Porn

[mca1975]

It wouldn't bother me if my boyfriend still watched porn.... I don't think he has much time for it at the moment! lol. It wouldn't be a secret between us anyhow, but then again I wouldnt even ask I don't think because, I, as a girlfriend, watch porn alone too.

 

It's a personal thing and everyone has the right to do it. It doesn't mean they are not happy in their relationship or their current sex life. I see it as a kind of release. My boyfriend keeps trying to get us to watch it together, but I can't do that yet, get too embarrassed! lol

 

All men like porn, its so normal. If he tries to hide it from you, then he is only doing that to save your feelings because he knows it upsets you, but to be honest, if he feels he has to lie about it, it will only make him want to do it more most probably...

[mca1975]

Yes, EVERYONE has fantasies, porn is a release for those - fantasies are things that you would never dream of doing.

 

ie. I love Lesbian porn but I am not a lesbian and I wouldnt dream of practising it. That is my secret and I don't feel bad for having that secret, even if it is a secret from my boyfriend. Everyone has a right to their fantasies.

[ZeldaPrinces]

O M G what a great post!!

 

"you know...I use to say "no it doesn't bother me at all" but as the yrs have gone by and I've learned just how great I actually am regardless of the jerks I've dated and the way they've screwed me over....now, YES it does bother me. I'm great enough that no man I'm with should even want to look at porn. He's got me, that should be all he needs.

 

I'm either gonna be your EVERYTHING, or your NOTHING AT ALL. Yep, that's the new me."

 

strong woman. i feel exactly the same! We should be enough!

[Dragunov-21]

Zelda, you make it sound like you're in direct competition with some pixels. If all you are is a tool for arousal, then porn is not your biggest problem.

 

I get that you've had self image/worth issues, but that is part of a problem that has very little to do with porn. You seem to think that once a man starts going exclusive with a girl, he should lose anything remotely resembling attraction for any other woman. Guess what - no matter how much you wish otherwise, attractiveness is augmented by affection, not made of it.

 

By all means enjoy your rigid principles, but be prepared for the loneliness that is likely to accompany it.

 

Incidentally, (and yes, partly on the flipside) my best friend came to me today. She accidentally saw her bf's recently played list on WMP, and noticed something to the effect of "x cums on y's face.mp4" or whatever. Now she knew he looked at porn, and her head had no problem with it, but seeing it right there made her a bit upset...

 

Her solutiion was to explain that it upset her seeing it despite her thinking it was stupid, so it's ok, as long as he hides it properly.

 

Just posted it for something to think about.

[Miissy]

Amen!!! I totally agree with you.

 

you know...I use to say "no it doesn't bother me at all" but as the yrs have gone by and I've learned just how great I actually am regardless of the jerks I've dated and the way they've screwed me over....now, YES it does bother me. I'm great enough that no man I'm with should even want to look at porn. He's got me, that should be all he needs.

 

I'm either gonna be your EVERYTHING, or your NOTHING AT ALL. Yep, that's the new me.

[Cognitive_Canine]

If they hide it or would rather go jerk off then come to me....it'd bother me.

[free2Bme]

If they hide it or would rather go jerk off then come to me....it'd bother me.

 

agreed, trouble is, guys start hiding it when their girls get so upset about it.

 

So they can't win either way sometimes.

[NightLily]

A little isn't a problem but there are a few ways I could see it being hurtful.. If I was dating a tan blonde guy but I was waaay into asian men, I would imagine it would be hurtful for him if I was just watching that type of porn all the time.

 

I don't think I would date a guy who was really into porn at this point.

[goldenkey]

"you know...I use to say "no it doesn't bother me at all" but as the yrs have gone by and I've learned just how great I actually am regardless of the jerks I've dated and the way they've screwed me over....now, YES it does bother me. I'm great enough that no man I'm with should even want to look at porn. He's got me, that should be all he needs.

 

I'm either gonna be your EVERYTHING, or your NOTHING AT ALL. Yep, that's the new me."

 

HELL YES! THANK YOU! That's EXACTLY how I feel!!!!!!!!!

[cathon]

being an 18 year old man that has been passing up sex for 6 years and some 30 girls to wait for my beautiful fiancee who is joining me in waiting till marriage a few more years down the line, no it is not ok to look at porn unless your partner says otherwise. I've been beating temptation for 6 years and trust me the girls were far from ugly and in addition to that i don't look at porn and i only masturbate to my fiancee when she says its ok and its also with non nude pictures. I would also like to add that i have an incredibly high sex drive so don't go using that as an excuse for it being acceptable. If you have a women that is offering you what you need in a relationship you reciprocate that and you appreciate what she's giving you, bottom line. Honestly learn to have control over your orgasm. I'm 18, theres no reason for any of these much older men to think its acceptable. And you know what I feel sorry for you because if men understood this and would treat women this way women would want to make love to them all the time and you would have healthier relationships.

[Capricorn3]

I'm secure within myself AND our relationship so it has never bothered me in any way.

[Circe]

To be honest, I don't really think it's dissimilar to fantasising in your head about some random you've never met, instead of your SO. I think fantasising in your head is a legitimate expression of sexual creativity when in a relationship.

 

Men are apparently visual creatures and .. if they need pictures as a tool for the fantasising .. I can't say that this would really bother me. I don't think it would.

 

However, it's totally a problem if the guy would rather use the porn than have sex with his partner most of the time.

[Day_Walker]

If you believe that a person's partner must approve the use of pornography while that person is in a relationship then you are entitled to that belief but must the use of pornography must be taken that far? Masturbation and the use of pornography are both acts that are personal in nature and have nothing to do with a persons significant other (unless the two people want to make these activities something to be done as a couple).

 

Giving another person control over when masturbation and pornography use take place gives another person too much control over acts that have nothing to do with them and seems authoritarian in nature.

 

As for your assumption, if men did not use pornography then their relationship would be healthier, that is an over simplification of a complex issue. Healthy relationships can be had when one person in a relationship looks at pornography. Although it seems hypocritical for a person to mandate what constitutes a healthy relationship when you yourself are on this website posting about your own tribulations with your fiancee

[Dragunov-21]

Jesus, I don't know where to start.

 

If you are 18, you have not been passing up sex for 6 years!

 

And you've got no idea if you have an incredibly high sex-drive, chances are you've just got pent-up sexual urges. If you started having sex, you'd find that your "sex drive" would drop from what you think it is now.

 

And if your girl is strictly dictating the terms of what you can fap to and when, I have link removed

[Seymore]

I had a girl that treated me like crap and I STILL never looked at porn (or another woman, for that matter) while I was with her - and we barely were intimate. Only when I'm single do I look at that stuff.

[NightLily]

I had a girl that treated me like crap and I STILL never looked at porn (or another woman, for that matter) while I was with her - and we barely were intimate. Only when I'm single do I look at that stuff.

 

I didn't even know this was possible. Well done Seymore.

[mca1975]

I think people need to realise that looking at porn is not dirty, it's a natural urge. It is TOTALLY DIFFERENT to making love to your loved one. It is private time and something which everyone has every right to do. Do you not think that in bible times people didn't give in to the pleasures of sex, or watching other people have sex, of course they did (now saying that, I would not ever be able to be involved with an orgy or threesome of any kind, I am not into that)

 

I haven't done it for a while because I am never home alone nowadays as am always with my boyfriend, but there has certainly been nights when I have been home alone and have masturbated. I don't feel bad about it, that's my time, it's my body, I'm not cheating on anyone and it feels totally different to making love with my boyfriend. It is a quick thrill, but it does not measure up to the touching, the loving kisses and the sexy looks you get from making love, that is so much better.

 

I think it would only become a problem if your SO was watching it excessively and being sneaky about it, because it would create an air of mistrust. I don't think couples talk enough about what they like to each other.

[goldenkey]

I just feel like porn is sort of like .... psychologically cheating?? I don't like the thought of my boyfriend jacking off to watching a beautiful women having sex. I'd rather him think of me. Or just have me do him for him I may be selfish or have a low self-esteem or whatever but I want my boyfriend for myself. And I'm just not comfortable with him watching porn. There's not much difference between porn and going to a strip club and I know I wouldn't be okay with that. Maybe it just depends on the person. I understand that masturbation is about having a "quick fix" and all but I think that it reduces your sex drive so it does get in the way of the sex life. If my boyfriend jacks off to porn, he's not going to have the urge to have sex with me later even though I really want to. It gets in the way. I just find it unnecessary.

[Mia_of_Doom]

I just feel like porn is sort of like .... psychologically cheating??

 

There is no such thing. Everyone has fantasies and is attracted to other people even when they're in the relationship. Thoughts are private and none of your business. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you if he finds some porn star hot or has a fantasy about some attractive girl he saw on the street. And likewise, there's nothing wrong with you getting turned on by some random hot guy you see on the street or in porn.

 

There's not much difference between porn and going to a strip club

Are you blind? There's a HUGE difference. Porn is recording of exaggerrated, acted sex which he is NOT involved in. It's like watching a sex scene in a movie but just more explicit. That is WAY different from him leaving his house, going to a club and PAYING for a lap dance from a REAL girl.

 

If my boyfriend jacks off to porn, he's not going to have the urge to have sex with me later even though I really want to. It gets in the way. I just find it unnecessary.

Sure he will. And if he jacked off only a few hours before, the sex will be longer for you. And he may even have gotten some ideas for new positions or toys from watching porn.

 

If your man is horny and you're not around at the moment, he is gonna masturbate with the aid of porn or not. That's all porn is, a visual masturbation aid. It only gets in the way if he becomes addicted and prefers porn to real sex. This rarely happens to normal, stable minded people. It usually happens to those with addictive personalities who are also likely to fall victim to drug and alcohol addictions.

[melrich]

That's all porn is, a visual masturbation aid. It only gets in the way if he becomes addicted and prefers porn to real sex. This rarely happens to normal, stable minded people.

 

I think people who see internet porn like this really miss the point, and miss the OP's point.

 

One of the big problems with internet porn is it feeds into many activities that are not "simply a visual aid". Many men I am sure can simply utilise internet porn as a means of quick relief. Many also follow the various links and pop ups that invite far more intimate participation (otherwise it would not be the massive global business that it is).

 

Wouldn't you feel guilty looking at it if you know it makes your girlfriend sad and insecure.. ?

 

There is a reason many women feel this way. It is not completely irrational insecurity and men need to do more to understand that.

[Brisby]

I think you have to be careful of making things worse in your mind than they are. I've heard of guys who are scared to go home because of their wives or girlfriends are constantly nagging them, belittling them, blowing things out of proportion and making life hell. Guys who feel insecure about their own abilities to please their partners and it's made worse by someone who he feels is judging him, always accusing him. I don't think I've heard of many guys complaining of finding their partners sexually undesirable because they've watched porn.

 

I can understand your insecurities about your body though, but you should feel lucky. I was with a guy for years who was constantly pointing out everything wrong with my body. Even in the most intimate moments, he would say something totally out of the blue that would just totally rip my heart out and make me feel horrible. He didn't like my nose, he didn't like my hair, he didn't like my stomach, he didn't like my legs, he didn't like my breasts. There was always something. It really brought me down and I'm still recovering from that today. I think it hurt the most because he was my first so I was really trying for two years to hold everything together. I just felt at a total loss and his judgements always made me think other guys would think the same things. I always felt I would never been considered beautiful by anyone. Your guy grabs you and tells you he thinks you're beautiful...and holds you, he makes you feel like you're wanted and desired. It's true, he's not lying.....and I would have LOVED to have that back then.

 

Seriously, I honestly wouldn't care one bit if a guy looks at porn if I can have a caring and loving person who shows me they think I'm attractive and desire me. To me, you have it pretty dang good if him looking at porn every once in awhile is the only real problem in your relationship. Please don't ruin it by wallowing in self pity. I'm not trying to be mean, but you should get a little perspective. Put those negative thoughts out of your mind and just focus on what you have that's good with him. I know it's hard to do, but I would really hate for your insecurities to get in the way of your happiness. Just know that he would never replace you. You're very lucky.

[Unknown1607307972]

Guys.. if you have a good girlfriend who is faithful, cooks, cleans and loves you wouldn't you rather make love to her rather than look at porn and masturbate? Wouldn't you feel guilty looking at it if you know it makes your girlfriend sad and insecure.. ? Girls, are you okay with it? What if he does it only when you're not around and tries to hide it?

 

Thanks

 

I've casually spoken about this with my boyfriend. Basically porn is a visual aid. It's not the specific girls he's into it's the sexual acts. I mean I know he thinks of me too so it's fine . Also, we're in a LDR so sex isn't as often as we'd like I know he'd rather be with me than watch porn but even couples who live together won't be glued to the hip 24/7 and porn is a harmless substitute for most guys. It'd only be a problem if he found the porn stars more attractive than me or if it became an obsession.

 

This is how it is in my relationship anyway. I know my guy loves me, and he says in his eyes I'm the sexiest and most beautiful girl in the world. I also know he'd never cheat as he's very against it. Those who are talking about bad experiences, I am just sharing how it is with us.

[Zackattack1029]

Ah, the issue of "Porn" well let me tell you, I had a girlfriend whom I'd see many times a week and would reek the benefits of sexual attention. But on the days I would not see her I would be watching the "Porn" Now if you have a lover who watches it... Don't be offended by it. He most likely watches it because his lover is not giving him what he wants enough and doesn't want to hurt your feels by saying "I want to have sex more often" So consider this a little secret

[Zackattack1029]

To be completely honest with you... He does think that those porn stars are hotter then you... In fact more then you think. Perfect body's and faces. Its what they are supposed to look like. Now don't get all washy goshy on me. There is one thing that you have that those porn starts don't... LOVE. You may not be as good looking at the porn stars or as some models but your boy friend loves you for you and not even the hottest girl in the world will be able to break that from you.

[greywolf]

To be completely honest with you... He does think that those porn stars are hotter then you... In fact more then you think. Perfect body's and faces. Its what they are supposed to look like. Now don't get all washy goshy on me. There is one thing that you have that those porn starts don't... LOVE. You may not be as good looking at the porn stars or as some models but your boy friend loves you for you and not even the hottest girl in the world will be able to break that from you.

 

What? Is this a joke? I've seen a lot of porn and most of them don't have perfect bodies or faces, much less real. Sure, there are going to be a couple of girls here or there that are prettier, just like in real life, but it's a little arrogant to assume that you know what someone thinks. Unless you're a mind reader?