Rape porn...red flag?

[karvala]

I think it's important to distinguish between two types of rape fantasy. The type that is by far the most common in both men and women is one where the fantasist (male or female) has constructed a scenario in which the woman is actually enjoying it. This is invariably the case in the many couples who act out rape fantasy scenes in their own sex lives. I don't think these fantasies, provided they stay in realm of fantasy, are at all dangerous, or indeed at all uncommon, and I don't distinguish between men and women in that regard.

 

The second type is where someone gets on a woman actually being rapes, and even knowing that it's a fake video, is enjoying a scenario where they believe (as part of the fantasy) that the woman really does not want it, and is simply suffering. That I would find a lot more disturbing and would be a red flag to me, but the vast majority of rape fantasies don't fall into this category.

[Lyrisae]

Well, I believe that's what bothered me about it, Karvala. The women in these videos were crying, screaming, begging not to be raped, being held down and forced to give blowjobs, then afterwards having the cum spilled all over their faces while they continued to cry and thrash. It was very disturbing. And now, reading the prior replies and knowing it's possible that they ARE real, is just sick to me. I can understand enjoying the rape fantasy if at first the girl struggles, but then gets into it eventually - and that is how he and I act it out, when we role-play. But these women are practically being tortured. I don't know. It just turns my stomach when I picture him getting off to this material. I had no clue how graphic and disturbing rape porn can be sometimes. And now I worry that my boyfriend thinks that the videos are actually real. If he does think that, and still enjoys them/gets off to them, then I'd have to say it's a huge red flag for me.

[tiredofvampires]

There are no REAL rape videos. Please understand that. Rapists are not foolish enough to videotape one.

 

Anyway the Asians are famous for making realistic rape porn. So whatever you see, it is just pretend stuff. Nothing serious. I don't think you need to be disturbed. It is just an outlet for his fantasies. Nothing more.

 

I think it is cool you do the roleplay thing. That is also a healthy outlet for his fantasies.

 

All good points. And true.

 

One of my exes also had this fascination/fetish (which he was a bit ashamed of at first, but once he confessed it to me, he saw I was not only not phased by it, but I found it kind of arousing [which did lead to some interesting evolution of our sex life]). I have only taken a few peeks at the kind of stuff he was into (and even then, I'm sure I didn't see the worst of it), and I was also taken aback. Seeing it was different from just conceptualizing it.

 

But at the end of the day, he was the kind of person you described -- sweet, considerate, caring about how I felt when in bed, and all-around just a really good guy. A better guy than many I have known. And it never interfered with our sex life.

 

So I think you can just not worry about this. It's pure fantasy, and like the above poster said, the point is to make it look realistic and not fake, otherwise, it wouldn't have an impact. And yes, Asian porn is pretty hardcore in bondage and snuff and rape genres -- they take it to an extreme (my bf was Asian himself, and would always say, "Yeah, we're a bunch of crazies!") So he could stand back and see it for what it was, and I think your boyfriend can separate this from reality, and that's what matters.

[heloladies21]

It's interesting to me how everone went off spouting their opinions on rape-porn when the only advice you need is "Talk to your boyfriend." His intentions should become clear very quickly if your relationship is as open as you say it is. Our speculation of his views are absolutely meaningless!

[tiredofvampires]

I've just read more of this thread, about the "real" criminal videos out there.

 

The women in these videos were crying, screaming, begging not to be raped, being held down and forced to give blowjobs, then afterwards having the cum spilled all over their faces while they continued to cry and thrash. It was very disturbing.

 

These are actually the kinds of things that go on in hardcore videos in this genre. I don't know how you'd be able to distinguish the real thing (rape) from simulated rape, but a lot of these videos, especially Japanese ones, do get quite brutal.

 

If the sites your bf goes to are companies he's paying for, or are not underground sites, I think it's all fake, no matter how real it looks. To be a pedo or rapist, you'd have to market in pretty shady, underground circles (that aren't through companies or official sites), and is this the type of site your bf is getting it from?

[LBP]

It's interesting to me how everone went off spouting their opinions on rape-porn when the only advice you need is "Talk to your boyfriend." His intentions should become clear very quickly if your relationship is as open as you say it is. Our speculation of his views are absolutely meaningless!

 

That guy who said that rape porn is never real inspired more than a few comments.

[heloladies21]

That guy who said that rape porn is never real inspired more than a few comments.

I've seen other threads moved to off topic for less. This is a relationship forum.

[tiredofvampires]

 

For this situation, I would have to look at this and then reconcile it with his personality. IS it just a fantasy? How long have you been together? What general attitude does he demonstrate toward women? Does he use the word b*tch a lot? Does he trust women? Is he respectful toward them in general, even in unguarded moments? Do you trust him?

 

My thoughts exactly.

[Lyrisae]

I just went to the website advertised on the videos, and there is a disclaimer at the bottom stating that all models have previously agreed to sexual consent, etc. So it's fake and acted then, I suppose, although still disturbing that a woman would actually allow to be treated in such a manner. I hope they pay well. Either way, it's a relief to me to know that they are fake videos. Now I just need to make sure he REALIZES they are fake, and doesn't believe they're real. If he is thinking they are real, that would disturb me.

[Samedy]

There are no REAL rape videos. Please understand that. Rapists are not foolish enough to videotape one.

 

 

That statement is nonsense.

 

Ever heard of Paul Bernardo?

[tiredofvampires]

I just went to the website advertised on the videos, and there is a disclaimer at the bottom stating that all models have previously agreed to sexual consent, etc. So it's fake and acted then, I suppose, although still disturbing that a woman would actually allow to be treated in such a manner.

 

As I mentioned in another thread here about porn, this is what I find most disturbing. That women willingly subject themselves to this for a living. To me, that goes beyond just a fantasy life, that involves possibly re-enacting abusive behavior in a girl's past and having some real issues. But it's still consensual, and an adult woman's decision. I have ethical qualms about this matter, but it's a different issue entirely than someone getting off on a real, hapless victim.

 

If he is thinking they are real, that would disturb me.

 

Well yes, it would be a massive red flag if my bf condoned rape.

 

Is this really the guy you think he is?

[Mia_of_Doom]

Agreed with this. There are no limits when it comes to imagination and sexual fantasies. The great thing about them is that they're thoughts, fantasies, and thus private. Of course, porn companies capitalize on these fantasies and make very convincing, but still acting, rape, torture, and other very extreme genres of porn. His rape fantasies aren't really unusual, what you should pay attention to is his behavior and actions toward yourself and others.

[Samedy]

Agreed with this. There are no limits when it comes to imagination and sexual fantasies. The great thing about them is that they're thoughts, fantasies, and thus private. Of course, porn companies capitalize on these fantasies and make very convincing, but still acting, rape, torture, and other very extreme genres of porn. His rape fantasies aren't really unusual, what you should pay attention to is his behavior and actions toward yourself and others.

 

I don't understand why people justify "rape" porn as just acting. Do they know the actresses who participate in these movies, and know that after the filming stop all the actors get together laughing while rewatching their rape-porn?

 

In action movies they fake the action with camera angles and fast cuts from the camera. I doubt that these rape-porn movies have the same kind of budget. The slapping is real. The gagging is real. The tears are real.

 

I wonder if people justify rape porn as acting to make themselves feel better for societies inaction to prevent such material from being made.

[ay0_x]

I don't understand why people justify "rape" porn as just acting. Do they know the actresses who participate in these movies, and know that after the filming stop all the actors get together laughing while rewatching their rape-porn?

 

In action movies they fake the action with camera angles and fast cuts from the camera. I doubt that these rape-porn movies have the same kind of budget. The slapping is real. The gagging is real. The tears are real.

 

I wonder if people justify rape porn as acting to make themselves feel better for societies inaction to prevent such material from being made.

 

I second this. I don't think these actresses can 'consent' because to me, consent is when a levelheaded, mature person gives their permission to something. I don't think many of them are levelheaded and agreeing to be filmed in rape porn screams of childhood sexual abuse to me. I don't think people like this can give their "consent" any more than a 13, year old, postmenstrual girl can give her "consent".

[heloladies21]

I second this. I don't think these actresses can 'consent' because to me, consent is when a levelheaded, mature person gives their permission to something.

Care to define these standards of "levelheaded" and "mature"? Where's the cut off? By my definition 99% of the population would classify as immature, should we use my subjective definition or yours? And then good luck arguing with the die hard feminists that will say that once a woman is an adult she can decide what she wants to do. Then there are the feminists that contradict themselves saying women should have the freedom to choose while simultaneously having people look out for them cause they're unable to decide how to live their lives on their own...

I don't think many of them are levelheaded and agreeing to be filmed in rape porn screams of childhood sexual abuse to me. I don't think people like this can give their "consent" any more than a 13, year old, postmenstrual girl can give her "consent".

Sad truth of the matter is that in this world, you have to balance freedom to choose with protection from big brother. And most people don't like being told what to do. But this is turning into a political debate so I'll digress.

[Miss Firecracker]

I don't want to know a man's fantasies. That obviously leads to trouble. People think they are so close nothing can damage their relationships, and look at this. Why even risk it?

 

There is no way I could handle that sort of thing in my life. I wouldn't care less if my mate fantasized about a situation such as that, but if he had to have porn and really act on this, using me as a prop then I'd say NO.

[ay0_x]

Care to define these standards of "levelheaded" and "mature"? Where's the cut off? By my definition 99% of the population would classify as immature, should we use my subjective definition or yours? And then good luck arguing with the die hard feminists that will say that once a woman is an adult she can decide what she wants to do. Then there are the feminists that contradict themselves saying women should have the freedom to choose while simultaneously having people look out for them cause they're unable to decide how to live their lives on their own...

 

Sad truth of the matter is that in this world, you have to balance freedom to choose with protection from big brother. And most people don't like being told what to do. But this is turning into a political debate so I'll digress.

 

Or why don't we just look at a psychological definition and define "levelheaded" and "mature" as someone who has healthy self esteem, self confidence, self image, knows where they are going in life and is generally HAPPY?

[jul-els]

I don't understand why people justify "rape" porn as just acting. Do they know the actresses who participate in these movies, and know that after the filming stop all the actors get together laughing while rewatching their rape-porn?

 

In action movies they fake the action with camera angles and fast cuts from the camera. I doubt that these rape-porn movies have the same kind of budget. The slapping is real. The gagging is real. The tears are real.

 

I wonder if people justify rape porn as acting to make themselves feel better for societies inaction to prevent such material from being made.

 

This is exactly the point that should raise concern with the OP. Not the fantasy itself, which is harmless. It can only be resolved with a frank, honest, and open discussion about the matter. This is what the OP needs as it is the only way for her to make what she believes to be an accurate assesment of the situation.

[bingedrinking]

Hmm I didn't know about this Bernardo guy. The story seems quite sick, to be honest. Ick.

 

Anyway I do think the only way to know is to watch videos from a trusted source - that is well known porn companies. I think at least videos from well known porn companies will be fake. Amateur videos might be risky.

 

Anyway considering the topic - If the guy is otherwise very polite and well mannered, I don't think you have anything to fear. This Paul Bernardo guy was known to mistreat his girlfriends much before he started his killing spree. So if your bf is not rough or abusive, I would say it still stays a harmless fantasy.

 

Also if you are going to roleplay, please use a safe word.

[Circe]

I think its a red flag if any of those videos are real. Otherwise I don't think it's different to the fantasies. And rape fantasies are supposed to be quite common.

[ProtestTheHero]

You'd be amazed at some of the fantasies "mature" and "level-headed" individuals enjoy. I don't think you have to be damaged to be into that stuff, just as a woman doesn't necessarily have issues for enjoying rough sex. As Heloladies stated, the only thing that matters is how this affects the op and her bf. Further speculation as we all employ our own subjective definition of what's acceptable doesn't add much.

[1MoreChance]

You'd be amazed at some of the fantasies "mature" and "level-headed" individuals enjoy. I don't think you have to be damaged to be into that stuff, just as a woman doesn't necessarily have issues for enjoying rough sex. As Heloladies stated, the only thing that matters is how this affects the op and her bf. Further speculation as we all employ our own subjective definition of what's acceptable doesn't add much.

 

 

Did you read this part of one of OP's post?

 

"The women in these videos were crying, screaming, begging not to be raped, being held down and forced to give blowjobs, then afterwards having the cum spilled all over their faces while they continued to cry and thrash. It was very disturbing. And now, reading the prior replies and knowing it's possible that they ARE real, is just sick to me... these women are practically being tortured."

 

 

Personnally I think that one has to be pretty damaged to think that a person doesn't have to be damaged to enjoy that.

 

This isn't about being closed minded, it's about sanity. OP or anyone who is uncomfortable with this rape porn and should reconsider the relationship isn't closed-minded. They are actually sane. I think OP, like many very young women today, is struggling with this new reality of hard core porn, between being disturbed and affected and trying to be "open-minded" and accepting.

 

 

As Karvala mentionned, if there are rape fantasies, they are NOT to that extreme in the vast majority of cases, and even for the mild cases, I venture to support the poster who said that if so many women have rape fantasies (the mild kind), it is because of sexual oppression and feeling like they have never truly been given the right to recognize and enjoy their sexuality. So even the mild rape fantasies don't come from a healthy place. Isn't that disturbing to anyone? Should the source of the fantrasy not be addressed?

 

 

I am reading and rereading the OP's quote above, and I think others should too. Why is it that this guy needs this stuff for? What does it say about his psyche?

[1MoreChance]

Or why don't we just look at a psychological definition and define "levelheaded" and "mature" as someone who has healthy self esteem, self confidence, self image, knows where they are going in life and is generally HAPPY?

 

 

Great posts.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

The DSMIV would list this as a sexual deviance and a psychological disorder worth further investigation. Oddly enough, David Westerfield (who raped and murdered a little girl) and the murderer of Samantha Runnion years ago were BOTH into rape porn. Not saying the OP's bf is dangerous, however.

 

I like rough sex... if I went through what is being described above, I would call the police. Rape fantasies are one thing, they usually involve control issues and whatnot- pretty harmless.

 

If he looked at this once or twice, ok. He was curious and hopefully it wasn't a turn on. If he looks at this regularly, I would say red flag.

 

Being into weird types of porn can be fine. I think this crosses a huge line given the description alone. Porn where the woman is bound, or being roughed up is one thing- this to me sounds extreme.

[Luke Skywalker]

Yeah, I'd be worried. You want to know who your SO is going to be.

 

Look at this documentary -- look at this guy's double life -- and yeah, it also involves Asian women. This is your SO within a few more years. Look at his face on that documentary and say you are proud to be the wife of this man the next time you look in the mirror.

 

link removed

 

His common law wife didn't know he was into going to Asian countries to buy 5 year old girls to do perverse, sick, distrubing and disgusting torture rape stuff with them and put them on video tape....or taking local Asian hookers and torture-raping them and putting them on video.

 

All you know about is porn. You don't know what his real secret vice is. Maybe he has a kidnapped asian sex slave somewhere you don't know about.

Seriously. Run from this guy. Otherwise, don't be suprized if you don't see him for a while and get a call that he's locked up in a south-east Asian prison somewhere, or is charged for something.