I have a gambling Problem

[InBruges]

 

I think what makes me keep going back, is that every time I go I do win. I usually win at least a few hundred. But I always end up giving it all back and losing everything. It's pure greediness.

 

It even goes further than casinos. Every time I go to a gas station, or deli, I am always compelled to buy scratch offs. It's getting to the point it's beyond ludicrous.

 

I don't know what is wrong with me, and why I can't stop.

 

I don't think it's greediness. I think it's just the result of a bad way of coping with regret. All gambling, whether it be casinos or lotteries, are statistically in the favor of the game host. There are some slight exceptions such as very patient card counters at blackjack, but casinos are getting better at deterring even that small handful of people.

 

Statistics is a very solid science. It's how insurance companies figure their rates, how airlines come up with their extremely weird fare schedule, and it's the entire reason why casinos make so much money. A person can walk into a casino and put a dollar in and walk out with ten. But the long term habit always always produces loss. It can't be avoided.

 

After you've lost so much money, all that regret is just screaming at you to make amends. And often the problem starts to look like its own answer.

 

The best thing you can do to break this cycle is deal with the regret. That means accept your losses and tell yourself you learned something. We all make mistakes and the key to better future choices is to own those mistakes and let the loss be real and permanent. Once you tell yourself, "I've lost $X... it was a mistake. That money is gone forever, but I have my whole future ahead of me to make better choices," then you can move on without being pulled back in.

 

I do hope you'll break this cycle. The only way to make money in a casino is to own one.

[renaissancewoman101]

Ask him to stop offering free rooms and telling you when he's got rewards to cash in.

 

I think her bf also gambles and he gets "comps" from the casino (free hotel suites, free food, etc). It is the way casinos lure their gamblers to come back.

 

My best friend's parents go to Las Vegas all the time because his dad is a big gambler and they get "comps" at some of the major casino/hotels there.

 

My best friend HATES gambling and when he sees me gambling, he tries to steer me away from it, because he sees the stress his dad's gambling causes in their family.

[IsThisIt]

I'm a compulsive gambler too... Its really tough, it sneaks up on you and it can be more addictive than any drug. I haven't made a bet in 3 years, and I didn't go to GA (although I believe they really can help) -- I've found that when I'm not gambling, I can produce enough willpower to not gamble... but as soon as I start gambling again, I am doomed in a matter of months.

 

Once you become a compulsive gambler, your brain is basically hardwired that way for life, so just tell yourself that you can't gamble, and as long as you don't restart again, you shouldn't have any problems.

[Snoopy24]

Thanks for sharing jd. Sorry to hear you are in the same situation. Did you ever go to any meetings or anything, or pretty much stopped going on your own?

[Snoopy24]

No you're right, you're responsible for your own actions, but he's enabling you. That's dangerous when someone has a problem. Tell him how serious this is for you and that you need him to support you and that you've supported him through tough things he's gone through (and god knows you have) so he needs to do the same for you.

 

Oh I have told him, but then every other month he creeps up on me and says "oh i got a free room booked" I know I could easily say no thanks, but I always end up going and losing my money. Like even now, I've lost so much, and I'm thinking "I have to win it back" The fact that I am thinking that, I think maybe I should try going to a meeting. ...far far away. lol

[Snoopy24]

Ren..my boyfriend doesn't have a job. ..well didn't. (He just got one today) So he has been unemployed, and as well as losing my own money, I would give him some money to gamble too. But it was mainly me who played, and he just watched and used his card. The comps definitely bring me back, but I am going to try and start avoiding casinos like the plague.

[hers]

Seriously, it's ok if you run into people. Trust me, I've been there. It's unlikely but it can happen. And if it does, you don't have to feel embarrassed at all b/c they've been in the same place you are. What's shameful about that?

[renaissancewoman101]

It won't be easy, but if you can get your bf on board, it might help.

 

Also think of all the money you could be saving and spending on something tangible, when you are NOT gambling.

 

I like playing blackjack but I have a hard time dealing with how $20 can just disappear in a snap.

[renaissancewoman101]

I don't know, but I think I would be embarrassed to go to a 12-step meeting.

 

I hang my dirty laundry out to dry on here (god knows, you guys pretty much know everything about me), but with the exception of a few people, none of you know me or see me in real life.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Like Hers said earlier, though; these meetings are so safe. Everyone is in the same boat. Everyone is afraid and battling something. They are meant to make people feel safe and open.

[hers]

There's nothing embarrassing about it. You're only as sick as your secrets. I go and it's been a life saver for me. I don't want to think where I'd be if I didn't have them to go to.

[Snoopy24]

Thank you for this post, Bruges. You are 100% right. I regret losing all of that money so bad, I just want it back. And every time I go back to the casino and try and win I just lose more.

 

The one time I won $2000 back, I lost all of it before I left. The thing that keeps me going back every time, is every time I do go, I see people winning jackpots to the left and right of me, and I know how easy it is to win, what I need to understand is that is it even more easy to lose. You are right though that I should just take it as a lesson learned, and move on. It's just so hard...

[Snoopy24]

I'm a compulsive gambler too... Its really tough, it sneaks up on you and it can be more addictive than any drug. I haven't made a bet in 3 years, and I didn't go to GA (although I believe they really can help) -- I've found that when I'm not gambling, I can produce enough willpower to not gamble... but as soon as I start gambling again, I am doomed in a matter of months.

 

Once you become a compulsive gambler, your brain is basically hardwired that way for life, so just tell yourself that you can't gamble, and as long as you don't restart again, you shouldn't have any problems.

 

Congratulations on your progress isthis! Is there any reason why you haven't gone to meetings? i keep telling myself I'm not going to gamble, but I feel like I'll be back in a casino in a couple months. I think it really will take a lot of willpower.

[Jd1983]

Thanks for sharing jd. Sorry to hear you are in the same situation. Did you ever go to any meetings or anything, or pretty much stopped going on your own?

 

No, I haven't gone to any meetings. I did sign up for some gambling help website, but it didn't help much to be honest. I haven't gone lately because my boyfriend gets really upset at me when I go, he knows I have a problem and he refuses to go with me because he states that it's feeding to my addiction. I also try to tell myself that I would rather have the $500-$600 (my usual limit) in my pocket rather than losing it at the casino and it helps. Some of my friends have shopping issues, but I tell them at least they have something to show for it when they spend their money, all I do is lose it and get nothing in return. Be strong and know that you're not alone in this battle.

 

"A gambler not only loses what he has, but will also lose what he doesn't have".

[Snoopy24]

I don't know why, but I think I will feel so embarrassed going to a meeting. I know I shouldn't but I guess I don't really know what to expect.

[hers]

You'll never know unless you go.

[Snoopy24]

Can we switch boyfriends? haha

 

That is exactly how I feel. Whenever I lose, I think of all of the things I could have bought with my money. Then I make things up in my head like "i'll pretend I paid $400 for the hotel room, and I paid for dinner..etc" Just to make myself feel better. I know it's just ridiculous, and my money is gone. That quote is SO true.

 

It does make me feel better to know I'm not alone with this.

[Snoopy24]

You'll never know unless you go.

 

err, I know. I just looked it up, and the only place I can go to I have to ring a doorbell

[hers]

You've rung doorbells before, right?

[Snoopy24]

You've rung doorbells before, right?

 

haha...well yes I have, But I was in visioning myself just sneaking in quietly with nobody really noticing me!

[Jd1983]

Can we switch boyfriends? haha

 

That is exactly how I feel. Whenever I lose, I think of all of the things I could have bought with my money. Then I make things up in my head like "i'll pretend I paid $400 for the hotel room, and I paid for dinner..etc" Just to make myself feel better. I know it's just ridiculous, and my money is gone. That quote is SO true.

 

It does make me feel better to know I'm not alone with this.

 

LOL, I reason just like you. Whenever I lose, I tell myself - well I got some comps and I could buy some junk. Man this sandwich is really expensive it cost me $500. lol but who are we kidding? I'll bet we would have so much money set aside if we didn't have this problem! Sigh! Stay strong!

[renaissancewoman101]

They don't have any meetings in a church hall or community center?

 

Snoopy, I do know how you feel. I would find it awkward to have to go to someone's house and ring a doorbell for a meeting like that, esp for the first time

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

haha...well yes I have, But I was in visioning myself just sneaking in quietly with nobody really noticing me!

 

I have to admit that is weird and intimidating...

[hers]

It's not a house...it's never held in someone's residence, no matter what kind of meeting it is.

 

Many places have locked doors so it keeps random people coming in and loitering, thus keeping the meeting anonymous.

Yea I know what you mean about snekaing in, but no one is going to make you do anything there. You don't have to talk, you don't have to say your name, you just listen.

[BellaDonna]

I have a relative with a major gambling addiction. After seeing first hand what it has done to her, I really think you should seek help ASAP.

 

just to name a few examples about my relative:

 

*She lies about when she is going to the casino

*she pisses away all her money and then shops at the dollar store to save money so she can use it for the casino

*she gets depressed when she loses, and the only thing that elevates her mood is to try to go back and "win it back"

*she was embarassed to show her accountant the printout from the casino about what she had lost that year (for tax purposes- had the IRS seen that printout, she would have never had to pay taxes on her "winnings" because she lost 3X what she won)

*it is really the only thing she can do for enjoyment in life- she puts it before everything

*she never can leave the casino. First she is leaving at 3pm, then it tuns into 7pm, then midnight, then sometimes she ends up staying overnight.

 

It's really a sickness. It's both sad and frustrating to see my relative do this.

 

Has she taken all that money she wasted at the casino and invested it in low or no risk stocks or savings accounts, she would be very wealthy by now.