think your proposed philosphy would work then?

That's a very serious analogy don't you think?? Whereas cheating, you still have your freedom and if the SO still wants your cheating behind and takes you back, then you can work that out and in time have your life almost back to normal. With killing someone, you can't, you deprive that person of their existence. Cheating, depends the emotional pain you put on them, they are still alive at least. No I can't imagine yourself taking someone's life.

Ever done something to a friend that you wish you could take back but never can?Imagine having caused a situation in your life where through your actions someone loses an appendage, or the ability to walk, or see. Will you simply 'get over it'? Everytime you look at this person and see what has happened to them and realize that it was you who caused it and it will affect them for the rest of their lives??

This is why I am going on with life thinking about everything I do and see if it's worth the risk or not. I try to set my strategy which is the following:

''Ok now I'm gonna do this or ''No maybe not, not worth it''. I for sure wouldn't want my reputation doing down as a result.

Plus the trouble is ok let's say that ''hypothetically speaking'' I do end up hurting someone emotionally and it is an intense wound and since at some point I would be tired of overly apologizing I imagine myself saying something like this ''Alright, alright, enough already, so I hurt you and I'm trying to amend it, will you stop keep reminding me of it, it's been x months/years now, enough'', then I imagine myself becoming angry and having a verbal argument if that person continues on reminding me. Yes I do admit that I might be short to mild-tempered at times esp. if I had to apologize more than 3 times. Once or twice would be enough for me.

I agree with the others, it isn't as black and white as you think, and if you want to get into the mindset of a cheater, I can PM you a site which does a good job IMHO.

Yes do PM me. I would like to read it. Thanks

[yeawutever]

For example, you murder someone. You can just use that same excuse that you have other more important things to think about than that person's family, that person's life, etc. Or you come home and abuse your children every day. Oh, no remorse, just thinking about yourself and how selfish you are that you need to resort to harming others to get a kick out of life.

No it's one thing to hurt someone emotional. It's another to take a person's life. You serve a life term for killing someone and you'll never get your freedom ever again. You took someone's life, nothing whatsoever can replaced that. With cheating, you only add and emotional stressor towards you and that person. Ok so you hurt them deeply but at least they (and you) can move on with your life and have your freedom. You don't go to jail nor have a criminal record for it. In my view I see the comparison there is distorted. You can't compare having a small cut in your finger to having your legs torned by a shark. No where are they alike. They are not even at the same level.

I believe you are telling yourself this because you have never been cheated on. Believe me, that pain of betrayal I will never wish upon anyone. Your first post lacks some real maturity.

Well you're right afterall when you said I have never been cheated on. No, never, not that I know of, plus I only had one serious partner. Well ok did had a 2 weeks old boyfriend behind him but it never proceeded anything further than making out. I did made out with one of my friend's guy friend a day or so before dumping my now long time ex.

[arcadefire]

Whereas cheating, you still have your freedom and if the SO still wants your cheating behind and takes you back, then you can work that out and in time have your life almost back to normal.

 

A cheating SO takes your power away from the relationship. There is certainly no way life would be 'back to normal' after infidelity, and we all who have gone through it speak from experience alone. There is no way someone will take a cheater back without expecting a serious change in the relationship. It will never be back to normal. It's not just the act of cheating, it's the lying, the deception, leading a double life, and running the risk of spreading STDs. Is that really what we desire in a partner enough to take them back? To lose your trust in an instant? The consequences of cheating is severe. Very. Look at the break ups, the divorces, everything that happens because of cheating. Children are affected, fighting, the depression. Is that normal?

 

It takes a lot of time, change in one's moral behavior (for the cheater), and deep forgiveness on the part of the innocent to mend this broken glass. Trust shattered... it's very hard to fix.

[pianoguy]

. Ok so you hurt them deeply but at least they (and you) can move on with your life and have your freedom.

 

That's morally wrong. Doesn't that sentence bother you?

 

What if someone you were deeply in love with cheated on you? Wouldn't you be angry?

[Casey13]

To each their own.. thats all i have to say about that

[mrmaximum]

It never gets back to normal. Ever. Oh yes, it moves further and further back into you mind, but it never goes away. This is what I meant about the death of the child. Will you ever forget that little one was in your family? Chances are you won't and cheating is the same way.

 

Oh of course there will be days and weeks and months on end that one may not disintegrate into a crying heap of humanity on the floor thinking about little Jimmy and how he was such a great football player, and how he slurped his soup in that cute way, of how he smiled when you told hima joke, but then something absolutely random may trigger you and...well...."a blubbering we will go."

 

Cheating isn't simply like forgetting your SO's birthday or not caring about their needs for months at a time. It is one act which can severely cripple or even destroy a relationship completely in short order. People do not just "move on" from cheating, it can take years, decades, and sometimes people cannot get over it at all.

 

Do not take this topic lightly, this isn't something to dismiss easily.

[Mellie]

Do you love your SO? I realise people make hideous mistakes sometimes and cheat... I don't know whether that's an absolute that they don't love their SO anymore - I've never been in that position. But the whole thing about why should you feel remorse? Well, I guess you might not know what you had til it's gone. If you don't feel huge remorse on a moral level (I would - it's a horrible way to treat someone, even if you're not in love with them), you might just live to regret it when you realise what you had... unless you didn't want what you had, you just wanted out.

[yeawutever]

What if someone you were deeply in love with cheated on you? Wouldn't you be angry?

Then I would have two ways into it.

1) Tell him to take a hike and be like ''Ok it was nice meeting you, have her for free now, bye'' or

2) Set him up for a trap, make him believe I have decided to work it out (faking it off course) and go cheat back at him, go along with that plan for about one month into in for the fun of it and then with a big smile on my face, tell him I cheated back, that it was all a set-up I was feeding him and walked away, don't look back.

[yeawutever]

Do you love your SO?

Not really, I do like him still though and yes there were many good memories but the past is past already, been already too long, too ancient. I'm close to dumping him actually but I want to pick what day to do it, haven't had a chance to talk to him plus his cell phone is no longer in service.....

[pianoguy]

Then I would have two ways into it.

1) Tell him to take a hike and be like ''Ok it was nice meeting you, have her for free now, bye'' or

2) Set him up for a trap, make him believe I have decided to work it out (faking it off course) and go cheat back at him, go along with that plan for about one month into in for the fun of it and then with a big smile on my face, tell him I cheated back, that it was all a set-up I was feeding him and walked away, don't look back.

 

I didn't ask what you would do. This is what I asked, "If you were [sincerely in love] with somebody, and he cheated on you, wouldn't you be angry?"

[yeawutever]

Yes I know you asked if I would be angry if I loved someone. Yes inicially but then I would figured out quickly that he's the real loser not me, he loses me.

[Capricorn3]

Yes inicially but then I would figured out quickly that he's the real loser not me, he loses me.

They might think the exact same thing about you - the YOU are the real loser because you are losing them. Works both ways.

[yeawutever]

They might think the exact same thing about you - the YOU are the real loser because you are losing them. Works both ways.

Yes that can happened too.

I hope that your LD boyfriend gives you the treatment you're describing if/when he cheats on you.

I don't love him so I wouldn't have that much of a reaction other than ''Ok bye''. But still I would like to think I'm immune to getting cheated on.....

[Capricorn3]

I don't love him so I wouldn't have that much of a reaction other than ''Ok bye''. ..

If you don't love him, why are you still with him??

[yeawutever]

If you don't love him, why are you still with him?? this thread will tell you the reason as why I don't break up with him when it's clearly over in terms of emotional bond for me

[Capricorn3]

I guess I'll NEVER understand this in a million years. If you don't love someone anymore, you should BREAK UP with them so that they are free to move on with their lives, as can you. USING people to your advantage is about as low as anyone can go, imo.

 

Unbelievable.

[yeawutever]

I know that and believe me I don't feel happy about this situation and as I stated on the other post I'm looking for other options in which I can finally return quickly and not wait another year or so. I'm getting tired of being here, I wanna leave already... I was not raise in my homecountry and definitely didn't go under my own free will, I was practically forced (ok so no I was not deported but still it was force to me), deprived of choosing how I want to live my life, not having right to choose where I want to stay.

[arcadefire]

I'm sure you can find someone you love and marry them for the right reasons. Please don't marry someone you don't love, and then have a family with him.

[yeawutever]

I'm sure you can find someone you love and marry them for the right reasons. Please don't marry someone you don't love, and then have a family with him.

No I will not have a kid with him, that's for sure. In fact I do not want kids, not interest. I'm actually looking for other options of going back, I don't want to stay in my country any longer.... It's bad getting deprived the right to live where you want to and how you want to live...

[Miss Firecracker]

I see your point. There really is no need to dwell on yourself after cheating and run it in the ground. lol

 

Just like a famous politician that just died, he did lots of things in his past that were judged harshly. But he just went on with his life, found love and success, and ended up being admired by all. His funeral was beautiful.

 

But not everyone is admired this way, mostly people who have famous families and can do anything and be forgiven.

 

If you live this way people will probably just call you a ____.

[jmantra]

Your last few recent threads seems to speak volumes about your character unless you're going through something right now. If that is the case please seek help before you end up hurting others or yourself.

[jmantra]

I know that and believe me I don't feel happy about this situation

 

If you're not happy about this situation then why are you still in it? Stop using this forum to rationalize selfish behavior, that's what therapists are for hon.

[yeawutever]

If you're not happy about this situation then why are you still in it? Stop using this forum to rationalize selfish behavior, that's what therapists are for hon.

I guess this forum to me feels like home, where I can blow up and say what I'm thinking about. I'm not much of a outgoing person. But yes I am thinking of going to counseling (as long as it isn't that expensive since I'm saving money in the bank for a good purpose)...