I have a gambling Problem

[Snoopy24]

It says it is in a church, but that still seems weird. Maybe I'll bring my boyfriend. I'm too much of a wuss to go alone I think.

[avman]

It's very common to have these kinds of meetings in a church hall. Most churches offer the meeting space at a very low cost or even free sometimes to AA type groups. So it is a convenient arrangement.

[BellaDonna]

It says it is in a church, but that still seems weird. Maybe I'll bring my boyfriend. I'm too much of a wuss to go alone I think

 

How did you find that?

 

There are probably more programs you can look into. Believe it or not, most casinos can actually give you the information if you call them. Just call and ask for resources on gambling addiction. They should be able to give you some phone numbers. You may be able to set it up with them so that you are "not allowed" in the casino, should you feel the need to do that.

[hers]

Many meetings are in church spaces just b/c they have the room. All it'll be is a room with chairs and maybe a coffee pot and whatever other things the church puts in there. These programs aren't religious at all, so don't be scared off by the fact it's at a church. It's just there b/c the room is cheap and available.

[renaissancewoman101]

If bringing your bf will help you feel calm enough to go, then by all means, bring him along. He might get something out of it too.

[Snoopy24]

It's very common to have these kinds of meetings in a church hall. Most churches offer the meeting space at a very low cost or even free sometimes to AA type groups. So it is a convenient arrangement.

 

Oh, I don't think having it at the church is weird.. Just the doorbell. The meeting is next Monday. I will give it a shot!

[renaissancewoman101]

Oh, I don't think having it at the church is weird.. Just the doorbell. The meeting is next Monday. I will give it a shot!

 

Are u planning to go alone or bring the bf?

[Snoopy24]

If bringing your bf will help you feel calm enough to go, then by all means, bring him along. He might get something out of it too.

 

He doesn't really gamble much, but I just asked him, and he said he would love to go with me. I'm just nervous because I have no idea what to expect.

[DN]

I imagine what you will get is a lot if support and help and no condemnation.

[hers]

People will sit in a room, maybe a circle, and there will probably be some opening reading and the serenity prayer (you don't have to participate). Everyone may introduce themselves by first name. There may be a discussion leader (that's how it is in Al-Anon) and that person shares a little and gets the topic rolling. Then other members share a few minutes voluntarily (no one will ask you if you want to share). Then at the end, they may say the serenity prayer (again, you don't have to participate). Then you leave.

 

It may vary per program, but that's how Al-Anon is.

 

It's really easy and harmless. I was scared the first time I went but I'm glad I did.

[Snoopy24]

People will sit in a room, maybe a circle, and there will probably be some opening reading and the serenity prayer (you don't have to participate). Everyone may introduce themselves by first name. There may be a discussion leader (that's how it is in Al-Anon) and that person shares a little and gets the topic rolling. Then other members share a few minutes voluntarily (no one will ask you if you want to share). Then at the end, they may say the serenity prayer (again, you don't have to participate). Then you leave.

 

It may vary per program, but that's how Al-Anon is.

 

It's really easy and harmless. I was scared the first time I went but I'm glad I did.

 

Thanks Hers

 

I just think of all the movies with the new person there and everyone insisting on having them telling their story. lol. Regardless I'll go. I'm sure it's a lot different.

[hers]

Ugh no, that defeats the purpose of the anonymity.

 

One time I went to an open AA meeting and there were only about 8 of us. I didn't want to share. I'm not an alcoholic. I was just there to listen. There was still time left at the end of all the shares and the chairperson asked if I wanted to speak. I didn't like that and felt obligated, so I shared that I wasn't an alcoholic. I got no judgment from others but I still felt intrusive on their territory and like they were intruding on me. They're not supposed to do that (at least not in Al-Anon...I don't know if that's regular practice in AA) but if they do that to you, don't feel obligated. Just say no thank you and they'll be fine with that.

[JeckyllNHyde]

My dad and his ex gf have a gambling addiction. Ever so often my dad will fall back into it but luckily it's never to the point where we're in any financial trouble. He's lucky some days, and not on others. His ex gf now.. that's a whole other story. As it is she's financialy unstable and not well off at all needing to provide for her daughter and grand son. There's a ton of stories where it got her in trouble. Once she even gambled away all her daughters vacation money (daughter was leaving next day!)

 

Newho.. You could look into Gamblers Annonymous. Where I live we don't have that yet. So it's hard.

 

I also go to the casino from time to time and what always sucks me in is the fact that I'll win and stick around only to lose everything.

Or... I go to the casino as an "outing". Bad thing is that let's say I lose my money I HAVE to go home. So to avoid that I'll continue playing. BAD IDEA too.

 

Would you feel better maybe just going with $100? And leaving the wallet and all cards at home?

It would be best to just quit all together.. I'm just offering the suggestion in case you want to try controlling yourself. (Which is hard in casino's).

 

 

ETA: sorry, I just remembered you mentioned you lost $5000 which is alot.

Maybe would be best to quit all together.

[grymoire]

Wow, its difficult for me to imagine a beautiful woman like you to have a problem with gambling. You are a fine woman Snoopy, you'll get over this in no time.

[hers]

Beauty doesn't make one immune from having troubles and issues.

[tiredofvampires]

Yeah...being beautiful certainly does not insure you're not going to have problems. Not by a long stretch. I'm not sure why that's so unimaginable. Beautiful people are just...people.

 

Anyway, Snoopy, I'm glad you have been persuaded to go to a GA meeting. My last ex was a compulsive gambler before we met (he was 7 years into his GA program and abstinent when we got together.) He told me quite a few stories about those days, although part of the GA (and 12-step programs) is to keep looking forward, not backward, so he didn't indulge those memories with me a great deal.

 

The difference between someone who is pathologically gambling and someone who just enjoys it and gets urges, (like MG), is that nothing can stop you from the compulsion to go back and do more. My ex said he was literally pleading with himself, using all kinds of tricks and ploys and "agreements" with himself not to go back, such as taping a piece of paper to the dashboard with the words, "REMEMBER THE FEELING!" on it and screaming at himself, so he wouldn't go back. Just as you've described, making agreements with himself that this was the "last" time, only to, in a matter of time, be back to it. People who can say, "I have car payments, so I'm scaling back" are not pathological gamblers with a addiction -- people who have debts and bills and responsibilities and do it anyway have an addiction.

 

When you can't stop even when you want to, that's the difference.

 

I don't have this addiction, thank god, but I am a very compulsive person in ways that almost could be called addictive. So I know how compelling it is, it's like something has a hold on you and you're not in the driver's seat anymore.

 

My ex started embezzling, stealing from his parents and friends, burned professional bridges, lost his car, and so many other things. He was still paying off bad credit when I met him, but he had so diligently stuck with the GA program (and was even a beloved sponsor), he had recouped most of the financial loss in that 7 years since he'd quit.

 

I went to many meetings with him, as well as Gam-Anon meetings (like Al-Anon). I mostly sat in with him on the GA meetings, though. And I was very impressed with the format. As posters are saying here, no one had to speak. And if you do speak, you can say as little as you like. I've seen people just get up, introduce themselves, give a short sigh and a 10 second delivery about having a problem, and then stop. You really get to go at your own pace. He was in the music business, and had previously had a lot of connections, and living in L.A., he did see many others in the business at meetings. But the playing field was leveled that way. You are peers in that situation. No one is better or worse than any other. And I found the fellowship something I actually envied...it was a very tight group of people, something I felt lacking in my life. I think a lot of the impetus to keep on the straight and narrow is that you have others who are aware of your struggle and applaud you for staying "clean". So that builds momentum, and you start to feel proud that you've got this clean record, with people cheering you on.

 

It's definitely a plan for life, though. My ex could not go near a vending machine, and he was so hardcore, that he stopped using the phrase, "I betcha...." I say that out of habit all the time, but since he could not even in theory say it without remembering his nightmare decade, I started to curb that phrase. Not everyone has to be that intense, lol, but it just goes to show how it's really treated just as a substance abuse in that you don't even do a little. Because everyone who's been a gambling addict knows that soon a couple hundred dollars is nothing. Unless you are betting many hundreds (and eventually thousands), it doesn't feel good anymore.

 

I agree with InBruges that it's not so much greediness. I actually think it's like heroin -- your brain gets a massive high (the surge of the feel-good endorphin dopamine juices up the pleasure center in your brain), and soon you need more to get that same effect. I think it's physiological, and some people are just more prone to this than some other addictive behavior.

 

All addictions though are based in needing to fill a void of some sort, and that's something you'll probably want/need to explore...on your own, and while in GA.

 

I'm glad you're getting the help now, while you're really young, and acknowledging this problem. Good luck and don't sweat the meetings, they're chill.

 

I don't know if it was mentioned in the thread, but of course your BF needs to get with the seriousness of this asap, and he would do well going to Gam-Anon, to see what exactly is at stake if he doesn't support you, and hear from others what it looks like to have to go through the worst.

 

Edit: Just read the part about going with your BF. Fabulous! Great that he wants to go with you. I got a lot out of being there to support my SO, and he will, too, I think. But still, he might benefit from regularly going to Gam-Anon, or just switching it up.

[Snoopy24]

Thank you TOV

 

Sorry to hear you went through all of that with your ex. You sound like a great girlfriend to have stuck by his side through all of that. A lot of times when someone has some sort of addiction, the people in their lives tend to walk away, and that could make it worse. I don't think I would ever get to the point where I would steal from anyone. ..But I guess when an addiction takes over your life, you never know how low you would go to feed it.

 

I don't know if I can label myself as a compulsive gambler, although I know if I don't get help now I know I am on my way to being one. I think just going and listening to other peoples stories might give me a wake up call..I hope.

[Snoopy24]

Wow, its difficult for me to imagine a beautiful woman like you to have a problem with gambling. You are a fine woman Snoopy, you'll get over this in no time.

 

Thanks Grym. While I do, greatly appreciate your compliment, I have to agree with Hers, and Tov. Anyone can have any kind of an addiction. It doesn't matter the race, sex, their financial status and definitely not what one looks like.

[metrogirl]

I was thinking about this after I went home yesterday (I think about random ENA stuff when I'm away from a computer, go figure).

 

Gambling if not dealt with soon can destroy you lightening fast. I remember leaving a casino one morning with my friends. There was a woman standing outside and she had emptied the contents of her Coach purse into a plastic grocery sack, she was desperately trying to sell her purse stating that she didn't have money for gas to get home. Someone leaving the casino at the same time told their friends not to give her any money for her 'gas story' because they fell victim to it previously. They had handed her some money and she ran back in and dropped it in a machine.

 

Another story I wanted to share with you is of this guy that a c*cktail waitress told me a long time ago. She used to work at the Stardust casino in Vegas and there was a guy that would go in there frequently to the 5.00 dollar machine and drop a lot of money. Sometimes he would win a few bucks, mostly he lost. Then one day after playing on the machine for an hour or so, he hit for 140,000 dollars! He had the cashier give him 70,000 cash and 70,000 in a check. He went back to the same machine and proceeded to drop the entire 70,000 in cash back into the machine, cashed the check and dropped the other 70,000 in the very same machine. He went home with nothing.

[DN]

He went back to the same machine and proceeded to drop the entire 70,000 in cash back into the machine, cashed the check and dropped the other 70,000 in the very same machine.

Another thing to remember when gambling slots is that there is no method - no way to predict what a machine will do. It isn't a 'lucky machine' it won't pay out 'because it did before' or 'it hasn't for some time'.

 

Each time is totally random - and the belief that it isn't has led many people to lose a lot of money on the "it will pay out big if I just keep going" belief.

[IsThisIt]

Congratulations on your progress isthis! Is there any reason why you haven't gone to meetings? i keep telling myself I'm not going to gamble, but I feel like I'll be back in a casino in a couple months. I think it really will take a lot of willpower.

 

I'm not really sure why I never went to meetings -- I looked up GA, found a local group, but never followed through. Maybe it would have helped me quit earlier. I had my first big loss in February 2005. I had had some scares in the two weeks prior, having lost $2000+ in a single night, but immediately made it back, lost it again, and then immediately made it back. Then, I lost it again, and instead of making it back, I lost it again, and again, and again... so I was down $8000, which at that point far exceeded my savings, as I had been playing on credit. So I went to my family for the money.

 

In the summer of 2005, I started playing again, small stakes, but by early fall I was compulsively gambling again, playing way over my bankroll, chasing losses, obsessing about gambling all the time, going on multi-day benders. It continued like that for a few months until I lost way more than I could afford, and had to borrow from my family again. Then I would quit, and a few months later convince myself that I could enjoy gambling and even win (at poker) as long as I played within my bankroll, didn't chase losses, and set time limits. But within 2-3 months I was back to playing over my head.

 

It is like the ex-smoker who decides to buy a pack and just smoke 1 a day... by the end of the pack, he's back to however many packs a day he was at before he quit the first time. The brain just gets hardwired for the addiction... The nucleus accumbens of a gambler is noticeably larger than that of a non-gambler, as it has built up so many pathological connections between dopamine neurons...

 

In the summer of 2006, I took a teaching job that paid $5000 for 3 weeks, which was quite an excellent salary. After it was over, I blew the entire salary in less than a week, plus a couple thousand more. Then I decided that I would never bet again, and I haven't. I was even at a casino once with some friends, and I sat with them and talked, but I didn't gamble. Once you realize the problem, the only thing you can do is just resolve yourself never to place a bet again.

[metrogirl]

Another thing to remember when gambling slots is that there is no method - no way to predict what a machine will do. It isn't a 'lucky machine' it won't pay out 'because it did before' or 'it hasn't for some time'.

 

Each time is totally random - and the belief that it isn't has led many people to lose a lot of money on the "it will pay out big if I just keep going" belief.

 

This is very true. I have seen the same person sit at a certain machine for 8, 10 even more hours because they just 'know' that it is going to pay off.

 

I sat down next to one older lady, she said she was sooo happy to see me and would I please watch her machine because she had to pee and didn't want to leave 'her' machine because she just knew that it was about to pay off and didn't want someone else to get her jackpot.

 

When she came back, she said she had been holding it for hours.

 

I wondered to myself, how does it get that bad? I really felt sorry for her.

[tiredofvampires]

The brain just gets hardwired for the addiction... The nucleus accumbens of a gambler is noticeably larger than that of a non-gambler, as it has built up so many pathological connections between dopamine neurons...

 

Yes, after my guy and I broke up, I did a lot of research on this dopamine connection. I actually wonder if it's that gamblers naturally do not produce enough dopamine, so they end up seeking it. Kind of like extreme sports. That's what some of the research seemed to be indicating.

 

Kudos to you for quitting on will power by yourself and staying that way!!

 

I actually wasn't with my boyfriend during the years he was actively gambling, Snoopy. We met afterwards. But he was religious about his GA program, and I tried very hard to be involved in his recovery in a supportive way. One thing I found was that without the gambling, he needed other fixes (coffee, sweets, etc.) And eventually, he needed to play...ME.

 

It sounds like you have a strong relationship with your bf through, and I'm glad you're nipping this in the bud before it spirals totally out of hand.

 

When she came back, she said she had been holding it for hours.

 

I wondered to myself, how does it get that bad? I really felt sorry for her.

 

So scary and sad. I think because all of us can relate to this, to some degree. I think we've all had the taste of feeling out of control, and seeing it happen to this extent is just scary.

 

My ex would go for days without eating in casinos.

[IsThisIt]

Yes, after my guy and I broke up, I did a lot of research on this dopamine connection. I actually wonder if it's that gamblers naturally do not produce enough dopamine, so they end up seeking it. Kind of like extreme sports. That's what some of the research seemed to be indicating.

 

 

Yeah, I think it is kind of like a 'situational bipolar' disorder, though the DSM-IV doesn't recognize such an illness. But for me, my gambling binges were exactly like hypo-mania -- I would stay up for days, or go on reduced sleep without being tired, I would have grandiose ideas about how I would make a ton of winnings, my mind would move a mile a minute (I played poker online, sitting in 6 rooms simultaneously, believing that I had such a keen ability to focus that I knew at all times when people were bluffing, etc.), I would rationalize losses (e.g., I had the winning hand but just had a bad card on the river, and if I keep playing the same way I will win in the long-term, etc.), enjoy the positive aspects of risk-taking without the anxiety that should be associated with those risks...

 

But true bipolars will have manic or hypermanic periods that aren't tied to a specific situation.

 

The only other situation in which I felt manic was when I wrote my master's thesis -- in about a 3 week period I wrote a 180 page thesis. It was pretty good; my advisor said it was the best MA thesis he had seen in 25 years... but I felt depressed for several months after.

 

So yeah, I think that people prone to compulsive gambling are prone to all sorts of compulsions. But gambling is an especially bad compulsion because it can have such negative effects. Pathological gamblers (as per the dsm-iv definition) have a higher suicide rate than any other group, which is really quite remarkable when you consider other groups (major depression, for example).

 

And gambling reinforces itself so well because all of its rewards are unexpected. We have a built in reinforcement mechanism for unexpected rewards, as there is an evolutionary basis -- those people who try new things and are successful are more likely to pass on their genes. With something like coke or heroin, it feels really good when you use, but its very predictable. With gambling, you can never count on any individual small win, so when you get it, its always a happy surprise, and that means extra dopamine is released in the basal ganglia (esp. in the nucleus accumbens).

 

The biggest thing I have done to avoid these crazed 'hypomanic' or 'manic' periods is to get regular sleep and meals. That is essential. And now that I know how prone I am, I just know I have to stay away from gambling, drugs of abuse, and anything similar.

 

The fact that my brain is built in such a way as to make me a pathological gambler can be both a feature and a bug-- the fact that I benefited from it when writing my MA thesis shows how it can be a positive thing. But even in that case it was too extreme. I am working on my Ph.D. dissertation now, and I'm struggling to find the sweet spot of just enough obsessed to make it good, but not so obsessed that it drastically messes with my mood.

 

If I'm able to benefit from knowledge about how my brain works, then all that money I lost gambling was not a total waste. Education can just be really expensive sometimes.

[doityourself]

There was a year and a half that I thought going to the casino was all there was in life.

 

Now around $15,000 later not including what my husband lost I have not been back.

 

You can ask the casino to not let you in for a year or ever again. Please stop going, you never are up, there is no reason on how you win money. Dont think in terms of how much you've won but how much you've lost. Thats what did it for me, and being 3 months late on mortgage and car payments didn't help either. Good Luck